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Author Topic: Life in the married zone  (Read 9578 times)
John K
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« on: December 15, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »

It's been 3 1/2 years since Marina and I have married and much has changed.  We've moved 4 times, bought and sold a house, been through some times where money is tight, and now we are starting on an easier life (for the moment).  Through it all, we have faced a lot of adversity and overcome it.  It hasn't been easy, but we have prevailed.  For those of you just starting out on this journey, be forewarned that the first 2 or 3 years are the hardest.  If you survive those, then life gets a lot easier.

Now we are back in Iowa.  I am back at work in my old building and just a few short feet from my old desk.  We are back in our old apartment complex, except in a much nicer apartment. :-)  All in all, the last 2 years in California almost seem like a dream to us.  It's like we never left.  It's kind of weird.

Marina becomes more and more American with the passage of time.  For a long while, we weren't sure if she would adapt.  Her last trip to Ukraine sealed the deal, however, and she now seems more contented with life here.  She has even become almost pro-American when she goes to Ukraine.  Many Ukrainians think that Americans are fat, stupid and lazy and that we are just lucky that we have a good economy.  My wife found herself getting into arguments with locals over this on her last trip.  In her opinion, Americans work a lot harder than Ukrainians (fewer vacations, more hours), and we are wealthy because most of us work hard for it.  I watch this adoption of her new country with interest and a little satisfaction.  Patience and understanding have finally rewarded me.

Otherwise, I have little to report.  We are still busy redesigning our web site, with new information we received from our distributor.  I installed a new navigation menu, which changed the look and feel of the sight.  I also added in a site search engine to allow people to search the 100+ pages we have created so far.  There's still a lot to do before we go prime time though.  We need to get a reseller's license, set up a business account at the bank, visit the SBA for startup information, find a good web host, set up credit card processing, finish web pages and encrypt them, etc.  If we are lucky, we'll get our site up and running by late February (don't tell the missus that though...) :-)

All in all, I would have to say that we have gotten over "the hump", so to speak.  We aren't stressed out anymore, and disagreements (and tempers) are short lived.  Marina misses Ukraine still, but she isn't counting the days until her next vacation anymore.  We are growing together more and more, and we find ourselves thinking the same thoughts at the same time.  We complete each other sentences and pick up on each other's moods more quickly.  Our conversations are honest and open, and the missus has mellowed out considerably since she first came to America.  All in all, I am happy to say things are going well.

For those of you starting this, all I can say is be patient and understanding with your lady when she comes over.  It's a big step for her and not all women adjust easily to life over here.  Mine needed a lot of time, both here and back home, before she could finally commit to living here.  I hope you all have the best of luck.

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Stevo
Guest
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Life in the married zone, posted by John K on Dec 15, 2003

we know just split up after 5 years of marriage. The husband travelled back to Moscow with his wife and she stayed behind when he returned to the USA 3 days later.  She never became a Russian-American.  She was just a Russian living in America...NOT a recipe for success.

Stevo

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Jersey Mike
Guest
« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to You're right, not all women can make the..., posted by Stevo on Dec 15, 2003

That would be a pretty good description of my marriage that ended after about 4 years.  She's a pretty OK woman (but not nearly as nice or as honest as I originally believed her to be - and I lived with her for 6 months before marrying her!), but she never warmed up to living here.

Congrats to all who manage to find a good one and create a successful marriage.  It's not easy and the odds are pretty long, IMO, with a very considerable downside risk in the event of failure.

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wsbill
Guest
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to You're right, not all women can make the..., posted by Stevo on Dec 15, 2003

What was her husbands profession and hers as well.  It would be interesting if the INS would release this data to see which women from what region, background, etc... were more willing to stick it out, verse cut and run back home.

Clearly, I'm sure it's much more difficult for some guys who go to work each day and their wife doesn't have any say in their lifes together.

Verses the business owner who's wife works with him in his respective establishment.   I mean, not all of these women want to sit at home and clean your underwear and watch TV.

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Stevo
Guest
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: I'm curious, posted by wsbill on Dec 15, 2003

ggg
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wsbill
Guest
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Life in the married zone, posted by John K on Dec 15, 2003

I hear that's the business to be in... Get some of her old friends to write back to guys, no canned letters and I'll bet the money just starts to roll in.
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John K
Guest
« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2003, 05:00:00 AM »

... in response to Re: What kind of business.. .MOB, lol, posted by wsbill on Dec 15, 2003

We've decided to sell cosmetics to all your wives.  :-)

Seriously though, it's a good starter business.  It's small, manageable, and it will be a great learning experience for the both of us.  If it makes us money, it will be icing on the cake.  I intend to treat it as a serious business, setting up business bank accounts, accounting, advertising, sales tracking, etc.  That way, when we are really ready to branch out, we'll be better prepared for what lies ahead.

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