trip report part 3

[genoramix]

(this was posted on antoher list this is why it keeps coming like that)

hi again all...

just coming back from my date with olga...

the more i am with this girl the more i like her...She's all i would
like to have in a woman...But why do i keep falling in love with teh
women who don't really seem interested!!!

basically first kiss on the volga river(on the boat, beautiful moon,
drinking Sauternes, hand in hand the whole evening). But after that i
tried to check what her real feelings were...and i didn't get the
answer i wanted..basically none in fact. Of course we don't know each
other really well yet, but i feel already it won't go anywhere (((

The problem is that she is very sincere and for that i like her even
more. Maybe i made a mistake telling her i also wrote to other girls
but that she was so much above the others i didn't want to meet some
anymore. basically when i told her i really liked her and i hoped
that she felt the same she didn't answer anything... so i told : "oh
bad answer" and after that she told me that she couldn't tell me sth
like that right now. After we went to look for her taxi, and when
leaving, just a few kisses on the lips, but not the passionate french
kiss like i would have liked...even a bit of coldness like to tell me
to come back to earth...

Since life is a real b*tch, i really feel in love now...It's always like that , the ones that are really interested don't really interest me, and the oppposite...Of course i have other plans...but now what??? Guess i'll just have
to clarify the situation to see if i have a slight chance. It's not
worth liking her more each time if in the end i come back completely
broken hearted...

Update : i called Olga today at noon, hoping i could see her again today, like to have a swim in teh volga or sth. She told me she was tired, that she needed a rest with a pretty bored voice, and when i asked her if she wanted me to call her tonight she just said " yes maybe you can"

Gosh....any one has the manual for Russian gilrs??? why did she let me do her a french kiss on the boat if it is to be that cold afterwards? tsss tsss...

anyway, till later,

Patrick

[Frank O]

... in response to trip report part 3, posted by genoramix on Aug 17, 2003

Stop thinkng with your emotions & your gonads & think with your head or you'll be in a world of hurt so quick you won't know what hit you.

[Globetrotter]

... in response to trip report part 3, posted by genoramix on Aug 17, 2003

Run Forrest, run!

[Cal]

... in response to trip report part 3, posted by genoramix on Aug 17, 2003

Sounds like you've got a case of "I want what I can't have" and you need to step back a bit and see whether she makes the next move.  Not that I am an authority on women, but it's been my experience that if a woman thinks she can HAVE you, she will not WANT you.  So I say go hang with your favorite #2 or #3 girl, get to know them better and be sure to show some uncertainty about your #1 girl.  Heck, even tell her that you're "still looking for the right girl" and "you're not sure about her" and mirror some of her own behavior back to her.  If she tries harder, you may have a chance.

Just remember that women are pretty much the same no matter where you go - they don't think rationally most of the time.  Their biology is different than men, so they are more apt to feel first, think later.  If you're constantly behaving like you are willing, able and interested in her, she's gonna keep you on the back burner because she KNOWS you like her.  If she doesn't KNOW and you get some emotional distance from her, then you may become a challenge and that's the place you want to be in.  If you are a challenge, women will drive themselves nuts trying to figure you out.

The trick of course is never to let a women completely know you.  If you alwaye keep them guessing, you will always be a challenge and therefore interesting.  So far, I have seen no difference in this behavior between any of the women I have dated, American or foriegn.  Always keep a woman on her toes, wondering what you will do next and she will never leave you.

Cal

[Yeahbaby]

... in response to Wanting what we can't have..., posted by Cal on Aug 18, 2003

You say-

"If you are a challenge, women will drive themselves nuts trying to figure you out."

How manipulative is that??  Isn't this the same kind of thing that men are always saying they hate about some women??

Then you say-

"The trick of course is never to let a women completely know you. If you alwaye keep them guessing, you will always be a challenge and therefore interesting."

The "trick"?  I'm sorry Cal but it seems to me that you must have once been quite badly burned after having given your all to a woman.  That doesn't mean that there are not women out there who do not deserve this kind of honesty.  What you are proposing is game playing to the fullest extent, not ever allowing yourself to become completely honest or completely vulnerable and this is the best way to avoid true intimacy with a woman.  Not something I can recommend at all.

When you find a truly good, honest woman, you don't need to play these kinds of games which will inevitably lead to the destruction and death of any relationship in time..

My 2 cents.

Oscar  

[Cal]

... in response to Respectfully and Strongly disagree-, posted by Yeahbaby on Aug 19, 2003

Gathering information about the woman in order to determine if she is really interested in you requires a bit of work, I'm just saying I know what works for me from experience.  I've had great, good and cruddy relationships with many women: American, Chinese, Cuban, Russian, Korean, Armenian and who knows what other countries and cultures in my 38 years.  I also have a lot of female friends, including a number of Ukrainian women who live in my city. I have heard more than once, what women like most in a man. They like a man who is always interesting to be around, who surprises them when they least expect it.  Women want to be constantly interested in their man.

A mysterious man is always interesting to a woman because she cannot help but want to explore his personality to know what makes him tick.  It's not about being open or vulnerable, it's about being INTERESTING.  Initially, when a man meets a woman, if female charm does not appear to entice him, then perhaps he is interested in more than  appearances.  If he melts like ALL THE OTHER GUYS then he's JUST LIKE THEM.  The "trick" is to not be another can of beans on the shelf, and to be interesting and different from other men.  And to remain that way forever.  Do you want to be "the greatest husband in the world" or "just like so-and-so's husband?"

When you initially meet a woman, if you want to really know whether she likes you, do the exact opposite that other guys do.  Go against your instincts and biology and think of her as nobody special, especially if she is gorgeous.  And always wear a big smile on your face, and laugh occasionally, even if she isn't being friendly.  Act as if her feminine charm has no effect on you, because you want to know the woman inside, which of course is the real woman.  And if it comes to it, let her make the first move on you, even go so far as to refuse sex if she offers it.  Tell her you want to know her better before you "make love with her."  Oops - you just slid the "l" word in, didn't you?  Wonder what she is thinking now?  Oscar, the only way to WIN THE GAME is NOT TO PLAY IT.

It's not manipulation or a game, it's stacking the deck in your favor by being DIFFERENT.  If the goal is to find her true intentions, then letting her take the lead is the surest way to find out.  Once you're involved, then you can be more vulnerable and emotional but not initially or you're doomed.  Oh, and as for being burned, hey I've been burned a heck of a lot more than once!  What does that have to do with giving someone a bit of advice on how to successfully meet and determine the intentions of a woman?

Cal

[Yeahbaby]

... in response to What do I know anyway! :^), posted by Cal on Aug 21, 2003

Why don't we just agree to diagree Cal..  I will end by saying that I believe it is important to be oneself, not pretend something if you don't feel it and not do this or that if you do feel it.  If you are true to yourself and act accordingly, when you meet the right woman, gorgeous or not, it will have a much better likelyhood of working IMO..  What do I know anyway, I've only been a therapist for the past 15 years..  ;-)

Later,
Oscar

[thesearch]

... in response to Respectfully and Strongly disagree-, posted by Yeahbaby on Aug 19, 2003

Life is strange but there is truth to his comments and there is truth in yours and IMHO the world of reality  swings back and forth between these two realities pulling a flavor of both as well as influences of others not mentioned.

It has nothing to do with manipulation as respect for truth. For example, if your wife thinks that you might be getting bored with her sexually and she decides to dress up in a very provocative way that she would not display in public so as to get your attention for a night of intimacy, is she manipulating you? Yes she is. Is it wrong? Of course not.

Everything reflects various shades of grey and I think that you might be seeing the black of his comments and understandably so. Obviously as relationships grow and expand there naturally becomes a shift that reflects more of your philosophy of how two people should be however, IMHO there is always a bit of what globetrotter is referring to even if it is subtle in good relationships. Just my two cents worth.

[genoramix]

... in response to Wanting what we can't have..., posted by Cal on Aug 18, 2003

this is a really good advice all men should follow...
I was so surprised by this girl i put her on a piedestal and thus i acted like an excited 14 year old....my mistake...

actually i don't know if i still have some chances with her but i'll try anyway...

in any case my main goal was not to find a wife but to have a good vacation .for money reasons due to my missed exams due in part to a snowboard accident in the winter which has made me miss 2 months of classes, i won't be able to come back to russia for a year..So i-m not in a hurry anyway.So my main goal has been reached. My vacations are really great!!!

I think all of the men involved in this quest should pay a visit to Volgograd...This is my favourite town in Russia now. It's way cheaper than moscow and as much fun!! Moreover it's the only city i don't have to do anything to find a girl(see my next installment...I still think about Olga a lot now, but with all what happens to me everyday, it's just a little hassle in my head, compared to what it was 2 days ago)

They should be lucky to be with you and not the opposite. Sometimes they are so much above my usual conquests i tend to forget that. But still...

Volgograd rules!!!

[Stevo]

... in response to Wanting what we can't have..., posted by Cal on Aug 18, 2003

It seems to work for me.  Here I am, an old fat guy with a 20-years-younger 'looker' for a wife.  She's always telling me that I should "bend down on my knees" to be so lucky to be with her, like all the other men have done in her life.  She really can't figure out why I don't fall all over her like a dog over a piece of prime rib.  I just keep telling her that SHE is the lucky one!  Any way, this really drives her crazy and keeps hew fawning all over me instead of the other way around (although in private, I do "bend down on my knees"...I just don't let HER see me doing it!).

[wsbill]

... in response to trip report part 3, posted by genoramix on Aug 17, 2003

Haven't chimed in with their thoughts.

But if someone is going to say to me
"yes maybe you can", I think I'd get busy in meeting
some other ladies, it's like some of these old timers say.

Only have a date that is 1 hour long, don't hee haw around.
Your are on a secret mission to find a wife, she's the one who is going to take care of you (and vice versa), are you looking for any that reminded you of your mother ?

Hey, making out is fun... but, that's not really what your looking for in a girl.  Ok, maybe you are.   But, after the fun wears off, well then what.

What kind of questions are you asking these ladies?

Enjoy yourself, but it sounds like your coming to the conclusion a lot of guys come to - gee this is alot of work.
Of course it's fun being with them, but how good of a real mate would they be....is she your other half or just a quarter or one third ?

Sounds like you haven't put on your game face yet.