Chapter 2: You Don’t Know Jack
Let me digress from my “trip report” for a moment to discuss the “Jack Bragg Method,” since it has been discussed quite a bit on the board.
For starters, I think that Jack’s “System” makes a lot of sense. The fact that I did not follow his system does not change that.
Here’s the way I view it. In “Normal” dating, you meet a lot of women. You may not realize it, but when you are single, and you are actively looking for a girlfriend or wife, you are constantly meeting women, and deciding if they are the one.
Most of these women you discount as potential wives. But you still met them. You met them in every day life. They are the waitress, and the co-worker… maybe the lady on the bus that you see every day.
Whether you realize it or not, you are constantly categorizing these women: Yes I would be interested in dating her, or no, I would not.
Because you live, breathe, and have your being in this country, you meet potential American Women every day.
Now… go to Russia.
How many women will you meet there?
If you have written to one woman, and gone to visit her, you have probably will meet just the one woman. What are the odds that the first woman you write to will be “the one?”
The odds are statistically very much against it. It would be similar to walking into a mall in America, picking one woman and going to talk to her. What do you suppose your chances are that the two of you will end up married?
I contend that they are not far off from the odds of your picking a woman out of a catalogue, writing to her, and ending up happily married. That’s not a perfect analogy, of course, because (in theory) all of the women in the catalogue are looking for a husband, and the same cannot be said for all the women at a mall. But you get the idea.
You lose the choice and opportunity that you have here. That is what makes this so hard.
In America, when you date, you have a chance to meet many, many women. When you go to Russia, you are severely handicapped.
To some degree, Jack’s method simply tries to emulate the same chance for meeting women that you have here in America.
He basically says: Don’t fall in love via a letter and a photo. Just introduce yourself via the letter, and set up a meeting to see if you have that magic connection that you both are looking for.
But set yourself up to succeed. Meet many women there – just like you would meet many women here. Some are going to end up like that pretty woman on the bus: she’s pretty, and seems nice, but she’s not for you. Others are going to end up as potential mates.
By increasing the number of women you meet, you increase your chances of success.
That makes a lot of sense to me.
So… why didn’t I do it?
The answer slowly came clear to me as I started to gear up for the spring tour. It became clear to me that as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t do it. It’s just not me.
As much as Jack’s method made sense to me, I had to confess that deep inside – for all of my intellect and reasoning, I am a romantic at heart. I don’t want my Love to make sense. That’s one of the ways I know I am in love… It is the right brain / left brain … heart and head… balance and center of me. It’s just who I am.
This came clear to me as I started to write one lady from Jack’s site. She had email, and all of the sudden, I was getting an email from her every day. Jack cautions against writing so much, and I understand why. The whole purpose of letter writing in his method is to form an introduction, not to fall in love.
The more you write, the more intimacy begins to develop, and the harder it will be for you to meet more than one lady while you are there.
But I couldn’t help myself.
I felt an attraction start growing, and I felt myself not wanting to write anyone else. I felt the irrational pull of Romance. And as much as I knew it was screwing up “The Plan” I found myself suddenly looking forward to my trip to Ukraine.
I finally decided to just go with it, and I started to write the young lady freely.
And… guess what…? Within a week of solid letter writing, I realized that she was no one that I wanted to even meet when I got to Kiev, let alone marry.
This was a startling revelation to me.
It didn’t depress me, it energized me. I decided to take stock of who I am, and I suddenly realized that I am a pretty darn good letter writer. In fact, writing is an excellent way for me to get to know someone. (Notice, I said *me*. Everyone is different...)
In some ways, it is better than meeting them in person, for me, because I am not distracted by her beauty, and I am not worried about the impression I am making with my looks or dress, I am only worried about the impression I am making with my thoughts and words.
So, I scrapped the idea of going with Firstdream on their Spring Tour, and decided instead that I was going to become a “Man of Letters.”
