Japanese women

[DE]

I'm sure that I've probably posted this before, but I honestly can't remember.  So if I'm beating a dead horse with this question, please forgive me.  My question mainly is what is the attitude of Japanese women and their families toward their marrying a "gaijin"? I ask this because I've always found Japanese women extremely attractive, though I'm also considering other Asians and also Europeans (I'm wanting to get a 'feel' for them all, you know?)  Also, does anyone know of any Japanese communities in the States?

[Jeff S]

... in response to Japanese women, posted by DE on Jan 11, 2002

I've been married to a Japanese woman for some time and I'm pretty entrenched with the local Japanese community. As a rule, Nihon-jin consider Haku-gin (gringos) to be loud, rude and without social graces. Of course, you can imagine that Japan has been basically occupied continually since 1945, so that most Japanese's exposure to Americans has been via drunken sailors on leave. I'd bet if you asked Filipinos who used to live near Subic Bay, Arabs near the Ridiya Air base, or Panamanians near the Canal Zone, what they thought of Americans, you'd get similar responses. Most Japanese tell me I seem more like a European than an American, even though I'm 6'4", 275 lbs, a lifetime NRA member, and about as conservative as they get. Anyway, the point is, if you're polite and patient, Japanese will respect you and welcome you. Now, they might be upset if you want to marry their daughters but that is also a solvable situation with patience and time.

To appear as if you have some social graces to a Japanese, you'll need to learn some subtle cultural things that'll make the difference between appearing rude and polite. Learning some of the language (even just a few choice polite phrases will be enough) to show you have respect for them, also. Other than that, and the fact that you'll need to impress their parents, Japanese are like any other women anywhere else. Some insist on marrying within their own nationality (but that's true everywhere) but plenty are willing to marry Americans, especially those already here in the US. The LA and Orange County (California) area has many Japanese.

E-mail me if you like for more specifics.

-- Jeff S.

P.S. When you're in Japan, you're a gai-gin. When you're here, she's the gai-jin (outsider)

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Japanese women, posted by Jeff  S on Jan 12, 2002

Watch those comments about "drunken sailors"! :-)

Ray

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Japanese women, posted by Jeff  S on Jan 12, 2002

Hi Jeff,

You're 6'4" and a member of the NRA? No wonder the Japanese like you. ) In fact...I like you too! )) If I have ever done anything to upset or offend you, PLEASE let me know. I will punish myself immediately.))

We don't learn much about the Japanese culture here. Thanks for the info. I dated a Japanese lady (student) 20 years ago. She spoke Japanese and French. I spoke English and Spanish. We were both very patient, so somehow it kind of worked out. I tried to learn Japanese, but I learned more about the names of food than I did about their culture. )

Your humble friend,

Dave "Haku-gin"

[DE]

... in response to Re: Japanese women, posted by Jeff  S on Jan 12, 2002

Jeff,

Since you're married to a Japanese woman, I'm going to assume that you speak Japanese.  Jitsu wa, watashi wa, Nihon no bunka ni sonkei ga takusan arimasu.  So as you can see, I can speak the language, though I know I have a few gaijin mistakes here and there.  But I do have a lot of respect for their culture.  What I really love about Japanese is how respectful they are and how they do their best to retain harmony at all times.  If I can get a scholarship, I'm planning on going to Japan to study abroad for about a year, and I'm also thinking about teaching English in Japan for a while.  Could you please tell me what some of the cultural "subtlities" are that you're talking about?

Thanks,

DE

[Jeff S.]

... in response to Re: Re: Japanese women, posted by DE on Jan 12, 2002

Anata no Nihongo wa jozu desu ne! I have the same feeling about the Japanese culture, maintaining a harmony. If you can go there on a scholarship or to teach, I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time. If nothing else, the Japanese are cordial and friendly. There are thousands of teeny things, I discover more and more of every day, like where you sit in a car, room, resturaunt, how and when you give gifts and how much value they should have (the omiagi customs could consume volumes,) table maners, drink pouring manners, entering & leaving buildings, even how you address people up, down, and sideways (older, younger, and peers.) For instance, I use "o ne gai shi mas" (please serve me) when asked if I would like a drink or tea, or something, with my wife or mother in-law, but my wife gets upset and says I shouldn't use it with a waitress, even "kudasai" (please give me) is too polite, I should use "jodai" (also please give me.) There are all sorts of things the average American would consider trivial that can piss of a high class Japanese. It's funny, they have the ability to do things that piss you off as well without realizing it. The thing about all of the Far East is that it's so different than here. America was settled by Europeans so everthing here looks pretty much works and looks like it does here, but when you go to the East, you're in a different world.
-- Jeff

[DE]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Japanese women, posted by Jeff S. on Jan 12, 2002

Doomo arigatoo gozaimasu.  Demo, watashi no Nihongo wa, maamaa desu.  That's another thing I find interesting about the Japanese culture.  Over here, we'd gladly take a compliment.  Over there, it takes four or five tries before a person will accept a compliment, and even then very hesitantly.  Tell me, do you know anything about a company called "A Asian Princess"?  I found some Japanese women on it whom I might consider writing and also found some on Foreign Ladies.  I was considering Pacific Century, but then they went back to making you order whole magazines, which put a crimp in my plans.  

I know about a few of the little things in Japanese culture, such as "senpai" and "kouhai".  Also, the way that you use plain speech among friends but when with superiors, you use "humble" speech about yourself and use "honorific" forms to your superiors.  It seems that the entire culture is based around politeness, which is nice.