Why we (Men) Can Be Scammed? Long Post

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Why we (Men) Can Be Scammed? Long Po..., posted by A1A on Jul 9, 2005

A1A,

First of all, I only brought this up, because there have been so many other men who have told their story.  #2)  I was not scammed, as far as money or a green card goes.  But, I must admit that I am mystified by the way many of these women can manipulate the situation against a good many men.  If you choose not to discuss this then fine, but don't tell me I need a "set of balls".  I will not participate into this name calling game.  As far as the spanish speaking part, I have freely admitted that I do not currently speak spanish.  There are also several other men in the same boat.  We all must start this journey at where we are, and learn from there.   Again, my intention in writing this thread was simply to say some things that I have observed and let others add to that.  If none of you want to discuss it, then let it die!  As I said, I have not been scammed.  I personally have not had a woman tell me she loves me, come to the States on a K-1 or K-3 and then leave in a matter of days or weeks.  But, there certainly has been other men who have told similar stories.  I was simply observing that I find it mind blowing that this type of thing is so prevelant.

                          OkieMan

[caslug]

... in response to Re: Re: Why we (Men) Can Be Scammed? Lon..., posted by OkieMan on Jul 9, 2005

[This message has been edited by caslug]

wrong title

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Felicity Grabiel,book on gringos &am..., posted by caslug on Jul 9, 2005

Caslug,

Thanks for your comments.  I agree with you to a point.  I used translators some times, other times not.  I also like to make the girl laugh, put her at ease, etc.  The dancing thing, etc, all good advice.  That is what I have been doing. I will just have to continue my search.  So, how is your search going?  What level would you say your spanish is right now?  I hope to take some lessons this fall.  Take care.

                       OkieMan

[caslug]

... in response to Re: Re: Felicity Grabiel,book on gringos..., posted by OkieMan on Jul 9, 2005

Okie,  

When i visit Cali for the first time last june, my spanish was limited to 5 WEEKS of listening to Pimsleur, only got thru the first 4 CD(out of 30), obviously beyond introducing myself and asking for a beer.  I had to use the dictionary and phrase book.  When i was on dates, it all carry a notepad, i would right word-for-word translation from english-to-spanish for the girl, then have her right it in spanish.  Also, what i did with a few i like more was ask to go to the intnernet cafe to use the tranlsation programs.  LOL!  It was a great tactical move, because a) it show the girl you were interest and b) sitting in the those booth you have to sit VERY close, sometimes using the SAME chair.  Broke the physical contact barrier early in the game.

I notice that the girls that were into me, asked me as much as i asked them AND would grab my dictionary to try to find the english word.  If they did stuff like that, I KNEW they like me enough for me to pursue further if i wanted.  USE your LACK of SPANISH to your advantage.  GET them involve in helping you learn and practice, it's like a journey together.  Most chicas like when guys ask questions abuot them or ask for help.  Pretend that you are the student they are the teacher(i've alway had student teacher fantasty anway! LOL!).  Make sure you thank LOTS of time  for being kind(dulce) and patience with you in answering your questions, etc.,  THey really like it when YOU think they are important and helpful(doesn't everyone?)..  GOES a LONG way to show that you're not some ugly american that know-it-all.

AND one great thing about lack of spanish, is it's a perfect cover when you want to avoid answer certain questions.  LOL! I just say "que? no entiendo palabra"..given them the SAME look i give when i dont REALLY understand something.  LOL!

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re:  , posted by caslug on Jul 9, 2005

I still use that stunt sometimes when I don't want to answer one of my wife's questions. She'll look at me with a look like "I know you understand the question!". Sometimes she'll be persistent and I have to fess up - other times she'll drop it. Of course there are a few times when I really don't understand the question. You're right - if they are into you they will love helping you learn Spanish. I don't know why any guy would WANT to speak perfect Spanish - you get so much further the other way.

[fathertime]

... in response to Re:  , posted by caslug on Jul 9, 2005

Howdy Caslug,
I would say my spanish is advanced-beginner but I think
your theory on translation programs was right on in my situation as well.  The gals that were very interested had a lot of fun with this aspect of the date as we typed back and forth.  The gal who was not interested did not want to go through the hassle of sitting and talking via translator on computer.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re:  , posted by caslug on Jul 9, 2005

Well, I did not go into a internet cafe with a girl, but I did many of the other things you mentioned.  At the time, I thought the girl was really into me.  I guess I still have much to learn in that area. Frankly, I am tired of guessing.  I just want a special lady that will follow through with a relationship, instead of go cold after I come home.  So, I guess it will be better luck next time.

                              OkieMan

[caslug]

... in response to Re: Felicity Grabiel,book on gringos &am..., posted by caslug on Jul 9, 2005

nt

[caslug]

... in response to Re: Felicity Grabiel,book on gringos &am..., posted by caslug on Jul 9, 2005

[This message has been edited by caslug]

Okie,

What i found VERY interesting is.. YOUR personality SHINES thru irregardless of your spanish abilities(I've NEVER USED an INTERPETER on ANY date and my spanish is VERY WEAK). EVEN when i knew ONLY tourist spanish from guide books, I was STILL able to make them laugh and show them a good time. WHEN the girls likes you SHE makes an EFFORT to be VERY patience with you regarding your spanish. HOWEVER, if she doesn't like you FOR ANY REASON(just like US WOMEN), That's where spanish is a HANDICAP. One thing i've notice is your "hit" rate in the US is DIRECTLY porportional to your "hit" rate in foreign country. The only difference is as a AMERICAN(1st world) in a 3rd, WE get a 3 to 5 times multiplier. SO if you're hitting 20% in the US, you'll be hitting 60-90% in COL, BUT if you're batting 1% in the US, you're only hitting 3-5%.

It is VERY EASY to GET/HAVE relationship IF YOU WANT. Previous poster has allude to the some general "tactics" that works.

a) Have some "balls"-not an insult, it really means HAVE confident in YOUR ABILITIES AND CHARM(or WALLET SIZE LOL!), YOU SHOULD ALWAYS FEEL(even in US) that there's OTHER choices out there. I'm VERY HONEST with my dates, if they asked me what did today or yesterday(when i'm in there city), I tell them, "i went out with other friend(otros amgigas). Now of course, many times the "other" friend is just that friends, no more. BUT my date doesn't know that. She now know if she bores me, i got other option, JUST like I KNOW if I BORE HER, she got other option. Obviously you ONLY do this at the first couple of dates.

b) SHOW them a good time(CRITICAL), if you can't make them laugh and show them your fun to be with your IN. again, LANGAUGE plays a MINIMAL ROLE in this(it helps but not critical). I find that while talking dinner is GOOD, it helps establish your manners and conversational abilities to the girl. I use both Casinos and Clubbing to "grease" the wheels of chemistry. If you're a card player, you'll know what i mean, if not then use dancing/clubbing. YOU DONT have to be GOOD dancer, THEY'RE NOT EXPECTING you to be. DANCING IS CRITICAL BECAUSE it allows PHYSICAL contact, holding hands, dancing close, etc., IF you're holding your own at dinner, then dancing will be the spark that ignite the chemistry.

PLUS, UNLESS you're WILLING to fly down there every 2 or 3 months, there's no point in getting a relationship. One poster on another board said that his GF(now wife) gets ANTSY after 2-3 months UNLESS she see him in person. Makes sense, guess for latinas 2-3 month withOUT "physical" contact is the average wait time they'll give you UNLESS you're married of course.

[caslug]

... in response to Re:  (wrong title in above thread), posted by caslug on Jul 9, 2005

Okie,

What i found VERY interesting is.. YOUR personality SHINES thru irregardless of your spanish abilities(I've NEVER USED an INTERPETER on ANY date and my spanish is VERY WEAK). EVEN when i knew ONLY tourist spanish from guide books, I was STILL able to make them laugh and show them a good time. WHEN the girls likes you SHE makes an EFFORT to be VERY patience with you regarding your spanish. HOWEVER, if she doesn't like you FOR ANY REASON(just like US WOMEN), That's where spanish is a HANDICAP. One thing i've notice is your "hit" rate in the US is DIRECTLY porportional to your "hit" rate in foreign country. The only difference is as a AMERICAN(1st world) in a 3rd, WE get a 3 to 5 times multiplier. SO if you're hitting 20% in the US, you'll be hitting 60-90% in COL, BUT if you're batting 1% in the US, you're only hitting 3-5%.

It is VERY EASY to GET/HAVE relationship IF YOU WANT. Previous poster has allude to the some general "tactics" that works.

a) Have some "balls"-not an insult, it really means HAVE confident in YOUR ABILITIES AND CHARM(or WALLET SIZE LOL!), YOU SHOULD ALWAYS FEEL(even in US) that there's OTHER choices out there. I'm VERY HONEST with my dates, if they asked me what did today or yesterday(when i'm in there city), I tell them, "i went out with other friend(otros amgigas). Now of course, many times the "other" friend is just that friends, no more. BUT my date doesn't know that. She now know if she bores me, i got other option, JUST like I KNOW if I BORE HER, she got other option. Obviously you ONLY do this at the first couple of dates.

b) SHOW them a good time(CRITICAL), if you can't make them laugh and show them your fun to be with your IN. again, LANGAUGE plays a MINIMAL ROLE in this(it helps but not critical). I find that while talking dinner is GOOD, it helps establish your manners and conversational abilities to the girl. I use both Casinos and Clubbing to "grease" the wheels of chemistry. If you're a card player, you'll know what i mean, if not then use dancing/clubbing. YOU DONT have to be GOOD dancer, THEY'RE NOT EXPECTING you to be. DANCING IS CRITICAL BECAUSE it allows PHYSICAL contact, holding hands, dancing close, etc., IF you're holding your own at dinner, then dancing will be the spark that ignite the chemistry.

PLUS, UNLESS you're WILLING to fly down there every 2 or 3 months, there's no point in getting a relationship. One poster on another board said that his GF(now wife) gets ANTSY after 2-3 months UNLESS she see him in person. Makes sense, guess for latinas 2-3 month withOUT "physical" contact is the average wait time they'll give you UNLESS you're married of course.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re:  , posted by caslug on Jul 9, 2005

I married my wife in late September, 2003. While we were waiting for her visa, I went back in November, 2003 and again in January, 2004. Finally I went back again in March, 2004 and brought her back with me. I probably didn't have to go back but I wanted her to know it was important to me to see her every couple of months. Of course we were communicating on the web cam every night but I agree with you, they like to see you in person.