More tips-what not to ask/do during an appoin

[darolina1]

Hi, it's me again,
With the clothing suggestions I thought this might be interesting as well,
1. You might have the lady of your dreams in front of you, and as soon as you take out your huge question list and start asking all the questions one after another the ladies get freaked out....
2. Do NOT ask if they know how to cook!!!  I know that's important for some of you, but don't ask that question during the first 10 minutes of conversation... Wait AT LEAST until the second date, besides, most Colombian ladies know how to cook anyways.
3. Even if you have all the money in the world, don't bring it up... Talk about yourself instead of what you own. if the ladies start asking how many cars you have or similar things, you will get a hint of what they're really looking for..
(Some men even bring a catalog with pictures of their houses, cars, golf courses, etc....)
4. Pleaseeee, don't bring up all the stories about you ex and how much she disappointed you, that only shows that you dont care about finding someone, you only care about finding somebody how can listen to all your bad memories...
5. When you ask any lady if she wants to up to your hotel room, they'll all think you want to have sex with them... So unless she gives you some kind of special signs, don't ask that question...
6. Do NOT buy them stuff, the ladies were ok before you came along, they'll be just fine without you as well (unless you're engaged or there's something serious, try not to buy them things)
7.  Don't be cheap either, when you get the bill for dinner don't go, like "OH MY GODDDD!!!" or if the lady wants to order an extra lemonade don't make any funny faces, If you have a tight budget ask the translator or anybody for good, unexpensive places you can go to, instead of going to fancy places and then complain about it,

When I remember I few more, I'll let you know,
Carolina

[teoblas]

... in response to More tips-what not to ask/do during an a..., posted by darolina1 on Sep 28, 2005

This list of things not to do is great, and I got no problem with anybody putting out more lists, but just know this list of things NOT to do could be endless.  

If you prefer a rule of thumb to long lists then read on.  If you want to get the girl of YOUR dreams you have to be/act (BEHAVE) in line with the guy of HER dreams.  That could be Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, James Bond or some other commonly accepted cool guy.  (If you look like them them it is fabulus, but not necessary, since looks are not # 1 on most girls checklist.)

Lets go down darolina's list and compare it to how 007 BEHAVES in movies I remember.

1.  I never saw James Bond whip out a list of questions for any Bond girl (or sputter off from a memorized list either...).

2.  I don't think James Bond ever asks the direct question (are you involved in the current plot to take over the world?) when he first meets a hot babe.  Bond knows the mating game is a GAME.  Also, James knows that the BAD girls will lie (about their plots to take over the world AND about their cooking skills) anyway.  Instead he will smoothly pump her for info - What is your favorite dish....oh really....how is it made....you dont know how to make it?? (and therefore he thinks to himself - then she might be in the current plot to take over the world!!!!!!)

3. I never saw 007 discussing his no limit British governemnt issued credit card or blabbering on about the super high tech gadgets in his ultra expensive funky new car, or trying to impress a girl with a photo of his castle or flying boat.  But I guarantee no matter where he is or what he is wearing that the Bond girls take exactly half a nanosecond to note that his shoes (not sneakers) are shined and he is wearing one of those nice (expensive) watches (Omega) and therefore (illogically) she concludes he got some extra cash to spend on her.

4.  Nope, don't remember Bond ever talking about any ex when he meets a new bond girl.  Whenever a Bond girl brings up other women James just give them that smile and that look that says - I got lots of great memories and is your reference to other women your way of trying to tell me that you think you can show me some new tricks behind closed doors? ...and then smoothly segways into talking about what HE wants to talk about.  

5.  007 is so smooth that the women just show up at or near his hotel when THEY are ready.  The cool thing is that he doesnt "do it" right away with ALL the girls that show up at his crib.  He always "gets" the good ones sometime before the end of the movie but only gets about half of the bad ones during the course of his adventures.  He waits for the right time.  Only in the Johnny Wadd movies does the pizza girl get it within 15 minutes (or 15 seconds) of meeting, and she gets paid for the delivery (it just not like that in the 007 flicks).

6.  I am sure that in all the James Bond movies I saw that I never saw James walking two paces behind some girl in a mall while he carried her crap that he had to buy in a bunch of shopping bags.  If I ever see that opening in a James Bond scene I am SURE that within 3 seconds he is going to throw all the bags of crap in a fountain or under the wheels of a moving truck while he whips out his gun and his anti-tank weapon and starts tearing up the Chipichape shopping mall.  (Also, I am sure that the girl in that scene is evil and will somehow get a bullet in the back of her head or crushed by a flying chunk of cement sometime before the scene is over.)

7.  The check is such an non issue that it isn't included in any scenes.  It just gets taken care of descretely.

Conclusion/Rule of Thumb:  In social situations, try to BEHAVE more like James Bond, less like Maxwell Smart (that guy just died... James Bond will never die...).

Teo Blas

[wizard]

... in response to What would James Bond 007 do?, posted by teoblas on Sep 29, 2005

Many of the guys I've met in LA act more like Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery... Bad teeth, funky breath, horrible wardrobe, "wry" sense of humor and always trying to bed the ladies in the first 15 minutes...

I got me Mojo back!!! Shag-a-delic baby!!!

[FanMan]

... in response to What would James Bond 007 do?, posted by teoblas on Sep 29, 2005

Something else that is very important to remember about the 007 films, James Bond had a very quick and sly wit, ie., "sense of humor" very tasteful yet coy.

[stefang]

... in response to Re: What would James Bond 007 do?, posted by FanMan on Sep 29, 2005

That seems to be a British cultural thing. Their jokes and humor tend to be different than Americans a little classier in a sense.

[OkieMan]

... in response to What would James Bond 007 do?, posted by teoblas on Sep 29, 2005

Teo,

I enjoyed your spin on the James Bond movies.  I have had many of them on video for several years.  I guess, now I need to start a DVD collection of them. At any rate, you are correct with the Bond brand of cool.  But, just take note that Bond was only married once for a brief time.  That was in "Her Majesties Secret Service".  Wouldn't you know it, George Lazenby filled in for Sean Connery due to Sean having some contractual dispute at the time.  But, to get back to the main point, Bond was great at bonking all the great looking girls, but he was very short on commitment.  If a girl just wants the fantasy life of dating an "international playboy" type, she will probably enjoy the sex, but then she will get dumped by "Bond" for the next girl.  Being the cool guy is definitely just a game.  What I want is the "to death to us part", and I would rather the death part not be prematurely!  So, you made many great suggestions using the James Bond stories; however I am hoping that the latinas don't want some superficial "Joe Stud" or "Secret Agent" type at the expense of a solid relationship.  But, as far as good manners, good grooming, being smooth, etc-- then you are right.

                          OkieMan

[JaySlo]

... in response to What would James Bond 007 do?, posted by teoblas on Sep 29, 2005

Hey Max Smart was ahead of his time, give him his due! Bond is something totally different, but I like the spin u used.
You are right about not needing lists or confirmation to move ahead.
The only things really to remember on this quest is to be who you are and let things flow.
If you are insecure you won't be able to do either and all the advice in the world won't matter until you decide to do something about it. It really is that simple. I remember one guy who asked his date numerous times how she felt about him. Before the end of the night she was telling my girl (now wife) how her feelings had changed. She couldn't see herself with such an insecure person. In my experience, this is the most common problem. These insecurities manifest themselves in lots of ways and some have become masters at covering them up. However, no matter how you try to hide it, insecurities will always find their way to the surface. Recogizing that you are insecure is hard for some to admit, but if you could write  the book on the following titles, get some help.

How to give away your balls in 8 hours
My pants fit my girl better.
Do you still like me?
We just met, lets go shopping (or lets get married).
How do I feel today honey?
Sure, I'll pay for that, will you see me later.
I know you don't believe in premarital sex, how is the baby?
She said she liked me, now she won't see me, but I love her.
I know it's just a photo, but I'm in love.
Mom, these girls keep lying to me.

[JaySlo]

... in response to Re: What would James Bond 007 do?, posted by JaySlo on Sep 29, 2005

Okie,
You have a good heart, a good heart is priceless. Understand the value of what you possess and continue your quest from that standpoint. Let me put it another way, if you had a gold nugget, would you ask another if they saw the value? Probably not. Because you don't have to, it speaks for itself. As a matter of fact, before you say anything people will comment on the beauty of the gold. Feel the same way about yourself!!! If someone didn't recognize the value of the nugget you'd move on. Your heart is much more precious. I hope you see the point. What you have inside is much more precious. If it is necessary to ask someone if they value it, it is time to move on. Protect that gold my man and insist on finding someone that would walk a country mile to get it. Hope you get my point.

I never asked my wife how she felt about me, I never asked her to kiss me, never asked for anything. We both recognized the gold hearts and the rest is history. We celebrated 1 year this month and are still like two kids in love. People around us can't stand it, WE LOVE IT!
Wishing you the best.

[Looking4Wife]

... in response to Re: Re: What would James Bond 007 do?, posted by JaySlo on Sep 29, 2005

JaySlo:

This was definitely one of the best posts ever written by anyone, in my opinion.

I was reading Okie's question that prompted your post, and I was thinking how effortless the chemistry was/is with some of the Latinas that I dated, and how for others it just wasn't there.  As you alluded to, when the chemistry is there, everything happens naturally.  

Your post said it all...

Continued success to you and your wife...

Que Dios te bendiga

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: What would James Bond 007 do?, posted by JaySlo on Sep 29, 2005

Jayslo,

Thank you for your kind remarks.

[JaySlo]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: What would James Bond 007 do..., posted by OkieMan on Sep 30, 2005

They were not meant to be just kind remarks. Hopefully, they provided something concrete for you to chew on. Protect your gold by believing in yourself. I see clearly you are in denial about being 'secure', but when everyone pretty much gives you the same advice, you should listen.
I won't make anymore comments. The very best to you.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: What would James Bond 007 do?, posted by JaySlo on Sep 29, 2005

Jayslo,

That was a good post, and I have made my share of mistakes.  But, in my case insecurity is not the issue.  However, in the past,  I have made some mistakes by asking the girl too many questions.  My reasoning was I was simply trying to get to know her, and see if she really felt a certain way, or was she just telling me what she thought I wanted to hear. Then there is the limited time situation that many of us find ourselves in.  Also,I do not speak spanish,  so I have to deal with that issue; and I want to come across as caring of her feelings, but confident and in control at the same time.  So, what do you suggest as a way to find out what any person would want to find out about someone they might potentially have a relationship with?   By the way, allow me to make a case in point.  If a guy has just met a latina; then obviously you have two strangers trying to get to know each other.  Let's say they do the typical thing of going out to dinner, seeing the local sites in whatever city they are in, etc.  ok, so at some point, one or both have to decide if they want to see each other anymore.  That takes some questions.  At some point, if you continue to see them, or correspond with them, then you would naturally need to ask the other person what their feelings are about entering a "relationship".  In my mind, that would really need some clarification.  So, how would you handle that?  I can't remember if you are fluent in spanish or not.  If so, that is great, but how about guys like me that are not?  Don't just say that I need to learn spanish.  I know that. But, that takes time.  I don't believe I should put everything on hold until I am fluent, so how do you feel about what I have asked so far?  Are these too many questions or not? Now, I wouldn't approach it with some long literal list on a piece of paper.  I understand the lady wouldn't like that.  I would also like to hear from you on what your approach was when you started dating your wife?  I believe that could help me.  It would appear that you and Teo and others are focusing on some style or technique that might be more appealing to the latinas.  Everyone says, just be yourself. But, let's face it.  Most of us are american guys in a country and culture we are mostly unfamiliar with.  It just naturally takes sometime to get comfortable with all of that.  At this point, I have made 2 trips to Cali.  I may go back to Cali, or I may choose another city, like Medellin.  But, one way or the other, I am planning on going back to Colombia and continue my search. Certainly being confident as well as caring are common sense things.  But, still, somewhere along the way, you have to find out certain things by asking questions.  So, in your opinion, how is the best way to handle that?

                             OkieMan

[Frank O]

... in response to Re: What would James Bond 007 do?, posted by JaySlo on Sep 29, 2005

NT

[Frank O]

... in response to I don't get the "my pants fit my gi..., posted by Frank O on Sep 29, 2005

.

[Frank O]

... in response to More tips-what not to ask/do during an a..., posted by darolina1 on Sep 28, 2005

I remember several first meetings with ladies that sounded like a credit application when I had to answer THEIR questions. One of them finally ticked me off when she asked me "What kind of car do you LIKE?". This was after asking me about my home, my education, how much I earn as a musician, what bands I toured with etc....I finally asked her back "I assume you are not asking what I LIKE but what I DRIVE correct? I LIKE an Aston Martin but I drive a ... & by the way YOU WILL NEVER get to drive a Mercedes" as that was what SHE liked. Still hard to believe someone with a kid & nothing going for her asking so many questions. She was nice looking but sorry those are a dime a dozen.