Thought I would share this.

[oldbutspry]

I've been browsing through the forum where Russian women in the US talk to each other.  Here's the story of one lady who got divorced.  I thought I would share it with everyone.  (Of course, there were many happy ladies on the site as well.)  Reading through the forum has increased my respect for these ladies immensely.  The last sentence says it all.

Îé, girls, I esteemed everything, myself have seen. I too was in such situation. Ìàðè, suffer, yet you will not receive documents, all correctly advise you. Yet you will not receive a ãðèí-card(úÓ¿¡-map). Otherwise there will be many problems. In brief I shall tell about the situation. Has arrived on the hugest love, even left him(it), loving(liking). It(he) very not ordinary person, the successful businessman, many different talents. At him(it) 3 sons from first marriage, they live with it(him). I knew about it, it(he) from me did not hide anything such. But that I did not know, it is that the younger child is sick Attention Defficit, and my spouse - Anxiety Attack (in the childhood at him(it) was Attention Deficit, but c years has passed in this illness). To put it briefly, in the house two abnormal people. The younger child was on medication, without a medicine as a lunatic supervise itself can not, can not concentrate. At school too with it(him) it is difficult for teachers. Named me "bXtch", spoke, " my dad brought you here as a maid. Russian maid ". The husband shouted and offended me before children how they could respect me? Though with the senior boy at me never was problems, I have won average, it(he) to me began as the son. And younger horror. The husband (former on the present moment) shouted at him(it), shouted at all children, on me too, because at itself with mentality of a problem. It(he) has brought me not from Russia, and from Germany, I worked there Au-Pair, met the German who very seriously concerned to me. After work Au-Pair I had fine business - offers, in general to leave I did not think. Has met an American of it, has fallen in love. At him(it) in Germany business - ïàðòí¸ð. All was beautiful, looked after, each day called from USA, came to me. All as in a fairy tale. When has arrived to it(him) (on fiancee to the visa), has gone down from heavens. Shouted, humiliated, called. Though like as liked, but could not restrain by virtue of the broken mentality. Children it(he) loves the above all, but shouted at them too awfully, then felt like guilty... As and with me. Not only that process of adaptation in the another's country is difficult (and I you see only adapted and have got used to Germany, and suddenly new changes), it(he) in anything has not supported me, with anything has not helped, I did(made) all itself. When was in Germany, promised (I it(him) at all did not ask, itself spoke), that I in America shall study, that will buy to my parents a computer that wants a daughter with me... Having arrived, it was found out: who will sit with children if I shall study? A computer to my parents - my problems. I did not have sanction to work, I could not be employed at all! It(he) to me did not do(make) documents, and has not made. A daughter joint? To it(him), whether see, and it is enough children. And me that to grow all life of his(its) children? I sat at home with his(its) children, conducted a facilities(an economy), going, erased, cleaned(removed), it(he) was eternally dissatisfied something. Any gratitude, it(he) even itself has then admitted. It(he) up to ïîçäíà was on work - òðóäîãîëèê. It very much is pleasant to me in people, but not up to the same degree that young, just the arrived wife (it(he) for 10 years of me is more senior) saw it(him) so a little as children. His(its) company so has grown since I have arrived. Never employed áýáèñèòòåðà that we could descend(go) with it(him) somewhere. The wife former saw and took away children of times in two weeks, sometimes more often, but without spending the night, on 2.
To drive the machine then it is not skilful, while has received SSN and instruction permit, has passed time... The Vein in Wisconsin, in a small village, where without the machine anywhere. It(he) not that did not try to facilitate to me somehow life, on the contrary, in all always there was my fault. Humiliated, offended, I spoke, that a pettiness, anything from myself I do not present. I was always independent, never depend on the man. Has ended with distinction university (èí.ÿçûêè), has gone to Germany. At me in Russia it is a lot of friends, people appreciate me, like. And it(he) tried to lower my self-estimation that I appreciated it(him). Constant emotional abuse. The only thing that did not beat. It(he) has struck the first wife, she(it) has called 911, since then it(he) behaves in hands. The first wife from him(it) too left. After my leaving(care) even veins with any maiden, she(it) has thrown it(him). It(he) thinks, that a problem in his(its) children, that another's children are necessary for nobody. And a problem in it(him). I personally to children have become attached even.

 Now, more from a later post:

Anna, yes, I agrees with you. It(he) always does(makes) of itself(himself) big guy, Mr. Independent, but actually is weak, you see only weak people raise a voice and shout, trying to solve a problem...
It(he) always saw and felt in me independence, and, probably, wanted to stop it from the very beginning. I already mentioned, that when I lived in Germany, it(he) promised me gold mountains, including study. When I have arrived, could not even within the limits of that small village where we lived, independently to move, as is not skilful to drive the machine, up to Milwaukee with HIGH SCHOOLS about one hour of driving, it was inaccessible to me, it(he) still scoffed: " Wanna study? Go figure it out! " Knowing, that I could not carry out it at that moment. But when in 3 months after my arrival I have got acquainted casually with the Russian woman, she(it) has invited me to go with it(her) on ESL in one of colleges of Milwaukee and I, having gone, that day not only has entered the name on this rate in college but also while my girlfriend sat out pairs, has taken a taxi, has visited in University of Wisconsin, has found faculty of slavic languages, has got acquainted with the professor of Russian, has given it(him) on translation the diploma, has found the professor of German language (I the translator - linguist of German and English of languages), it(he) has given me the information on rates, also firms where German language is involved... For one trip I have received so a lot of information, have arrived home enthusiastic (I then still piously trusted in my loved(liked,favourite), in his(its) promises, that it(he) will pay for my study), it(he) obviously did not expect such, and after my story has broken off: " who will sit at home with children? " I think, it(he) was afraid, that becoming(beginning) someone in this country, I from him(it) shall leave, as his(its) children are not necessary for me. It is his(its) complex behind which it(he) does not see true. If it(he) encouraged me and helped me to adapt, I simply would appreciate it(him) even more and never anywhere would leave...

[Scaught]

... in response to Thought I would share this., posted by oldbutspry on Feb 23, 2002

I would like to be able to read the discussions on the women's forum url=http: //geocities. com/butsenina/index. html. I know this would be very educational to see the other side of these relationships and it could help me improve my own. I can't read the posts, though. Some are written in romanized Russian and the tohers are apparently in Russian, which appears as hundreds questions marks and gobblydegook on the screen. Would someone know how to allow me to read at least some of the posts in English? I have a Macintosh computer. I would really appreciate some tips.

I wonder if some kind of bridge could be made between our forum here and the one for women. I think we could learn a lot from each other if we could communicate with each other better.

There is this forum, mainly for, or at least used by men, and this other forum for women. How about a forum that helps the two sides communicate with each other? Is there such a thing? If more women posted on our forum here, that would help.

What do you think?

[PrincetonLion]

... in response to New forum? Bridging forums?, posted by Scaught on Feb 24, 2002

There is very similar forum (Russian women who are married American men and living in USA), but in English:

http://members.m4d.com/forum/forum/vika/

[Zink]

... in response to New forum? Bridging forums?, posted by Scaught on Feb 24, 2002

Take a look at this website.

http://learningrussian.com/

There are some instructions on russification. I'm not sure if they include info for the Mac. But they also have links to other more specialized websites that might help you.

[John K]

... in response to Re: New forum? Bridging forums?, posted by Zink on Feb 24, 2002

I bookmarked that one!

[Natalya]

... in response to Thought I would share this., posted by oldbutspry on Feb 23, 2002

I'm sorry but I don't have a patience to finish reading this horrible translation.Thanks

[unsure]

... in response to Please give me a link to this post, posted by Natalya on Feb 23, 2002


http://members.m4d.com/forum/read/butsenina/236642/

[Charles]

... in response to Thought I would share this., posted by oldbutspry on Feb 23, 2002

I don't know the legitimacy of this poster, as he is new and it's been hard to follow this board lately.  However, the post raises some important considerations for anyone considering an RW with children as well as your obligations to the RW to disclose information about your children that are living in the home.  Having had an ADHD stepson in a prior marriage they are indeed a home-wrecker, and, as a result, during my correspondence and meetings with my wife I made several pointed inquiries about her son and insisted on meeting him and spending some time with him while visiting in Ukraine.  Children and step-children have the potential to wreck a relationship, so don't be afraid to inquire about their personality, interests, health, etc and spend some time with them before making a final decision.

[Quasimoto]

... in response to Thought I would share this., posted by oldbutspry on Feb 23, 2002

Unfortunately it probably happens more than you can imagine. It is called "ownership"! She is a lamp on a table, turned on and used when convenient, and given little other thought! I hope she has left him. He deserves it, and of course, it will be "her fault"!

Steve

[Mike]

... in response to Re: How sad !, posted by Quasimoto on Feb 23, 2002

This happens more then most people realize I suspect. My wife reads many of these types of post and translates them to me. Although this is a bad situation for that lady for sure, many RW use those forums as a way to vent. Even AW need to vent and can take things that seem minor to a man and make them sound like horror stories to others. Unfortunitly the RW typically have no one local they can complain to and feel comfortable about it. By the time they've adjusted their ( American )English skills and felt themself in the flow of our society many years will have past and many problems either flowed under the bridge, or exploded. Trust me guys it's real easy after some time spent together to forget that they are still adjusting. Subconsiously we see them as our mate and forget they,ve left behind everything that was normal to them, and don't realize the sacrifices they must make everyday. Even if they are small ones they add up over time. So what am I saying? It's not a cake walk and you gotta stay on your toes if you want a healthy relationship. Hey I catch myself making these mistake too, but I try.
Mike

[unsure]

... in response to Re: Re: How sad !, posted by Mike on Feb 23, 2002

It apparently was all a mess, but I would suggest that promising her a child and then reneging was one of the most sizeable betrayals.  I could imagine a woman divorcing a man for this alone.