Moving forward-- Reality check

[doombug]

... in response to Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by Brazilophile on Jun 14, 2005

It's much more difficult to accurately gauge "chemistry" if you're courting someone from LA who may be influenced by even mild poverty.    

[papi]

... in response to Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

I think your reality check is a step in the right direction.  Part of our appeal is the fact that we can offer a better life. However, I also feel that Latinas are not quite as hung up on looks and age. But lets be honest, the overriding attraction is the opportunity for a better life.  If that wasn't the case, then meeting Latinas in Miami would be as easy as Cali and I can ensure you that it isn't.  That being said, you can find a sweet, sincere Latina who is truly into you but given your age – you are going to better off looking elsewhere besides the scammers, flakes and babies found in many of the options you have previously explored.  But Okie, you need to ask yourself.  Do you truly want to get married?  Are you looking for wife material or a hottie to have a goodtime? But again if you want an honest and lasting relationship - I would suggest you try a change of strategy. I can help you and you dont even need to learn Spanish. Just rethink your plan of action and type of lady

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by papi on Jun 14, 2005

Papi,

Thanks for your honest assessment, but in my way of thinking I have gone about it in the right way.  I am honest and sincere, and I have not been chasing ho's or 21 year old latinas!  This last lady I was with was 35, almost 36.  But, for the rest of it, that is why I wrote this post.  For me, there are just too many unanswered questions; at least at this moment.  I am not giving up, but I don't like to be played the fool either.  Like I asked before, what is wrong with getting a simple yes or no answer?  Is that too much to ask?  I can handle an honest no.  What I don't want is," I can't make up my mind if I like you well enough now.  But, if you'll take me out for nice dinners, etc; then I'll let you know".  Afterwards, of course, it is "sorry Charlie Tuna"! Now, I realize the economic situation down there, up to a point; but somewhere along the way, it just all becomes a scam.  Like I said before, Cali is not the only place I will look.  I understand that there have been many discussions on this board concerning many men who have gone to many places.  But, where is the results?  It seems that only a very small percentage of men are honest and truly finding a successful marriage, or relationship.  The rest of us are either coming up empty or after a while, the relationship starts to unravel.  Well crap, that is the same thing that is going on here in the USA!  So, where is the benefit?  Like I said, I have a lot more questions than answers, but my frustration on this whole process is at an all time high!

                                OkieMan

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

Here is just some general feedback on some things to consider:

1. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, try to date several ladies

2. Continue pursuing women in their 30's maybe 40.

3. Explore other areas besides Cali and Colombia

Okie, many of us have experienced frustrations far worse than you including getting scammed, ladies that take a hike when they arrive here, women that change their mind on the approved visa, money stolen, or worse, etc., etc.  

My first novia from Cali was a good woman.  I lived with her for 2 years and she would have made a great wife.  Get back in the saddle and put your recent ordeal in perspective man! And take advantage of guys like me that can help

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Reality ch..., posted by papi on Jun 14, 2005

More food for thought...

A wise man once said to me that if a Latina is not biting on your ear by the second date – she is not into you.  Well, there maybe some truth to that statement.  Secondly, with respect to getting a straight answer.  If you look up Straight Answer in the dictionary you will not see a Latino...they don’t like conflict and getting straight answers are not part of their culture.  Try negotiating a business contract in Latin America and you will understand what I am talking about.  It just goes with the territory.  At least they don’t ask to see your W2 or what kind of car you drive like an AW

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Realit..., posted by papi on Jun 14, 2005

Papi,

 That's all true, plus Pete has given me his assessment of the situation.  That is especially helpful since he knows me and met the girl in question several times.  I guess that I "blew it", by her standards.  Unfortunately, I never got to see it coming until after I had come home.  I guess that I am too direct, by latin standards.  So, the next time, I will listen more and talk less( as Pete recommended).  The problem is that even though there are great looking women everyone in LA, it will now probably be somewhat difficult for me to seriously consider what a latina says as the truth. I don't know if they are capable of saying what is truly on their mind.  Someone wiser than I am will have to decide that.  Maybe over time, I will trust someone again; but not now!

                                OkieMan

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Re..., posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

On the basis of one woman, you are making all these generalizations. This is a guaranteed way to screw up the next one. Say you meet a woman but you are convinced that she's just like the last one but maybe she's not. Maybe she's different. So instead of responding to her as an individual, you're responding to her as though she was just like the last one. This is a recipe for disaster. I know a lot of Colombianas quite well - including my wife's sisters and friends - probably about 20. Guess what? They're all different.

[OkieMan]

... in response to How can you be making these generalizati..., posted by utopiacowboy on Jun 15, 2005

Yes, you are absolutely right.  I will try not to generalize.

[Brazilophile]

... in response to How can you be making these generalizati..., posted by utopiacowboy on Jun 15, 2005

I agree with you, UC.  Claiming that one is not going to trust ANY Latina because things didn't work out with one is not a successful strategy.  I am now wonderng if what we are seeing in this thread is OKM's usual reaction to adversity/failure/not gettng his way.  If the Latina in question got a whiff of this in Cali, she might have decided that he was not the man for her.

OKM, this is not meant to be a negative post or a slight on you.  It is an observation on how you may have inadvertantly contributed to your current situation.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: How can you be making these generali..., posted by Brazilophile on Jun 15, 2005

Brazilophile,

My intentions were to pose questions and get responses from all of you posters. ( which I did).  I did not treat that lady in this way.  Besides, you ought to know that I was also "venting my anger" about this situation.  Have no fear, I am not going to "THE DARK SIDE"!  ha

                               OkieMan

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re: How can you be making these gene..., posted by OkieMan on Jun 15, 2005

That's what will get you through this and on to the next one. And they're right - laughing sure beats crying.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Re..., posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

If they like are really interested in you they will let you know.Any mystery and she is not the girl for you.Don't waste any time wondering why,move on.
Its actually simple in a way.

Pete

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Moving forward-..., posted by Pete E on Jun 14, 2005

Pete,

Well, I guess I am moron, because I really thought she was interested; and she was affectionate!  Naturally, early on in any relationship there will be some issues to discuss.  But, the thing that upset me the most is that I was not aware there was any problems until after I came home.  I could have dealt with something not working out while I was still there.  That way, I could have had time to back up and regroup-- and look for someone else.  So, it appears that I should have not set it up with her originally to spend all of my time with her.  I should have told her upfront that I will be meeting other ladies too.  That is one reason why I will never be writing to any ladies in advance again.  Basically, I put her in the driver's seat without realizing it.  Lesson learned.

                            OkieMan

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Moving forw..., posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

Okieman, no one wants to experience what you went through but anyone who has spent time in LA has probably gone through the same thing. You can be guaranteed success. it is all a game and not that difficult. you spent one or two trips - that is nothing. if you will try again and date 2-3 women over a period of 3-6 months you cant lose. look, learn, listen...and have fun with it. Also, most guys here dont approve of mongering - but you need to find something to take the edge off during your search and chill out. You do not need to hassle with learning Spanish like many guys here insist although it certainly helps. Pay for an interpreter, send your lady to school or date women that speak English - i know many. just get on the f...g plane again and dont wait 6 months between trips. If you dont have the dinero - then go back to AW because this is not a budget project. You are going to need $5000-$10,000 minimum to find happiness and your naranja - money well spent. I can find you a good lady if that is what you really want. Hotties for play - an attractive, sincere woman for keeps

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Moving ..., posted by papi on Jun 14, 2005

Thanks for the insight Papi.  Not to worry.  I am  doing better now.  Last night, I turned into "Jack the Ripper".  But, after a few murders I feel much  better! ha (Just kidding!) Best of luck with your agency.

                      OkieMan