Looking for Advice

[soltero]

... in response to Re: Re: my response, posted by Montrealer on Dec 6, 2005

[This message has been edited by soltero]

Novia in Spanish means girlfriend and fiance (in that culture, they are one in the same). With that out of the way, I may seem extreme in this, but he needs to get out of it in my opinion, without waiting as it will probably not get any better. This is just my opinion, but from what he said, if it is true, for that to be happening this early, he needs to cut his losses. True, some of the advice is similar, but this is one time where I feel that giving the guy hope would be doing him a huge disservice. I choose not to give him any extra based on what he has written.

Whatever any of us say here is not going to change how he is going to handle it, but he needs to hear that this may be one of those times where it's time to go.

[Montrealer]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: my response, posted by soltero on Dec 6, 2005

I agree with your advice, but the real question is "is the story he's giving us true, or is it vague in detail becuase the details he left out are issues that he may be at fault of".  Sometimes, taking a step back and looking at the situation from outside may open his eyes to something that should have been an obvious signal.  Or sometimes to an obvious solution.  I think that the fact that they are married, it is worth giving a little bit of effort, even if it is more effort than she is giving.  But he should also start preparing for the worst case scenario ASAP.

As for novia meaning fiancee and girlfriend, I have heard that before.  When I was learning spanish with my first wife, I found this confusing, so I called her novia when we were dating and mi prometida when we were engaged.  Just made it easier for me, and I guess it sort of stuck.  Sorry about that.

Funny fact:
"wife" in spanish is "esposa"
"Handcuffs" in spanish is "esposas"

When I first heard this I laughed for about a week.

[soltero]

... in response to Agreed but..., posted by Montrealer on Dec 6, 2005

There are no gauruntees. A situation like this usually comes from the two people not spending enough time together before the marriage getting to know each other and learning to depend on each other. I would encourage anyone to take the time to truly get to know the other person beforehand. There is nothing wrong with hedging the bet and giving it time. I got roasted for calling the K1 a test drive, but I don't think it was understood that the time taken there would be for her. I already know what it is like to live here and I am definitely looking for a wife, so I am good to go, but having seen the affect, you have to really take into consideration how well she will be able to handle the differences. Some can and some can't.

[Montrealer]

... in response to Agreed, posted by soltero on Dec 6, 2005

[This message has been edited by Montrealer]

(N/T)

[WS244]

... in response to Looking for Advice, posted by Confused in LA on Dec 6, 2005

[This message has been edited by WS244]

These are always difficult as sometimes it is the gringo who is the real dummy.

Unless you have already blown the situation with threats, etc etc. and she has already gone bananas, buy her a round trip ticket back to Colombia as a loving husband trying to comfort his dear wife missing her poor family.  Once she is there half your problems are solved.  Now think intelligently (at your age you ought to be able to, and in any case you are half dead from age and your years left are numbered) and unless she is from a middle class Colombian family or higher you can figure out the rest.

[mudd]

... in response to Looking for Advice, posted by Confused in LA on Dec 6, 2005

you need to start from the beginning, tell the whole story and then somebody can give you some advice, not from just little parts of the story. hope you didnt marry her down there?

[maggiemtnman]

... in response to Re: Looking for Advice, posted by mudd on Dec 6, 2005

Mudd, why is it worse if they got married in Colombia?

[mudd]

... in response to Re: Re: Looking for Advice, posted by maggiemtnman on Dec 6, 2005

Because you have to sign an affidavit of support for your wife before she gets her spousal visa. So if she comes here, she is entitled to support because she is already your wife, and you’re already financially responsible for her welfare, even if she turns out to be the biggest bitch on earth. The fiancé visa which you have 90 days (which isn’t much but better than nothing) to get married, so hopefully, within thoes 90 day, you will have a better idea of her personality, so they say. then their is the other "getting a divorce in colombia" part you have to deal with.

[maggiemtnman]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Looking for Advice, posted by mudd on Dec 6, 2005

Thanks Mudd, you covered all the bases ...

[jediknight]

... in response to Looking for Advice, posted by Confused in LA on Dec 6, 2005

[This message has been edited by jediknight]

maybe knowing your history a bit might help us to understand your situation so that we can give you sound advice.
JK

[JimmySTLOUIS]

... in response to Looking for Advice, posted by Confused in LA on Dec 6, 2005

I wont pile on with everone else but you sure have a problem.

I would suggest trying to find a female latina "friend" for her that is really working on your behalf to find out whats really going on. Perhaps another gringos wife or something.
Maybe all these guys are right but somehow you need to find out from her what she is saying and thinking. If you speak enough spanish then what does her family tell you?

People wont always tell you directly the real bottom line of whats going on.

Good luck

TE AMO PERU!!!

jim

[wayne3]

... in response to Re: Looking for Advice, posted by JimmySTLOUIS on Dec 6, 2005

Yea, great idea.....not!

Maybe if she gets around some other Latinas, she can move in with one of them, and work on the domestic violence charge.

Like he said,  be a loving husband and get her a ticket home to see her family.  Leave her there.

These mistakes don't have to ruin your life if you don't let them.

[Ray]

... in response to Looking for Advice, posted by Confused in LA on Dec 6, 2005

First, I agree with your wife and Patrick that Los Angeles is an ugly city, especially at night.

Homesickness is real and can be severe for some of the ladies arriving here. Yours sounds like one of the extreme cases, IF it is in fact only homesickness.

Since there is no legal basis for you to petition her niece for a visa, she will have to get over that idea. As for adopting her and then petitioning her for a visa as your child, the government makes that extremely difficult for obvious reasons. I believe that you have to legally adopt her in her country, then live there with her for at least 2 years before she would be eligible for a visa. If she is a bonafide orphan, it may be considerably easier. My question for you is this: Are you absolutely positive that her “niece” is not actually your wife’s child? I only ask because I have seen this identical thing happen before.

I don’t know your friends so I can’t speculate why she doesn’t like them. However, I would advise anyone with a newly arrived foreign partner to spend as much time with her for the first couple of months as possible. That would include taking at least the first 2-3 weeks off from work and getting her out of the house as much as possible. Take her to Disneyland, Magic Mountain, Knott’s, etc. Take her to the beach for a walk at sunset. Go to a movie together. Maybe back off from your friends temporarily and focus all of your attention on her for the first couple of months or so, then slowly introduce her to your friends.

Make sure she has plenty of discount phone cards so she can call home frequently if she feels the need.

If nothing works over a period of 3-6 months or so, then you should seriously consider terminating your misery through divorce. For the guys that are telling you to send her back, you cannot just send her back if she doesn’t wish to go since she apparently has a Green Card already. If you suggest that she return home and she refuses, then you can be assured that she had a plan to screw you over all along. It’s called “Green Card Shark” :-)

Good luck,

Ray

[Bob S]

... in response to My Advice, posted by Ray on Dec 6, 2005

I was getting the same vibe.  Now that she is getting a legitimate 2-parent household established, she may be looking for a way to get her daughter back.

Soltero is being very gentlemanly and generous assuming she is suffering from extreme homesickness rather than a scammer.  But in either case, the OP would be wise to encourage her to return home to "talk things over" with her parents before they try again.  If he even hints that he's considering breaking things off while she's still here, "confused" will soon find himself in a jail cell on trumped up charges of abuse so she can self-petition to stay.  When it's obvious things are going south, you gotta get smart and sneaky and start protecting yourself.

[Ray]

... in response to "Niece", posted by Bob S on Dec 7, 2005

Good point Bob, but actually she doesn’t need an abuse claim. From the info in his profile, I am assuming that they married last year in Colombia and she just arrived on a CR-1 visa, which means she already has a Green Card.

In two years when she applies for Removal of Conditions, she can file on her own if she is divorced. All she would have to do is convince CIS that she married in good faith (not hard).

“IF” the niece were actually her own daughter, it wouldn’t be the first time that a foreign lady hid that fact from her husband/fiancée. But if a lady falsified her documentation by hiding the existence of a child, she could “theoretically” be busted for visa fraud and deported. If he has doubts, I think it would be easy enough to check out.

Ray