Safe to say my girl was a scammer

[tim360z]

... in response to I saw somewhere where..., posted by BarryM on Feb 7, 2002

an intermediary who helps to shuffle all the paperwork.  My sister in Sweden runs University exchange programs funded by the Swedish and US govts and the UN.  Out of all the students she deals with from all over the world her favorites are the Russian and Ukrainian girls.  She finds them to be the nicest girls in the world.  Extremely intelligent.  And very sweet.  Some,  I have become friends with via emails and...they are.  No doubt about it.  And they are very good and loyal friends and they are definitely not in agency catalogs.  As in life...the easiest people to meet are the last ones you ever want to know.

[MarkInTx]

... in response to probably, posted by KenC on Feb 7, 2002

Ken,

Look at the story:

"The next thing I hear she is very sick. She is in the hospital, there are expensive bills etc..."

This was definitely an attempt to get money for hospital bills. Why else would she mention that the bills were "Expensive?"

Remember the whole discussion about how women treat discussions of finances? How they get mad if a man mentions how expensive things are? She was telling him this so he would give her money. The reason she didn't send him a bill was that by this time he had wised up. You maybe need to read for more context... I'm sure Bobby could elaborate...

"After five days I asked her for the hospital address because I wanted to send her a really nice present. Oh, too late, she was getting out tomorrow"

My! Wasn't that convenient. And if he had waited three days, she would have been out in four...

"The next thing I hear is that *** her friend had a great way *** for her to get to the US, where she would not need a fiance visa."

Yeah, I know that your wife got here on a student Visa. But I'll bet you didn't set that up by wiring her FRIEND $1200.

You really want to give people the benefit of the doubt, I can tell.

But you know as well as I do that no Russian (or Ukranian) woman would have taken the money, and asked for the money that Bobby's "beloved" did.

Think about it. After your first week with your wife... how hard would you have worked to get her to accept $250 for gifts?

[KenC]

... in response to Why she WAS a scammer, posted by MarkInTx on Feb 7, 2002

Mark,
I agree that the hospital thing could be construed as fishy, but the bottom line is that she DIDN'T ASK FOR MONEY.  There have been more than one post here to confirm that hospital stays can be very expensive.  If she was truly a scammer wouldn't she have asked?  Why did her parents pay when she could have claimed that they were broke too?
On my first trip to meet Lena, I had brought a portable CD player.  I thought I could use it on the plane over and in my flat with the small speakers I also brought.  (News flash: Barry White works well in Russia too)  I also planned to leave it with Lena when I left.  I had to almost beg her to take it.  She didn't want to accept it.  But when it came time for her to get her visa and make preparations to come to America, she had no problem taking or even asking for the cash to cover those expenses.  (Which I only think is right) I think there is a huge difference between milking an American (can you say "Ryan") or covering related expense to coming here.
KenC

[Deckard]

... in response to Why she WAS a scammer, posted by MarkInTx on Feb 7, 2002


I just wanted to put my 2 cents into this before I go to bed and before this thread gets buried 18 hours from now.

Only Bobby is qualified to really decide of course.

However, some of the major points that are used against the woman to count her as a scammer are actually plausible.

I agree that adding them up together makes for a "stretch", but each point on its own is actually valid to some degree.

1. When I was sick in the hospital in Ukraine, I was told I would be there for 2 weeks. I tried hard, and got out in 6 days. And I didn't know for sure when I would get out, until the night before. That's not too far off from Bobby's situation with his lady.

2. Expensive is all relative. The hospital bills may have been expensive to her, and they certainly could be expensive to her if she had not taken into account the possibility of getting sick.

Oh, and she's 19 I think? Maybe she lacks some tact that an older woman would have, in situations regarding explaining a need for money, and making sure she does not come across as not credible. She's still a tad young.

The big thing that does *not* seem right though, is the asking for money for the student visa part.

Oh well. Just a few thoughts.

Best of luck, Bobby, and if this girl doesn't work out for you, don't give up, keep trying.

-Deckard

[Deckard]

... in response to Re: Why she WAS a scammer, posted by Deckard on Feb 7, 2002


"I agree that adding them up together makes for a "stretch", but each point on its own is actually valid to some degree."

I meant to say that the things that the woman said and did seem plausible, and that it seemed too premature to completely say that she was definitely insincere.

Blah, I was too tired...

zzzzzzzzzz

[Rags]

... in response to Re: Why she WAS a scammer, posted by Deckard on Feb 7, 2002

My wife had no problem accepting the money that I sent for her visa expenses but refused to allow me to buy her any "expensive" gifts (+$50). It is expected that the man pay for passports, pictures, translations, med exams, etc. to get the visa. At this girl's salary, it would take five months for just the medical and that is if she didn't eat, go anywhere, or write any e-mails.

Did she ask for any money for her hospital bills? Bobby only stated that there were "expensive hospital bills" (his words or her's?) and not that she even hinted for help paying them or making up for lost wages.

The student visa thing could be nothing more than a good friend's opinion (which in Ukraine carries a LOT of weight) and as Bobby mentioned he was severely chastised for doubting her friend. For those that do not know FSU women, once they have an idea of what is the best way to do something you had might as well go "try to teach a pig to sing" than to argue differently. And Ukrainians bring a whole new meaning to the expression of "friends" believe me.

Bobby, IMHO, has presented nothing to prove that this lady has or is attempting to scam him. Too many people here are too quick to make a judgement based on very few facts and some peoples slanted (sour grapes!) opinions.

Bobby (and everyone else here) needs to make and stand by their own decisions.

[Deckard]

... in response to Re: Why she WAS a scammer, posted by Deckard on Feb 7, 2002


I just want to tell you and anyone else one more thing.

I almost lost my fiance a couple of times during the early time we were together because of failing to believe in her, and remembering instead all the negativity and "reality" I had read about on this message board. The bad situations stated on this board may not happen to you. Be careful to keep what you learn from this board in a "special" compartment in your head, and not let it taint everything else that your gut and heart is telling you. Keep them seperate, and don't let them blend together. Otherwise you will not be able to trust your heart or your gut feeling.

Good luck, Bobby,

-Deckard

[Rags]

... in response to Hold on a second, posted by KenC on Feb 6, 2002

I'll second Ken's opinion. I don't really see anything out of line with what you have presented as far as cost and circumstances. Don't be jumping to conclusions just yet.

The only thing that raises some suspicion with me is the student visa. Maybe because her friend has done it makes it seem like the way to go for her but I would balk at providing an affidavit of support in this instance as it would be much easier for her to jam on you. Insist on a K-1 as a show of commitment to you.

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to Hold on a second, posted by KenC on Feb 6, 2002

I appreciate the thoughts but am very discouraged at this point.  I would almost rather just move on.  She supposedly mailed off the documents, so I will see if something comes through and deal with it when it happens.

[KenC]

... in response to Re: Hold on a second, posted by Bobby Orr on Feb 6, 2002

Bobby,
Yes, it can be discouraging, but if and when you find the right woman, it will all be worth it.  I am still not convinced that you haven't already found her either.  This girl had something that made you think you could live the rest of your life with her.  I hope it was more than a hard body.  The lable of "scammer" is way too premature.  I have seen too many guys here pull the plug and bail because there are a few bumps in the road.  Buck up buddy, it ain't easy.  With the language, culture and yes, even age differences miscommunication is a given.  How are you going to feel if her documents come as promised?  The alternate plan of a student visa isn't all that bad of an idea either.  My wife Lena, came here on a student visa.  It was a total "no pressure" situation for both of us.  When we decided to marry, it was on OUR time table not the INS's.  If you sincerely want a good marriage, wouldn't you want the girl to marry you for love and not because she ran out of time to think about it?
KenC

[terry]

... in response to hey, it IS tough to do, posted by KenC on Feb 7, 2002

Good point, I like that

[thesearch]

... in response to Re: Hold on a second, posted by Bobby Orr on Feb 6, 2002

know if Ken may be correct on this. I always say go by the gut but it can be wrong especially when evidence starts to stack against a lady.

Here is a thought. Since you have pretty much written this one off why not continue with the I will not send you any more money mentality and see what she does? You will know best

[Quick Fix]

... in response to Safe to say my girl was a scammer, posted by Bobby Orr on Feb 6, 2002

Thanks for the report on M0rdinson's Agency and the scammer you were engaged to.
The questions I would like to ask are.....Do you think that she was an isolated case with the agency or typical of what is in the agency? Do you think that M0rdison's was in on the scam or just negligent on who is using their services?
I was just reading your recommendation letter you wrote on their site and you state at the beginning of your letter that they do a good job screening their women.
Are you painting all the girls with the same brush now?

[Bobby Orr]

... in response to Re: Safe to say my girl was a scammer, posted by Quick Fix on Feb 6, 2002

A perfect indication of how good the agency is - is the fact that I asked them to remove my picture with the girl off their site a week ago.  All I can say is they obviously did not know this particular girl.  I have another internet acquaintance who went over to M@rdinson after me and ran into a pure gold digger ie. it was a great vacation and a learning experience but nothing more.  He also is not as happy today.  We both knew it was a high risk, high reward proposition.  Better to be a bit more realistic prior to going over and using an agency like that.

[thesearch]

... in response to Re: Re: Safe to say my girl was a scamme..., posted by Bobby Orr on Feb 6, 2002

with her - it would be very interesting for you to inform the agency of her being a scammer and request that they remove her from their catalogue. Will they do it? What is their response? I think there is more to be learned from this than anything else regarding them.

I just had a fantasy -  why don't you blow a ticket on her to meet her in Prague or Turkey and not show up. One way ticket of course and one night only payed for at the hotel with a letter regarding her scamming and now the pay back. Of course, only if you are absolutely certain about her being a scammer.