It is kind of sickness

[Tania]

but I am not a doctor. But it what I cannot be silent about. Guys, why you think that we are stupid? Most of women on this search are good educated, smart enough to learn one or two foreign languages, learn to use computer and Internet. And what we have? He write first letter. Says lot of compliments and say: I never send any money! Full stop. OK, imagine you are going to date with beautiful woman, you are going to  impress her, maybe build great relationship so on. But you say: I will not pay bills, and at all don't expect me to spend any money for you. Well, I have not asked for anything yet, why you want to  humiliate me with suspecting that I want your money? What decent woman does? She pays her bill for appetitive and goes out without having dinner. The same with LDR. Decent woman will go, scammer will smile and say: you will pay bills! It is the question of time.
Another example: tests for loyalty. He write her as another man and offer great things and they say: you cheated me. Well, if you have right to choose why women don't? You come to sex-tour and have every day new date, but I have to say near window looking out and waiting my prince of charm. How can I be sure he come. How can I know that he is not married, or dating lot of girls, or just not that person he wrote about? People divorce after years living together, and say I didn't know him/her. And how can I know person just from his letters? Nobody would say: I am moody, greed boring person. I don't know how to treat woman and will beat you every Sunday.
What I want to say that nobody is safe from mistake. But nobody can get happiness without efforts. Win her heart and you will have her forever. No other way, not Green card or money can replace. It will be temporary. Be sincere, don't test her, don't request what you cannot give her and do things without waiting for award! And then you will have it!

[thesearch]

... in response to It is kind of sickness, posted by Tania on Feb 7, 2002

Tania,

If I understand you correctly, I will tell that I do not think you will find hardly anyone who would disagree with you here.

Most men do not mention money but will offer money to help his lady when it seems appropriate. This is more common than telling a woman right away that they will never send money.

It is only when things start looking funny as was the case with Bobby Orr and his lady that one starts to wonder if you are being had. You must understand that there seems to be plenty of women from the FSU who are interested not in love and romance from foreign men but getting them to part with money plain and simple. They never were interested in the man. To suggest that a man should treat a woman like this as though she is sincere is ridiculous. Do you want a man to be a fool?

I met one lady and when she lost her job and things became difficult financially for her - I offered to send her money. She refused. A month later with still no job and two children to think about, she agreed. I sent her money each month for several months. After we met on two occasions it became clear that we were simply not meant for each other. We parted and are still friends. Did I ever resent sending her that money? Not at all. She is a lovely lady - not a scammer at all. Would I resent sending money to a lady who only lied to get money - yes I would. Would you resent a man who lied to you about being married just to try to get you to go to bed with him? I think you would. It is no different.

There are men who travel to Ukraine who are not honorable - this is true - just as there are women to greet them who are not honorable. It is these people that get in the way of honorable people like you and me. They are the ones that cause the trouble. They are the ones that make us question the other's integrity and motives.

So, what is your story? Why are you posting here? Are you engaged to a foreign man? Please tell us about you.

Oh you also said that you would not be sharing your life with anyone here  - that it would be only between your man and you. First of all, you will not find men talking about things that are private between two people here. You will hear more about circumstances. If there is a lesson to be learned such as with Bobby Orr - yes you will read it.

No one knows who this lady is that he is talking about. I do not know who Bobby is. They could be fiction characters for all I know. You do not know who I am and I do not know who you are.

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: It is kind of sickness, posted by thesearch on Feb 7, 2002

Yeah... you smart guy -- This girl Tania's a keeper for sure.  I hope she posts more often.  Sounds much like my interpreter's thoughts as well; dancing around the fire and not afraid to get burned a little, just like the rest of us.  But it's apparent that she does have the kahooneys to actually post, and some standards that make sense to back it up, from an RW's point of view anyway...

Cheers.  

[BrianN]

... in response to It is kind of sickness, posted by Tania on Feb 7, 2002

Very correct, and good points.

[tim360z]

... in response to It is kind of sickness, posted by Tania on Feb 7, 2002

of girls there who have earnestly carried on a "correspondence" for months and months and of course the guy says he's coming and he loves her etc.  And they never meet.  So,  who is like scammed here???  Just happened to a friends younger sister,  she beleived in the guy...she trusted him...she loved him...she was ready to marry this guy ( in her 21 year old mind ) and after almost 1 year all she gets an email,  not even a telephone call...telling her he is not coming and he is getting married in 2 weeks.  Talk about ethics?

[Jeff]

... in response to While on that subject there are plenty, posted by tim360z on Feb 7, 2002

Yyyyyy, that probably hurts..
Oksana

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: While on that subject there are plen..., posted by Jeff on Feb 7, 2002

That's why it "probably" hurts.  I wonder how many fsu ladies have been left in the dust by men that strung them along for months, but never followed through with their "plans and promises".

Good to see you here.

[BarryM]

... in response to While on that subject there are plenty, posted by tim360z on Feb 7, 2002

she is still at home and still has the same life... It's not like when some men will go through the k-1 up to the point where they get her here for a 90 day "trial" period and then send them home. When a woman gives up her job, her home, most of her possessions, etc. that is a big commitment. The same goes for a man who brings a woman over and marries her, only to be betrayed by her because all she wanted was a green card. There is a big difference between a broken life and a broken heart. Men break women's hearts all the time, women break men's hearts all the time. That's life. When a life is broken, that is tragic life.

-blm

[RWife]

... in response to It is kind of sickness, posted by Tania on Feb 7, 2002

Tania,

this letter for some reason just totally contradicts with your previous message replying to post of the guy who thinks that he has been scammed, but may be I am reading it wrong. As you said, there is nothing bad - it is different nature.

I will not argue, you have many good points, but doesnot your words "Be sincere, don't test, don't request what you cannot give and do things without waiting for award" apply to the women as well?

On the other hand, there is a proverb in Russian which says something like "Rely on God, but don't hold yourself aloof from trying"  - Na boga nadeisya, a sam ne ploshai...  This adventure has many-many risks and other problems for both men and women and BOTH sides should be VERY careful proceeding and committing to something.  Yes, it's true that by some remark guy might offend decent woman, it is true that may be the other guy was wrong and the girl was not a scammer, who knows? But you don't have ANY guarantees dating the guy in Ukraine running in the same problems -  the fact that he might be married, or scammer, or somebody else. You don't have guarantees for anything.

My personal opinion is that it's just plain and simple - things should be great at the beginning. Whatever question you ask, whatever doubt you might have - gets resolved without conflict and problems. IF there is an issue - it means there is some problem. Not necessary scam, might be something else (different personality, uncompatibility, etc), but if you can't resolve those issues at the beginning you have to reevaluate your relationship now and sometimes make serious decision - he/she is wasting your time, nothing serious will come out it, etc - an be HONEST about it. Most people are too afraid to decide about it - they think "I will never meet somebody like her/him", "I will be lonely/not married for the rest of my life", etc.

But I agree with you - nobody can get happiness without effort. Just depends what you spend your efforts on

Good luck to you and take care,

Russian Wife

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Re: It is kind of sickness, posted by RWife on Feb 7, 2002

Reasonable, and thoughtful, with a ton of class.

If she weren't already married, she'd be getting a hundred prposals daily...

[WmGo]

... in response to Now see -- HERE'S the kind of woman we a..., posted by MarkInTx on Feb 7, 2002

Mark,

You know what Churchill said about Russia being an enigma. I am convinced of it.

Most AW are neither real good or real bad. Most are kind of in the middle. Yes there are great ones (like my momma and sister and some down right sorry sacks of you know what ones. But most are in the middle I'd say.

But the majority of FSUW tend to fall into the extremes: either really good or really bad. This I find to be a puzzle, a mystery, an enigma.

WmGO

[micha1]

... in response to Re: It is kind of sickness, posted by RWife on Feb 7, 2002

You also  RW, you do know that I am right.  So help me please, so that we may help them.

[tim360z]

... in response to It is kind of sickness, posted by Tania on Feb 7, 2002

there is alot of scam paranoia here.  Its really very basic human personal inter-relationships and there is no easy answer.  You gotta take a risk sometime.  You gotta give a little trust.  You could loose---thats life.  And some of this is just silly.  Stupid.  If I blow $100 or $10,000 on an AW over a period of time and things don't work out---I can't run around calling her a scammer...' cuz she probably wasn't...maybe she changed her mind.  Maybe I wasn't romantic enough.  Maybe I fart alot in my sleep or maybe I snore too loud or maybe I don't pay enough attention to her.  Well,  things didn't work out.  What if I take a girl out to Le Cirque 2000 in NYC and I blow a grand (easy to do there).  Is she a scammer,  no.  I invited her--right.  If next week she don't want to see me anymore---I really can't think...I been scammed.  But for some reason if you blow $100 on an RW---you get it in your mind shes a scammer.  I just don't get the thought process at all.  Its like discrimination of the very women you purport to want to marry??  Somethings really wrong here,  methinks.

[terry]

... in response to Thanks Tania---some good points to consi..., posted by tim360z on Feb 7, 2002

I agree with you  Tim, I know i have spent a lot of mneys on dates , just because i wanted to. But , if everytime a RW needs money i am going tostart thinking scam, something is wrong with this. I really do not see the differents here in what an american women will do and what some of thesee RW need. I think we have to conseder that , from what i am learning here, a lot of guys write to  a lady for a few months, then go see her for two weeks and are ready to marry without trusting her if she needs money. I feel this  is a problem only because she lives so far away, if she lived down the street, how much would we be spending on her each week? Do they not deserve the same? if we truly feel they are so much better than what we could find here?  Yes , I am sure it cost a lot to get the lady here, but how much would a wedding cost for an american women.  dresses, shoes, make up  parties, dinners and all that goes with it. I really feel there is to much read into this scammer thing, you can turn her off if you jump onit to fast.

[terry]

... in response to It is kind of sickness, posted by Tania on Feb 7, 2002

Tania

I am trying to understand a little more about what you are saying. I, for one, am not looking for a women that much younger than me. I am 51 and feel that I would not want anyone younger than say 40 and up. however , i don't think it makes the other guys wrong if they feel they love someone 20 years younger than they are.  I just feel that someone closer to my own age would have more in common with me. But , I seem to read in what you are saying that you may be upset a little because the guys have looked at younger women and pasted you up. Now if I am wrong in reading that into what you are saying, please forgive me.