Another update

[latinadreaming]

... in response to Another update, posted by OkieMan on Jun 10, 2005

Anyone that has been going to LA and more specifically Colombia has to learn some lessons about Latinas.  As I followed your trip reports which were glowing in terms of the interest, you don’t mention the personal intimacy between the two of you.  Body language and affectionate actions on her part should have growing each and every day.  As time and your experience in LA grow, you will not have a problem understanding if a woman is sincerely interested in you.  I don’t know how to explain it, but you gain a sense of understanding if a woman is truly interested in you.  So just consider this a growing pain.   IMHO they are the most transparent women I have run across.  Their insincerities are just as obvious as their sincerity.  I bet if you think about it closely, and I don’t care if you speak the language or not, some signs of how she felt were shown.  IMHO Latinas are not as deceptive as compared to their American counterparts.  If you have been following this board for a while I will have to admit that Calipro’s rule #1 is a good rule to go by there.  I have not yet personally question anyone that supposedly got burn from Latina that the woman did not show signs that she was not truly interested.  The man just did not pick it up because in most cases he was crazy about her beauty.  From my personal experience -- I was heading there with a lady in my first visit in Cali years ago, but my Colombian friend kept telling me that she did not have an interest.  I finally listened before it cost me a lot of money and time.

On the flipside, there is nothing compared to a Latina that is truly crazy about you either.  Listen to the people in the forum that have one.  They are some the most satisfied men on earth.    A Latina that is with you is one of the best women a man can have IMHO.  Don't settle for anything less.  That the secret, by the way. Dont settle.  American men are used to settling and in LA you don't and should not settle for anyone who is not absolutely crazy about you!!!  It does not matter if she is a professional or a very poor girl.  Latinas that want you will always be available.  I don’t care if they work 15 hours a day.  They come home after a 15 hour day and want to hear from their man!!!!  Don’t give up…….I have not!!!!!!

Anyone disagree with this???/

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re:  Another update, posted by latinadreaming on Jun 10, 2005

I thought I understood the "body language" etc too.  I do not like to be crude and brag about my conquests, etc like some men do.  I truly thought this latina and I had a good shot at building on a relationship.  I will add this part, but I was somewhat hestitant to bring up before.  She and I had sex the last night I was there. I felt that if she was not interested, she would not have done that. I guess I was wrong about that too.  I was not playing games with her, and I told her that on more than one occasion.  A couple of nights before I left, I had Adrian (Pete's friend) to translate a letter that I wrote to her.  In that letter, I spelled out my feelings and expectations.  In my mind, I was giving her every opportunity to bow out gracefully (if she wanted to).  Instead she told me that she wanted to continue with the relationship.  That is one reason why I have been confused by her avoidance of me, now that I am home.  But, I have decided that I do not need to waste anymore time worrying about this situation.  Thanks for your interest.

                  OkieMan

[Avispa]

... in response to Re: Re:  Another update, posted by OkieMan on Jun 11, 2005

Well, maybe this woman just wanted to use you for sex?

You should feel complimented.

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re:  Another update, posted by Avispa on Jun 11, 2005

No, I don't think that was it.  I must assume that she changed her mind somewhere along the way.  I wish that I could feel that she was just too overwhelmed by my "charms", and could not resist me!  However, I do not feel that way at all.  Mainly, I am just confused; but I'll get over it.  If you are anyone else has a terrific "crystal ball" on this subject, let me know.  Otherwise, I will probably never figure it out-- at least not completely.  Such is life!

                        OkieMan

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Re: Re:  Another update, posted by OkieMan on Jun 11, 2005

EX BOYFRIEND BACK IN THE PICTURE ?

I have seen this happen before . It is very possible the ex heard she was seeing someone and came back and smooshed her. Latin guys can really turn the charm on if they want to and this might be the case with your girl .

If you guys were intimate  and she has not talked to you, chances are she is struggleing with something like an ex

KB

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re:  Another update, posted by Kiltboy1 on Jun 11, 2005

KB,

All I can say about that is that she swore to me that she did not have a Colombian boyfriend.  All of that was supposed to be over long ago.  We talked about that in our emails before my trip.  However, since this all ended the way it did; I would not be surprised.  If so, then that would be one more indication of her being untruthful.  If that is not the situation, then I am still back to guessing.  By the way, did I mention that I saw Rod Serling on my airplane ride back home?  He informed me that I had just entered the "Twilight Zone"! ha

                            OkieMan

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re:  Another update, posted by OkieMan on Jun 11, 2005

I must admit that knowing this, you are definitely getting some mixed signals. You're right, if she had not been interested, why did she have sex with you? Very strange.

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Re:  Another update, posted by latinadreaming on Jun 10, 2005

I also don't disagree.

I have experienced both; very affectionate and not so affectionate.  I have found it to be a very accurate measure of the sincerity of a Latina's romantic interest.  A Latina whois sincerely interested in a man won't allow more than a few days to pass by without some type of communication or contact, and will be VERY offended if you do.  

OKM, I think you should still try to contat her so you ca get closure.  But DO NOT let your experience with her taint your dealings with other women.  There are far too many good Latinas looking for AM for you to get discouraged over one.  

But perhaps you should modify your selection process.  I noiced that most of the adjectives you used to describe the email exchanges and your trip were emphasized how decently she was treating you.  That is the perspective of a man who has been beaten down by AW.  With Latinas you need to choose the ones who treat you GREAT, like you are the only man who matters to them.  There was a guy here, Raphael, whose test was whether the Latina was CRAZY about him or not.  He preferred plain women who were crazy about him to attractive women who treated him only decently.

Does anyone know what has happened to Raphael?

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Re:  Another update, posted by Brazilophile on Jun 11, 2005

My wife treats me like a king and it's a helluva feeling.

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re:  Another update, posted by latinadreaming on Jun 10, 2005

I noticed the same thing myself. If a Latina is into you, she is going to let you know and that means physical intimacy - she will be touching you and kissing you. Even now, nearly two years into our marriage, my wife has her hands or lips on me every ten or fifteen minutes. Even if a guy doesn't know a word of Spanish, they give you some unmistakeable signs that they are attracted to you.

You are also right about the second thing you said - it doesn't matter how tired they are or how much they work - if they want a relationship with you they'll work for it. After I came back from meeting my wife for the first time, she was emailing me and calling like crazy. I never had a moment's doubt about how she felt or where I stood with her.

[OkieMan]

... in response to No, I do not disagree, posted by utopiacowboy on Jun 11, 2005

Utopiacowboy,

You are truly blessed!  Maybe someday I will find a woman who will truly love me, instead of a boat load of BS!

                                 OkieMan

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: No, I do not disagree, posted by OkieMan on Jun 11, 2005

Hang in there, dude! It will happen.

[Onephd]

... in response to Another update, posted by OkieMan on Jun 10, 2005

Hello, I know everyone has given their opinion on this and so will I hah hah..  Now maybe I missed some of the story so excuse me if I get things wrong or crossed up.  

Before tossing in the towel I would make sure I talk to her directly.  I guess you are trying to use a translator to talk to her but I would just call her directly.  I think you can put together a few spanish words that ask her if she is interested, etc..

I know it doesn't look good, but you never know.  Call her on her actions or lack of actions.  

There are several possiblities, one is that she is waiting for you to call her and convey to her that you are interested in her and the other is that she is indeed not interested and not willing to tell you directly.  

After you speak to directly, then I think you can make the call regarding her feelings.

as for as letter writting, do what you feel comfortable.  Personally  would never go 2000-3000 miles hoping to find the write person cold or relying on an agency.  You will find men that have done both methods, but I think ther is a fair share of men that have started with some letters, followed by phone calls and then a visit(maybe to one or two or three women in one trip).

I have to agree with ChrisF however, you need to focus on learning some basic spanish first so you can call and talk to the women directly and not rely on translators etc.  even if you can't speak it fluently,it helps tremondously.
Or you could find a woman that speaks English (there are some out there).  

Finally don't be bitter, just be honest with yourself because if you close yourself up and become distrusting, you will turn off a good woman that could be your true love.  Do be smart, but allow yourself to be found by love and to find it as one of famous posters would say.

[Ricardo]

... in response to Re:  Another update, posted by Onephd on Jun 10, 2005

OkieMan,
There is some good advice here from the guys on this board.  Well, just know that most of us who have been at this for some time, have similar experiences.  It's not the time to throw in the towel, yet!  I would suggest moving on, there are better prospects out there.  I would suggest 'casting a wider net'.  Unfortunately, this venture in Colombia and other coutries, will uncover some unsavory types, and yes, like the majority of men here have concluded, a lot of the women are less than honest.  Our task is to find that out as soon as possible with as little expense as possible, and in that regard letter writing - to several, will (rather, can help) weed out the ones that you need to avoid.  
Learn from this episode, cut your losses, forget her, don't beat up on yoursel, and get back in the game.  The right one - you may just meet her on your next trip.  Thanks for sharing your experience.  
Ricardo

[OkieMan]

... in response to Re: Re:  Another update, posted by Ricardo on Jun 10, 2005

Richardo,

Thanks for the words of encouragement.  I am doing fine.  Just somewhat disappointed.  My Dad told me a joke many years ago.  A guy was depressed, and his friend told him, "Cheer up, things could be worse", etc etc.  So, the guy cheered up and sure enough things got worse! ha ha

Another old wise saying I heard many years ago.  "Life is like bowl of cherries.  Sometimes you get the cherries, and sometimes you get the pits!"  Or I could go with the Forrest Gump thing about life being like a "box of chocolates". ha

                        OkieMan