RW with kids.My opinion

[Natalya]

I am RW with child and here is my thoughts on subject marry or not to marry RW with child.
1) I’m absolutely disgust with all of you who’s refer to RW child as double expense and double trouble.
2) Yes RW with child is more mature, more committed to make marriage work. She has more experience, more patience, she simply knows better how treat her man.
3) Yes, mother has unconditional love to her child but it doesn't mean that husband will be on second place. Not true at all. All of you who says otherwise probably never had children and just don't know what you talking about. Love to a child and love to man are 2 different things that you can't compare and certainly can't say which one comes first because it is completely different type of love.
4) RW who had negative marriage experience before is very cautious about marrying second time. She must be absolutely in love in this person to marry him. Once divorced RW  is very much afraid of going thru the same negative experience again and that is why she has to be absolutely and positively sure that second marriage will work, that person she's planning to marry is the right one. Somebody said here who divorce once, will have no problem divorce second time. So untrue. Just opposite.
5) Your positive or negative experience with stepchildren is totally up to you. Some people here call RW children "some alcoholics and loosers children”. These people shouldn't evem consider looking for RW with child. Because no matter how good child will be, he'll never be good enough for these men.
6) Number of scammers much less among RW with children then single ones. Because woman with child can’t and won’t put her child at risk and marry man without feelings just to use him or whatever reasons. She is not looking for adventure but loving, stable and secure relationship where her child will feel safe and be loved.  

As for me I got married to AM when daughter from previous marriage was 5 yo.My husband had adopted her, give her his last name. He loves her as much as our son and treats both children fairly. She calls him Daddy. She respects and adores him.

[thesearch]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

You set these guys straight. I have not read any of the responses below at this point but I wanted to tell you that I agree totally with you.

[wsbill]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

I'd be trying to get out of the country ASAP other wise with Russia and all their enemies (Chechnia) and manditory military service for males.  Would you want your son to go off to a ethnic war where their are casualties daily.

Those rivalrys are old than dirt, and not any closer to being solved than what is happening on the West Bank.

[SteveM]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

Hi All,

I find this thread very interesting, and some of the responses quite maddening.  In our case, we each had one son before marrying.  I was a full-time single parent who got tossed several times when dating--sometimes by someone without any children, sometimes by someone who had the every-other-weekend free schedule and wanted someone with the same.  One way or another, it was only going to work for me with someone who was also a single parent.  The Russian part of it was just an unexpected, but much appreciated, surprise.

If you are a single father, of course, there is great value in meeting someone with a child of her own, because it takes a lot of the guesswork out of what kind of a parent she is.

However, if you do not have any children of your own, but are interested in having them someday, a K-2 child may be a wonderful introduction to how much your life will change, for better and for worse, by having a child in your home.

If you are not sure you want to share your prospective wife's attention and love with a child, of course, you should eliminate RW with children from your consideration.  Also, other W with children and other W who might want to have children.  Also, anyone else who might get in the way of you being the center of attention.

Then, when you get old and retire, our children will be working to pay your Social Security and Medicare.  And you won't have had any of the "double trouble" and "double expense" involved in raising them.  I will make sure my sons work extra hard, so you don't have to suffer any inconvenience.

But I do hope they live next door to you, and play really bad music very loud late at night just once or twice...

Steve M.

[SteveM]

... in response to My Experience, posted by SteveM on Apr 1, 2002

Also, can we please stop talking about children from previous relationships as mistakes.  All of them are gifts, whether the circumstances of their arrival were wonderful or less than ideal.

[BrianN]

... in response to Mistakes, posted by SteveM on Apr 1, 2002

[terry]

... in response to Mistakes, posted by SteveM on Apr 1, 2002

nt

[Charles]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

I agree with most of what you said.  The most important things in my view are a) whether AW or RW, a woman who has had children is likely to be better able to sustain a LTR than one without.  b)  it does take some maturity and judgment (and some additional effort) to bring over a child from the FSU, and I agree with the sentiments below that the older the child the more difficult it is going to be.  While I would not hold my stepson out as any model, for all of his shortcomings he is very happy to be in America and does not want to return home.  Whether you fall in love with the children will depend on many factors, but Natalya, I think you are absolutely right on point that the RW will not forsake a man who cares about her, regardless of the # of children.

[wsbill]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

I'd like to hear from guys that have adopted a little boy, so far I'm hearing ... they're all girls.

I think you will find, the odds weigh more heavily for a guy marrying a lady with a female child verse one with a male child.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Who has adopted a little girl  and w..., posted by wsbill on Apr 1, 2002

I have a stepdaughter and had no problems, but I hear boys, especially pre-teen to teenaged, don't fare as well as girls when brought to a totally new clture. I hear it's OK if they're young enough (pre-school) but a 10 or 12 year old is likely top have adjustment problems.

-- Jeff S.

[Mike]

... in response to I've heard that too., posted by Jeff S on Apr 1, 2002

I suspect some of the reason that Russian boys always seem to be a hand full is because they are being raised mostly if not completely by the mother. How many ladies do you know who have experiance at being a boy? A man is needed to develope a boys character from day one, if for any reason at all we men know how the male brain works, and how to get over on ol mom. I know I couldn't pull no crap over my dads eyes where as mom was easy to manipulate. Now sense I know nothing of being a female I suspect strongly a daughter could out smart me if I was raising one alone, but girls are mostly raised by their mother who have experiance at being a girl and knows how their brain works. So in conclusion the girls are raised more properly then the boys. Sense the first 5 years of a childs life are the most important years in the childs development, by the time they enter our lives much of the damage has been done chances are. ( just my thoughts regardless of how jumbled they sound )
Mike

[Quasimoto]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

I agree completely, even with your judgments!!!!

Steve

[wsbill]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

We'll be more than happy to accept a woman with a child but in reality, you and I know there is just more women that will get passed over for having a kid.

In someways, we're just like the rus/ukr men over there.

We are selfish, opinionated and self serving.
------
The real irony to all this is the mere fact in Russia and Ukraine, we have a financial edge over the men there.  Once the economy improves and the men can pay for their family support/responsibilities.  The big event of wife hunting will draw to a close.

Every thing is based on economics of scale.

10-15 years ago it was Poland and Czech Republics which were the hotbeds of women looking for marriage.  Now that those countries are now established with the western world and self supporting.

When was the last time you heard of hundreds of marriage and dating agencies in these two countries?  (Oh, I'm sure you find maybe 10 at the max now days still in operation).

Same is going to be true for Russia and the Ukraine, once everyone can pay for their responsibilites the marriage agency business will dry up.

[Stevo]

... in response to RW with kids.My opinion, posted by Natalya on Mar 31, 2002

I am very happy with my 2-year marriage to my wife and I love her and her daughter (turns 8 this week) very much.  Had I purposely NOT chosen a woman with a child, I would be getting up at all hours trying to take care of a baby at my age!

It was (is) a lot easier for our developing relationship having a 6-year-old than having a baby.  Guys who think a child is an impediment have no idea how much more of an impediment a baby is...good luck to you dreamers, esp. the older guys.  Hope you enjoy changing diapers when you're 45!

Stevo

[HappyInBrazil]

... in response to I agree with you 100%..., posted by Stevo on Apr 1, 2002

Maybe changing diapers at 45 will be a joy to people that want children, but were unable to have them earlier.  Anyway, no need to disparage people that don't do things the same way as you decided.