Oh... So now I am the PROBLEM!?

[Lori]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: In My Book-JeffS, posted by greg on Dec 10, 2001

i don't care for the macho type men. I have always loved a man who could cry and be sensitive.

[greg]

... in response to In My Book, posted by greg on Dec 10, 2001

Keep in mind that Tsismis(gossip) is that she's involved with another Guy in Manila which could be the truth. Just reminding you that another Guy could be in the picture. I hope that you can realize that you made a mistake and move on with your life. Mr Peabody

[Lori]

... in response to Oh... So now I am the PROBLEM!?, posted by Howard on Dec 9, 2001

Howard, you say you are bringing her back here to let her off the hook, because she seems to have no other choice? Are you saying you want her with you even though she does not want to be with you, because her parents are mistreating her? You are going to save her from her family?

Howard--are you willing to bring her here and let her go?? Is that what you are telling us??
If that is the case Howard, you are a saint.

[Howard]

... in response to Re: Oh..more questions--, posted by Lori on Dec 10, 2001

Lori,

For whatever reason Ayesa and I have had a communication break-through.  It's probably nothing more than Art getting through to her that I am not the enemy and deserve an explanation and the fact that she has no where else to turn.  We agreed, her and I, that the only way she's going to be able to get a moments peace to consider her options is to return here.  Now I relaize that there is probably a better chance that she won't when it comes right down to it, but I wanted her to know that I want to help her get through this, regardless of the outcome.  She seems to have no animosity toward me and genuinely cares about my family, even through her actions may indicate otherwise.

My goals are simple.  I would like to see if I can help her deal with this, through counselling, support and friendship.  We will have an easier time disolving this marriage if we work togther, rather than being an ocean apart.  And for me, I would like some answers.  I would really like to know when this went so wrong and if it was ever right.  I am fully anticipating an annullment(sp?) or divorce, but we don't have to be enemies.

To answer your question.  Yes, if that's what it takes to bring us both closure, I am willing to bring her here to let her go.  I'm no Saint, I just don't see any other way of helping her considering her options at this point.

H

[Patrick]

... in response to Re: Re: Oh..more questions--, posted by Howard on Dec 10, 2001

If you're goal is to let her go on to live in the US after separating from you, then she's either going to have to get the green card first, or get a judge to agree that it would pose significant hardship for her to return to the Philippines after a divorce, or apply for protection from an abusive husband (and win the case in court).

If your goal is to get closure, then it sounds like it's (most likely) going to be at her expense since she would come over to get divorced, then return to the Philippines unless one of the three scenarios mentioned above plays out.  Do you see that as a positive thing for her?

By the way, it took my wife about three years from the time of our wedding to the final interview for the green card.  Don't count on it happening too soon if you were married in July 2000.  You would also have to lie in your interview and possibly subject yourself and her to fraud charges if it's determined that you were lying to get a green card for her.

[Tim]

... in response to Bring her here and let her go where?, posted by Patrick on Dec 10, 2001

Hi Patrick,

I researched this last week. What you are saying would be true if Howard's wife was still waiting for her AOS interview, but she's not -- she was lucky enough to have it the same day she filed her AOS. This occurred at the Detroit INS office, one of only 3 INS offices in the USA that grant this special "instant AOS" privilege to K-1 adjusters. On the same day she filed, she recieved the I-551 stamp in her passport. That stamp IS a green card for all practical purposes (work, travel) until the actual green card arrives.

What this means is that she is already a conditional permanent resident. At the end of 2 years, she will have to file for "removal of conditions" with the INS, to receive the 10-year green card. Her present status is key to how she can handle a divorce. Since she has already recieved the I-551, she can petition the INS for removal of conditions IMMEDIATELY after the divorce is final, WITHOUT needing Howard as a sponsor and WITHOUT being required to show evidence of abuse. All she has to do is show evidence that she entered the marriage in good faith, which (although we know this is probably suspect) is not really hard for her to prove, at least as far as the INS regs state.

What she has is a golden opportunity to return to America and start a new life. Howard's role in this is really optional for her, except to negotiate the divorce. There is one catch -- she must return to the USA before that 2 year conditional status runs out (even sooner if she does not want to risk abandonment of her residency). If she doesn't return before then, she'll be denied entry later.

Personally, I doubt she has realized this yet. It is a rather cold-blooded mindset that we have not read indications of in Howard's posts. But I have a feeling that she will eventually arrive at this conclusion, perhaps with the coaching/influence of some "friends" there in Manila who know how to play the game. I can envison some day when they get nosy and thumb through her passport, see the I-551 stamp and say "what are you doing still here ? Get back to America quick". That will be the pebble that starts the avalanche that eventually collides with Howard's life.

Perhaps I am wrong in this outcome (for Howard's sake I pray some miracle occurs), but I'm not wrong in her options for returning here.

Regards, Tim

[Stephen]

... in response to Patrick, his wife's status is different, posted by Tim on Dec 10, 2001

Even when she realizes that she can come to America, she is in Manila and getting the airfare together for a lady working as a maid is a tough matter.

She may not be able to get back to America unless Howard (or a relative here in America) will help her.

That's why I say that Howard would be better off with her in Manila.  

Stephen

[Tim]

... in response to BUT FELLAS...., posted by Stephen on Dec 11, 2001

Have you ever priced air-fare tickets (especially one-way) to North America when booked at a foreign travel-agency ? They ain't expensive. We pay inflated prices for airfare here because of the strength of our dollar.

The point is probably moot since Howard has stated he'd do what was necessary to get her back over here, if she asked, but it wouldn't be that hard for her to save up the cash to buy the ticket herself, and arrive at any city she wanted.

Regards, Tim

[donb2222]

... in response to Don't be so sure...., posted by Tim on Dec 11, 2001

She could always borrow the money with the promise of paying it back after she arrives in America.
Her having the money should not be a consideration.

[donb2222]

... in response to Patrick, his wife's status is different, posted by Tim on Dec 10, 2001

Hi Tim !
 What are the 3 cities that grant "instant AOS"

Thanks,
 Don

[Tim]

... in response to Re: Patrick, his wife's status is differ..., posted by donb2222 on Dec 10, 2001

They are:

Detroit
Mesquite, Texas (Dallas)
Slt. St. Marie (a little one somewhere up north)

Regards, Tim

[Jimbo]

... in response to Re: Re: Oh..more questions--, posted by Howard on Dec 10, 2001

Howard,

You're a good man and a brave man.  If she is sincerely confused, as you now believe, then you shouldn't get burned.  She may decide not to continue the marriage or she may decide to give it a real try, once she realizes that you're willing to give her the choice.  And in the latter case, with time, she may come to truly love you some day.

A couple more long "communication break-throughs" would help to determine if she really is sincere - before she returns.  Because if she returns and decides to end it, you're in a dangerous position, especially if she spends time hanging around with her friends here.

I hope you get your answers.

Jim

[Tortang Talong]

... in response to Oh... So now I am the PROBLEM!?, posted by Howard on Dec 9, 2001

Howard,
I think you're a good man. I'm sorry but I think she DOESN'T love you, Howard. It's not going to work cuz she doesn't want it to. Let her go. MOVE ON.

[Zebson]

... in response to Oh... So now I am the PROBLEM!?, posted by Howard on Dec 9, 2001

Howard, I think I know how you feel somewhat to, although of course I can't begin to fathom nearly the amount of frustration you have and are dealing with. Most importantly you are not to blame.

There are pleny of people that live by some idealistic mindsets rather than realistic. For myself, I can only take just so much of certain holyier than though perspectives and feed back that I have gotten before here from certain people. When people try to mess with your mind in areas where you are vulnerable and sensitive and you have put so much energy toward trying to be balanced and true, yet you are still made out to be the bad guy that just, brings back all the hostility that one holds within. Personally, I hope you can bring this situation to some type of closure, because every man has his limitations inside. For me I have had to move on and let others think and feel what they want regardless and just realize the scope of intelligence and awareness is only as far as anothers opinion who really hasn't walked in your shoes.

Zeb

[donb2222]

... in response to Oh... So now I am the PROBLEM!?, posted by Howard on Dec 9, 2001

Hi Howard,
 Every person will handle a situation differently, and
your intentions are good.  You are not the problem, this could happen to any of us, and you are handling it the best way that you know how, just as any of us would handle a situation the best way we know how.
 Good luck, and please don't be discouraged from posting.
Your posts are much more informative than the "all filipinas are good and/or evil" posts.

Take Care,

Don