An American man in Russia

[thesearch]

... in response to An American man in Russia, posted by Tootsie on Nov 13, 2001

Of course it all depends on who Jim is. However, there are a lot of men who believe that once married it is not wise to sleep with another woman. Even as a singlel man, I will not jump in the sack with just any  women. I am very selective.  But again back to marriage, many of us are taught loyalty and this is very ingrained and not easily changed. I for one could not sleep with another woman once I take the vow. I know there are many like me.

[Ryan]

... in response to An American man in Russia, posted by Tootsie on Nov 13, 2001

I enjoyed your point of view in this circumstance but it is really hard to predict if anything like you say will happen.  I feel that Jim will have a harder time getting in with the male friend because they will treat him different, as he is an American.  As will the people at his sometime new job.  He will never really assimilate completely into the Russian society, as he is an American.  If he was married before in American or had relationships he will understand what jewel he has in his new Russian Wife and will not as readily take a mistress like you say the Russian men do.  It is the old saying you can take the boy out of the country but you cannot take the country out of the boy.  (Same with women)  
I am sure Jim had some experience with good looking women in American as we do have many here but it is my point of view they are much easier to get into the sack with as they are much less educated as their Russian woman counterpart.   In this respect who wants them?  In this context the Russian woman would be harder for him to take as a mistress only.
Ryan

[JohnG]

... in response to An American man in Russia, posted by Tootsie on Nov 13, 2001

Every man is different; every woman is different; every combination in a relationship is different. Who is to say? Not every man is a dog in heat, you know.

[micha1]

... in response to An American man in Russia, posted by Tootsie on Nov 13, 2001

Please, your friend, your friend and your friend, who has everything.  If she is your friend, why are you ready to
gamble that her marriage will not work.   And you are not saying much for the women of Russia, according to
you, they all on make for other women lovers or husbands (are you included in the club of the marriage breaker).
All seem to be to cut and dry for you.  I do hope that, you will get lucky soon, you will have something else to
worry about and will be more relax.            best wishes             micha

[Tootsie]

... in response to Re: An American man in Russia, posted by micha1 on Nov 13, 2001

Dear micha1,

I would like to advise you to re-read Zink's post about Russian men. As a Russian woman I can only say that his observations are very exact. Russian men can have wagons of shortcommings but still they are Men. And Russian women managed to keep their feminity only because they were surrounded by Men. If you yourself used to treat women like you do in this post you'd better forget about this whole adventure now because you'll never be able to keep a Russian woman.

Real men treat ANY woman like a woman - protect her, defend her, excuse her bad mood, emotions or anything like that. If you are able to abuse a woman just because you disagree with her opinion you are NOT a man. Take these words from a Russian woman.

Grow up, micha.

Happy Tootsie

[micha1]

... in response to Attack an opinion, not a person, posted by Tootsie on Nov 13, 2001

Tootsie, perhaps you are right, I may have sounded as if I wa attacling you, not your opinion,  but even if my use
of english is limited, please re-read your post.   Your friend, the girl has everything and  he doesn't have much.
He must have something, because she married him.  I do not believe that all russian men are macho and all
drunks.  No more the north american man, an angel.   Good old boys are everywhere.
It is question of personal culture, education and what have you.
As for me, if I choose right,  with age and experience,  (experience is not what happen to us, it is what with do
with what happen to us)  with kindness, understanding, goodwill and an equal intellectually,  life has been very
good to me.  And will continue to be.   It does tales a lot of elbow grease and of keeping our mouth shout to
make a relation work.  
My father came home often under weather, but he came home everynight.  Today, they are all politically correct,
don't drink, smoke, they eat quiche, but don't come home.
If you come from a broken home or it is the case for your partner, chances are.......
Choose someone from the same affectional (family wise),  you got a head start......
Sorry  Tootsie, your post had awaken something in me.............
micha

[Ryan]

... in response to Re: Attack an opinion, not a person, posted by micha1 on Nov 13, 2001

I find it interesting the point you made about Russian women, "keeping their mouth shut."  I seems to be sort of an American thing that astblishing good communication is the key to a good relationship while is seem that Russian woman keep their mouth shut when something upsets them etc.  I have had some experience with my friend in Lugansk about this issue.  I was wondering if anyone had things to add about why women from this culture so turn to "Keeping their mouth shut."

Ryan

[micha1]

... in response to Keeping their mouth shut, posted by Ryan on Nov 13, 2001

Ryan,  it is my guess that you understood by "keepping" my mouth or anyone mouth shout in a relation, it is to
stop the -  you, you, you did this, did that,  you , you, you are this and you are that-  accusing the other in
private as well as in public.  The secret - main one anyway - in a relation is to admitted when you are wrong
and keepping your mouth shout when the other person is wrong.  May be that you are Russian, American,
European,  it is always the same.  And this hold true more for a man than for a woman,  because a woman,
somehow, never forget, nevere forgive, either,  they will use it as an excuse for their behavior somewhere
down the road.                               thanks

[Tootsie]

... in response to Keeping their mouth shut, posted by Ryan on Nov 13, 2001

I've heard from at least 5 American men complains on such behaviour of their Russian friends/wives. But at the same time I've NEVER even heard of such behaviour among my female friends or female collegues. They could shower their boyfriends/husbands with strong emotions, cry loudly or even try to beat men but there is no way they keep silence. What I can say is that all the women who kept silence when the problems with their men occured were not from Moscow. Probably Moscow ladies really differ from other Russian women...

Regards,

Tootsie

[KenC]

... in response to Not a culture..., posted by Tootsie on Nov 13, 2001

Tootsie,
I agree with you.  Lena has never been the silent type either.  I always know where she stands on any issue.  

I hope you had a good trip here.  I wanted to call Ken, but I misplaced his number.  Wishing you the best.
KenC

[chuck12]

... in response to Attack an opinion, not a person, posted by Tootsie on Nov 13, 2001

Hi Tootsie -

Russia does not have a monopoly on temptation , though having "mistress" is not quite as accepted or almost expected in U.S. as in Russia, affairs do happen. Whether Jim falls into this trap is soley up to the type of man (character) Jim is and also how much in love he is with his wife? If he is of strong character, this will go against his grain and he will not put himself in such a position or not allow chance circumstance to occur. I guess I would sum it up this way, most american men (once married) do NOT go looking for other women (unless something has gone wrong with their marriage and then divorce is likely inevitable anyway), whereas Russian Men (because it is more widely accepted as part of their culture) do the exact opposite.

sincerely,
chuck