A Resolution...

[panther]

... in response to A Resolution..., posted by Howard on Dec 20, 2002

because you have tried so hard to make this work. I can make a suggestion to you based on my experience.  I listened to the advice on this board and from friends and got a good lawyer. We are going to file the orders for custody and vistitaton.  We are also going to go through court mediation first. If this marriage is anyway salvageable we will decide there at the mediation.  If things just won't work I will be forced to proceed with the divorce.  The divorce takes 6 months to become finalized (California). At anytime before this if there is a reconciliaton the divorce proceedings can be stopped. I suggest you get a good lawyer and start some kind of procedings through the court to protect yourself and then go through mediation. That's all I can suggest now.

I have a warning for you though.  You say your wife moved in with a cousin. From my experience relatives and friends here can make the situation very bad for the husband.  Their primary concern may be for just keeping your wife here in the USA.  The marriage may not even concern them. After all they may think they can find someone "better" for her over here.

I think someone on this board or on MA brought up a real good concept: Idealize vs. Realize.  I think that's what happens.  I bought into this fantasy also. I visited over there for a month. Everything seemed OK.  Had a good time. However things were not the same here.  I started attending the social gatherings and started to notice a lot of filipina women on their second marriage.  What happened to the first husband who went through all the trouble to bring them here?  This was said at one of the first social gatherings we attended:  "I was young and naive when I first got married and came over here" (she was on her second husband).  What kind of thing is that to say in front of my wife and I just after she arrives here to marry me?  Thats the kind of people she has advising her now. I'm thinking like you now, I don't think I will ever pursue this type of relationship again.  Everything was so good at the start: good phone conversations, e-mails, letters, a nice visit over there, and friendly family members.  You just have to be around someone more than a month to see if you are compatible for a marriage.  Yes there are people who get married right away and it works but I really think there is a lot more luck involved in this than we initially thought.  Good luck to you.  I hope you find peace.

[greg]

... in response to I feel very sad when I read this, posted by panther on Dec 20, 2002

Thanks for sharing the Truth. It's a Blessing from God to find a good, honest and faithful Pinay. Guys are out for a rude awaking that continue to believe that Hog Wash on those MOB websites that Filipinas are Honest, Faithful, etc..BS...Nothing but Crap. Just take Your time to Find and be found by Love.

[Bubba]

... in response to A Resolution..., posted by Howard on Dec 20, 2002

Howard, I have followed you story for years and I wish as you do that it had turned out better.  Good luck is what ever you decide. I am including a bookmark for later on and it's NOT meant as a joke.  I think if you picked a state that you live in and could visit often these ladies would certainly be worth considering and the cost would certainly be what you could handle. http://www.womenbehindbars.com/  I know some people will think it's a joke but I think if you spend the time and effort this is as good a source as any and these ladies certainly know the score by now and might be ready for what you have to offer.

[BrianN]

... in response to Re: A Resolution..., posted by Bubba on Dec 20, 2002

I thought this was only in the movies.

[greg]

... in response to Re: A Resolution..., posted by Bubba on Dec 20, 2002

Are You Nuts??? Yeah, You must be Joking. I would rather take my chances with a Foreigner.

[Bubba]

... in response to Getting involved with a Theif behind Bar..., posted by greg on Dec 21, 2002

I said if you re-read my post that this requires the same efforts at checking her out. What she has done is public record, you can look it up.  If she lies about pick someone else, lots of them are there for drugs and lots are there because they chose to stick with a loser and he pulled them both down.  Those are the women who understand better now what a good man is and could be ready for a new life.  I never said this was an easy alternative to the PI, I just said is was closer and cheaper, you still have a lot of hard work to do.  If you pick from the state you live in then you can visit often over a year or more in lieu of a two week visit when everybody is at thier best behavior.

[greg]

... in response to Who said anything about a Thief?, posted by Bubba on Dec 21, 2002

Those Lying Crooks sent me letters that went in the Trash. Who need a Woman carrying Tons of Baggage??? I find those so called Ladies dangerous, their words mean nothing. Btw, they are just looking for a Sucker to put a roof over their head when they get out, what more they are looking for sugar daddies to take care of them while in Jail.

[panther]

... in response to Who needs a Jail Bird???, posted by greg on Dec 22, 2002

You're right.  It's the same old knight in white shining armor scenario:  bringing someone out of a situation (third world country/prison) into a better situation (1st class country/civilian life). Did you see the picture of the beautiful 22 year old latina on the site?  She said she is seeking a man up to age 70.  Yeah right!  "Who needs a woman carrying tons of baggage?"  Certainly not one of us trying to recover and heal from a failed foreign bride realationship.

[NW Jim]

... in response to Who said anything about a Thief?, posted by Bubba on Dec 21, 2002

Bubba,
The site you mentioned is unique, but Greg is right, there are MILLIONS of ladies in PI, China, Indonesia, Russia, Ukraine, latin America, Africa, India, etc who would be better risks than these "ladies." These women in prison like the "bad boy", they love the excitement, etc.

One of the worst things a guy can do is try to be the knight in shining armor. You can't save dysfunctional people from themselves, you can't make someone else happy, the reality is that you can't change someone else's heart!

Bubba, it's your nickel, and you can choose your own path, but as for the rest of us, we're looking for a higher quality lady, we're looking overseas, and we're not looking back!

[stefang]

... in response to Re: Who said anything about a Thief? Get..., posted by NW Jim on Dec 21, 2002

So you want us to go to jail and pick out a woman who is a coke-head. I can see the bills piling up now when she is out buying more crack. I would really enjoy having children with one of these women they would make great mothers.

[Bubba]

... in response to Re: Re: Who said anything about a Thief?..., posted by stefang on Dec 22, 2002

The reason for my response had to do with the eliment of spending time to get to know the girl, I was responding to spending two weeks in the PI when you could visit these girls if you picked a state you live in.

Certainly these ladies carry risk but so does a foreign bride.  All I'm saying is if you take the effort to check them out and spend time getting to know them your chances aren't any worse with this effort without  having to deal with INS.

If you're hung up on an oriental or a latina they are in those places also and I believe if you really find a lady who has gone to the mountain.  Then she would appreciate a second chance with a real man.

To each his own I was only suggesting another alternative to spending thousands of dollars to get scammed when you could possibly do better without the travel.

[Jeff S]

... in response to A Resolution..., posted by Howard on Dec 20, 2002

That things worked out this way. I hope you take some time to get through all this first before you make any resoultions about the future. Hopefully you'll get this behind you with the least possible pain.

Since few Japanese are Christian, Christmas is not a big holiday in Japan. The Japanese celebrate Shogatsu, an important Shinto concept of rebirth and renewal, at the end of the year. Their New Years celebration is a spiritual casting off of the old and taking on the new. So in that spirit: Shogatsu o-medeto gozaimus - or best wishes on your new life.

-- Jeff S.

[Humabdos]

... in response to A Resolution..., posted by Howard on Dec 20, 2002

Howard no one can say you didn't try your very best. I don't know what else to say but I wish you the  best.
Humabdos