Questions for Lori

[donb2222]

Hi Lori,
 Maybe my memory is failing me, but I don't recall your posting
some info about your situation which is somewhat the opposite
of the men here.  I am curious as to what your experience has been
as being an American woman marrying a person from another country.
Your situation is a little different from what is commonly posted here, so I was hoping for a little more info.
1) What has been the reactions of your friends and family regarding
your marrying a younger man of a different country and culture?
Is the age difference important to them?
2)  Do you have children, and what has been their reaction?
3) Does Thai want children?
4) There is a "male dominated" culture in many countries.  Is that true
of Vietnam, and what are your expectations?
5) Has there been, or do you expect any differences in the process
since you are a woman as opposed to the more common situation of
a man marrying a person from a different country.

Thanks,

Don

[Lori]

... in response to Questions for Lori, posted by donb2222 on Dec 10, 2001

My situation is no differant than most of yours. I got tired of the dating scene. I could not find a man who would respect me and my children. I knew most asian cultures regarded chilren as assets to the family instead of baggage.  I stared looking and well, Thai kind of fell into my lap. Now I'll answer your questions

1) What has been the reactions of your friends and family regarding your marrying a younger man of a different country and culture?
At first I just kept everything to myself. Exept for my pinay frinds, no one knew. Then when I planned my trip, my mother was afraid that I was not coming back. So i told her what my plans were. She did not like it to say the least. She made me promise her that I would not marry over there and wait till I came back, which was my plan all along. When I returned home and showed her videos and pictures, she somehow had a total change of heart. Now she is excited as I am. And he is not that much younger that me..but then I have always dated a few years younger than myself. I always found men older than me a total bore...no offence guys;-)

2) Do you have children, and what has been their reaction? I took my older daughter with me to Vietnam to meet Thai.To me, her decision was as important as mine was. Needless to say, they hit it off instantly. My other child is 3---she loves everyone.
3) Does Thai want children? This is kind of personal, and I have never metioned this before, but I can not have anymore children. I told Thai this right off. I told him that I could have an operation to reverse it and he said no. He said we already have 2 children, that we don't need any more. Besides he already has 11 brothers and sisters and all their chilren.
4) There is a "male dominated" culture in many countries. Is that true of Vietnam, and what are your expectations?
I believe Vietnam is somewhat male dominated. But the only thing I noticed in Thai's family is that the women mostly stay at home. But then clothes have to be washed by hand. fish must be cleaned, etc...As far as decisions go, there is no dominance between men and women. It is the older brothers family who is dominate be male or female. Me and Thai have discussed this before, as it was a concern of mine.  We have come to this. We must respect eachother. Find a balance between eachothers cultures. We must be equal and most important of all, we must love and care for eachother and never forget what is most important, happiness.
5) Has there been, or do you expect any differences in the processsince you are a woman as opposed to the more common situation of a man marrying a person from a different country. you mean with the INS?? Well , yes, of course, I am hoping this goes faster for me because I am a women seeking a man...haha

[donb2222]

... in response to Re: answers from Lori, posted by Lori on Dec 11, 2001

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[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: answers from Lori, posted by Lori on Dec 11, 2001

Wow Lori, you probably really wouldn't get along with me. I'm older than you and am not the sensitive "show 'em you can cry" type. Anyway, the Viet Namese families I know, tend to be fairly similar to the Chinese family structure, of whom I know quite a few. Most Chinese families are characterized by strong wives and mothers, rather than the passive compliant little women most westerners imagine about Asian wives. This is generally well accepted by the husbands, too who let them rule the roost. While men may be masters in their businesses and away from the home, they pretty much let their wives make most of the decisions at home. It's more like a sharing of responsibility. I've never met Tai so can't say anything about his personality, but I'm sure he's either been in a family or been around families with dominant mothers & wives. Have you read the book or seen the movie "The Joy Luck Club?" While the stories were pretty dramatic and probably far more tragic than the average Chinese people's story, the lifestyles expressed are pretty accurate when it comes to portraying women's influence in family life.

-- Jeff S.