Just got back from the INS

[John LV]

... in response to (*/*), posted by Jack on Dec 18, 2002

Jack, I'm listening to you ok? But I suspect your not being 100% honest since you would likely have an agenda since you own a marriage agency.

It's marriage anencies like your own that got me into trouble in the first place. "Find a loving woman" "Guys in Russia are no good", "Russian woman only wants to be loved by a nice man"

So I went out and met Natasha, my Czech friend got very angry at this saying, "why are you messing with a stinkin Russian man, stay away from them, get a Czech girl"

I assumed he was biased against Russian because of the USSR, so I shrugged of what he said. And when I met Natasha she was everything marriage agencies talk about, very feminine, very smart, interested in me, talked very sweet with me, wanted me to be the man and do everything, etc.

I thought I had only found what marriage agencies like yours advertise, and I was happier than happy. But now what LP says makes sense, and Watcher even admitted to seeing how RW seem to lie, and the INS officer who said you can't believe how much this happens, etc.

If Natasha and I had met each other where we could have lived together for 3-6 months, we would have realized we were not right for each other. I hated her tatoos, hated her drinking Jack Daniels, hated how messy she was, how lazy she was, how she would spend hours taking baths, doing her nails, doing her toenails, doing her hair, doing her makup, it was a joke.

As Ken said, "she was applying for job of Princess", and that is the truth too. Having to do anything would be like slavery to her.

But I didn't know this about her, and 3 weeks after she got here we got married, and then I started to realize I got a lot more or a lot less than I had anticipated.

And that I believe is the true problem with this venture, not that you couldn't find a nice RW, not that this can take a lot of time, or a lot of money, but that the process itself is the biggest downfall.

It would be far better if the girl had little reason to lie, and the guy had little reason to go 8,000 miles to find a wife. But I guess that would be a more perfect world. But living together for at least 6 months seems mandatory to me so that you can get to know the person.

If you don't mind responding Jack, in your experience what is the success/failure rate with these type of marriages?

David

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by John LV on Dec 18, 2002

Got caught with your head between your legs eh?

That has got to be the most stupid post I've ever seen on this board.

You deserve an award for total incompetence.

Damn!

[Mike]

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by John LV on Dec 18, 2002

Maybe it's just me but man I could smell a girl like you described from a mile away!

If you make the trip back and work from there you'll have all that time you talked about needing to know someone. Secondly you'll have much more experiance about the different kinds of women over there and you'll learn which types are the screwed up ones.

Mike

[BarryM]

... in response to Re: (*/*), posted by John LV on Dec 18, 2002

Let's face it, if you're a jerk and a scumbag, the RW is going to leave. I can tell you this much. I know of one AM/RW couple whose marriage is falling apart. Not because she is a problem, although from a DSD point of view, she would be, but because he has a personality disorder. The same as you, DSD.

It seems that this husband has no empathy, very little compassion, very arrogant, and is just plain cold. His wife, on the other hand, is a precious gem. She is warm, compassionate, sensitive, loyal, and very loving. Now he, by all appearences, is decent guy with a stable job, a good home, and a fairly temperate disposition. He is not abusive towards his wife physically, but he has begun to say and do some very cruel things to her emotionally. There are some other things he is doing that I know of specifically, but I'm not going to mention them here to keep this as anonymous as possible. This husband is not listening to his wife's pleadings and her heart is breaking. She loves her husband, but he knows she is totally dependant on him so he is treating her without respect. She may leave the country and never return because of the humiliation she is experiencing.

This is one RW, who is truly sincere, and a great rarity in personality and charm. A truly decent woman. It would be a tragic loss for her to leave because she is truly an asset and makes a wonderful wife, even to the jerk she is married to. Unfortunately, she can only take so much disrespect and humiliation before she has to exit to keep her sanity. Perhaps that is what her husband wants. It is very sad.

-blm

[John LV]

... in response to The quality of the husbands is a major f..., posted by BarryM on Dec 18, 2002

Well Barry I can assure you that I did treat Natasha very well. She would say that I always yell at her.

Is that true?

I guess it depends on your perspective, what would you do if your RW spilt cranberry juice or wine all over the brand new carpet, and never knew she did it? Nothing right, just clean it up and maybe let her know about it, right.

What if she does it again, and then again, and then again, and what if she spills soup all over the carpet, food all over the carpet, won't rinse out her own dishes let alone mine, and leaves glasses and cups in every room, bathrooms, bedrooms, computer room, living room, and won't ever clean them?

Has a stash of spoons and forks under the bed for easy access; how long they have not been washed is anybodies guess?

What would you do? And if you say, Natasha honey, this place is really getting dirty, lets clean this place together this weekend ok? And she say's ok. So the weekend comes and low and behold, she has a migraine, she can't do it this weekend. So the next weekend we will, but the next weekend comes and she is too tired to do it, going to the gym for 2 hours has her all pooped out.

Now what if this went on month after month, what would you do? I would get angry with her and tell her that I couldn't stand living in a pigs pen, and if she would not help me to keep the place clean, at least she can clean up after her own messes right?

Wrong, she would never clean, never clean up after herself, never do laundry, never go grocery shopping, never do anything, never keep a job, show up late everyday for work until they fire you, it was the biggest and worst joke of my life, I've never even heard of a girl like her before let alone married one.

And if it wasn't for this whole INS process, I would have learned the way she was before we got married, although I will admit I could have taken the whole 3 months but I married in 3 weeks instead, big mistake on my part.

The girl you describe, I would love to meet such a girl, that type of girl would be a dream come true for me, I would never demeanor a girl, on the contrary, I was always trying to lift Natasha up, encouraging her, loving her, showing great respect for her, it was her that showed me no respect, and I should have known that I had a very bad apple once she refused to clean anything and acted as if I thought she were my slave if I suggested she should clean up after her own messes.

That is totally illogical and I should never have put up with it, and that is why I was always unhappy with her, she was not my helper, but only a lying mooch who used me, plain and simple.

It's too bad nice people have such a hard time meeting other nice people, or maybe we all delude ourselves and were all messed up, I don't know.

All I can do is my best, and that is what I'll do in the future.

David

[Watcher]

... in response to Just got back from the INS, posted by John LV on Dec 18, 2002

David...David...David.. You still don't get it. Why do you waste any more time with this girl.I am sure that she does not waste her time or thoughts with you.You said that you had some good times together. Be thankful. She has left...She has moved on... Do what you have to do paperwork wise and move on yourself.

My own experience with a woman from the FSU was not happy! But she made her own decisions about not telling the truth to many times and I made mine not to bring her to the US in the end. She is still in her small town in Russia freezing to death and working hard to make ends meet.She is still unable to find the right man to have her family with while her university friends and colleagues are having their first babies and getting on with their careers. So who came out the better? We both lost to some extent.But I learned so much about the general characteristics of FSU woman from her and others and I agree with much that LP said.

I also have learned much about myself and what I want and need in a marriage.My first time that I went to see her we had a discussion about what we can realistic accept in a relationship. All I asked was her to be honest, She could not.It caused a large amount of stress in our relationship for both of us.So in the end, that is what ended our nascent feelings and our relationship.

But why do you feel that you have to "punish" her by sending her back.If she is like you said she will have a very unhappy life of her own making. Just let the poor woman be. Learn...Learn and go on.

Perhaps you should take a step back and with the fresh New Year start again to find that special someone in your life.I know that is what I am going to do.I wrote several other men who own plans for their RW has not worked out and who have posted on this board and that is what they are doing.

As a suggestion, Jack Bragg of FirstDreams, has a rather intensive program of specialized help to find that right woman in the FSU on a one to one basis. Maybe you could use some sort of guidence in finding that right woman. He is quite experienced much from the "school of hard knocks".Perhaps you should give him a call and see if you could work together.Maybe he could give you ongoing advice in selecting a woman that will be right for you in his program.If you are truly as bright as you think, then youi must know the value of using experts and professionals when you need to make decisions in an area of less knowledge.

Just for your information, I have never worked with Jack but will do some newspaper advertiseing in the New Year.

For myself, I was very lucky to find a great friend, an older,very mature and very well married lady from Moscow where I live to ask advice when I need it.It has been worth it weight in gold.
     
Otherwise...don't you think that the men of this board is getting somewhat tired of your shrill postings.

Just some thoughts.My last on this!

Watcher

[John LV]

... in response to Re: Just got back from the INS, posted by Watcher on Dec 18, 2002

Thank you for your post, very well said.

I'm sorry that I keep posting here, I guess it's just a way to get some of this off my shoulders?

The fact is, I cannot seem to let this go, and I don't want to go on and on about what happen, but try to understand this relationship was like none other I've ever had, and I simply cannot accept the fact of who this girl I thought I knew became who she became, I cannot seem to accept it, and yes it's destroying me.

But I so far seem to be helpless to control it, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Perhaps one of you could just come to Vegas and shoot me, that would help my cause plus I wouldn't post here anymore either. You would be doing me a big favor.

Watcher, I agree with everything you said, but right now I can't eat, can't sleep, I feel sick as can be, I have no energy to do anything, nothing seems interesting or appealing, and the market is doing terrible right when I need it to do well.

Yes I know, everybody is getting tired of me whinning, so let me go on record then as being a whinner when he gets completely betrayed in a marriage then. I'm really very sorry, I wish I had more friends or family I could talk with, this is the worst pain I've ever felt before, even worse than having your heart broken I believe.

David

[yoe]

... in response to Re: Re: Just got back from the INS, posted by John LV on Dec 18, 2002

David,
Eventhough I feel that you created this yourself, I still am very aware of the pain a failed relationship offers. It is very painful and hard to let go-especialyy when you feel heavily vested. So I will give you my Prayers (I am a minister you know) and my condolences. My suggestion is to get on as many chat rooms as you can and cry your eyes out to these people-it is great therapy. I did this after my last girlfriend left and I got much sympathy. But, even more important this sympathy came from people with much worse stories than mine. One woman was beaten by her boyfriend and he stole her car, trashed her house, stole her money and she had to have surgury due to the beatings. She tells me, "I am so sorry for you. It will get better." Boy did I feel like a wimp. I have never whined about anything since then. That was quite a few years ago.
Good Luck and God Speed.
Joe
Ps
I think that LP has an extra room. Maybe if you throw in a couple of bucks he will lete you crash for a couple of weeks!

[John LV]

... in response to To your defense...., posted by yoe on Dec 18, 2002

Thank you, especially the prayers, I really need them.

[Globetrotter]

... in response to Re: To your defense...., posted by John LV on Dec 18, 2002

God helps those who help themselves.  Prayers get you an answer, not always what you ask for.  As despicable as I think you are for so many reasons, I also hope you come out OK.  (Empathy for a fellow human I suppose)

Call on God, but row away from the rocks!!!

[John LV]

... in response to Re: Re: To your defense...., posted by Globetrotter on Dec 18, 2002

Just goes to show you're a good man, thank you.

[Globetrotter]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: To your defense...., posted by John LV on Dec 18, 2002

Try being one yourself...do justly, show mercy, walk humbly.

[John LV]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: To your defense...., posted by Globetrotter on Dec 18, 2002

I will, I will try.

[Bubba]

... in response to Re: Re: Just got back from the INS, posted by John LV on Dec 18, 2002

Based on this last post you need to talk to someone and fast.  I have been down the road of not working correctly and not sleeping and so on.  It really does work, go get some professional help.  If you have health insurance then most of them even pay for most of it.

[Bubba]

... in response to Just got back from the INS, posted by John LV on Dec 18, 2002

If you do a valid pre-nup and figure you have a beautiful woman for 2 years until she gets here green card and if it works out fine and it not go get another one and have 2 more years of fun.  It's all in how you handle it.