... in response to No habla spanish, posted by Nevergivingup on Feb 20, 2005OK,I will get roasted again for this probabaly.I admit I am lazy and speak not very good but some spanish after living in Colombia 14 months.
When I met my ex wife over 5 years ago,she spoke some english.At the time my spanish was almost zero.So she was way ahead of me.And moving to the states she needed to learn english if she was ever going to work and studying english was her main effort for 2 years or so.
So her english was always way better than my spanish.SO,WHICH LANGUAGE ARE YOU GOING TO USE? The easiest one.English in our case english.If I learned more spanish were we going to speak it?No.Unless it got better than her english which was never going to happen.Think about it.She gets maybe 70% proficient in english and you are 20 % proficient in spanish are you going to speak spanish? Not likely.
If I was FLUENT in spanish would it have helped the relationship? Probably.But its a rare person who will ever become fluent in a language of a country that he does not live in.
I have a number of friends who's wives spoke no english and they some spanish,maybe 30-40% .They spoke spanish because the wifes english was much worse,just the opposite of my situation.In my opinion this hampered the wife learning english.Did it help the relationship?I doubt it.Communication was still poor.The wife might have felt a little less overwhelmed having to learn the language right away.But communication is limited to the best you can speak in either language.
NOW,don't misunderstand me.I think it is important to speak spanish in this endeavour.Not so much to surpass a wife who is way ahead of you in english.But its important when meeting a girl with almost no english,which is most of them.Its also important in being able to communicate with her family.Even after she learns english you will still have to try and communicate with them.
AND if a person,or a couple lives in Colombia its important for the guy to speak spanish.I know that.I am just lazy about it and one of the main reasons is I was insulated from it to an extent by a wife and novia who spoke more english than my spanish.It was a crutch,just like you speaking spanish is if your wife is in the states and needs to learn english.
One more thought.My marriage and alot of other relationships I have seen did not work because there was not love on the part of the latina.What looked like love was really desire for what was in it for them.Language will help that only to the extent of figuring out that is the situation and avoiding the relationship with the person.That is possible even if your spanish is,poor,just more difficult.BUT,when the relationship is really right you will know it.ANY doubt and you better be VERY carefull.
I have never seen a bad relationship without warning signs.
I myself had a very clever girl who fooled me to an extent.Alot of that deception was what she said.I should have been paying more attention to other non verbal signs.
AND,some guys are just very verbal.Its important for them to have long in depth conversations about everything with their girlfriend or wife.That type of guy needs a woman who speaks english or he needs to speak spanish.Really good VERBAL communication is something that will come slowly for most guys in this endeavor.I would even say if it is that important for you this foriegn wife thing might be a bad idea for you.
Non verbal is much easier,and more important in my opinion.
I guess it comes down to do you want an emotionally responsive wife or an intellectual partner? You got a hard road here if its the second.
Yes there are all kinds of issues that need to be understood.A strong relationship will survive them.A weak relationship will buckle under them like the first snow storm in the US.And guys will say it was the language.Or the weather.If you wife splits over the weather you didn't have much going for you.Same thing if you can't overcome language issues.
Pete
