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Author Topic: RW's with kids vs without??  (Read 79102 times)
Oscar
Guest
« Reply #30 on: March 31, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Answers, posted by Bobby Orr on Mar 31, 2002

Sorry, but you are not worth trying to have an intelligent conversation with..  Your "facts" are nothing more than prejudice and selfishness rolled into a big fat nothing..

I will not waste anymore time with you, you're fired.. God help the woman who ever might end up with you.. I can see the handwriting on the wall for you my poor misguided friend, and it ain't pretty..
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Bobby Orr
Guest
« Reply #31 on: March 31, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Answers, posted by Oscar on Mar 31, 2002

Yes, continue to attack the messenger.  Some shrink you must be.  Yes, you are fired.
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Charles
Guest
« Reply #32 on: March 31, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Divorce once, divorce twice, posted by Bobby Orr on Mar 31, 2002

Bobby, I don't have any statistics.  As you know, stats for this stuff are non-existent.  What I do know is I have been married for two years.  My wife has a teenage son and, yes, sometimes he's very rebellious and a royal pain in the ass.  But I don't think you could ever find a woman better than my wife in terms of everything.  Before she came to America we addressed the issue of steparents and stepchildren and came to an understanding as to how to handle this that has served us well.  I do agree with the comments that there is greater financial outlay for a woman with children, but in my view that is insignificant compared to having a long wonderful marriage.
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Oscar
Guest
« Reply #33 on: March 31, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: All I know is I am Very Happy, posted by Charles on Mar 31, 2002

Charles, I think from his last couple of posts you can see what limitations bobby is dealing with here.. He obviously has some huge misconceptions about divorce, giving, children and women..
Spitting into the wind on this one I'm afraid..

Glad things are going well for you and yours..  It is obvious you are a mature and giving individual and that is indeed what it takes to be married, not just with a woman with a child, but ANY woman!  Congrats to you..
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Bobby Orr
Guest
« Reply #34 on: March 31, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: All I know is I am Very Happy, posted by Charles on Mar 31, 2002

I am happy for you.  All I am saying is that taking a woman with a child increases your costs, you are taking someone who has had one divorce and the change in lifestyle that a woman with a child brings.  If you want to pay for a situation that someone else created and two people agreed was a mistake then more power to you.  Is that the advice I would recommend for most people - the answer is no.
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terry
Guest
« Reply #35 on: April 02, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to good for you, posted by Bobby Orr on Mar 31, 2002

I really do not see were either one is in the wrong.  If a man falls in love with a women that has a child, and he wants to marry her and be a father to this child, that is his decisions to make.  On the other hand, If a man does not want to marry a women with a child, that also is his decision.

The one thing I disagree with is saying that all RW that have a child made a mistake.  I feel ,that just like any Aw that married and had a child, they did not intent for things to work out like they did.  

Hey, I really would like to have a steak today for lunch, Am I wrong?Huh  No , it is what I want.
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HappyInBrazil
Guest
« Reply #36 on: March 31, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: All I know is I am Very Happy, posted by Charles on Mar 31, 2002

That's great to hear Charles, one of the reasons I like to read here is exactly what you posted.  (We have a happy marriage and a good life.)
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petem
Guest
« Reply #37 on: March 31, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: RW's with kids vs withou..., posted by HappyInBrazil on Mar 30, 2002

Good point.
That goes right to the motivation of the RW with a child.

If shes unhappy with the marriage for any reason, do you really want her to hang around for the sake of the child benefiting from your financial situation. I don't. If she is not in it because she loves me then I don't want to be any part of it. Lets face it, men really only get married because they are in love and can't see themselves living without this particular woman, whereas a woman will get married for all kinds of different reasons. If her child is her main focus she may stay with you for not the reason you want her to stay, which is love til you die.

Plus if you divorce your on the hook for support for god knows how long at 1k/month. She has an incentive to leave as well as much as to stay.
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Oscar
Guest
« Reply #38 on: March 31, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to why would a RW w/child tend to stay?, posted by petem on Mar 31, 2002

Again, you show that the most important thing on your mind is your assets.. and that thinking will doom your relationship with a woman without a child as well as one who has a child!
I think a woman with a child will stay in a marriage longer not because she wants to benefit financially, but because she is more committed to keeping the family together and working things out!  BIG difference!

I think you do not understand FSU women very well to think what you do.. I have talked with so many of these women and most I have met and really gotten to know would NEVER marry a guy unless they were completely in love with him!  I have found this to be the case much more with FSU women (scammers aside of course) than American women..  Just my experience..
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Philb
Guest
« Reply #39 on: March 31, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to why would a RW w/child tend to stay?, posted by petem on Mar 31, 2002

"Lets face it, men really only get married because they are in love and can't see themselves living without this particular woman, whereas a woman will get married for all kinds of different reasons."

I guess men are the only ones with a truely pure motive in all of this.
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petem
Guest
« Reply #40 on: April 01, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Do you really believe what you just wrot..., posted by Philb on Mar 31, 2002

I don't know any men who's main  motivation to marry is to leave the country, financial security etc.
When you have little to lose, it is easier to take risks.
I only have heard of love as the reason given by men to get married.
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Oscar
Guest
« Reply #41 on: April 02, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to woman will get married for all kinds of ..., posted by petem on Apr 1, 2002

Actually, that is not true..  Many men who look for women in the FSU are not necessarily looking for "love" as many do not know what "love" really is.  We must all be able to admit that there are some good men that look for women there but there are also some pretty dysfunctional men as well.  I know a few men from my own city who have gone there and they are looking for just a trophy wife, or just for sex (a lot less expensive to look for sex here in the USA!), or for someone to take care of their house!  They cannot sustain a healthy relationship in my opinion.  So I think to say that men only marry for love is not really accurate..  Men may not marry so much for financial reasons like some women, but they have other less than sterling reasons aside from love that they marry for..
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Philb
Guest
« Reply #42 on: March 30, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: Re: RW's with kids vs without??, posted by petem on Mar 30, 2002

From your last postit is obvious that you have never had children.  You seem to view The fact that a woman would scarifice her own desires for her children's as a problem.  All "good" parents must do this to a certain extent.

I think the real problem often is the fact that the step parent is unwilling to  sacrifice their desires for a step child.  The step child is viewed as an intrusion.  This can then drive a wedge not only between the step parent and the child, but also between husband and wife.

Personally, I would view the fact that a mother is willing to sacrifice her own desires for her childs desires not as a problem but as a positive
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petem
Guest
« Reply #43 on: March 30, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to More on children, posted by Philb on Mar 30, 2002

Personally, I would view the fact that a mother is willing to sacrifice her own desires for her childs desires not as a problem but as a positive

Yea but if your on the short side of that equation, ie the one that is doing all the sacrificing because her priority is her child and not you. Ever hear of DV bogus cases, if it came down to her raising the kid in the US and being sent back, who will she side with.
Its a big added risk in an already risky business.
If you have had kids before, then this may not be much of an issue.
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wsbill
Guest
« Reply #44 on: March 30, 2002, 05:00:00 AM »
... in response to Re: RW's with kids vs without??, posted by Charles on Mar 30, 2002

Read their profiles.

http://www.ukrainianangels.org/families041.shtml
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