... from Ayesa's cousin in Tondo, Gagalangin. (Near Manila)  According to her Ayesa is going from relative to relative asking to borrow money.  Her cousin can't understand why, because she has a enough for the airport tax and the ticket is paid for.  According to her cousin, Ayesa's aunt confided in her that "she has no intentions of returning to America" and that I "should think twice before I send her any more money".  No one can answer the question I most need answered, which is why?  Her father's life has just been prolonged because of me.  It wasn't Ayesa's money that paid the medical bills, it was mine.  And then she decides not to return to me?

I am so far beyond all emotion that I don't know what  frightens me more, how hard I will fall when it hits me or that I just might stay this way... Numb.

I will write her mother and tell her what Bernadette has just told me.  Do you think that's wise?  Should I wait?  How much longer should I wait?  I haven't talked to her in almost two weeks and the last conversation we had was that she was making the arrangements to come home.  If she's in Manila, she can get ahold of me.  Why isn't she?  I guess the answer is obvious.

Don't worry, I have the firearms locked up and my mother is removing any sharp objects from plain sight :c)  I guess I would have to feel something to move in that direction.  I say that all sarcasticly, because that's the only thing I feel right now.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.  "I told you so's" can wait until later, if you don't mind.

Maybe I should've waited to post until I had everything better orgainized in my mind, but I just needed to vent and see if anyone had any wisdom to offer.

Faith running on Empty,

H

Relax, these things have a way of working themselves out.

No "Told you so's" coming from me. You'll do enough "I should've known's" all by yourself. But let's stay positive for a moment and think about what might have happened.....

Perhaps she is borrowing money from relatives because she wants to pay you back for the money you have spent to save her father......from what I remember, you said she behaves like that...never wanting to trouble you for anything.

Secondly...I wouldn't believe any second hand stories from anyone over there, relative or no. They just might be jealous of what Ayesa has with you and  they may be trying to sabotage her relationship with you.....if you really think one exists. I would wait to hear what she had to say. And......I would not get involved in telling anyone what "so and so" said to "so and so". The story will morph into something beyond your wildest bad dreams as it is passed from person to person, relative to relative. Abstinence from gossip or questions should include her mother. Get your answers from Ayesa....She is the one that you need to talk to. Forget the rest.

How much longer should you wait? I would wait until she called me or until a month went by...whatever comes first. If she asks for money......I would flatly refuse explaining to her that she already has a paid ticket home. Why in the world would she need more money if she is on her way home to you? When you finally are able to communicate with her, ask her if she borrowed money from any relatives. If she did, demand a reason why. If no answer is forthcoming or you feel you have been lied to then my advice would be to take massive action and see an attorney ASAP!!!!!

Now for the negative....

My friend....no one should have to go through what you are going through. But man, you are the one putting yourself through this whole thing trying to convince yourself of a reality that just plain does not exist. Your concerns for her far outweighs her concerns for you (based on what you have told us through this whole thing)

If she really, truly had feelings for you, she would be communicative....SHE ISN'T.

And don't give me that "It's a cultural thing" line of horse hockey. I spend a good deal of time in Ann Arbor, Michigan (we both live near there.....I went to school there) and I observe Asian couples and American-Asian couples there all the time.....in the malls, the grocery stores etc. I have to say that 80% of the time I have seen couples like this together,the  Asian girl is hanging on the guys arm as if he were the last man on Earth sharing smiles, glances and laughs with each other. Has Ayesa ever exhibited her love for you in this simple fashion? Be objectively honest with yourself.

And finally.....

I don't think you will fall hard if your worst suspicions materialize. Through out this whole ordeal, I think you have been preparing yourself sub-consciously for the worst. And your feeling of numbness comes from allowing yourself to be emotionally trapped by this whole thing (my opinion). If it all falls apart (It never was together like it should have been from the start -  My opinion) then Dude........try again. There are plenty of women over there that would treat you like you deserve....and they would hold your arm like you were the last guy on Earth, treat you like a god and genuinely love you. This woman (Ayesa) has problems.....BIG problems, and you have allowed her problems to become your problems. I think that when this storm has passed and you are with that special someone that thinks you are heaven sent, you will look back at the whole ordeal and regard it as silly and wonder where your head was at. Keep up your faith Howard....But keep your faith that that special some is still out there for you and you have not yet met. Life is too short to suffer like you are man. There is no reason at all to suffer like that unless you like it......And I don't think you do. What doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Peace Man

Mars

I've heard it more than once or twice with young, immature women (of all nationalities) to be really let down after marriage. They'd fantisized a Prince Charming, knight in shining armor, so much that when the reality of everyday life strikes, there's a serious letdown. The same goes for some new immigrants. When they realize that the streets here really aren't paved with gold and not all Americans live the fun, glitzy lifestyle so realily offered up on TV, plus their new home is not nearly as comfortable and convenient as their old, there's yet another letdown. I have no idea if this is your situation, but it may be something to think about.

Best of luck to you.

-- Jeff S.

Bear