Moving forward-- Reality check

[OkieMan]

Gentlemen,

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been reading this board  again and also trying to make sense out of my fiasco in Cali.  I will not make this post a long one; but, I am trying to find out how viable this latina thing really is.  If these girls are supposed to be truly interested in american men, and we ask them certain questions about what they want and need; then why is it so hard to understand them?  Also, is it just impossible to get a straight answer to a direct question?  What is wrong with yes or no?
I realize that many of you have had your own share of problems over the years.  I certainly understand why learning spanish is a big help in understanding the ladies.  One of my goals is to learn more spanish.  But other than that, why is is so difficult to understand them?  I am not just limiting my questions to my own situation.  Judging from what I am reading on this board, not very many men actually have a postive relationship or marriage with these latinas.  So, what is reality and what is illusion?  If I am understanding correctly, many of you other posters, in fact most of  you, are not actually in a postive realtionship with a latina either.   You are like me-- you are hoping and wishing you will find that "special lady"; but nothing yet.   I don't mean that as a put down.  So, far my record stinks as well. Now, I also realize that there are a few "lucky ones".  But, I am talking over all, it would appear that the success rate is rather low.  Am I right or wrong?  Lastly, I also want to ask a question I have asked before.  Do you think these latinas really find us that attractive?  I definitely understand that if we american men did not find them overwhelmingly  attractive, we would not have this board, and we wouldn't be spending our money and our time going to LA!  Based on what I am seeing and hearing, somehow I don't think these latinas are into us nearly as much as we are into them!  What do you think?

                                   OkieMan

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

[This message has been edited by valuedcustomer]


I have the following suggestions:

date many women with the goal of finding the one who is right for you.  It is hard finding a match and one of the advantages of a foreign country is you have a lot of choices.  The more choices the more likely you will find someone compatible.  Realistically, this is a long term process and you will need to go down there several times before choosing someone;

you will attract the wrong women if your goal is to become sexual to fast;

observe:  is she compassionate, have a good heart, kind to others, honest, good character, hard working;

stop thinking in terms of generalization, i.e., “Latin Women”, and focus on one woman at a time.   Each has her own particular history, character, motivation;

you need to learn Spanish.  You have to be able to talk to a woman about many different things before you decide you are compatible.  This is just common sense.  I don’t believe guys who say Spanish is not necessary.. you may want to closely look at their results.  I speak fairly good Spanish, but at times still have serious communication problems with my wife;

stop thinking in terms of "Do Latin women find us attractive?".  If you need an ego boost, get an A in Spanish;    

make sure she is really interested in you.  This is one of the advantages of Latin Women is that they are easy to read.  If she calls you pet names and wants to be close to you wherever you go she is interested.  If she just acts like a typical gringa … she is not.  If you have your radar up, you won’t be fooled by a Latin woman.  They are not emotionally capable of putting on a two year pretense to get a green card like a Russian women might be able to do.

Latin Women are not perfect and they can be just as bad as any other women.  There are cultural difference you want to explore, for example, even a middle class woman may have a maid and doesn’t expect to work.  If you don’t know Spanish you won’t learn some very important things before its too late.  If you have a list of 20 or 30 women,  don’t let the bad ones discourage you.  Just check her off your list.  Expecting results with one try is immature and only leads to discouragement.  The advantage of this search is that if you put the work into it you will be able to get a high-quality woman who will be your loyal, loving wife, whereas the same effort expended in American will be futile.  People who don’t put the effort into a project don’t get results.  But then we already know that.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by valuedcustomer on Jun 15, 2005

Valuedcustomer,

Good advice.  Thanks.

                         OkieMan

[Pete E]

... in response to Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

That makes these women hard to read,but not if they really care about you.
A woman here might play along with a possible relationship even though she is not emotionally connected with the guy.There are lots of reasons.You might be their only opportunity so they might want to keep it open as a possibily even if they are not truly interested.In your case you were lucky in that the woman was not motivated to try and keep it together that much.A woman thinking about it more or a little more patient my play you better.
The other factor is just perks,even if its just dinner.You ask them out to dinner in a nice restaurant,which she may not have been in for a year,she have nothing else going,good chance she  will say yes.And if other perks are coming down,even if not big ones,maybe only some clothing that can be an incentive.You might hear from this woman again after she gets over feeling preasured and thinks about her lack of other options.Don't go for it.She already showed you,not told you how she feels about you.

Pete

[papi]

... in response to One little complication, posted by Pete E on Jun 15, 2005

wise thoughts...i have often gone back to the well. not smart. when it is done it is done but sometimes easier said

[Pete E]

... in response to Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

The 2 basic things a guy needs to do to be ultimately successfull are:
1.Don't give up.Keep trying.This involves learning as you go.Things like spanish included within this.
2.Don't get  sidetracked.As in spending too much time with the wrong person.Marrying the wrong person sidetracked me for 4 years but I am back,keeping at it.
There are lots of successfull marriages and relationships.This board being loaded with alot of veterans is tilted towards guys who are back a second or third time.And guys who's objective is no longer finding a wife to take to the states but living here or just  enjoying their time here.Most of them would consider themselves successsfull in living the life they want right now even if they may have a goal that has not yet occured.
Someone said have fun with it.Excellent idea.That woman might just find you when you are not trying too hard to find her but just enjoying yourself.
Of course this can get expensive.So it requires rearanging your priorities if it is important enough to you.While you have that down time in the states you can concentrate on making the money you need to return.Studying spanish.Even writting girls,but for you that might be a bad idea.Don't get real serious over a person you have never met.Also I wonder here,your E mails were translated and delivered through latin Internet.Makes me wonder if there was any sugar coating added in either direction.
So again,a matter of priorities.For some guys,usually old married guys the priority is fishing or golf.If its important enough you can make latinas yours.To me once I got a taste of this I HAD to come back.I think that will be your choice too if you don't get discouraged and talk yourself out of it.

Pete

[lapentier]

... in response to Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

Sounds to me like you have gotten your definite word.  

It's time to cast the net and seek other fish.  I would also be extremely careful if the fish tries to swim back in the net. It is more likely that would first appear on the surface.  In order for her to be sending you that many mixed signals, it is likely she also has mixed feelings.  Her feelings are obviously not all negative, so at some point in the future, the positive side may crystallize for a while, and she decides you were the good one that got away.

After I had graduated college and was gainfully employed, several girls that had rejected me during high school and college actually began seeking me.  I passed up several good opportunities because I was wary of the change in attitude towards me and the underlying motivation.

When it's time to move on--it's time to move on.

Mark

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re:  Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by lapentier on Jun 15, 2005

Hi Mark,

I have sent you an email, but I don't remember if the email address shown on this board is the correct one to use or not.  Email me back if you don't receive it.

                         OkieMan

[Hoda]

... in response to Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005


Do the tourist thing, go out on a bunch of lunch/dinner dates....with atleast 5 to 10 ladies! If you meet someone fine...it you don't, that's fine also. Many guys have found & been found by love....while on vacation in Central/South America.

You'll be find bro....now start planning your next trip down there!

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

Jesus, I could go to Medellin and get married every week.

[Pete E]

... in response to What?, posted by utopiacowboy on Jun 15, 2005

He got lucky and was with a woman not that desperate to get married,or he would have been easy prey.

Pete

[Jamie]

... in response to Moving forward-- Reality check, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

You were giving a lot of good advice from many men on this board. Did you follow the consensus?

There is no point in asking a lot of questions and not learning from the answers. When one has to ask a lot of questions it often means one is not ready.

You appear to want to blame the Latin women for your lack of success. All women want confident, strong, interesting men and such traits are learned when you are very young they become a part of you. From what Pete tells us you made some major gaffes. There is no point in learning Spanish if you don’t say the right things. The wrong message coming out in English or Spanish is going to hurt you. A good translator would have advised and guided you and prevented an accumulation of errors and tell you where you stand when can't do so. I think you should take Pete’s advice and let him support you in your quest. You need the right onsite support for each step not tidbits of good advice that can’t replace years of inexperience with women.

Engage the Exotic – Latin Women
http://International-Introductions.com

[OkieMan]

... in response to OkieMan, posted by Jamie on Jun 14, 2005

Jamie,

Thanks for your points of view.  I will try to consider your comments as constructive criticism.  However, I don't think that I am out of line for wanting more complete information.  I never claimed I was an expert with latin women, but I'm not a idiot either!  The other point I was trying to make is that it seems that many of the other posters on this board aren't doing much better.  If I am wrong in that assessment, then I apologize.  However, percentage wise, it would appear that there are fewer success stories than I had hoped for.  Cultural and language differences aside, I would think that things like basic attraction, enjoyment of other's company, etc would be able to lead men like me to a higher success rate. But, I will also be the first to admit that I have a long ways to go before I would consider myself an expert in this field.

                   OkieMan

[Calipro]

... in response to Re: OkieMan, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

"Cultural and language differences aside, I would think that things like basic attraction, enjoyment of other's company, etc would be able to lead men like me to a higher success rate."

Exactly, but I think you need to follow your own advice.

From my understanding you wrote to one woman and then ended up spending all your time with just one woman. How does that lead to selection by basic attraction. You spent all your time with a woman that basically wasn't attracted to you.

You could have written to one woman anywhere in the world and then gone to meet her. Why Cali? where it is posible to meet 25 - 30 women in a week that you find attractive and then meet them to find out if there is chemistry between the two of you.

[beenthere]

... in response to Re: OkieMan, posted by OkieMan on Jun 14, 2005

[This message has been edited by beenthere]

Oakie, you must realize that not every gringo who married a latina posts on this board,or even knows about it for that matter.  And of the many members this board has, only a few even post.

Believe me Oakie man, there are thousands upon thousands of gringos (whether they be from the US or Europe) that have met latinas in South America and have married and have successful relationships.  Now, did all of them meet in an agency??  no, some have met casually, some have met over the internet, and yes, some have met in agencies.  Did they have language problems??  cultural problems??  of course...

Don't take this too personally, but I'm a straight shooter, and basically you are being a big baby...You went to Cali and met one girl and it didn't work out, so, now all latin women are complicated...PLEASE!!
But then again, maybe you're not cut out for this (not all men are), and maybe you shouldn't go back to South America looking for a bride...if that's the case move on, but get over all of this negative talk about latinas, and how everyone on this board has failed and there are no successes out there...OK??