My Marriage To A Colombiana Ended In Divorce

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: Re: Well Said, posted by Fingaroll5 on Apr 6, 2002

Right on bro...

thanks for watching my six.

we need to talk Finga

junfan68@yahoo

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: Well Said, posted by colman on Apr 6, 2002

n/t

[HappyInBrazil]

... in response to My Marriage To A Colombiana Ended In Div..., posted by JunFan on Apr 5, 2002

Very sorry to hear this sad news.  I wish you the best in recovering from your experience.  Also, thank you for sharing this sobering post so we can all give our own situations some thought.

[Red Clay]

... in response to My Marriage To A Colombiana Ended In Div..., posted by JunFan on Apr 5, 2002

JunFan,
  So sorry to hear this. I wonder if you think that "using" more of the K-1 90 day period to get to know her better would have made a difference in your case, that is, being able to see it wasn't going to work before you actually tied the knot.
  I hate to say it because you have always come across as a good guy, but some of the short time frames you described [4 months married, two days between announcing divorce and her departure]will raise questions of your commitment in the first place. Even in the roughest times of my engagement/marriage so far, I can't imagine "telling her" it's over and her being gone back to SA two days later. It sounds a little like you expected too much from her too soon in regards to her ability to acclimate and become more "maintanence free". Carmen and I have been married 1 year, have been living together for a total of about a year and a half. Her English is almost perfect, she studied it in college before we ever met. She also already knew how to drive, and she has always thought that it was strange for Latin people to come here and not attempt to become a part of our culture. In spite of all these "advantages", we still have had some days when we wondered if we had done the right thing by getting married. Sometimes I feel like a babysitter and I'm sure that sometimes she feels frustrated too, but I believe we both were aware that this type of marriage requires ALOT of patience to work, we never thought that things would be on cruise control after a few months of getting used to each other.

 One guy on here who had it rough at first but didn't bail is Pete. I really admire his efforts to do whatever it took to make it work and now his situation is much improved after some counseling and help in communicating, etc.

 I know it ain't easy to tell your story on here, I appreciate your candor and hope you don't take my observations as bashing. I really am sorry it ended for you two, and would hope that all guys on here would think seriously about your experience as they look for a Latina mate.
 Good luck and please post in the future if you feel up to it.
 -Dave

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: My Marriage -Shocked and saddened, posted by Red Clay on Apr 6, 2002

Red,
First of all I want to make sure people knew that I was committed to this thing.  Heck, I was in up to the elbow for a full year before she got here.  I was paying for English classes down there, driving classes down there, sending money to her when she became unemployed (funny how that happened right after meeting me).  I threw an engagement reception at the Hotel Prado in Barranquilla so that her family, hosting about 50 people and it was first class.  

I fully realize it is impossible for someone to adjust to a new culture in 4 mos.  I failed long before this.  It was then too late.  I failed back when she showed me no progression in her English during the year prior to her arrival on the K-1. If I had to do over again, I would have taken more time and insisted she have some English under her belt as a condition for her coming to the USA.  It's hard to imagine how a poor Colombian girl can have one year to prepare herself for the opportunity of her (and her family's) lifetime.  For one to show complete apathy towards her 'mental game' is either defiant, lazy or stupid.  

I just thought I would respond to a couple of the very good points you brought up:

"I can't imagine "telling her" it's over and her being gone back to SA two days later"

~~~Yep, that was no fun, for either of us.  It was hands down the worst 36 hours of my life, and hers I'm sure.  But, it was best that she get back to her family as fast as possible.  No sense in dragging out the agony.  She would have been completely alone living in Dallas and emotionally unstable so it was the best thing.  A difficult thing, even appearing ruthless...but it was best to get out an axe and hack the arm off in one blow rather than saw it off with a hacksaw.

"One guy on here who had it rough at first but didn't bail is Pete."

~~~Good for Pete. Everyone has to make his own call.  He made his and is looking real good.  Time will tell how my decisions will turn out.

"I wonder if you think that "using" more of the K-1 90 day period to get to know her better would have made a difference in your case"

~~~Absolutely.  In fact, if I was doing it again, I would certainly put the woman on notice that by virtue of her setting foot on US soil does NOT necessarily mean we will get married.  I would emphasize that it is to see if the two are 'compatible'.

Mike

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: Re: My Marriage -Shocked and saddene..., posted by JunFan on Apr 6, 2002

JunFan Mike,
  My above post entitlted "Further Reality Check" was directed toward those here who seem to be unaware of the compromise and effort it will take in the MOB process, not toward you. The only thing that surpried me a little about your situation was the quick time frame of some of the events, but my guess is she was probably ready to head back home ASAP if things had been as rough as you say. You're right, no need to prolong the inevitable if it's really over.
  I do know that you put alot into your engagement, money, time, multiple visits to SA. I know you did your homework, and if you tell us that you honestly did your best, I believe you.
  My marriage is so good so far, I would still recommend it to anyone who is willing to put in the effort. I still think you can find a Latina that is a good match for you, if you still want to try.
  Good luck my friend-

[Ross2]

... in response to My Marriage To A Colombiana Ended In Div..., posted by JunFan on Apr 5, 2002

Thanks for the post. I'm sorry it didn't work out and it must have been tough to write about. The transition process is what scares me most about this endeavour because it is such a huge change, and I wonder how many of these ladies really know what they are in for.

Ross

[Wayne]

... in response to My Marriage To A Colombiana Ended In Div..., posted by JunFan on Apr 5, 2002

Mike,

Thank you for posting your experience.  I have found therapy in posting my experiences with my Russian wife of 3 years.  The year after my divorce with my Russian wife was the absolute worse year of my life.  I really felt crazy at times.  I've been through what you are going through, and it really sucks.  Try to be thankful you didn't invest any more time then you did.  I invested 3 years into my Russian wife, and she didn't go back.  She is driving around in the new car that I bought her.  It's taken me a while to get used to the idea that I got really worked over by her.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel.  I suspect if you are like me, you will try a few dates with American women, and then start looking south once again.  The alternative just isn't that attractive.

My Russian wife was alot of work from day 1.  My Colombian wife that I have been with non-stop for almost 4 months has never been a problem.  It has felt right from day one.  It either fits, or it doesn't.  The test of time is going to tell, and it is still early for me, but it is totally different then the crash and burn that was imminent with Russian snow princess.

I believe that when we marry these girls after not knowing them long, there really is some luck involved.  The luck just wasn't on your side the day you met her.\

Take care of yourself.

Wishing you much happiness,
Wayne

[Michael B]

... in response to My Marriage To A Colombiana Ended In Div..., posted by JunFan on Apr 5, 2002

(to paraphrase some of what you said)
1) Sometimes you both try, but it just doesn't work out
2) It was not entirely her fault
2) She has many good qualities

Sorry it didn't work out, but it took courage to make this post, both to admit it didn't work and to not just say "another  %^(*#$  scamming  b&^%h" like SOME guys would.

This makes you a real gentleman in my book.

[bogota vet]

... in response to My Marriage To A Colombiana Ended In Div..., posted by JunFan on Apr 5, 2002

Good info, tough story.

How much effort to learn english, and do they have the mental capability.  Those are critical, thanks for the advice.

You should try other cities , each city in Colombia is country unto its own.