Day 2: The Quest Begins
Having had a rough night with little sleep, I woke up around 8:00 a.m. knowing that my first date was not going to be until 12:00. Laying in my bed, I mean on the couch since the owners of the flat I was staying in locked the bedroom, I thought about how best to use the next 30 days here in Tver. Did I want to just party, relax and have a good time, or did I want to be serious this trip and truly find the woman I wanted to marry? I had taken much of the advice from other guys to heart in thinking things through, but I realized that my approach would need to be my own, and that I had to stop listening to everyone's advice and just follow my heart, wherever it led me. I knew that if I really wanted to match this trip, I would. It was just a matter of making sure I didn't get distracted with the whole process and not be able to "lock in" on the girl that would be best for me.
I was hung over from last night's tequila so I was hoping that my stomach would settle down in time for my dates. The last thing I wanted to do was to be sick while on my dates. I had 2 very important dates with girls I previously met on my last trip, and I really was looking forward to the other dates with the girls I would be seeing for the first time. Since I was unfamiliar with my surroundings, the driver came to pick me up at 11:00 with my interpreter Helen to take me to the office for my 1st date at 12:00. I was going to meet Maria, a very nice woman who was 28 and had a 5 year old boy. I decided for this trip that a woman with a child would not be an impediment for me matching with the right woman. I settled into the office, said hello to the office staff who I had missed, and waited for Maria to arrive. Unlike my last trip, I was also going to stay away from the Interview Room, and instead take my dates outside of the office for tea, lunch, whatever. Anything to not sit in that room and make the meeting too formal.
Maria arrived and we went to Fortuna across the street for some lunch. Immediately I sensed no chemistry and attraction, but I wanted to at least see if my initial impressions were correct. I was not about to bail on her after only a minute, so we just enjoyed a nice lunch, although I knew that I would not be seeing her again. She just was not my type and we did not "click" at all. She was very nice and I am sure will make a wonderful wife for some guy, just not me.
My next date was not until 4:00 with Valeria so I had about 3 hours to go get my haircut and run some errands. I wanted to get my haircut because the guy who cut my hair last trip did such a good job, and my hair had grown quite long. Helen and I went to see Anton and got me a new hairstyle for my trip. I figured it couldn't hurt with the ladies, and I think I got a pretty decent style that Helen really liked alot.
Later in the afternoon, the tequila, jet lag, and lack of sleep caught up to me so I asked Helen to reschedule my meeting with Valeria. I knew that she would be disappointed, but I really wanted to be at my best when I saw her, as she was one of the main reasons that I had come back to Tver so soon. I wanted to see if we would be a good match, and I didn't want to wait 6 months to know for sure. Helen called Valeria to reschedule, and indeed she was very disappointed, as she was really looking forward to see me. She did however say something that I sort of thought was strange. She mentioned that she was surprised that when she asked Helen if I was seeing other girls this trip, Helen told her that I was. She said that I wanted to see other girls because I was not sure how serious she was about me.
Valeria and I had a wonderful time my last trip, but because she cancelled on me several times and rescheduled a few other times, I was not sure about how she felt about me. She was very affectionate with me, and we had amazing chemistry when we were together, but I was just not sure if she was just having fun or whether she saw me as a possible husband for her. I was surprised that Valeria thought I was only coming to see her, as our relationship was by no means at that stage, and I had never told her that she was the only girl that I was coming to see. Anyway, we scheduled a dinner date for sushi for 2 days later.
Now that I only had a 7:00 with Larisa and my 8:00 with Oksana, I had time to take a nap and try to get myself feeling better. I went home, took a nap, and was sleeping until Natasha, my other interpreter called me at 7:00 and told me that Larisa had cancelled and that I only had my 8:00 with Oksana, so I took a shower and walked to the office to meet Oksana.
I need to say that Oksana was definitely my 1st choice coming to Tver this time. I know that others believed that this was a mistake because she is definitely one of the most beautiful girls in the agency, even posting as much, but I had a good felling about her from my experiences with her and the letters we had exchanged prior to my trip. Oksana and I spent a lot of time together my 1st trip, had great chemistry, but I was not sure about her seriousness. When we talked about the serious subject after 3 dates, she told me that she was not "ready" for this discussion. I thought that maybe she was not serious about me, but since she was such a great girl and I really enjoyed my time with her, I continued to see her and not pressure her to make a decision about me. When I left Tver, I told Oksana that I wanted to keep in touch until I return in a few months, and she told me that she would write me often, even translating the letters herself so that she could practice her English.
We wrote each other quite a bit when I was back here in the States, even having a few misunderstandings that I knew we would talk about when we met. She told me in her last letter that she wanted to sort through her feelings and not write again until we saw each other in 2 weeks. I understood that she was a very cautious girl by nature so I was not sure if I was wasting my time with her. Therefore, this was part of the reason for the backup wishlist in case things did not work out with Zhanna, Oksana or Valeria.
I got to the office and Oksana arrived a few minutes after me looking absolutely amazing. From a pure looks standpoint, she was a 12 on a scale of 1-10, and my eyes immediately widened when I saw her. She also smiled when she saw me, as I think that she was very happy to see me. I made dinner reservations at a nice restaurant, as I wanted a nice and quiet place to eat and talk with her. I was determined to know right away whether I was wasting my time with her as a possible match for me.
Dinner was very good and the conversation was great. I was extremely happy to learn that I was not wasting my time with Oksana and that she was very interested in me and was very interested in me as her future husband. What was important about this dinner was that I learned three very important things about her:
1) She had not told her parents about her being in the agency when we were dating. She was fearful about what her parents would think of her dating an American man and looking for a foreign husband. She kept this from them but finally told them about me and the agency while I was home in the States writing to her. I guess she finally decided that because she wanted to get serious about me, she needed to tell them who was sending their daughter the flowers. She was very surprised to learn that they were extremely happy for her that she made this choice, and that they supported her decision fully. This was very important to her I think, and with their support, she might have felt that she could relax and really think about whether I was the man for her. I knew that she had seen other men while I was in the States and was still writing other guys. This is how the agency works: until a guy and girl are matched, everyone is free to date whoever they wish. Oksana knew that I was writing to other girls and I never told her that she was the only girl I was coming to see. There were no illusions by either of us that we were exclusive.
2) She never really wanted to accept a 2nd date from me, but wanted to be polite and considerate. She did not know that she could say "no" to a request for a 2nd date, adn since she was so new to the program when I asked for the 2nd date (she had only met one other man), she did not want to be rude. You must understand that when she joined the agency, she had not really thought seriously about finding a foreign husband. She was not sure how this all worked but was curious and thought it might be interesting to meet American men adn see if she fell in love with one of them. She told me over dinner that she was so very happy that she accepted my 2nd date request, as she believed that this was a sign that we were destined to be together, and things had been very good between us.
3) She really appreciated that I did not force her to decide after 2 or 3 dates whether she saw me as her future husband. Now others will say, and I will agree, that most guys need to get down to business right away and see if a girl is truly interested in the program and doing the paperwork if she meets the right guy. As I said from the very beginning, my experiences are extremely unique because I had two trips of 1 month each in which to figure this all out. Most guys get 10 - 14 days maximum and do not have the luxury that I was afforded. By giving her the time that she needed to sort through her feelings and get comfortable with me, my personality, and seeing me as much as she did, Oksana finally saw me as her future husband and was ready to now be serious about us.
I was of course elated when she told me this, as I was hoping that she would be the one that I would match with and marry. The only problem was that I still wanted to see other girls just to make sure that Oksana was truly the one for me. She was not saying that she wanted to match right now, but rather that she was ready to seriously look at us and our future in America. I knew this process could not be so easy, so I decided to temper my enthusiasm and look at the practical aspects of whether Oksana and I would be the best match. I knew I really liked her alot and loved being around her, but I was still not sure if she was ready to do the paperwork that would be necessary.
Natasha and I took Oksana home and I felt good about the evening.
About Natasha, she is a great interpreter for the office and I really wanted to work with her this trip for two reasons:
1) I thought that a freash perspective on my approach was warranted after my lack of success on my 1st trip. I knew that Helen and I should work together because we had such a good rapport and comfort level, but I also needed some fresh ideas, and I knew that Natasha, like Helen, had been at the agency for almost 8 years and was very experienced in helping guys work the program effectively.
2) I was planning on going to either St. Petersburg or Moscow and wanted an interpreter who knew the cities real well and could help me and hopefully the girl I would be matched with to plan a good trip. Since Helen was married, she was pretty much unavailable to travel for any extended period of time (I was planning on perhaps a week or two in St. Petersburg), so Natasha seemed like a good choice. She had been to Moscow and St. Pete often with clients and knew the cities real well.
Natasha and I went to have a beer and I asked her about her impressions of Oksana. She really liked Oksana and was impressed at how upfront and forthright she was with me over dinner. She mentioned that many Russian women will not be that open about their feelings right away, but instead wait until you are in a private place to express their feelings. All throughout dinner, Oksana kept grabbing my hand and caressing it very softly, and Natasha mentioned that this might be a good sign of her true feelings for me. I told Natasha that I was not going to commit to Oksana after only one night. I had 30 days left and it seemed absurd to make my decision now, but I had a feeling that Oksana and I would be spending much time together this trip, and believe me, that is not a bad thing at all.
I got home around 1:00 a.m. and went immediately to bed, knowing that tomorrow, I would have 4 more dates and a 2nd date with Oksana. Today was a good day. I had one incredible date with Oksana, my #1 choice, a nice time with Maria who I decided would not be a good match for me, one cancellation, Larisa, that was not a big deal to me, and I rescheduled my date with Valeria for 2 days later. This was a good start to my trip.
