Conclusions on my 5th trip to Colombia

[Seeker]

I believe I have found the Colombiana I've been seeking. Sandra is an intelligent, hard-working and beautiful woman, a responsible and loving mother, and an uncomplicated person. Although she is only 24 years-old, her failed marriage and daugter have contributed to her maturity. She has a university degree and holds a good job. She has studied English in the past and she would often read paragraphs from books in English that I had. I'd help her with pronounciation and comprehension. I think I would have a hard time finding a more compatible Colombiana for myself. I realize she is not perfect; neither am I. Sandra's daughter is a great responsibility, but also a blessing in many ways. I now realize that I will also have to work at developing a relationship with her daughter and that this process will take time.

During our time together, I was constantly interpreting and evaluating Sandra in many ways. I observed and evaluated. I asked tons of questions and carefully analyzed the corresponding answers. I believe that actions speak louder than words and paid attention to her behavior. Sandra shared her photo albums with me, her poetry and paintings. She is quite a talented artist and I appreciate her artistic sensibilities. More importantly, Sandra opened her heart and the doors to her home and family.

I missed my original return flight home and had to wait an extra 24 hours in Medellin. (Note to self: Make sure you arrive to the airport at least 3 hours in advance for international flights). Sandra's parents offerred their home and I accepted. I took Sandra's mom, Sandra and her daugter for lunch to Unicentro. Sandra and her mom cooked dinner for me. This past Monday was also a holiday in Colombia, so Sandra and I spent a good part of the afternoon listening to the many CD's I purchased in Colombia. Sandra's dad and I had a nice conversation after dinner. I slept in the guest room and was made to feel like part of the family.

What I need right now is a couple of months to process my experiences, confirm my committment to Sandra and make the necessary preparations to take on the responsibilities of a wife and daughter. I have no doubt that Sandra would be an ideal wife, but knowing myself and based on past experiences, it is best to proceed cautiously.

[MarkNJ]

... in response to Conclusions on my 5th trip to Colombia, posted by Seeker on Jun 4, 2005

Hey Seeker!  Thanks for sharing with us your experiences with sharing time with Sandra.   I am glad to learn that your trip was positive and I hope all goes well for you in the future.   I was wondering if you could share your thoughts in regards to having Sandra's daughter around sharing time with you...  I remember that in a previous post you had questioned the forum about our thoughts and if having a child along during your trip there with Sandra was a good idea or not.   At the time there seemed to be two schools of thought, some guys thought it was a good idea (my opinion) and others thought it would not be so good...   What do you think?  Do you think it gave you a better opportunity to learn more about Sandra, and her family?

[valleydude]

... in response to Conclusions on my 5th trip to Colombia, posted by Seeker on Jun 4, 2005

That's a really good report. You sound like you are in total bliss and still logical about all it. I'm happy for you.
As someone posted below, this is the forum at it's best and I agree.

I can see the next bashing going on here:
Seeker and Utopia battling out to see who is happier.

V-Dude

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Re: Conclusions on my 5th trip to Colomb..., posted by valleydude on Jun 5, 2005

n/t

[pablo]

... in response to That's a good contest to be in! n/t, posted by utopiacowboy on Jun 5, 2005


I dunno, I sort of miss that masked man.

http://www.ncidc.org/gift/detail.cfm?id=1532

[mudd]

... in response to Conclusions on my 5th trip to Colombia, posted by Seeker on Jun 4, 2005

3 hours before check in,  geez,   has it gotten that buzy in the airports now. used to be 1.5 hours is all you would need. love the city though, weather in medellin was the best of the cities i have been too. nice report!!!!

[pablo]

... in response to Conclusions on my 5th trip to Colombia, posted by Seeker on Jun 4, 2005


Seeker,

Thanks for taking the time to write some great informative trip reports.  More importantly though is that it was great hearing how things worked out between you and Sandra.  I had a feeling that this would happen.  She sounds like a real sweetheart.  

Don't worry about taking on the responsibility of her daughter.  It might seem like a big commitment, but if you do proceed in your relationship with both ladies I'm sure your love will only grow for them both.

Do you have any photos to post?

All the best man!

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to Conclusions on my 5th trip to Colombia, posted by Seeker on Jun 4, 2005

When I first met my wife, we went to San Andres and coming back, the Aerorepublica flight was very late and I missed my flight from Bogota back to the US. She had made plans to go visit her children after her visit with me and she had reservations to fly to Monteria the next day. Without my asking her or mentioning it, she changed her reservations so that she could take me to the airport and see me off. That told me a lot about her. When I asked her why she had done it, she said wasn't going to let me go to the airport by myself and leave me all alone. I knew that I had a keeper right then and there. I'd say that you have one too.

[Pete E]

... in response to Interesting that you mention missing you..., posted by utopiacowboy on Jun 4, 2005

You might get away with 1.5 or 2.Then you might miss your plane.You have SLOW airline counters,bagage searches and then immigration and possible x rays.
Don't count on speed and efficiency in manana land.

Pete

[utopiacowboy]

... in response to 3 hours?? Yes, MAYBE  you need it, posted by Pete E on Jun 4, 2005

When I got to the counter, it was 4 pm and the flight was due to leave at 5 pm. The guy told me that you've missed your flight. I told him how could that be, there's still an hour. He said, trust me, there's no way you can get through the boarding process in an hour - you've missed the flight. The next day when I did catch my flight I understood exactly what he was talking about.

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Conclusions on my 5th trip to Colombia, posted by Seeker on Jun 4, 2005

I hope it all works out and a girl is much easier to deal with then a boy , trust me on this one.

One thing i would make sure of and evaluate is the FATHER OF HER DAUGHTER. Colombia has very strict laws on children exiting the country with only one parent and there needs to be papers sighned by the father giving the permission. This can be a problem since many of the men are very possesive and you  look to them as a threat and also you are taking there "PROPERTY"

If the father is a decent guy and has no problem with you being a step-father, then it should be a good experience, but STEP-FATHERS  are not very common in latin culture and if the guy is a jerk, well, you might need to rethink things.

This being said, a little girl will ajust a lot better and will bond with you (the man) quicker then a boy i believe.

Good luck in whatever happens

[littlebhuddha]

... in response to Re: Conclusions on my 5th trip to Colomb..., posted by Kiltboy1 on Jun 4, 2005

While it is much better if the father give his permission, it is not the end of the story if he doesn't. You can request the family court to issue permission for the children to live with their mother here in the US. The courts generally take the approach of whats best for the children and they also consider the wishes of the children. I am told that 95% percent of the time the mother is successful. The father has to prove that the children are better off in Colombia, a rather difficult job considering the future of all but the wealthiest children in Colombia. It is pretty much assumed that they will be better off in the US. We are going through this process now. It is a lengthy process but I will let you know things go.

[latincirfer]

... in response to Re: Conclusions on my 5th trip to Colomb..., posted by Kiltboy1 on Jun 4, 2005

Just one question? Why would you consider the childs dad a jerk for not giving permission for her to leave the country or are you just taking it for granted that any gringo will offer the child a superior life then she can have in Colombia. As a divorced father who loves my child , you can be sure I would never give my permission to my ex to leave the country with my child just so he can have the "good fortune" of growing up with a man that could never love him like his own blood.
I would think if the father is as you say a "decent guy" , he will not give his permission. If on the other hand he has no problem seeing his child twice a year and having another man (total stranger to him) bring up his child, then he is indeed a jerk.
Sorry if I went off, but you touched a nerve

[Kiltboy1]

... in response to Re: Re: Conclusions on my 5th trip to Co..., posted by latincirfer on Jun 4, 2005

all of these experiences are not meant to scare you from going forth with your lady and her daughter, only to let you know that it can be difficult to get the child out of the country and you need to find out upfront how difficult before you devote all your resourses and heart into this woman ,only to be faced with this problem that would most certainly destroy the relationship.

I had this problem and many more as you can read from the posts, so just make sure you have the facts straight .

I hope it all works out

KB

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Conclusions on my 5th trip to Co..., posted by latincirfer on Jun 4, 2005

It really depends on the fathers reltionship with the kid
AND also what kind of a guy he is.
Most colombianas I have met with kids the father gives no support and rarely sees the kid.But even then they have been known to play a macho power trip and do what they can to mess up the chances for the mother and the child to have a better life.
My ex had a son.She  told me the father never paid a  cent in support and rarely ever saw the kid.I found out later that he did contribute to some extent.My ex said it would be no problem getting him to sign for the son to leave.Then she lied to him,saying they were just going on a vacation.I don't know why he bought that,she had about zero chance of getting a tourist visa.When we returned for a vacation we found out you need a recent signature from the father,regardless of the kids US status for him to leave he country.I was showing the DAS guys at the airport his US visa and green card.Finally a guy who spoke english filled me in.The father jerked us around for 12 more days.There was a house that he wanted my ex to sign over.She agreed.His attorney made a one word mistake in the papers.Both attorneys agreed it was not a problem.He  said "I have all the time in the world."He told his attorney to redraw the papers.That night we went another route that cost some money and got the kid out.
For the next year my ex negotiated with the guy.They reached an agreement for him to sign papers giving her exclusive control.This is way beyond custody which she already had.I paid several hundred in attorneys fees.She signed over the house,he signed the  papers.
6 months later my ex returned to Cali with the kid on another  vacation.She said the law had changed and she still needed his signature for the kid to leave.But,by now he has cooled down and realises the son is much better off in the states.So he signed for the kid to leave.
It is possible to get exclusive control without the fathers permission but it can be a huge court fight and you will lose if he has much contact with the kid.Plus the GRANDPARENTS have rights.A calena I know was trying to get this.The father lived out of the country.On the advice of her attorney She signed sworn documents saying she did not know where the father was,or the grandparents.Then it gets posted in the newspaper.The grandparents stepped forward,saying she knows where we live.
She was looking at possible purjury problems and jail time.
She broke up with my friend,I never heard what happened.
Just a little hint if you are going to evade or decive or other solutions. Don't sign anything.If the solution is completetly under the table its difficult to prove you did anything wrong.Our attorney said don't do that,but said the route we did take was not very risky.
My ex brother in law had his son taken out of the country without his permission.Probably a paid off official.But if they ever bring the kid back they may never get him out.
Another Calena I know has a Cali cop for the father  of her son.They lied to him trying to get the kid out.He didn't go for it.He said you are NEVER getting that kid out of the country,I will tell my friends at DAS.She was engaged to a friendof mine.She finally agreed to live 9 months a year out of the country if she could live here 3 months with the son.It never would have worked.They went to San Andres for 3 days and came back after  ONE because everything went to hell as soon as she left town.
There were other issues.He went for someone else.This Chica is a hot item at a couple of agencies.Some guy is going to be in for alot of trouble if he doesn't figure it out before he marries her.
Yes,you better have the fathers signature in hand before you marry her if  she will not leave without the kid.And remember,you need a new signaure 30 days or less old every time the kid leave the country untill he is 18 or gets a US passport.
BUT,a worse horror story,a guy marries a woman who overstayed  her tourist visa in the US.She is banned from re entry for 10 years.He is in the states.She is still here.
Its typical for a woman to say that will not be a problem.What she usually means is she is hoping like hell it will not be a problem.

Pete