Lessons learned

[slojas1]

[This message has been edited by slojas1]

I think all have learned hard lessons in this process.
I was taken by the first girl I met and supported her family for a month before I realized she was more interested in George and Benjamin than Slojas. The beauty can be blinding and the lessons painful, but you have to get up and take responsibility for your actions. Once I realized this woman wasn't right it still took me two weeks to pull the trigger and get rid of her. The hardest part was admiting that I was a sucker and had been taken. Moral of the story, if you know things are not right or feel things aren't right...they aren't right!

What are some of the lessons learned from others?

[dolphin]

... in response to Lessons learned, posted by slojas1 on Mar 21, 2005

Hi Slojas:

    Believe me, you're not the only one who has been taken. Last June I went to Barranquilla with Latindream tours.  I arrived there on a Thursday.  On Friday night, they sponsered a party.  There were about 70 ladies at this party and us six guys.  It was a dream.  Me being who I am, stayed with the first beauty I saw.  That was mistake #1.  She seemed very legitimate: language translator, conservative look, etc....  Well, I spent most of my two weeks with her (and her chaparon).  I thought she was the one.  However, I could not have been so wrong.  When I left BAQ, she did not show any emotion (cry, sad look), nothing.  that was Red Flag #1, the second red flag was every time I called her, the phone would mysteriously shut off.  the third flag was when she asked for $125.00 for English classes, and more money to repair her "father's" television set.  I called it off about two months after I got home from BAQ.  Like you, I didn't feel right. The lesson I learned was that it is very important to get to know the person you're starting a relationship with.  I should have met more ladies when I was there in BAQ.  I know this is true, because there are two other guys who did that and met great women whom they are engaged to marry.  Right now I'm corresponding with a wonderful woman from the Dominican Republic.  We've been corresponding, via e-mail, telephone, for about two months.  I will be going to visit her in June.  Because I'm taking the time to develop a friendship first, it's making me feel more positive about this process of going to a foreign country to meet women.

My 2 cents,
Dolphin

[zed]

... in response to Re: Lessons learned, posted by dolphin on Mar 21, 2005

My buddy and I went to Cusco, Peru two times last year and had a blast both times.  He's probably going to marry the girl he met there, and it looks all good from my vantage point.  She's really something.  He and I had talked about going to BAQ several times, and I'm taking the plunge this week.  I've been in communication (online chatting, telephone) with a girl there for about four months.  Reading some of what's been posted here makes me a little nervous, but I did NOT meet her through a service.  So I feel like that's a plus.  I feel like I've gotten to know her fairly well so far in that time and she has always seemed very sweet and sincere.  So right now I'm just hoping that she's the real deal and that I won't regret not shopping around first.  I'm sure I'll be doing plenty of window shopping this week though!!  Any advice would be appreciated.

[Pete E]

... in response to Lessons learned, posted by slojas1 on Mar 21, 2005

For me the lesson was don't just jump right in and marry the first girl that you like that seems like an OK person.
Patience was never one of my virtues.Partially its a rebellion against a mother who's solution for everything was wait.I hate to wait if I want something.
The second lesson was if you make a mistake admit it to yourself,face the situation directly and move on.I stayed almost 4 years in a marriage that never seemed right from the first week.I didn't want to let her go because I loved her.I didn't want to hurt her,a mistake I make alot being too considerate of other people.But it had to get real bad before I was actually willing to leave.Knowing that about myself I should avoid getting in to these situations because I hesitate getting out.One old pattern I had in relationships would be to not dump the person,just wait untill they got so tired of it they would dump me,then breathe a sigh of relief.Kind of a guilt complex I guess,never wanting to hurt anyone.

Pete

[Zorrowins]

... in response to Re: Lessons learned, posted by Pete E on Mar 21, 2005

Hi Pete,
I remember following your daily posts regarding your very difficult ending of your marriage. But I've never actually heard what happened to your ex. Does she have regrets? Has she been through 8 more relationships since you? Just curious.