Not all a bed of roses

[KenC]

I know there has been a lot of emphasis here on how desperate the R/W are to come to America, but you should also have to consider some of the obstacles they face too.  The obvious ones are that they are leaving behind their family, friends, jobs, and language.  We Americans have an arrogant outlook that life in America is just plain better than any where in the world.  Where this may be true in total, it may not be true in parts.

An example of this is Jimmy's post below concerning apartment living.  Yes, most apartments there are dreary institutional looking from the outside.  If you were to build such an apartment building here you would be hard pressed to find tenants.  But there is something positive to be found in their style of living too.  Once you get past the double steel doors, I have found that my in laws' apartment to be actually very nice.  Good furniture, nicely decorated (by Russian tastes) and very clean.  Beyond the physical attributes, admiringly few, there are social attributes that are far greater.  There is a sense of "community" in the buildings.  Your neighbor can knock on your door at almost anytime of the day or night to: have a cup of tea and a conversation, borrow a cup of sugar, pay back a cup of sugar, or borrow a few rubles to cover an expense.  Your neighbors in Russia are like an extended "family" and they share good times and bad.  You may have a great home in the suburbs here, but you will not find that kind of neighborly behavior here.  The suburbs that I have lived in have been "garage door" neighborhoods: people come home, hit the remote door opener and disappear into their homes rarely to be seen again.  Sometimes our "advantages" are not quite advantageous as we think.  

Even the fact that everyone drives their own cars (heaven forbid we carpool) has isolated us even more.  Think about all the interaction your R/W misses just from walking to and from the public transportation.  This "social isolation" is a big negative for them.  So, when you think of how much better your R/W's life will be here, do not forget about the price she will have to pay.  She will be moving from a very interacting social life to one that is very private and secluded.  When you consider that she has given up all her friends and family to move into this isolation, it ain't easy.
KenC

[wsbill]

... in response to Not all a bed of roses, posted by KenC on Nov 17, 2001

Historical cities where during the soviet times the arts were the main focus of entertainment.  After all, they weren't seduced by all the gizmo's and gadgits that we have before us.

I wonder how many Color TV sets there were in 1990 verse today?  No doubt today, capitalism is in full tilt in their country.

[KenC]

... in response to Re: I suppose it does help to live in a ..., posted by wsbill on Nov 17, 2001

n/t

[Bob S.]

... in response to Huh?  n/t, posted by KenC on Nov 18, 2001

how long will it be before they all turn into couch-potatoes, snacking on the couch while watching MTV-Russia. :-)

[Cold Warrior]

... in response to Not all a bed of roses, posted by KenC on Nov 17, 2001


Ken

Good Post. I found the same sense of community in Venezuela where most people live in apartments.However I have also lived in apartments in Manhattan and Queen's NY and there was no sense of community,maybe because people were always changing jobs and moving.I still remember your advice about living in the 'village'LOL.

[mdante99]

... in response to Not all a bed of roses, posted by KenC on Nov 17, 2001

Ken is very right.
I have been warning about this problem for a long time. Social isolation is a tragic fact for RW living in USA; and one must be prepared for it. Nonetheless with some extra efforts on the part of AW, this could be overcome at least somewhat.
My experience is that most RW are looking for a good relationship first; NOT primarily for an opportunity to live in America. They are willing to make adjustements here if they find a good relationship; in most cases they would prefer to live in their native country.

I live in the city so my wife takes the subway; but not a day goes by that she does not miss her country and her people. She has often tried to convince me that we should move to her country... something I am unwilling to do.

Mark

[tim360z]

... in response to Not all a bed of roses, posted by KenC on Nov 17, 2001

What you have said is,  I think very true.  When I was a kid growing up in the early 60's I spent alot of time with my Russian/Ukrainian grandparents.  At their home and in their neighborhood. Their N.J. neighborhood was a polyglot of Eastern Euro's and some Italians.  The Russians,  the Ukrainians,  the Poles, the Hungarians,  the Czechs,  the Slovaks etc.  etc.  It was incredible the daily contact all these people had....one would encounter 50 neighbors per day,  just on a normal day.  Walking was a big part of the whole experience.  Saying hello to the neighbors.  The butcher and the baker and all the ethnic little stores.  And there was the bus and the train and all these moments of human contact which we have no longer...but a memory.  Just so much daily regular normal human interaction---which many of us do not have here in America.  Me?  I wonder about the transition...I live up on top of a mountain.  Tim

[Jimmy]

... in response to Not all a bed of roses, posted by KenC on Nov 17, 2001

KenC,

You hit the nail on the head.  I have lived here for a year now and I didn't realize that aspect of Russian life myself but it's true.  Their social life does exist in many ways with the way they live here.  It is very common to take a walk for entertainment.  Outdoor cafes are rampant here and you don't see that much in the US.  They love to see and be seen.  It is part of the human behavior of social interaction.  We isolate ourselves terribly in the US.  Neighborly visits in the US has dwindled to nothing these days.  Thanks for you insight.

Best Regards,

Jimmy
Ukraine

[KenC]

... in response to Great Information and great insight, posted by Jimmy on Nov 17, 2001

Jimmy,
Thanks.  The "see and be seen" part is why a R/W never leaves the house without make up, hair perfect and dressed to kill.
KenC