Something for you to read part3

[Dan]

... in response to Something for you to read part3, posted by Natalya on Apr 1, 2002

Sounds to me like a case of a wife living on 'pins and needles' - and a husband that is insensitive to the difficulties of someone adjusting to a new country and culture.

The parts about the guy not being on "2 dates in 20 years" and all the surrounding description of his behavior with his lovely young wife - comes off (to me, anyway) as being rather trollish in nature. I find it hard to believe that the person directly involved in this relationship would post such a thing.

- Dan

[tim360z]

... in response to Very Sad - *If* True . . ., posted by Dan on Apr 1, 2002

This particuliar "story" may not be true,  but I am sure there have been similiar cases and certainly ones much worse.  For the guy,  I don't think the "insensitive word" applies.  It is more of a total ignorance.

[Dan]

... in response to Re: Very Sad - *If* True??? . . ., posted by tim360z on Apr 1, 2002

Sure, there are horrible accounts of abuse by AM towards RW. These accounts are, unfortunately, a sad part of our society here - and they exist in most other societies to a greater or lesser extent.

What I don't buy is the style of writing. Natalya presents this as if it is a first-person account that she has copied from another board - which, in and of itself, may be true (or, it may not). What I absolutely do not buy is that someone preparing a first-person accounting would describe their husband and themselves in the manner delivered in these posts. It reeks of some third-rate romance novel - and carries about the same credibility.

- Dan

[tim360z]

... in response to I Don't Buy it Tim . . ., posted by Dan on Apr 1, 2002

I don't think the cardboard characters should be dismissed out of hand.  I am sure there is a bit of truth to the premise.  Again,  it has to do more with the qualities of the individuals involved and the quality of their relationship.  However,  because of cultural and societial and language differences there are more hurdles for the Russian than for the French or Italian.  On the other side of the coin I would easily assimilate into the French culture or English or Irish or Italian---there is just more cultural commonality.  My adjustment to life in Russia would be much more difficult.  

I have met many Russian familys who have come here and adjusted to everything here very well.  Some adjust easier than others.  If a guy is going to marry a Russian girl and bring her here....he has alot of homework to do to help ease her into life here,  IMHO.

Historically,  Russia has been a very isolated country ruled by monarchies with near absolute power over the people.  Even the Rennaissance and resulting free thinking and concepts of democracy barely touched Russia,  except for the few within the monarchy.  The ebb and flow of trade and cultural cross currents Western Europe experienced again,  barely influenced Russia.  While Voltaire was writing his elevated thoughts...90% of Russians lived in a fuedal system ekeing out a meager existence.  

This June thousands of Russian exchange students will come here for a 4 month stay.  They will experience alot of contrasts to say the least.  A few will hate it here and want to go home,  but most will have an overall positive experience.  I have 1 friend who is 21.  She will be part of this experience.  Lives in a small town in Siberia.  She will be in California working at 6 Flags---what a cultural shock that will be for her.

Anyway,  most Russians can adapt here,  especially if they are prepared for it.

[Jeff S]

... in response to I Don't Buy it Tim . . ., posted by Dan on Apr 1, 2002

It was written to illustrate a point - and not by a psycologist to put down men, nor a dimestore romance novelist to titilate or sell books, but by someone wanting to convey the feelings of isolation and out-of-place-ness a wife fresh in from another country can feel. Caracatures of what real people are? Of course, not much room in this format to develop complex 3D caracters here. Boy nothing gets by you guys.

-- Jeff S.

[wsbill]

... in response to Of course it's fiction . . ., posted by Jeff S on Apr 2, 2002

Russian wife problem, it's a relationship problem.

There are American women in marriages right now, that are in this form and capacity.

Of course, this was catered to us, to make guys think about their actions.

(no doubt, there are guys and gals out their in denial.  Thinking they've got the perfect marriage, but it is really one of convience and not of true love).

[Natalya]

... in response to Of course it's fiction . . ., posted by Jeff S on Apr 2, 2002

Jeff you got it right. This story I believe is fiction and was written to show how hard adjustment to new culture and new life could be on RW. I think the story was created with such a sad ending on purpose to show the worst possible scenario so man can learn something from this story and don't repeat the same mistakes as Bill character did.

For all of you guys whos wondering. I did not write this story and I don't know the author.I just copied it from another board for you to read and hopefully learn something...

[Dan]

... in response to Of course it's fiction . . ., posted by Jeff S on Apr 2, 2002

Jeff,

You say it was written to "make a point" - and then go on to offer your interpretation on what that point may be - "to convey the feelings of isolation . . ."

In point of fact, the opening to the "story" starts with the premise that "90% of the Russian women we know here are unhappy, although of course they don't show it." While that 'statistic' may be factual in the experience of the author - it certainly lays out the perspective and context for the remainder of the story.

I know in my experience, this 'statistic' is far from the truth. How about yours Jeff? Are you the only one here with the perspicacity to see through all the smoke and mirrors?

- Dan

[BrianN]

... in response to Very Sad - *If* True . . ., posted by Dan on Apr 1, 2002

My ex-wife's first husband, treated her exactly this way... (even worse if you include the slapping around a little).

[wsbill]

... in response to Very Sad - *If* True . . ., posted by Dan on Apr 1, 2002

Of part 2, was very tiltatlating and a bit vulgar....
But I liked it

[Ramblin]

... in response to Very Sad - *If* True . . ., posted by Dan on Apr 1, 2002

Sounds to me like something a psycologist would write.  Sounds typical of any male female relationship.  But all of these types of complaints from women happened in the past few decades when they demanded sensitive men.  Later they found that it was much worse and be careful what you wish for.  Now they say, "Thank God, real men are back!"  The whole story sounds like a fabricated story by a psycologist to make a point that men are insensitive.  My opinion is that men need to be balanced and not be too sensitive or too insensitive.  Being too insensitive will cost him his marriage and being too sensitive will cost him his marriage also.

[wsbill]

... in response to Something for you to read part3, posted by Natalya on Apr 1, 2002

Keep it comin.

[wsbill]

... in response to Re: Dang, this is better than some guys ..., posted by wsbill on Apr 1, 2002

Any good man with any kind of common sense could see she was living a very lonely life.  After 6 month in American and no local friends to talk to.... Especially her husband.

This guy main priority should be her.  Not some silly football game (he was rooting for the wrong team any way. Go RAMS).

Do you know of any women ... CURRENTLY, that are under these kind of circumstances?

Maybe, you should introduce her man to our forum here.

You have done a excellent job of enlighting us on the problems many guys fall into.

I think, the mere fact guys show up here, day after day is because we are always willing to learn from others mistakes and listen to other peoples wisdom.

And will weight the options effectively.