... in response to Brain, Tell it All, posted by greg on Jan 12, 2002The people that I've dealt with in years past, were not of the caliber that I seem to see on this board. Folks that are actually looking for advice and help, not looking to vent their youthful pent-up anger (code for mother/women problems) on their fiance or wife.
That trigger a few threads down sent me into a bit of a downward spiral into a lot of remembering a lot of things that I've forgotten, and it just got me pissed thinking about it again, so I vented. Shouldn't have gone so far because it became quite distasteful, and I wish that Pat would delete at least the last one, if not the entire thread.
I'm an absolute defender of the filipino people, both male and female. Back then, things were a lot different when we had the military bases there, and the local economy (s. luzon) was really thriving from the "city" standpoint, and it had a real trickle down effect to all of the surrounding barrios.
Now, since my last visit was right when the bases were being shut down, I have no clue whatsoever as to what real life is like, however, I'm sure the temperature and humidity has remained the same.
Along with that, that left, was the entire economy which was fueled by US money.
My present perception, is nothing more than imagining total desperation in the post-military years among the people there, and now, almost 10 years later, anything that the folks can get their hands on which represents a better life, would seem to be a "natural" for them. (Of course, I refer to it as a "them" thing, because if you've never been there, you don't have a clue as to what it's like to be "them"). Not to be inhumane, or insensitive, or just flat out non-pc, it's just that everywhere else, beyond our borders, in most of the world, is like the real third world. World without the prosperity that "we" definitely take for granted here, as well as in our current world partners such as western europe, austrailia, canada, new zealand, hong kong, etc.
It's like, they have nothing, and we have everything. But when you visit, you don't wanna leave? Of course, it can be a fantasy paradise to an american man, no worries, no troubles, no banks, creditors, no worries for the car payment or mortgage or the political infighting at work... and no time clock to punch; just beautiful people, san miguel, and remote peace that is only obtainable by deserting one's present reality.
Everybody's perception is a little skewed. What seems like paradise to us, can either be hell for them, or just normal life. But what is normal or hell for us, is paradise for them.
The culture is something that one has to "buy into". In both ways. There are a lot of folks in this world that would sacrifice their own mother to get what they want out of life, but it's not just isolated to these foreign lands... it happens here in the good old USA too.
These thought patterns that I have is based on years of experience with the filipino people, male and female, here and there. There's nothing wrong with them, and it would seem like, there's more incorrect perceptions on the part of western men looking for a foreign wife, than vice versa.
So, somebody (man) has a bad experience, and it makes all foreign women scammers, or visa hounds. Not true. Someone actually has a problem with their fiance or wife that wants to help take care of their parents or family back home, and men think that it's a scam to get more money out of them. Some capitulate, but others run. There IS, a way to work it out straddling both sides of the fence.
You got to look at it both ways. What do you want out of life, (besides a wonderful wife/family), and what does it cost you, emotionally and financially? Is it possible, (actually?) to have your cake and eat it too? Without some negatives, or extra tugs on your purse strings? No. I don't think so.
So, in the end, I would simply say that the right way to your woman's heart is through her, AND her family. It goes with the territory, but you do have to learn to stand proper ground, and gauge for yourself, what is excessive, and what isn't.
There's a LOT of REAL LOVE there, as well as in other countries, just be sure that you don't be too selfish, or to extravagant. Middle ground works, just find it within yourself first.
Sorry so long, tough subject, and I'm no expert, I've just made a lot of mistakes and tried to work it out along the way. I'm only one of thousands of men that have been there and done stuff, so my opinion will show quite a bias, which may or may not agree with you or others. Do the best you can and learn some control... you'll do well.
