Introduction

[BruceS]

I'm 44 years old, divorced for 3 years, no children,
owner of a small retail meat store/smokehouse, raise
and show dogs (beagles).

I didn't get married until I was 35 to what I thought was
my dream lady. Well it was a dream for 4 years, then down
hill that went. That's the past.

Since the divorce it took 1 year before I even thought
of dating or even to be remotely close to another women.
About 2 years ago I started dating again and
found that most seemed to be looking for a number of things
besides having someone to share a life with. Things like
OH I just want to party and have a good time, well I'd
like to have a Corvette, wanna get in the sack?, and
such loving questions and answers!!!

Needless to say I was very disappointed in the outcome
of my time and money spent looking for a lady that wanted
to be a lady. I was at the point of believing that my destiny
was to be single the rest of my life.

A few of my customers have foreign wives, although only one
had a RW. Met all of them at my store and they have quite a
different outlook to life than the AW tha I had been dating.
All the men told me they were happier than heck, but to
remember that a lady is a lady and in that sense they are no
different than AW.

I don't know why but one night surfing the web looking at
dating agencies in the US; a few from FSU came up in the search
string. That of course peaked my interest! I probably spent
3-4 months lurking on some other boards sorting out the chest
thumpers from folks that really had good intentions.

From those sites heard all sides and ways of meeting ladies
from FSU and decided for myself I'd rather go with a agency
in a smaller city/area as I live just outside a REAL SMALL
city. Seeing as most of the ladies in the FSU that live in large
cities would have a terrible time adjusting to life in my area this
is the avenue I took.

I wrote a number of ladies about 2-3 letters each through my
choice of agencies and had a number of replies, but was surprised
that some actually wrote back after the into letter that they
appreciated my letter, but didn't think it's was worth persuing
the matter. Hey this is good as to me shows they aren't just
looking for a way out, scammer, green card and etc.

I used the 50 questions that I got from that great poster in these
boards, plus some others I thought were wise to ask. I have
been writing to this one lady for 5 months now and we decided that
the time to meet was now. So June 3rd I head over the big pond
to meet my lady and see what we each feel. Maybe she is the one
maybe not. Even though I know more about her than any other women
I've dated or the one I married; I don't have an idea if we are
compatable or not. I do know that 1 week is barely enough to find
this out, so I juggled things around so I can be there for
23 days. This I feel should be enough time for a decision on both
of our parts. We'll see what happens.  *-)

Cheers,
Bruce

[chuck12]

... in response to Introduction, posted by BruceS on May 25, 2002

Hi Bruce -

I couldn't help but smile when I read your post, we are about one year apart, same circumstances (I was married longer), and while surfing the web, accidently popped up some gals from FSU. After reading their profiles, you see immediately they are quite different then AW's outlook.

I screened through hundreds of women, wrote to dozens and narrowed my choice down to one. I know there are many guys who like to have back up plans and see as many different women as possible, obviously there are pros and cons to whatever method you choose. If you have corresponded and talked for any length of time, you can get a good feel for that person before actually meeting, but the initial meeting will likely break or make the relationship, you'll probably know within a few minutes.

My advice to you and your lady is to try and eliminate any preconceived ideas / expectations of each other. Go with an open mind and remember you'll both probably be nervous as hell, so it may take awhile before you both are starting to feel comfortable and be yourselves. If your a good judge of character, 23 days is plenty of time to get to know her and likewise her know you.

You'll have a great time, Russia really is an interesting (fun) place to visit, there are a few precautions you need to make, but the people / food are terrific. Make sure you take some time to document your trip report, (i.e. make a diary) of your time there, you'll appreciate it afterwards.
Good luck...

[Patrick]

... in response to Introduction, posted by BruceS on May 25, 2002

I'd say do whatever you're comfortable with.  I myself only visited one woman on each of my trips.  Of course, it took me four trys (and four trips) to find the (right) "one".  If you consider the trips to be vacations in a foreign land and are satisfied doing nothing other than experiencing a foreign culture, then even if you go nowhere fast with the woman, you'll still enjoy the trip.  That was the attitude I went with and I enjoyed every one of my trips as vacations, even on the two trips where I knew on the first day that the woman I had met was not right for me.

If you're traveling with the sole intent on meeting "the one" and seeing and experiencing the place are of no importance, then traveling to meet only one woman might be a mistake.  Of course, if she does end up being "the one" then even if you are traveling soley to meet a woman it won't be a mistake.

To be honest, I traveled each time not knowing if I'd ever be able to go through with marrying a "mail order bride".  I suspected I wouldn't ever be able to actually do it.  I thought of the trips more as traveling to a foreign land where I already had a friend who knew the place really well and could show me around. Even when it was obvious from the start that I would only be friends with three of them, they still spent considerable time with me and took me to places I wouldn't normally have seen as a tourist.  My inhibitions against the whole concept of marrying a foreign woman I met through an introduction service quickly fell away when I met the 4th woman.  She was "the one".

[juio99]

... in response to Visiting only one, posted by Patrick on May 28, 2002

Patrick, you make some good points regarding how the man might react when it is obvious the one lady will not be the one and thereby helping him decide if the WOVO approach is advisable.

I want to add one more perspective, and that is the item of affection.  Unfortunately (and I will readily admit it is a burden), I and some men cannot go without affection for very long.  Therefore, I would never go to see just one (new) lady and run the chance that there would be no affection.  And it makes no sense to me that many guys here will jump on me and say, "there is a difference between looking for a wife and just looking for sex."  I do not separate the two, and I certainly don't think of the ladies as whores just because they also happen to have a healthy sexual appetite.  Also let me add that I would never dream of employing a professional prostitute for affection.  It simply would not work for me.

So for those of you who can suppress their needs for extended periods of time, I tip my hat to you.  For those who can't, be careful with the WOVO approach.

JR

[DJD]

... in response to Introduction, posted by BruceS on May 25, 2002

Bruce

Have a great trip!  You have enough experience, maturity, and the positive attitude that is needed to be successful, and allow you to adjust if things don't quite work out as planned on this particular trip.  I am envious, I would love to have 23 days to vacation in Ukraine!  For me, this year all I will get is 9 days in August.

I too, met only one woman on my first trip, and was lucky enough to find that she was the right girl for me.  Different methods work for different people.  I would not be comfortable "juggling" several women on one trip, but that is just me.  Also, not all women will be comfortable being just one in a "gallery" (my wife's term).  My wife and I had communicated well enough prior to my first trip that I never considered that we could be anything less than friends, and at the very minimum, my trip would be an exciting vacation to an exotic region.  Has it turns out, my exotic "vacation" became permanent!

I like the fact that you and your friend have communicated over 5 months, I personally think that is a great way to build a foundation for your relationship.  Follow the course with which you and your lady friend are most comfortable, and you will be fine.

Dan

[KenC]

... in response to Introduction, posted by BruceS on May 25, 2002

Bruce,
   You will get some flak here about going to see one woman.  The general attitude is that "more" is better.  I cannot argue with the logic of going to see more than one woman, but love isn't always logical.  
   On the strong advice of the agency that I used, I was almost forced to expand my list of women beyond the one woman I was really going to visit.  I went through the motions of meeting more than "the" one, but to be honest, my heart wasn't into anyone but "the" one.  The meetings were uncomfortable for me and in the end I canceled most of the additional meetings.  I just didn't feel that it was fair to the women I was meeting.  I didn't want to mislead anyone.  Oh yeah, one more thing, I will be celebrating my third wedding anniversary in a few months with "the" one.  Best of luck to you and welcome to the forum.
KenC

[juio99]

... in response to Re: Introduction, posted by KenC on May 27, 2002

Yes, but Ken remember that you did have a backup plan; even if you did not think you would need it and even though you did not want to use it.

JR

[juio99]

... in response to Introduction, posted by BruceS on May 25, 2002

Hi Bruce:

I read that you noted many caustic replies to posts that other men had made, and you had anxieties about that before you posted.

Well, yes, it is not always pleasant to get jumped on, but sometimes there are some good advices in such posts.  True, you can ignore the posts that really do not provide any reasoned advice, but it would not be wise to ignore all advice that flies in the face of what you have planned.

So, I would add to some of the existing caution that you are risking much to plan such a long trip with one lady in mind.  And, if you have really read so much in the archives, you would know that the 50 to 1 claim is pure BS.

OK, so you have a few friends here and there in parts of Europe.  But have you really made concrete plans to get with them if things bomb out with your gal?

If you have carefully read the archives you will note that this 'bombing out' sometimes occurs lightning fast; like when the lady sees you walking down the ramp from the plane.

So are you really fully prepared for this trip in terms of contingencies, or are you still very naive?

JR

[BruceS]

... in response to More wet blankets, posted by juio99 on May 26, 2002

JR,
   Yes you are correct that there is good information posted
by others that I've taken into consideration. What I mean't about
the rogue posts is the ones that are pure BS. GO to RWL and read some
of the drivel posted there and you'll see what I'm talking about.

   Have you been to Vitebsk? Do you know anyone from Vitebsk?
If so tell me more about what you've seen or what the folks
from there have told you. I'm curious to hear. As for the 50 to 1; I'll
grant you that that isn't a study that was done. It is an observation from
a Vitebsk lady and my brothers friend who has been in Belarus for a total
of 5 months 3 different times. So maybe it's 20 to 1 or even 10 to 1.
I still believe it will no problem meeting other ladies if the need
arises. Maybe I'm naive, but maybe not either. I'm more of an optimist. I
make the best out of every situation I come to. The glass isn't half empty;
it's half full.

   The friends I have that I can visit across the pond all know that
I'll be over their way in June, so yes I can pop in to see them no
problem. Like I said I'm not the normal "Joe" that doesn't have any
contingency plans.

   If things don't work out I'll have no problem making the best out
of any situation. Someone else though may have it rough making a
bad time into a good time. I'm not telling anyone how to go about making
a trip themselves. Each has to decide their fate and direction. You need
to have faith in yourself and what your doing.

   Keep posting everyone as someone may need the advise that you
communicate. There are just as many bad experiences as there are good
experiences. As in all things in life there will be pitfalls,      
but also triumphs.

[Burt]

... in response to Re: More wet blankets, posted by BruceS on May 26, 2002

Good plan and good response, Bruce.  

I think the shotgun approach works for some, but it's not the only way for everybody, regardless of those who believe it is.  You're a mature guy with some miles, so do it your way and please tell us how it went.  Good luck.

[BruceS]

... in response to Introduction, posted by BruceS on May 25, 2002

MNKenr,
   I understand what you are saying, but I'm quite good at
adapting to just about any situation. As I'm told in Vibesk
the ratio is 50 to 1 man, so do you think I could find something
to do? *-) I also have friends in Warsaw and North of Helsinki
that I would love to visit. SO for me all wouldn't be lost, but
for some others well it could be no doubt.

JR,
   Yep I'm no typist for sure, noted and has been changed.

MarkinTx,
   How long have I been lurking here? Only about 3-4 weeks.
I was kinda gun shy to post as esp. in those others lists someone
always act disrespectful in their replies. So I just lurked
and took what info I thought was serious and honest.
   Well I grew up on a hobby farm and to tell you the truth
I'm not fond of the big city. Maybe 3-4 excursions into PGH a
year and also the ones I wrote to were told this. To tell you
the truth; I was honest when writing these ladies and never
tried to make me what I'm not. I'm sure this helped them to
decide if it was worth spending time getting to know each other
better. I know I didn't write to any of them that stated in their
profiles that they needed/wanted city life. I felt there was enough
barriers to cross without lying in correspondence, then you go and will
definitely waste your time when she finds out.

   My feelings are to be honest and have integrity when corresponding.
Couple that with the 50 questions from Anastassia being asked
then you already know more about that lady than most here in
the states. Be honest and read those questions and ask yourself
have I asked these of any of my ladies and I bet proly 60% of
the men didn't. Of course just guessing, but I know a number
my friends I asked to read them said I was right.

Philb,
   Thanks for the good thoughts.

Cheers,
Bruce

[MNKenr]

... in response to Introduction, posted by BruceS on May 25, 2002

Welcome.

I have been over there 3 times so far. (planning 4th trip in July). I want to say that if you two do not get along you will have a long 23 days over there. Perhaps a shorter 10 day trip to judge compatibility. Then a second 14-20 day trip a couple months later to judge livability and marriageness (is that even a word?). Nothing wrong with taking a second trip when you know for sure you can be with her the entire time.

I know you already made plans, and the trip is finalize. What will you do if on the 3rd day you discover there is no chemistry nor desire to be with this person?

[JR]

... in response to Introduction, posted by BruceS on May 25, 2002

Welcome to Planet Love!!!!!

Your age says 34 in your profile..I'm sure just a typo )

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Introduction, posted by BruceS on May 25, 2002

How long have you been lurking on here?

BTW... if you live in a small town in Beaver Falls, you're not too far from Pittsburgh... so although it is Rural, you are in a city without much trouble...

Pittsburgh has a ballet, symphony, and some of the best museums in the tri-state region... so I wouldn't think that you would have to get a small town girl...

there is a lot of culture in the city, if you get out of Three Rivers Stadium -- ooops! That dates me, huh? I meant Heinz Field...

[Philb]

... in response to Introduction, posted by BruceS on May 25, 2002

I hope things go well for you on your upcoming trip.  By the way, I also went and saw one lady instead of many.  This approach has many obvious risks but for me it is the approach I am most comfortable with.  Again,  I wish you luck.