My wife is home from the hospital

[Edge]

... in response to Are you telling us a story about this wh..., posted by Aaron on Jun 29, 2003

What a strange person you are??  You like to kick a brother when he is down??

Iswote has more class than you have in your little finger as well as a ton more credibility.  I think Iswote will pull through this because he has heart.

Grow up or find someone who will mentor you about how to interact with people.

[lswote]

... in response to Are you telling us a story about this wh..., posted by Aaron on Jun 29, 2003

Aaron, if it wasn't for the fact this board has had too many stories told, I would be very offended by your question.  As it is, all I can say is wizard has met me and my wife in person at LAI in Bogota.  pablo has met me at LAI in Bogota.  I have talked to Pete E on the phone.  Of course none of them can vouch for my story, but they can vouch that I do exist and wizard can vouch that I am married to a Colombiana from Bogota.

I wish this story was just a story, but it isn't.  I am sorry I am even posting it, because I know many guys would just as soon not read about it, but the truth is I don't have many friends and I don't have an outlet of anyone to talk to and it is very difficult to make sense of things right now and to know what the right thing to do is.  This board is the closest thing to a group of friends that I have.

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Are you telling us a story about thi..., posted by lswote on Jun 29, 2003

Bruce,

Late last night I read the board and saw your current post.  I was going to reply then because my heart went out to the two of you but didn't because I was so tired.  I had a hard time sleeping brother because of the situation you are going through and worse, what you recently felt.

Wizard and others have responded with good advice but I want to also encourage you to hang in there man!  Keep loving that wife of yours and I know you guys will pull through.  As a result your marriage will be much, much better and stronger.  

You are a good guy and your wife is a sweetheart.  After all you guys have been through it's worth fighting for rather than thinking about throwing in the towel.  Both of you are going through the wringer, so just try to love her and meet her needs.  She will appreciate that immensely and it will pay off later.  Her being homesick now and wanting to go back home isn't a slam on you.  I'd think many of these Latinas get terribly homesick and with your wife now, even more so.  It will pass if you are an encouragement to her.  

I am glad you feel free enough to share your stories with us here on the board.  We are all pulling for you and in time things will work out.

One last thing, no more Nestle's Quick, make the real stuff.

Pablo

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: Are you telling us a story about thi..., posted by lswote on Jun 29, 2003

Well, allow me to be very offended for you (and I think others will agree with me). I saw this post and was trying to think of what to say to chastise Aaron without hurting you, and while I was thinking about it, you posted.

Aaron: A man, who has been here long enough that we know he is NOT prone to telling tales nor engaging in flame wars, came here and said that he has a serious problem and that he's hurting. He asked for our help and you responded by calling him a liar? ZERO credibility for you, Mister self proclaimed 'nice guy'.

[wizard]

... in response to Re: Re: Are you telling us a story about..., posted by Michael B on Jun 29, 2003


I had to refrain from responding to Aaron's post earlier this morning myself, as it is up to Bruce to speak for himself... But now that Bruce has replied, I have to say that Aaron, you are a PUTZ for even doubting this thread...

Why would ANYONE put themselves in the spotlight, even here, on such a delicate topic??? In case you failed to realize it, this forum is a form of support for many people in the process... Not just to talk about the hottest babe, or the best agency, or the cheapest airfare... Outsiders to this process have a difficult time relating to some of the issues we deal with in an inter-cultural relationship... Good, bad or otherwise...

As Bruce indicated, I have met both he and his wife in Bogota... I can attest to the fact that yes, they are married... Had you taken the time to look at Bruce's profile, you would have found links to photos of their marriage and honeymoon...

As Michael stated, not the sort of behavior one would expect from a god-fearing, christian, abstinate, "nice guy"...

Oh, that felt good...

[JR n Atl]

... in response to Re: Are you telling us a story about thi..., posted by lswote on Jun 29, 2003

Bruce,

I think everyone here is 100% behind you and your wife. I, for one, appreciate your willingness to post about this because it brings to light potential pitfalls for me and Maria when she finally arrives here. We're here to learn and help each other and I for one don't mind at all your posting about this here. If you like, send me an email and I'll shoot you my phone number. Call anytime.

JR

[Onephd]

... in response to My wife is home from the hospital, posted by lswote on Jun 28, 2003


I'm glad that it seems that your wife is out of the woods, but I'm sorry about the doctor bill.  I know its difficult for both of you to start a relationship this way.  I think you have to remember that its important that you not take her sudden change in attitude personally.  She is hurting emotionally and physically now (as you are too).  Now is the time that you are going to have to be supportive of her and give her what she needs with the understanding that she can't give much in return now.

I can tell you that I don't think her behavior is unique to someone that has just arrived to the US and involved in an inter-cultural marriage.  I know of a man that had the same situation with his American wife.  She was going through bouts with cancer and one day I asked how his wife was doing, and he replied that "she was being very moody/cranky"(that's putting it nicely, he chose other descriptive words at the time), but he was trying to help her as he knew her attitude and behavior was not because of him personally, but because of all the sickness, medical treatments and such she was going through.

My point is that I think perhaps  your wife is frustrated beyond what you can understand.  She has no outlet for her stress other than you.  Thus you are going to feel the anger and resentment now. It doesn't mean she is a bad person or that you deserve such treatment. Its just one of those things that people in relationships must accept when they marry.  Remember the vows- "In sickness and in Health, for richer or for poorer"-  Now is the time that you have to suck it up and be there for her.  Give her time.

Remember you wife is not feeling good physically. Its hard to be affectionate in anyway when you are physically sick. How affectionate are men when we are sick?  Its hard man.

Just give her time.  My friends wife is fine now after her bout with cancer and their marriage was never in trouble.  He realized that he just had to deal with it for a little while until she felt better.  Your marriage is fine as long as you don't give up on it.  I know you got the bills on your mind as well as your wife's health.  But just try to be strong for both of you now.  When she recovers, maybe a trip back to Bogotá will be in order, but I wouldn't stray far from home until the infection is gone completely.   Just keep being the loving husband that you have been.  When she feels better physically, she return back to her old self.  Try not to speak of the money issue with her. You don't want her to feel bad or anything like that.  

Stay strong and best of luck with everything.

[burbuja2]

... in response to Re: My wife is home from the hospital, posted by Onephd on Jun 29, 2003

Don't be too caught up in your wife's mood swings right now.  None of us are at our most charming when we're sick.  Bruce, if you want to talk to me on the phone, e-mail me at burbuja2@cox.net and I'll send you my phone number too.

[Michael B]

... in response to My wife is home from the hospital, posted by lswote on Jun 28, 2003

Bruce, glad she came through. And I know you are emotionaly spent....so is she....and she's most likely still feeling (physicaly and mentaly) really bad. You didn't mention the baby--don't know if I should even ask...but if the worst happened.....well, that's going to make her very depressed....it's nothing you caused and there's nothing you can do about it except comfort her. I think your marriage will survive (I'll give it 98%, how's that?), you just have to realize that right now she might not be able to give any affection....but that just means that you have to give her MORE....especialy more emotional than physical, for the time being.

I don't think medicare will pay the bills (remember the affidavit of support?)...but I wouldn't worry about it, worst they can do is sue you, but they seldom if ever do, I still owe a hospital $28,000 from a similar emergency 3 years ago (where I was the patient), they haven't even reported it to the credit reporting agencies. If you pay them something, anything, like $100 a month, they won't bother you.