Who has this worked for??

[gkdrummer]

Hey guys,

Been sittin' in the rafters watching for over 4 months now, and I'm a little curious because most of the experiences I have read about have not been ultimately successful.  Is it that the guys who have been lucky enough to find a good long-term match have no reason to hang around this board anymore?  How many of you out there have found what you were looking for by choosing this route?  
There's a lot I like about the latin culture and the look of the women very much appeals to me, but I have to say that most of the stories I read follow the lines of "they are the most beautiful and warm women in the world ---- but it didn't work out".  Any success stories out there?

--gk

[Dean]

... in response to Who has this worked for??, posted by gkdrummer on Jan 2, 2004

gkdrummer,
I'm 49 and married to a lady from Bogota who is now 36.
She has a little girl now 7 and we adopted her cousin, he is now 13.

We have been married now for almost 3 years...

As others have posted in a similar vein, it was a hugh culture shock for my wife to come here.
She spoke no english, had very little experience in managing money, no experience in buying groceries or cooking or managing the household...her mom had done all of this with what little there was to work with...However my wife is one of the most organized clean freaks I've ever met...The house has completely been redone and reorganized over and over....(can't ever find anything...paty has reorganized so many times that heven she can't find things anymore... )

I'm pretty sure that this experience will probably be one of the biggest things she ever does...

The first two years were very difficult...both of us are stubborn which helped and hurt the situation...

Its taken a lot of patience....LOTS of patience...

Working outside of the home and learning to drive have been significant in contributing to a more positive relationship.
The personal money, sense of more independence and self worth have helped a lot.

Paty is the most sensitive and warm person I have ever met...also one of the most stubborn and emotional...

I admire her bravery in coming to this country and enduring the changes that to her must at times seem overwhelming...

In summation...
It is possible to have success in these endevors...
It will require  HUGH amounts of patience and continual emotional support...from both parties...
The results are wonderful to watch....
She's warm and passionate, emotional and stubborn, childlike and yet very perceptive, sexy, but very sweet and gentle...
Very fun to be with, but terible when angry...

My wonderful wife...

[gkdrummer]

... in response to Re: Who has this worked for??, posted by Dean on Jan 2, 2004

Dean,

Thanks for taking the time to submit that thoughtful reply.  A few questions, if I may:  Your response seemed to indicate that your wife knew no english before arriving as well as limited skills in driving/budgeting, etc. (do you speak spanish?) - I can't recall the member right now, but there's one guy here who has claimed a few times that it is important to find someone who doesn't need a long "break-in" time.  In hindsite, would you have looked for someone more independent to avoid those difficult times?  I also wanted to ask you about that temper issue, but I think I'll create a new thread as I'm interested in everyones response on that one!

thanks again

--gk

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: Re: Who has this worked for??, posted by gkdrummer on Jan 2, 2004

Anyone who thinks their new LA wife should be completely adjusted/independent within a few months is clueless. If you narrow your choices to those that will adjust quickly, you eliminate 90% of available Latinas. This process ain't for the lazy/impatient.

[wizard]

... in response to Who has this worked for??, posted by gkdrummer on Jan 2, 2004

As CaliJames said, success is a relative thing... He is correct in that the true test is over time...

My Bogotana and I have been married for 8 months and our relationship is very good... Assimilation into US society is both important and difficult at the same time... My wife speaks Ingles and has found a job to occupy her time... She fills fulfilled in her role within our family... Speed-bumps have been few and far between...

It's all part of KNOWING who it is you are marrying BEFORE the nasty little suprises pop out...

[Cali James]

... in response to Who has this worked for??, posted by gkdrummer on Jan 2, 2004


I suppose it depends on what a person considers 'a success'.  A guy further down on the list is claiming success and he isn't even married yet nor his girlfriend here, so success is somewhat relative I guess.

If divorce is a measure of failure, I think the numbers are high.  In the group of 6 to 8 marriages that I know of here in California, two are divorced or headed there and it may only be coincidence, but they are the marriages that occurred earliest.  Of the remaining couples, things seem to be going well but then again, very little would surprise me at this point.  I think after 3 years of marriage, a more accurate picture of success / failure emerges....Here's hoping that everyone makes it.

[DaveyRich1]

... in response to Who has this worked for??, posted by gkdrummer on Jan 2, 2004

GK,
I am 41 years old married to a 28 year old lady from Cali.I feel very fortunate because like yourself I read the post a couple of times a week and I see so relationships that have not turned out to good. I think you can find Gold Diggers in any part of the world. I also think sometimes it is our fault to we pick the young beautifl girl who has no idea what to expect when she gets to the States. They leave their family and friends behind and come to a new place with a new language and all they have is you. Most do not know how to speak much english or how to drive. They have no idea how to manage money because most have never had any to manage.I was very lucky my wife speaks good English has good computor skills and was working in Cali. The only other thing I would consider is how often you can afford to let her visit Cali and call Cali.It depends what part of the country you are in but it will be close to $2,000 for her to visit home. You should discuss that up front how often she will be able to. I think each person who has done this can relate to an expensive phone bill. Now my wife talks by computor at no cost. I went to Cali 5 times had 3 serious relationships and married the 3rd girl who was working as my translator after knowing her for 10 days. I have been married 2 1/2 years and would not change anything.
                      Good Luck
                            Dave

[Pete E]

... in response to Who has this worked for??, posted by gkdrummer on Jan 2, 2004

I know a numner of success stories,but the guys don't bother to post anymore.Of the 6 or 8 couples I know personally only 2 including myself,didn't work out to this point.
You can get an umbalenced view following this board.Many guys who were successfull just move on in their lives.

Petye

[lswote]

... in response to Who has this worked for??, posted by gkdrummer on Jan 2, 2004

I would guess that your question "Is it that the guys who have been lucky enough to find a good long-term match have no reason to hang around this board anymore?" covers alot.  I have been happily married for almost a year and am expecting a son with my wife in February and frankly I have less and less interest in posting here as time goes by.  I just have other things on my mind than arguing with someone over some small point that doesn't really matter.  I think many happily married guys are in the same boat.  They just stop posting when they find someone, so many of the posters that remain are those that haven't had the same success and those are going to be the people that post the most.

[Onephd]

... in response to Who has this worked for??, posted by gkdrummer on Jan 2, 2004

It works.  I met a wonderful lady in Bogota and just arrived back from there. I consider my relationship to be a work in progress. Thats the reason I don't post much about my trips or anything.

FYI-Used Odee International to met my lady. I also used LAI too.  Both are very good agencies with good women.  

Also sat on the plane next to a guy that was returning home from visiting his lady in Bogota as well.  So the stories are out there.  

I guess you don't hear much from the guys that are in transition so to speak-the work in progressGuys that have met nice women and are working through the relationship.  In that regard, you are only going to hear about "finished products" (positive or negative experiences).

I would say go for it and use common sense in this.  learn from the people that have been brave enough to post about their negative experiences and those that have posted about their positive experiences.

In my case, I corresponded daily with my lady for about a month before I flew to meet only her in Bogota.  I had been to Bogota on two other occasions before.  I had a good feeling from the first moment we spoke on the telephone and so did she.  

There are no hard and fast rules to this.  You  have to first inventory yourself and know yourself and be honest about yourself.  Then go forward and choose a method for meeting a woman. If you don't have much experience dating, then got the agency route first, meet several women, learn how to date and meet women and how to ask the right questions. If you have more experience then maybe its good to go and meet only a few or only one.  There are positive stories out there about guys that only went to meet one girl.  Most of it depends on your experience with women and the level of sincerity with the women.  Bottom line is do what makes you comfortable.  

Any questions feel free to contact me or someone else offline.  

Good luck

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Who has this worked for??, posted by gkdrummer on Jan 2, 2004

GK

This probably won't be what you want to hear, but...

I would've preferred a couple of exciting years with a beautiful Latina than spending the rest of my life with a local woman who really didn't excite me.  You only live once (Solo se vive una vez).

In my case, I'm just difficult to live with.  There may be some other failures here that fall into that category.  If you're a good partner your chances of success are probably as good with a Latina as with a local woman.  And you can upgrade the view substantially.

Steve

[JR n Atl]

... in response to Who has this worked for??, posted by gkdrummer on Jan 2, 2004

GK,

I started this process about a year ago and found a wonderful woman in Bogota. At present, we're awaiting her K1, which we expect to finalize in April, and are planning a June wedding here in the US. We couldn't be happier.

You used the word "lucky" in your post. I've posted before WRT my views on failures and keys to success in this process, and maintain that most can be traced back to poor choices and decision-making on the part of the men. Call it the kid-in-the-candy-store syndrome or blinded by looks or whatever you want. (Before you all pile on, almost to a man, those who've failed have stated as much here on this board. I'm only taking them at their word.) In any event, I would respectfully disagree that success is dictated soley by luck and wouldn't want fence-sitters to come away with the wrong impression. We have a lot more control than we realize.

I've not been active much recently for a couple of reasons. My work has kept me extremely busy and I simply don't have a lot of time to post, although I usually read the board every couple of days. I also think the level of discourse has deteriorated a bit in recent times and until now I just haven't seen much that interests me enough to weigh in on. Like you, I have noted that many posts of late have involved failures, and maybe those of us who have been successful should contribute more so onlookers and lurkers won't form an incorrect or incomplete picture of things.

Regards,
JR

[gkdrummer]

... in response to Worked fine for me. , posted by JR n Atl on Jan 2, 2004

Some good points offered guys, thanks.  Even so, I notice the two strongest endorsements come from JR and OnePhd, who still haven't reached the "final" stage of living together in the US (and I certainly wish you all the best for the future).
But - how about 10 years together?  20 years?  Is it possible? Does it happen?  Also, there seems to be two basic ideologies regarding the women:  those looking for a partner close to their age and those looking to find somone much younger (why? because they can!)  DallasSteve, I understand your point about  grabbing something hot, even if it only lasts a short while - there is some merit to that concept, after all, we all die someday, why not grab the choicest woman when it's entirely possible and take a chance.
But - I also hope to find a partner to have around for the long-haul, and a much younger woman IMHO stacks the deck heavily against you.  I've already seen the influence the latino population in the US can exert on a woman who chooses to marry a gringo.  I think it's a much more viable choice if you plan to live down there, as opposed to bringing her up here.  And, being a single parent with custody of an 11 y/o, I am stuck here in Sarasota for a minimum of 7 more years - and probably more.
JR, my definition of luck is "when opportunity meets preparation" and I certainly think you are right when you say that luck (pure dumb luck) won't get you far.
Thanks for the input everyone and keep 'em coming.  I wonder how many of us there are who mostly just sit in the rafters?

Un Prospero Año Nuevo por todos!

--gk

[Red Clay]

... in response to Who has this worked for??, posted by gkdrummer on Jan 2, 2004

Many of us who are now happily married do tend to post less than we did before, some have almost completely stopped. I believe I increased my chances of success (lasting) by not going the Colombian agency route, although there are success stories from there. Basically I believe most happily married board members are too busy doing other things to spend alot of time here.