Message to TeoBlas- More questions-long

[OkieMan]

This post is mainly directed to Teo, but it is fine with me if anyone else wants to jump in to.  I have some follow up questions based on what you brought up in your earlier posts.  You made a list of "dos" and "don'ts", and I thought that was very good. But, in my way of thinking, it also shows a high level of awareness that we men have concerning the latinas.  In some ways, it has always been that way (between men and women).  But,  most of us are travelling to Colombia and other countries in Latin America because: 1) We have been burnt in the past by AW 2) We are very attracted to latinas 3)We don't want to live alone, so we are doing whatever necessary to find a new "Ms Right", 4) We are getting older and in latina land, we can find a younger, more attractive lady to spend our time with than we can here in the States.  Having said all that, it makes me wonder about the level of "awareness" that the latinas have concerning gringos, like us.  I am sure that they are dressing to attract men in general.  But, let's face it, we are in the minority down there.  It is only natural that most of them are thinking about men in their own culture.  So, where does that leave us?  There are many websites and message boards talking about the availability of the women, etc.  I think that most of that is simply that there are many more women than men.  I am not a shrink, so I don't want to go too far with that; but I would like to get your take on how these women view us.  To them, are we just some strange gringos that do a lot of "skirt chasing" in LA?  Or maybe, they only see us as ticket out of a bad situation?  I am sure there are many possibilities, and I know that there are a few men who have found true happiness with latinas.  I also know that Neal Armstrong landed on the moon in 1969; but I will not be going to the moon anytime soon!  It is rather obvious that none of us would be on this board, if we were not spending a lot of our time and resources attempting to win the heart of one or more of these "fair maidens"!!  But, I would like to hear your opinion and find out if you think they spend time thinking about us?  You made some earlier comments about "agency girls" and compared them to other girls out in the cities and communities in general.  The biggest thing I could think of concerning that is that the agency girls are supposedly there to specifically meet foreign men.  They are supposedly serious about meeting and marrying a man (from the US or Europe) because of reasons XY and Z.  At least that is the theory.  However, you and others have indicated that maybe dating girls not connected to an agency would be better.  Other than speaking spanish, how does that make a difference?  I hope that you see where I am trying to go with this post.  We obviously think about these latinas a lot!!  I would be very curious to find out  (if it's possible), if they truly and sincerely think about us at all?  They are on our "radar screen" BIG TIME!!  But, are we on their "radar screen", concerning anything that might resemble a desire for a stable relationship?  It's easy to see that they like it when we spend money on them; that's a no-brainer.  It's the other points that I need to know.  Thanks again for your help.

                                OkieMan

[teoblas]

... in response to Message to TeoBlas- More questions-long, posted by OkieMan on Sep 15, 2005

If anyone is interested in what I have chosen to do, go to the web address found in my signature block.  The site is still under construction, the e-mail works but not the e-mail form on the contacts page, etc, etc... but the info is mostly (95%) there and accurate.

I have focused my efforts on enhancing Colombian - US relationships.  My chosen focus is on adoptions, with teaching English comming in second.  On my home page at the bottom in third place you will also see something new I intend to explore regarding international dating.  Hooking North American and European guys and Cali girls up via broadband internet video chat.  I am still in the discussion stage with some agencies about this, but if anybody wants to try it out with their existing girlfriend I am ready to start.  If it works out it will be all the rage and others will follow suit (rip off my idea).  If not, I tried.  By the way, In my conversation classes and with the boyfriend-girlfriend clients my intention is to educate the girls as best I can (some colombians are in the computer stone age) on how to do it by herself in the future.... so I will be (or at least try to be) teaching the girl how to fish, not just giving them a fish.

Since not everybody knows me I will fill in a little bit more regarding my first year in Cali to overcome any fears about ulterior motives.  I never had an experience with any agency in Cali or Latin America until I moved to Cali last year.  I had a visa to live in Colombia, I wanted to check out Cali, but I didn't have any contacts in Cali.  I stayed at an agency for the first five days and spent half my time meeting cute girls and half my time deciding if I wanted to continue in Cali or move on to other unknown destinations in Colombia to set up house.  I stayed in Cali and the only other times I was a client of an agency was one day on my birthday when I wanted to do something diferent (but I did not tell anyone if was my birthday) and one other time in order to get things rolling with a particular person.  However, I know very well the vast majority if not all the agencies in Cali, mostly through friendships with the owners and clients or as a translator at parties or translating during one on one dates.  I must have met at least a thousand single girls at the agencies and have hundreds of phone numbers to prove it.  I was always respectful and never ripped off anybodys girlfriends or got in the way of any guys and girls.  My objective here in Cali in all things and in relationships is long term (make friends meet a compatable long term mate) not short term (not to have an adventure and not to get laid).  In fact I have been much more productive here by not having any intense relationships with any women - I kept an eye open and during my first few months went on lots of first and second dates but not much more.  My attitude after a year is that I am not looking, if I bump into the right girl I will know it immediately, and if she wants to come looking for me she can.

As the adoption thing comes up to speed I am open to supporting a serious client with whatever assistance he or she might need.  (See the - Services Provided - link on my web page for ideas.)  I have done everything from helping remodel and decorate a house, finding employees and assisting in the establishment of a new introduction agency in Cali (calicharm.com) to helping a guy establish his US line of BBQ sauce in Colombia.  During most of my first year I voluntered or worked for food or beer in order to stay busy, in order to pass out my business card, to figure out what I really wanted to do.  Now I charge, although I feel it is very reasonable considering I could be making 5 times my rate working in the US and possibly even in selected locations in Latin America.  I did make US wages for the 3 years I lived in Spain and the 2 years I lived in Bogota, hence the modest savings (and modest budget) that alowed me to set up shop in Cali.  My concept is a simple 2 hour consultation could save a person dozens of hours of reserach for the cost of NYC cab fare.  My intention is to stay one deep (I do not want employee issues).  The good news is that until further notice when you contract with me you get me and all my experience (not some flunkie), the down side is that with supply and demand my prices may modestly increase if there is a huge demand for my limited time.

Did I mention I assist with adoptions?  Tell your friends that may be interested....  I feel comfortable with this shameless self promotion since it is directed toward assisting North American/European couples wanting a child/family and orphaned Colombian children wanting parents and a home....

Teo Blas
Servicios Internacionales
www.teoblas.com

[thundernco]

... in response to What Teo does and can do, posted by teoblas on Sep 16, 2005

Good luck to you; keep us posted on how things go. -TNC

[OkieMan]

... in response to What Teo does and can do, posted by teoblas on Sep 16, 2005

Teo,

Thanks for the ton of information that you just gave me (and the rest of the board).  I will be keeping all of this in mind, and I still have your card that you gave me in May.  As far as the adoption thing, I guess when you and I exchanged emails a while back, I did not realize that you were that much into it.  So, I will discuss that matter further with my step-daughter and her husband.  As I had told you, they want to adopt a baby from Colombia.  They just moved into a new home over the past couple of weeks, and they are already trying to put together a special "baby room", for when the time comes.  So, be expecting to hear from me on that matter.  Thanks again for sharing your story and experiences.  I woul also like to find out more about the new agency you were helping.  I assume it was with their website?  Who are the agency owners (if you can share that)?  Well, take care and good luck in all of your endeavors.  I believe that the next time I travel to Cali, you could be a great resource for me and other guys in similar situations.

                             OkieMan

[jediknight]

... in response to Message to TeoBlas- More questions-long, posted by OkieMan on Sep 15, 2005

when i started this journey back in 2000, i first looked at only the agencies. why? because it was the first thing that came up on a yahoo search, i put in "colombian women" and that is what i got. i was really looking for places to meet girls here in the US, maybe organizations, groups, places where there would be colombianas.

anyway the 3 girls i met in 2001 were from cartagena and barranquilla. i must say that i've been lucky because all were not card sharks. the girl i was really interested in back then joined an agency because a friend had joined and just to meet people, she withdrew from the agency after meeting me because she had met many guys who wanted to rush into things, she is still my friend and i saw her when i was in colombia a few months ago. she has a colombian boyfriend now and never did i ever feel that she was interested in me because i was a gringo. things didn't work out because of the distance, she didn't want a long distance relationship and that's why she withdrew from the agency.

the second girl i met was really nice but i wasn't interested in her. she never came on strong or desperate, i have no idea what her situation is now.

the third girl really wanted me, she was hot, beautiful but wanted to move too fast. she told me that she fell in love with me but i didn't feel it, so i had to cut her loose, we keep in touch every once in a while, nice girl. she also withdrew from the agency after meeting me because she didn't want to meet another foreigner, she said she wanted me and noone else. i told her that we could only be friends, about a year and half later she married a colombiano and they have a girl now, she is happy and i am for her.

then i found amigos.com and began meeting girls that way and that is how i met my fiancee. as far as agencies go, depending on the city (cali more  than barranquilla or medellin) i feel that the majority of the girls, not all, are looking for a foreigner to have a life that a colombiano will not be able to give them and their family. i know that there are good women in the agencies but if i had to choose, i would meet someone outside of the agencies. agencies are set up for that purpose and the girls know this, they are not there to meet guys from colombia. now, i have seen some of these agency girls sign up for amigos.com, so i'm not saying that the personnals will weed out the card sharks or someone looking to get of their situation, i have seen profiles of women on amigos that specifically state that they want to meet "extranjeros" or foreigners. what i'm saying is that sites like amigos.com have girls that want to meet people, whether in or out of colombia, so they are not fixated on foreigners only like the agency girls are. i think you will have a better chance of finding someone sincere outside of the agencies, someone who is not determined to find and marry only a gringo. this is more difficult if you don't know the language, that is where the agencies may help. trying to develope a relationship through amigos.com or outside the agencies without knowing spanish is very hard.

look, these girls are not stupid or naive, they are very wise and knowledgeable, they know that men are men no matter where they are from. they know very well that a gringo can and will cheat on his woman as much as a colombiano. do not believe the hype when they say that they believe gringos are more faithful, yada yada yada, they say this so we believe that a hot 20 year old could really fall for a 50 year old. they are interested in us because we can give them a life that they cannot get from a colombiano, if they could find a man there who spoke their language and was of their culture and closer to their age with money, they would stay in colombia.

the hard part is to find a woman who is interested in you and not your wallet or passport. here's a test, if you meet a woman, tell her that you are seriously interested in moving to colombia to live there for good and guage her reaction. if she is all  for it then you may have a good woman, if she drops you then you know that she wanted to get out of the country on your back. this is not for the weak hearted, there are good women in colombia, in and out of the agencies, i found one and there are many others, but looking back, an agency is not the way i would go. if you have to use an agency, take things slow, the ones that want to rush into things are the ones you should becareful with
JK

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Message to TeoBlas- More questions-l..., posted by jediknight on Sep 15, 2005

Jediknight,

Thank you for your excellent post.  By the way, I hope that everything will continue to go well for you and your lady.  Yes, I am committed to taking the time to meet many ladies, and hopefully, someday I will mee the right one.  However, since there are many of you on this board who are more experienced than I, I enjoy getting to hear your prospective.  Since Teo just joined the board, (or at least I haven't seen him post before), I certainly wanted to "pick his mind".  I enjoy a good exchange of ideas.  All of them won't work for me, but I have already learned a lot since I began this journey about 2-3 years ago.  However, I am sure you can appreciate the fact that sometimes I get very frustrated; so now, I am trying to backup and regroup.  Take care.
                                  OkieMan

[Pete E]

... in response to Message to TeoBlas- More questions-long, posted by OkieMan on Sep 15, 2005

Teo,Ted would like work in Cali.He speaks good spanish and is savy about the situation here.So he just might be the guy to help you across the bridge here to understanding Colombianas in general and perhaps one in particular.This is a 2  sided thing,understanding them and also understanding how you might best relate to them.I think some PERSONAL COACHING might just be the thing that would work for you.
AND I think he has the benefit of being totally trustable,not just telling you what you want to hear or working you for some $$$.Gut level honesty,which can be hard to come by here.
AND,if you are going to use big amounts of his time he needs to be compensated.But I bet he would be reasonable.A match maid in heaven?Well,maybe in Cali???
What do you think?

Pete

[teoblas]

... in response to Maybe Ted could help you out, posted by Pete E on Sep 15, 2005

Thanks Pete for putting your neck out and saying that you think I can be totally trustable - I want to live up to that.  So far I have only had one client that was not 100% satisfied (a complicated situation, but I did all that I could to make it right, I got the job accomplished, did not earn a penny on the job, but did learn and further refine my business concept from the experience).

One unique feature that is included on my web page is that I have the policy of not requesting, accepting or paying comissions.  That is almost unheard of in Cali, Colombia or Latin America, but it is what I have chosen to do to ensure my clients know I am always in their corner, looking out for their best interests.  They are paying me for a service and I intend to give them the best adivce or assistance I can.  

What does that commisions thing mean?  You can call any business (including marriage agencies) in Cali or Colombia or Latin America and ask them for (free or complimentary) help, like say a hotel recomendation.  Now they will most likely direct you to a recomendable and acceptable hotel, but it may not be the best hotel out of all the available options to suit your individual needs.  They will almost always recomend the hotel that gives them a comission, a kickbak.  

One of the services that I offer is advice regarding lodging.  That and a few other things could be provided during a single two hour consultation that will cost you about the same as NYC cab fare and has the potential of  significantly improving the overall success of your trip.

During a week in Latin America there are probabally 100 or a 1000 things that are going on that go right over the head of a gringo visiting for the first or second or tenth time.  A decade ago I was just as clueless as the next guy, and just as clueless as any Latino would be if he or she was instantly transported into the audience of a Jerry Springer show or tried to listen to Howard Stern on the radio.  

In another post I reported that during most of my first year here I worked for free, to pass out my card, or for lunch or beer.  I always try to establish good will first.  On my web site you can find free and solid recomendations regarding Safety and Security in Colombia.  I will offer that same page to all the agencies or other businesses in Colombia that depend on foreigners (with recriprical links of course) in order to overcome fears of new guys that want to get a taste of Latin America (or latinas) but are hesitant to come to Cali or Colombia because they have only heard bad things about Colombia.  It also contains Safety and Security stuff that frequent travelers to Colombia may not have considered but should.  Also, the travel agent recomended (lower left corner of the home page) has always had unbeatable prices and has been in the travel business 35 years.  The travel agent thing is more goodwill on my part (although you have to speak fluent Spanish and I am not sure how well they can support you if you are not located in Cali....) and I do not request, receive or pay commisions on that one either.  

Teo Blas
Servicios Internacionales
www.teoblas.com

[OkieMan]

... in response to Maybe Ted could help you out, posted by Pete E on Sep 15, 2005

Hi Pete,

I agree with your ideas. Of course, I have not had that conversation with Teo yet; and as of this time, he has not answered my most recent post.  I am still anxious to hear from him.  So, for now, I will continue to educate myself in this process.  However, when the time comes, he would probably be an excellent source for what you described-- and yes, he would naturally want to be compensated for his time.  Hey, Teo, how about a year's supply of glowing pillows and pet rocks? ha Just kidding.  Take care Pete.

                            OkieMan