Another update

[OkieMan]

Hi guys,

For you that have been kind enough to inquire, I want to give you what little info I have.  Basically, I have come to the conclusion that the latina I was with in Cali was not really interested in me.  I have no understanding of what is really going on, other than the obvious.  I have still never talked to her, and I have now given up.  I must conclude that she was not honest with me.  Why I don't know.  I guess that's the way it goes.  Right now, I have to work and earn a living.  I know that there have been many stories shared on this board about such things.  I must confess that since I do not think along these lines, I am totally confused.  Having said that, I will do something in the future.  Right now, I do not know exactly what. I know at least one thing I will not be doing.  I see no reason for me to attempt to share emails with any  other latina that I have not met first.  All of the effort that I put into trying to build a rapport with this one particular latina has obviously been wasted.  I will not "cast my pearls before the swine" again!  Maybe some of you have other ideas.  My feelings right now are to take care of my business and forget that girl.  Next time, I will be far less trusting.  I did not give her any serious amount of gifts or money.  From my standpoint, it was just little gifts, but they were from my heart.  I was not  foolish enough to spend big money on her; but I still don't like getting mislead and "ripped off".  Whatever her reasons, I guess now I will never know.  I just can't stand dishonest people.  If she was not interested in me, all she had to do was say so.  Well, that's all  I know.  I just want to forget her and get back to my "real life".  Thanks for your interest.

                                 OkieMan

[papi]

... in response to Another update, posted by OkieMan on Jun 10, 2005

Okie, I have tried to follow most of this but scanned a lot of posts.  Something is not adding up, however.  You getting intimate with her the last night would indicate this thing still has a chance plus her age is a bonus and the fact that I think you mentioned she has kids.  You need to find out what the heck is going on.  What did you spend on her in terms of money and gifts?? I would not throw in the towel yet until you can get a straight answer

[papi]

... in response to 2 +2 is not adding up, posted by papi on Jun 11, 2005

also, one more question, how did you meet her? is she in an agency?

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: 2 +2 is not adding up, posted by papi on Jun 11, 2005

Papi,

Yes she is listed on the website of Latin-Internet, which is how I "met" her first.  We were corresponding through emails from early January until right before my trip began, May 24th.  I am hoping to get some additional info, but at this point, I see no hope of getting things back on track.  There are people in Cali trying to help me find out more.  I will do my best, but ultimately, I am figuring it is all over.  Thanks again for your concern.

                                    OkieMan

[papi]

... in response to Re: Re: 2 +2 is not adding up, posted by OkieMan on Jun 11, 2005

unless you gave her money, especially after getting intimate the whole thing does not make sense. If you did give her money - then it is a different story and she would just be another Cali scammer typical of many in Latin America

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: 2 +2 is not adding up, posted by papi on Jun 11, 2005

I did give her money.  But, by my standards, not a very large amount.  I was just trying to be helpful and nice.(I prefer not to mention exact amounts) Even though that might have somehow affected her ideas,  I do not feel like I got "taken" concerning that; mainly because she did not ask for anything, and the money and gifts I gave her was not some big thing like some guys do.  But, I have Pete and his girlfriend trying to help me get some more answers.  If she was just scamming me for some trinkets and money, then she got a very poor bargain.  Had she been honest and truly loving, I would have given her a lot more.  Having said that, I have now made a decision concerning my next trip.  First, I will not write anyone in advance.  Whomever I meet, we will just have to start from scratch.  I will not waste anymore of my time trying to get to know any latina before my trip.  I have done that with several women, but most of the time, my correspondence was very short with each of them.  The 5 months of correspondence with this particular latina was basically a total waste of time.  It could have been a wonderful thing, but she managed to totally screw that up.  Secondly, I will not take any gifts, no matter how small.  Evidently, that potentially can be misunderstood; so I will stop that as well.  Basically, any latina that I spend time with will have to really want to spend time with me, because she won't be getting anything other than an occasional free meal from me.  Unfortunately, I cannot move to Colombia, or some other LA country.  I can see where that would be the better way.  One advantage would be that you are not rushed.  The time concern would be over.  Also, an american man, like me could really get to know the culture and the language.  Having said all of that, I will have  to just watch myself and do the best I can.  The rest is a crap shoot.  One thing is for certain; finding a foreign bride is definitely not like "shooting ducks in a pond"; no matter what the agencies try to tell you.  I am now admittedly more sceptical than I was, but hopefully, a little wiser too.  A healthy dose of caution is in order.

                            OkieMan

[papi]

... in response to Re: 2 +2 is not adding up, posted by papi on Jun 11, 2005

Okie, i speak fairly good Spanish. email me her phone and I will get to the bottom of this

[Felinessa]

... in response to Another update, posted by OkieMan on Jun 10, 2005

I'm sorry that things didn't work out considering the money and planning involved in such a venture.  But let's be realistic: if you went on a number of dates with a local woman, and then she never called you back, would it be such a tragedy?  I'd dare say not.

Maybe she wasn't interested in you.  Having been a serial dater, I can say that I went out with well over 100 men before I met my boyfriend.  Some of them sounded good on paper, but there was no chemistry, and it was no one's fault.  Some I liked, but they didn't like me.  The opposite was also true.  You can't force these things and you can't get too upset over them because for every person who isn't interested, there is always another one who will be.

I don't think it's fair to call her deceptive - maybe she doesn't know how to put it in such a way that you wouldn't be hurt.  Don't forget that there is also a language barrier.  If you went there and really didn't like her, what would you do?  Maybe you'd write a "Dear Jane" letter.  Or maybe you'd just let it drop because she's far and she'll get the message like this.  People go to any lengths to avoid confrontation.

As far as the gifts and the money go, did she ask you explicitly for anything?  Or did you volunteer the gifts?  Because if she didn't ask for them, you can't blame your generosity on her.  Of course, I never took anything from a man I wasn't related to/had a relationship with, but my mother taught me self-sufficiency and dignity.  If I were her and knew I wasn't interested, I would have politely refused any gifts.  But again, she probably didn't want to sound rude.

Lastly, I was half amused and half scared by the suggestions someone made about harassing the hell out of her and her relatives with phone calls, letters, postcards, etc.  Come on, that's stalking and could get land you in international trouble.  Like a lot of reasonable people said, try calling her, see if you can reach her, and give it a few more weeks.  If you don't hear from her, write her off and move on with dignity.  The angry letters and the public postcards are a shameful, spiteful way of dealing with a situation that cannot be improved.  You're not 16 to resort to that.  Like other people said, you can try meeting a few women next time, or you could look for Latinas in the US.  And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work, there's always a next time as long as you stay realistic and don't expect to land a genuine, caring 20-year model.

[lapentier]

... in response to Re:  Another update, posted by Felinessa on Jun 11, 2005

Actually, "harrassment" is not the idea.  I have been in parts of the world where the communications system and the mail do not work as well as they do in the United States and Europe.  Remember, she could easily be sitting in Cali wondering why Okieman is not calling or writing.  I still think he should make a definite connection before giving up.

Mark

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re:  Another update, posted by Felinessa on Jun 11, 2005

Hi Felinessa,

I must confess to being surprised about having a lady on this board.  Just out of curiousity, how is it that an Eastern European lady engaged to a Canadian man is on the latin board?  At any rate, thank you for your prospective.  As it stands right now, I am having Pete and his friend Adrian help me finalize what I will do about this matter.  You may or may not know that Pete is an american guy that lives in Cali, and I was staying with him while I was there.  Unless something new develops, I will not be contacting this latina anymore.  I am moving on and for now, I am focusing on work and my life here in the US.  Later, I will save my money and plan my next trip to wherever (Cali, Medellin are my two top choices).  I do not blame the woman for acceptiing any small gifts I gave her.  She did not ask for them, and that is not the issue with me.  I did give her several opportunities to let me know if she was no longer interested, but she chose to tell me she wanted to continue.  In my book, that is deceitful; but I also realize the difference in language and culture come into play.  So, I am just writing this off as a lesson learned, and moving on.

                                 OkieMan

[Chris F]

... in response to Re: Re:  Another update, posted by OkieMan on Jun 11, 2005

Okieman,

Why would you go back to Cali when you have already acknowledged by going to an "agency party" what many know here?

The largest percentage of agency women in Cali are in the 18-22 year old category.

THEREFORE...the largest percentage of women in Cali will not be what you are looking for!!!

Put the odds more in your favor by visiting other cities Okieman which has a larger perecentage of older women...you have gone to Cali TWICE now...with no success...its time to try somewhere new...

[Pete E]

... in response to Cali should not be your top two choices ..., posted by Chris F on Jun 11, 2005

He has been here twice.Both times he found older women.The wrong older women it seems.There are lots of young ones,but I doubt most in the 18-22 catagory.But lots of older ones.2 guys here right now just rediscovered Latin Best.Luz has alot of older,like 30-40 year old women.Plus sometimes she knows just who to hook you up with.Jesse found at least his intellectual match yesterday.Other times it can seem she is steering you to her friends.
There are just huge numbers of available women in Cali,so more in every catagory except maybe english speaking.
One guy I know well,he got married on my patio,had been to Peru and Barraquilla several times plus other places.He did it very smart here.He set lots of appointments every day.Het met 40 or 50 women.From them he cut it down  to 5,then 2,then to the one he married.He claims he is very happy with her.He married her on his 3rd or 4th trip here,but only over a few months time.
Of course time will tell,then there is the luck factor.But those that get lucky usually give themselves more opportunity to get lucky.I got lucky finding my apartment.After looking every day for 7 weeks.

Pete

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Cali should not be your top two choi..., posted by Pete E on Jun 11, 2005

Being lucky is a lot of hard work.

[Chris F]

... in response to Re: Cali should not be your top two choi..., posted by Pete E on Jun 11, 2005

He stayed with you in Cali why didn't you "set him up" with this huge older group of women you mentioned?  You live there...so you must know at least quite a few by now?

Why didn't you suggest he go to Latin Best while he was down there? Instead of a All Colombian Girls party which is going to have lots of young women?

Not attacking you my friend...only curious...

[OkieMan]

... in response to Ok Pete then......, posted by Chris F on Jun 11, 2005

Chris,

Pete can give you his prospective, but let me weigh in on this, since I am the topic of conversation.  I came to Cali to specifically see this one lady.  At that point, I did not want to see anyone else.   After all, I had been corresponding with her for 5 months.  Stupid me, I thought we had something going!  Another guy named Jesse who stays with Pete invited me to go with him to that party with ACG.  The only reason I went is that the girl I was with was supposedly not feeling well, and I did not want to be bored staying by myself at Pete's apartment.  Pete and his girlfriend had their own plans.  When Jesse and I got to the ACG  party, it was obvious that it was a last minute, thrown together thing.  My expectations were low, and I was hungry. So, after about an hour, I left alone.  Jesse decided to stay.  I had some dinner, and ended up spending the evening alone at Pete's apartment anyway.  But, the next day, the girl and I were back together, and I stupidly thought everything was working out well.  So, Pete does not need to take any heat on my account.  I had a great time while I was staying there.  I met Pete, Jesse, and another guy who was there at the time, Jack.  If this thing with this particular 35 year old latina would have worked out, I would be a very happy man!  The young girls at the ACG party were cute, but I was definitely not interested in them.  We had nothing in common.  But, to their credit, they were sweet and tried to get to know me.  To my credit, I was not trying to get in their pants.  So, no matter where I go, I think that I have a better prospective on this deal, and I will certainly be more cautious.

                           OkieMan