Moving forward-- Reality check

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Moving forward-..., posted by doombug on Jun 14, 2005

Not Tom Hanks, I said Tom Selleck.  But, I like Hanks too.
It's just that this particular movie dealt with an american guy trying to help an Eastern European  hottie.  It is very funny.

                      OkieMan

[doombug]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Moving forw..., posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

Holy crap, my gaff.  I think I got them mixed up, with Tom Hanks having done so many comedies.  

In any case, I appreciate the movie suggestion.  I'm going to hunt it down.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by Pete E on Jun 14, 2005

Pete,

Thanks for your words of wisdom.  There is a lot of truth to what you say.  It will take me a while to lick my wounds and get on with it.  I did appreciate the time I had at your place.  I am sure that one reason why I acted the way I did was because I was there for around 8-9 days. If I scared the girl away, that is sad.  That was never my intention.  You have a big advantage by living down there.  You can take it slow.  I guess I should have slowed down too. I am sure there is an "art" to all of this; I just was never very good at it.  So, now, I have to move on.  I guess all of this is way more complicated than I had hoped.  I know one thing for sure. Now, I will not invest my time writing any girls before I meet them.  I did that this time because I thought that she was a special lady.  Plus, I was thinking that she and I could cover some ground before I arrived.  All of that was obviously a wasted effort.  So, I will not make that mistake again.  Also, I am generally bored with most women.  I rarely find women that really, deeply interest me.  But, that girl did.  Evidently, the feelings were not mutual.

                           
                              OkieMan

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

You spent five months writing to this woman and because it didn't work out, you're now convinced that it's pointless to write. Clearly it was pointless to write to HER. Or maybe it was just a case where the "in person" chemistry was not there for her. Who knows? I wrote to my wife for exactly 2 months before I met her and three months after that we were married. Hell, I married her on my second visit. Surefire path to disaster is what many here would say. Well, here we are 2 years later still going strong. There is no one size fits all. What works for one doesn't work for another.

[latinadreaming]

... in response to You're bouncing around like a rubber bal..., posted by utopiacowboy on Jun 15, 2005

It is very true that every one uses different routes to achieve the goal, however, I wonder can we get a list of do's and don't that in most cases (not all) the chances of success are very slim.

1) Asking a girl to marry you after meeting her two or three days after meeting her.

2) Marrying a girl that does not intoduce you to her family

Please add.

[OkieMan]

... in response to You're bouncing around like a rubber bal..., posted by utopiacowboy on Jun 15, 2005

Thanks for your insight.

[papi]

... in response to You're bouncing around like a rubber bal..., posted by utopiacowboy on Jun 15, 2005

[This message has been edited by papi]

smartest thing i have heard yet. Not everyone must learn Spanish to succeed as many insist here, some use agencies - other's dont, some like tours, some write..as you say it is not all one size. i think you are also correct about your comments regarding El Poblado in another post - almost the same as Miami

[papi]

... in response to Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by Pete E on Jun 14, 2005

very smart advice

[fathertime]

... in response to Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by Pete E on Jun 14, 2005

Pete
Thanks for the insight on Okiemans situation.  I am certain that had to be a hard post to make but it is helpful for outsiders who do not know the whole situation.  Your feeling that it was ok to make this point shows that Okieman must be a tough thick skinned fella.  
For whatever it is worth, it has shed some light on what may have went down and is a good piece of advice we all should apply.  
Fathertime

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

OKM, the tone of your most recent post reeks of contempt for the lady you visited and of a huge generalization to all Latin women.  You have said that one of your faults is impatience.  In your life, have you been talented enough to have succeeded at everything you tried THE VERY FIRST TIME??  Relax!!!!

The issue is NOT compatibility between ALL Latinas and ALL AM, but between ONE INDIVIDUAL Latina and YOU!  Most Latinas who join agencies have been disappointed with LM, or have female relatives in relationships with AM or Europeans, and want a man who is faithful, respectful, and loving.  If you meet women who are very materialistic, then it is the opportunity for money that attracts them to you, provided you have money.  If you meet women who are not very materialistic then it is these other qualities that attracts them to you, provided you have them.

For example, my noiva's first boyfriends were Brazilian and according to her most had other girlfriends on the side.  One even had a wife on the side.  She quickly tired of this and started dating foreign men.  She had a serious relationship with a European guy before me.  She has remarked to me several times that men from North America adn Europe are VERY different from Brazilian men in their total outlook on life.  We live much less in the present and focus on preparing for the future much, much more than most Brazilians do.  We care for our children more intensively than do most Brazilian men.  We even eat, as in appreciate food, differently.  After I declined to eat a food because I didn't like its texture even, though I thought it tasted good, she replied that we foreign men are too picky with our food.  We need it to taste good, look good, be the right texture, be the right temperature, etc.  Brazilians only need food to taste good.

The point I am trying to make is that this quest is not like repairing a car, where if you follow a set of directions and instructions you will get the exact result you want every time.  It is more like playing golf, where with a certain level of skill and a set of equipment, you can go from one course to another and play to the best of you ability.  On some courses you will play better than on others.  On the some days you will play better than others.  One the very best things about looking for love in LA is that there is such an abundance of eligible and available women that we don't need to obsess about failing with any one woman.

Even though some on this list are not impressed with him, Larry G. from the LW list gives excellent advice about us needing to take stock of what we have to offer, decide on what we need in a woman, assess whether what we are looking for is realistic in relation to what we have to offer, and then develop a strategy for finding what we are looking for.  Some of us call this getting a check-up from the neck-up.  From your reaction to outcome of this visit, it seems to me that you did not do this very thoroughly.  Other men who failed spectacularly have admitted not thinking through all their decisions.  My suggestion is that you assess yourself and your desires to make sure they are consistent with each other and are realistic.  In my opinion, that is the ONLY way you will find a woman who is compatible with you.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by Brazilophile on Jun 14, 2005

Brazilophile,

Thanks for your input.  BTW, I do not have  contempt for the lady in question.  I am hurt and disappointed.  But, I am questioning many things that I had thought were either likely or true.  As you said, I need to re-assess my priorities, as well as my approach to this entire process.  So, that is exactly what I am doing.   I also wanted to toss this out to some of you, because I felt you would appreciate the opportunity to discuss it-- as you have.  Thanks again.

                       OkieMan

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

Okie, my last novia who I vacationed with and spent much time with posted 1 hour late to meet me at the airport my last visit her in Colombia.  The next day, my K1 petition was approved via email from the US govt – you know what happened – she did not even show up to meet me for dinner and blew me off completely after I went through all that f..g paperwork. You know what she told me when I was about to drop off a certified letter back in the US to cancel the visa - gracias para todo (thank you very much sucker). Your experience was not nearly as trying –get back on the plane!

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re:  Moving forward-- Reality ch..., posted by papi on Jun 14, 2005

Papi,

 So, let me see if I understand your story.  This lady is  now in Colombia or the States?   Did she ever tell you why?  So, was she just a green card shark?  Is there some "green card shark schools", where they teach these women the ropes? ha  Oh, well.  Based on that, I am lucky.

                          OkieMan

[doombug]

... in response to Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

Reality Check.  Says it all, and not said enough.  

I've virtually abandoned the idea of ever returning to LA (or any other "foreign bride" destination), even though I've only been to Peru.  Learned enough.  Been straggling in here less seldom--mostly out of habit, and a lingering curiosity.

"Do you think these latinas really find us that attractive?"

They won't say it to your face.  But, I think there's just enough desperation in many of them to TEMPORARILY overlook such things as "chemistry"/mutual attraction.  I sensed it in my wife, and it's partly the reason why I folded.    

We have so thoroughly convinced ourselves--or have been so thoroughly convinced--that our pot-bellies, graying/balding scalps, stature, or language skills are insignificant, that the shock that awaits many of us further down the road goes unseen.  Driving at night without headlights might get a few of you home, but what a risky venture.

I'd never sacrifice an insular life to be with a desperate woman.

That's what I learned.

Bye the way, I know some sensitive types will be insulted that I mentioned flaws that are turn offs to many  women (especially younger women), but, oh well.  The "feel-good" Oprah crap belongs to AW's.  I have a sufficient quantity of flaws my self, but I'm not blind.

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by doombug on Jun 14, 2005

DB,  You mentioned only physical qualities.  What about personality and other non-physical qualities?  You just stated that desperation in a woman would kill a relationship with her, REGARDLESS of her physical beauty.(?)  

Could not that also apply to us?  Could not some Latinas accept a less than great looking man in exchange for a great personality and good character?  On LWL some women opst occasionally, several said that they are not attractde to great looking men because it is too easy for them to be unfaithful. They preferred plainer men with the character to be faithful.