Notes from married life

[tim360z]

... in response to if I may speak honeslty..........., posted by yoe on Jan 4, 2002

Hey Yoe,

  I know just where she wants your plastic surgery.  Are you sitting down or standing up???  Ok, put your hand on...just kidding--Happy New Year

[Charles]

... in response to Man, I could tell..., posted by LP on Jan 4, 2002

LP, I generally agree with your comments and I probably would have opted out since, while others may disagree, the age difference presents some real challenges.  However, in John's case it sure seems like he and his wife have been able to establish a good level of communication.  While no one has a crystal ball, I think the key to sustaining any relationship, whether AW or RW, is open communication and addressing issues.  Finding love is easy, sustaining it requires open communication by both parties.

[yoe]

... in response to Notes from married life, posted by John K on Jan 4, 2002

so the song goes........
but, I have found, the hard way, if you listen to her and share in your views-------you might find on he!! of a partner. We just went on a road trip across the USA and in doing so feel that we are going to try a geographicl change---------yes-sell the move outa here........I thought of moving in with LP but...........maybe next time. So in abojut three weeks, we are selling the house and moving about 1000 miles away...........WOW! the cool thing is we have no doubt we can make it..........and yes it is very hard at times,,,,,,,,,but in the end.......so the song goes.
Joe

[slimjimco]

... in response to You know ........It just ain't easy........, posted by yoe on Jan 4, 2002

nt

[slimjimco]

... in response to You know ........It just ain't easy........, posted by yoe on Jan 4, 2002

Looks like I reroute my trip back from the big C.  My case got quagmired in the 'system', and is taking a restart.  Looks like March.  Lot of days at a time.  OK (silver lining), travel will be nicer.  Totaly unnecesary delays (Obtaining records, IDIOTIC Post Office, then NSC).  Back to "70 to 100 days" two weeks ago.  Kazan is unpleasant in the winter, and the wait is interminal.  Lotta E-mails.  POX.   Jim.

[BarryM]

... in response to You know ........It just ain't easy........, posted by yoe on Jan 4, 2002

Where are you moving to Joe? Texas ? about a 1000 miles from you.

-blm

[yoe]

... in response to Re: You know ........It just ain't easy...., posted by BarryM on Jan 4, 2002

Lp would not have the joy of finding me........
but he is always welcome to visit........hell You all can come over.........My wife makes a mean bowl of soup
Joe

[tim360z]

... in response to Re: You know ........It just ain't easy...., posted by BarryM on Jan 4, 2002

I think that would be about 1000 miles for Yoe.

[Dan]

... in response to I think Nepal, posted by tim360z on Jan 4, 2002

n/t

[tim360z]

... in response to Notes from married life, posted by John K on Jan 4, 2002

Hi John,
  I found it very interesting and much more in line with what should be on this board.  It was a pleasure to read your experience.  Although she is having a few adjustment problems,  she does have the flexability of youth on her side and I think a younger girl will adjust more quickly to life in the USA.  One has to be compassionate for her when one realizes she left everything she knew in this world...to come and marry a foreign man.  I have a 21 year old friend in Ukraine and as smart as she is I would expect her to have sort of the same problems which Marina in facing.  Including coming from a background where her Mother still treats her like a child...I have heard that many times.  I wish you the best,  I think you already have the most important ingredient.  A marriage and communication,  Best,  Tim

[John K]

... in response to Thanks for your Post, posted by tim360z on Jan 4, 2002

Well, I thought so too, as far as the age/adjustment issue goes.  In fact, she felt the same way too, initially.  The problem has been that she isn't adjusting like either of us thought that she would.  Still, I have hope and I have a few ideas to get her feeling better about her new home.  I hope they work...

[tim360z]

... in response to Re: Thanks for your Post, posted by John K on Jan 4, 2002

Hi John,

  Your time factor,  married a year,  recently uprooted and move to Calif.  It begins all over again.  There is the comfort level and actually the move probably set her back a bit...just as she was getting acclimated to where she was living.  My best guess is 3 years to be acclimated and confident...confidence has alot to do with it.  I have known many immigrants from the FSU and all over the world and it really takes some time.  Each persons adjustment time is different,  depending upon the person and the circumstances.  I find the Russians and Ukrainians to be the funniest with the best sense of humor AFTER they feel comfortable here.  They love to joke around alot.  So many times, ones I would meet and I would ask ..."where are you from in Russia or Ukraine"...(they know exactly what I mean) and they will laugh,  accents and all and tell me,  "We are Americans...we were born here".  And they are correct,  they were actually reborn here.  Be patient,  its gonna take some time,  don't push her--- that she will resent.  If you can make some outings and stuff "appear" to be "her idea",  that is the best.  Be a catalyst.  You will need to be a clever boy...theres alot of culture shock at work the first year or 3......Tim

[Charles]

... in response to Notes from married life, posted by John K on Jan 4, 2002

I enjoyed your post, particularly your willingness to point out the challenges you have.  My wife and I have been together for two years.  She had worked in the Netherlands before she met me, so she was perhaps better able to adjust to "Western" culture.  Living in the Washington, D.C. area was a plus because everywhere we went there were Russian-speaking people and Tania quickly had a wide circle of friends, some of whom she has become very close to.  But like your wife she was quite shy around native Americans at first but after she spent time with my family she has come to really like America.  As she says, she is proud to be part of two countries.  Like you, I experienced the "father" aspect a few times, even though in our case there is only a 6 yr age difference, with respect to such issues as work and driving a car.  Our biggest challenge is her 15 y.o. son, but that's not a RW/AM problem.  Hope things work out for you.

[Robert D]

... in response to Notes from married life, posted by John K on Jan 4, 2002

great post   thanks for sharing it.

Robert D.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Notes from married life, posted by John K on Jan 4, 2002

Great post, John. Interesting thing, my wife, also foreign but not Russian, had very similar feelings about America and Americans. I've posted a number of times about the adjustment period. It took her a considerable amount of time, over two years, before she started feeling comfortable here with US customs and people. I'd say it was nearly five years before she considered herself a local (considered here home) Today, though I beleive she's rather be here than back home by a long shot.

I'm sure most of you married guys will back me up - it takes lots and lots of patience, and willingness to spend far more time making a foreign marriage work than one with the girl next door. You have to be a combination of father, teachera and best friend, as well as husband, lover and breadwinnner. Some have said that seeking a foreign bride is not for those short on cash. It's also not for those short on patience or willingness to put in time and effort.

BTW - what part of California? I'm in Orange County - if you'd prefer not to say drop me an e-mail, kmsauto@pacbell.net

-- Jeff S.