Different terminology

[OkieMan]

Hi guys,

I would like to ask a basic question.  I realize that this subject has come up before, but still I would like some additional clarification.  I am asking for help from anyone, but especially you men who are fluent in spanish.  I realize that due to the difference in language and culture, sometimes we can say something, or the latinas can say something that the other does not fully understand.  Case in point, I have seen on some agency websites where in their profiles, the ladies say that they want to "take care of their man".    Or maybe they say that they want to be taken care of, etc.  What does that mean in their culture?
Some also say that they like to be pampered, or they want to pamper or show their affection to their man, etc.   Some say that they are affectionate; and others say they are affectionate and sensous.  I realize that what I am reading is obviously the ladies' words that have been translated into english.   It may or may not be a good translation; but I have seen these words and phrases  often enough to know that something special is intended by these women.  So, I was hoping that some of you could shed some light on this subject. The one phrase that I have learned about since I started my search about 3 years ago, is the one where she says that she wants a man "who is a detailer", or maybe she says that she is a good detailer.  I have also seen comprehensive used.  I think I understand the meaning of that, but as you know, we would not used those words in the same way that it is being spoken or written by these agencies and ladies.   Frankly, I may think a lady means one thing, when she actually means another (concerning some of these particular phrases or terms).  So, especially you guys who are fluent in spanish, and in particular, you guys who are either married or in a committed relationship with a latina-- please help.  Thanks.

                                     OkieMan

P.S.  I am not in a relationship right now; but I am still trying to learn more about the culture and language of these ladies.

[Pete E]

... in response to Different terminology, posted by OkieMan on Sep 11, 2005

I wondered about that,I saw it alot in womens descriptions of what they wanted in a guy.I thought perhaps it meant something like what we would call  detail oriented in the states,something I am not,nor are most latinos.
So,I asked a girl who's english was fair.
Its about the goodies!!!Detailers are guys who bring them things,give them things,do things for them,prefferably for no particular reason or occasion but you better not miss a major occasion.They love to be pampered,given things.Even small things is a big deal.
For instance.I ruined my girlfriends hair dryer by plugging it in to a outlet with more than 110 power that is mounted on my Jacuzzi.It might be 220,but it has a 110 type plug.Why did I do that?To fan the charcoal briquetes to get them going faster.Old trick of mine.
So yesterday I buy here a new hair dryer.We went to El Centro,things electrical and electronic 50%-80% of normal cost.She was looking at them,I tell her get a good one so she goes for the most expensive,like $35.When we get home she has to show it off to my friends girlfriend,they are both trying it out.Thrilled over a minor item taken for granted in the US.
Luxuries,since they are harder to come by,are more valued then in the states.Even ordinary items like the hair dryer a person has to save up for.
Cars for instance are a big status thing,maybe as big as they were back when we were teenagers.I am a car guy but can't get excited about them here because it costs so much for the most basic simple car.In the US I buy great used cars cheap.Here they cost more than a normal house for some econobox.My ex girlfriend of last year thought I was going to buy a car because I was always expressing interest in them,wondering what they cost.I bet she would still be hanging around if I did.But she even thought I was going to give her one.She thought I was rich.Wrong and wrong.But if I ever do get one and she see's me in it I'm sure she will turn green with envy and kick herself AGAIN for screwing up the best sugar daddy she was ever going to find.Every time the sh!t hits the fan financially for her I am sure she thinks of me.
Fortuately for me she was not very patient,because my education was still lacking at the time and she could have got more than she did.She did tell all my friends how happy she was to have me,but that didn't keep her from straying when the temptation was sufficient.She will still call occasionally.I actually like this girl,but I can't trust her at all so no thank you,no mas.

Pete

[OkieMan]

... in response to A detailer is - - , posted by Pete E on Sep 11, 2005

Hi Pete,

Thanks for your post.  You bring up a point that is common to every gringo that goes to a LA country (Colombia or where ever).  I know that you are generous, and  so am I, as are most guys who date these girls.  But, after my bad experiences so far, I am very leery of trying to have a real relationship with a latina.  I certainly want to, but I am very cautious; mainly because of what you are talking about.  Do they want to be "pampered", and have a man who is a detailer or "detallista" because it really means a lot to them-- or are they just playing you for a fool? I don't know, but I hate to be around deceitful people; especially women!  Well, I already know that the fortunate few who are now enjoying a genuine relationship (marriage or otherwise) with a latina will tell me what you just said about Beatriz.  But, unfortunately, it is way more difficult(in my opinion) to find out the "real deal".  So, all I know to do is to better educate myself, and keep trying.  Of course, most of us cannot do what you are doing, which is living down there, and having plenty of time to "learn the ropes".  Still, I guess we just make do with what we can.  But, in my opinion, it should not be this difficult to find out if a lady is really interested in you; or just your money!

                           OkieMan

[Michael B]

... in response to Different terminology, posted by OkieMan on Sep 11, 2005

[This message has been edited by Michael B]

Well, I always thought that a detailer is a guy who cleans up used cars before they are offered for sale.

But seriously, those terms mean pretty much what you think they mean. Although whether or not it is an accurate translation is a valid question. Also, I imagine (but no, I don't have any proof) that some agencies work from a list i.e. the lady picks out 'I am this', 'I am that' and 'I want a man who xxxxxx' and 'a man who is yyyyyy'. Nothing really wrong with that, IF the lady was sincere and truthful when she picked from the list.

One phrase that you didn't mention that you should have, many of them say they are looking for a man 'bien educado' (well educated). That does NOT mean he went to college, it means he has good manners....to them, a total illiterate could be 'bien educado' if he treats people with respect and courtesy.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Different terminology, posted by Michael B on Sep 11, 2005

My wife will refer to someone as "mal educado" who is not well brought up - they are not polite and courteous. They could have a PhD but they would still be "mal educado".

[WS244]

... in response to Re: Different terminology, posted by Michael B on Sep 11, 2005

Last paragraph is correct.  Education does not equate to  class and character, something the majority of educators and politico's refuse to acknowledge out of fear losing their political self guiding tenure.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Different terminology, posted by Michael B on Sep 11, 2005

Thanks Michael. I have not heard about the educated thing, but that is absolutely the type of thing I was asking for.  Naturally, the other thing is that for this discussion, I was taking for granted that the ladies would actually be honest and sincere.  If not, then that goes into a completely different problem.  But, if both parties are honest and have good intentions with each other; then things should naturally go smoother.  But, still there is the cultural and language barrier issues that I am trying to learn more about.  Which also brings up the questions about-- will they truly answer a direct question?  I am still learning, so I don't know.  But, so far, I have not had good luck with that.

                                OkieMan

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Different terminology, posted by OkieMan on Sep 11, 2005

OKM,

English is poorly taught in LA, so they make many incorrect translations.  "Detailer" in English is someone who cleans and customizes the interiors of cars.  "Detallista" in Spanish is someone who pays attention to the small things in a relationship, (important dates, sends flowers, does little things for no reason other than love).  "Comprehensivo" in Spanish means an "understanding" man.  "Comprehensive" in English clearly has no connection to that meaning.

What I have found is that you will experience FAR fewer misunderstandings due to language if you learn Spanish and communicate with her in Spanish.  My belief is that the Spanish we learn here is of higher quality than the English they learn there.  I don't think it is a good idea to rely exclusively on their English skills for communication in your relationship.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Different terminology, posted by Brazilophile on Sep 11, 2005

Brazilophile,

Thank you for your comments.  Certainly the best thing is to learn spanish and talk with her in her own native language.  But, for me, that is easier said than done.  It takes a good deal of time to learn more than a few simple phrases; but I still am attempting to learn more all the time.  So, I still have several challenges with that.  But, thanks for giving me the actual spanish words used concerning these phrases, etc. That was very helpful.

                                 OkieMan

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Different terminology, posted by OkieMan on Sep 11, 2005

You did specify two examples in your post where you do need to understand what they mean because those terms are not ones that we use: the details and comprehensive. I would agree with you, it's important to understand what a Latina means when she wants someone who is comprensivo. Other than those, I can't think of any others off the top of my head. With the other descriptions you provided like "pamper" or "take care of", it means the same thing for us as for them. I very seldom have misunderstandings with my wife even though we communicate exclusively in Spanish. I had far more misunderstandings with my ex-wife and we both were speaking English!

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Different terminology, posted by utopiacowboy on Sep 11, 2005

UC,

Thanks for writing back.  I am glad that you and your wife understand each other.  Naturally, an important part of that is that both of you desire to truly understand each other, without the head games.  But, getting back to my original post, the pampered part is fairly easy (I guess).  I can better understand what a man like you or I would do to "take care of" a lady/wife.  But, since a good part of this sort of thing is also cultural, not just language; how would your wife "take care of you"?  I can guess a lot of that, but I would be very intrigued to hear from you and your wife on that.  After all, if there was more mutual helping, caring and sharing between american married couples, most of us would still be married to our former spouses, and there would not be as much need for this type of message board.  So, I don't want to go overboard, but to me it is important.  I hope someday to meet "Ms Right/latina", and when I do, I would hope to have a better understanding of her and her culture.  This all takes time with each individual I know; but I don't have to tell you how much different these women are then their american counterparts.

                           OkieMan

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re: Different terminology, posted by OkieMan on Sep 11, 2005

If you would ask my wife what "taking care" of me meant, here is what it would mean. It would mean taking care of the house and domestic chores like cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry etc. If I pitch in to help, which I do, she appreciates it. If I come home late, she makes sure that she's there to cook me something and sit down with me while I eat. If there is a program on TV I like to watch, like Seinfeld reruns at 10:30, she makes sure she boots the kids off the main TV. In fact she'll remind me that my show is on. In the bedroom, she is there to please and she sure as heck pleases. I would say in just about everything she does she lets me know that I am important to her and her main priority. When you are getting that kind of treatment, you want to reciprocate. So I guess you could say she treats me like a king and I treat her like a queen.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Different terminology, posted by utopiacowboy on Sep 11, 2005

Utopiacowboy,

Well, I always did say you are a very lucky man!! But, then again, that is what marriage should really be about for everyone-- mutual love and respect; putting the other one first. And it continues to give me hope for my own future opportunities.
Thanks again.

                          OkieMan

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Different terminology, posted by utopiacowboy on Sep 11, 2005

Cowboy

I have met maybe 200 or more colombian women and never have i met a woman that would be willing to do the things and take care of a man the way your wife does. YOU SIR , REALLY HAVE FOUND THE POT OF GOLD !!!

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Different terminology, posted by Kiltboy1 on Sep 11, 2005

I thought my wife was relatively typical. Typical or not, believe me, I appreciate her.