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I know we have had this discussion on this list before.  Some guys have posted their 'ins-and-outs' dealing with women and their children.  Do latinas generally want the new man-in-their-life to get involved with raising their children or is the involvement basically financial, ie. support?  It seems that marrying a latina with children is a mixed-blessing?!  What about their wanting to have more children - ?  What are the "red flags" ?  For guys who have dated and married latinas with kids, what has been your experience, and what advice would you offer someone contemplating the same?  Thanks.  Merry Christmas to all!   Ricardo

... in response to Latinos generally avoid women with child..., posted by Ricardo on Dec 24, 2003

"Do latinas generally want the new man-in-their-life to get involved with raising their children or is the involvement basically financial, ie. support?"

If I marry someone who brings children into that union and I am not raising/parenting them then I am not living up to my responsibilites. So my major red flag would be her trying to get me to do anything other than that.

... in response to Latinos generally avoid women with child..., posted by Ricardo on Dec 24, 2003

In Colombia the mother cannot take her children out of the country without permission of the father, if the father is known, unless she has legal custody.  And it's not regular legal custody, it's extra custody; something they call "la patria", I think.

Another lister wrote me privately to ask me about my wife's children and it raised an interesting story.  The father of my wife's children is still alive and although poor and alcoholic is a loving father to his children.  He also still wants my wife to come back to him.

My wife does not have the legal right to take her children out of Colombia without his permission.  Neither did her sister and she snuck her son out, I suppose with forged documents.  Her sister can't go back to Colombia now.

My wife told me that the father of her children at first said he would sign the documents.  As the date to leave drew near he kept delaying and my wife finally confronted him on the matter.  He was saying "No" or "Yes, if you sleep with me."  something like that.  She told him "I love my children and I would like to take them with me, but if you won't sign the documents I'll leave them with you and I'll try to send money when I can."  He signed the documents.  I think she meant it, and I think he knew it.

Steve

... in response to Leaving Colombia with children, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 25, 2003

Leaving Colombia with kids....

We filed for and received custody of Paty's little girl...
I understood at the time it was good for 60-90 days?
The way I understood the stipulations was that every time we exited the country (Col) we had to get a new document signed by the father,,,
We have not taken Lina back to visit with us due to this fact...i just didn't want to take the chanch that the father wouldn't resign the document for what ever reason.
It is my understanding that if Lina travels with a US passport then the whole custody thing is basically done....the blue passport cures everything...they (DAS) will not intervene if the child is a US citizen...

Please comment if this is the case as understood...

Children could complicate the relationship somewhat....they also can make it a bit richer....pro's and con's involved...

Mama appreciates the life and opportunities that Lina has now....actually thanked me the other day for being responcible for always making sure the bills are paid and that there's always food to eat....it's taken 2.5 years...
it made me feel good....

It's taken a while to understand that one can't buy everything one sees...there are budgets and bills to consider....its taken a while to overcome the "gringos are rich" thinking....

Paty has a job now, her own money and also her obligations...she's taken over sending the monthly allotment to Bogota...appreciates more fully the extra requests for money for vacations and $180 dresses...

Thinking about buying a small apartment in Bogota...
Wondering about any documentation involved...comments about paying any mortgage in dollars or pesos are welcome....

I'm leaning toward paying in pesos at the moment...
Is it possible to set it up to auto deduct from the bank account here once a month?
What are interest rates in Col now...

Merry Christmas to all....
remenber to watch your 6....

Dean

... in response to Leaving Colombia with children, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 25, 2003

It is very interesting how your wife handled this.  If she was bluffing, then it worked perfectly.  If she wasn't bluffing, that would indicate she loved her children but, she loved you more.  Which is probably why you have a successful marriage.

... in response to Re: Leaving Colombia with children, posted by HeyNow on Dec 26, 2003

I wouldn't claim to have a successful marriage.  I once posted on LWL that the only successful marriages are the ones that end in death (unless your wife kills you).

Meanwhile, my wife misses home and it was worse at Christmas.  It's much quieter here especially with my small extended family.  She says in Cali they would see lots of friends and family, party, cook, eat lots of food, and then they would go out to Cabalgata.  She was calling family back in Colombia and crying on the phone.

So I gave it to her 3 times yesterday and then she was happier.  ;-)

Steve

... in response to Missing Cali at Christmas, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 26, 2003

Steve,
Unless you have a big extended family there that likes to get together like the Colombians do,she will miss the activity,and could miss her family even if you have alot going on.
Christmas was always our time to travel to Colombia.I like to go when its cold in the US and Christmas is the only time in the winter the kid could get enough time off from school.Plus it was a slow time in my business.
Last year was the first time we didn`t come for christmas,but by then my wife had lots of friends in the US.
Also,it brings up the question when will she get to visit her family.I think once a year or you got problems and Christmas is the best time I think.Good weather here and she doesn`t have to sit in the US and think what she is missing.Of course coming from the US they expect you to be Santa Claus and bring lots of presents.
As you know,this can be a costly endevour.
3 times a day? Thats about half what I got in the last year.I would have liked to have traded problems,at least for awhile.Might sound good to guys not getting enough,but that could be demanding.Maybe buy some toys for her? No,there is probably an emotional need here that would not take care of.

Pete

... in response to Missing Cali at Christmas, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 26, 2003

"I once posted on LWL that the only successful marriages are the ones that end in death (unless your wife kills you)."
So your saying that if you kill her it was successful? HMMM why am I thinking that if you are wife hunting again in a few years that someone should run a background check.

Being from a big family and then away at holidays is really rough. I hope she has an easier time dealing with the feelings next time around.
If you can pull this off. See if you can get her family back home to make a "Christmas" tape (VHS if possible, Audio if not) early and sneak it over to you in the mail. Christmas tape being defined as the family saying hello etc. maybe the kids getting to open something early.

"So I gave it to her 3 times yesterday and then she was happier. ;-)"

Well nice of you (sure there was no alteriour motive there) but now you are soooo screwed. Anytime you aren't "living up" to it. She is gonna sit, stare at you and cry....yep you are sooooo screwed LOL

... in response to Re: Missing Cali at Christmas, posted by NightRaven on Dec 26, 2003

[This message has been edited by DallasSteve2]

NightRaven

You wrote: "So your saying that if you kill her it was successful?"  No, that wasn't what I was saying (and my ex-wives are all still alive, as far as I know).  It was a joke.  I thought it was a pretty good one.  But, OJ might think that qualifies as a successful marriage (if you get acquitted).

Pete may be right that I will have to start taking her home for Christmas.  I may have to get some pointers from you about personal security before we go.  She has an ex-boyfriend there who's still crazy for her.  Someone said he came looking for me with a gun one night when I was at an agency.  The bad thing is I don't want to take a weapon to Colombia.  What would you do?

Steve

PS: You may be right.  I think she wants it 3 times again today.  I may be sooooo screwed.

... in response to Dear Mr. Security Expert, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 27, 2003

"It was a joke" yeah  I gathered that, so was mine.

"What would you do?" First Forget what I would do, you are not me, I am not you (ya sounds simple but it aint) Second get advice from someone who has done bodyguard work in Columbia RECENTLY. Should not be hard, a day without a bodyguard in Columbia is a longer bet than a day without sun, sand and salsa.

Before you even THINK about takeing a weapon in, let alone carrying one. Find out the laws (you want someone who HAS represented people protecting themselves (foriegners if possible) not a bodyguard who did thier job, very different), you may be able to get a permit etc. and you do NOT most likely (maybe you're weird) want an inside tour of the local justice system. Every government on earth takes a dim view on foriegn devils with unsanctioned weapons on their turf (monopoly on violence thing) and maybe it has changed but last time I looked Columbian prisons where not on the "friendly to gringos" list. The non-pro comment, I do know people who do carry w/o permit and have saved their own lives, frequently without doing more than showing the weapon. That is a major risk and I advise against it. But, its your life and family, not anyone elses.

Truth is, the best advice is. "How do you dodge a bullet? Dont be anywhere near it, (if el bozo shoots at you while standing in Columbia you should be standing in Alaska behind a friendly Kodiak)." I.E. Rule One if you can avoid it you should. That usually does not work for clients that are on celeb. status and it may not be feasable for you.

That being said there is another MAJOR point. Do you know how to use a weapon? If you say "The pointy end goes in the other man" I WILL post to your wife asking how much she wants to smack you in the head repeatedly with a cast iron frying pan while you sleep. (Hospital report w/ photos required for payment and I pick the doctor, assuming that I am too busy to come and watch myself.)

Ok joke over serious time. How much of a threat is this guy really?
Do NOT answer the next question on this board. Have you ever had to shoot anyone before? Forget ego, until you have you do not know if you can and even then you may "go to the well" one time too many, every human has a limit for how many times they can, you find out your count when you fail and forget about "it wont bother me", it will. I am guessing "NO". If you really feel this could happen then start making calls around Dallas, you want a Psychologist/Therapist who specializes in "Shooting Trauma or Survivor Guilt Trauma" (in violent conditions, not plane wrecks etc.) get the names, don't contact yet. You have no professional reason to so wait. Unfortunately some idiot could use those calls to bring up "pre-meditated" charges (in Texas that may not be a problem but what if you're tried in Columbia? and yes they could get those records, yeah considering the situation unlikely but why risk it).
Give thought to this too. How will you're wife feel if you have to go "all the way" in self-defense? and it WILL make a difference if she witnesses it! Give it a lot of thought, the reality does not always match the "logic". She did once care for this man and the gap between wanting distance vs more permenent solutions is farther than you think add the children to that equation too.
How well do you trust yourself to know the difference, UNDER STRESS, between, a threat to life and being afraid of a threat to life?

The bodyguard is an in (should be easier to find than what you need, again based on data about Columbia that is years old). You want a personal security advisor (unless you want to hire some protection then Id say get both). They (advisor) could be harder to find (ATTN: Advisor NOT contract sales manager). Make sure you explain in detail your limits as well. You want to stay as safe as you can (Avoidance is your friend). That is different than a person who is paid to keep you safe. Any crew (I think the current politically correct term is Team, to me Team is a military unit) has at least ONE person who's designated job is to get between the client and the bullet(s), someone else is tasked with getting the shooter and most are tasked with getting the client the hell out of dodge. Yeah think about that for sec.
All that assumes a crew, that is most common today(always was IMHO). In your situation you could just go for a single instead of a crew. El Bozo does not have gang connections etc. correct? Part of what you need to determine is how much of a threat is he? (Not harping IMPORTANT)
Also repercussions with family. If you are visiting her relatives what will they think about an armed person following you around? Or worse if it comes to a head in front of young family members? Will your family freak out everytime you go back? Will you? Her family? etc.

I realize that you probably think there should be a simple answer to this. The only simple part is that you want to live and not be hurt. After that it gets real complex. The routes travelled, whos driving what, any good at it, where you stay, where/how you travel, holiday crowds, traffic, could you recognise this guy on sight, could he you, can you give an accurate Psych profile on this clown, criminal record, drug use(SOB on PCP is hard to put and keep down thats one reason I do NOT carry 9mm)(would need about 1000+ words to finish the basics).

While your situation is simple from a protection standpoint, NO protection situation is simple to cover, anyone who thinks different is a fool and or never thought it through.

This is as simple as I can make it for you. I worked high risk, high threat there is a lot there you would never need to consider. Part that you do is weapons regs, in every place you will pass through. Make sure you and or they can carry LEGALY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Try to get a link up from a company in Dallas (should be more than one) with a company or school in Columbia or Florida (there USED to be an agency in FL that worked in tandem with one in Columbia + most of LA, and back then they where more than qualified to deal with what you described, sorry been too long to remember the name). Again what do you really need, will a uniform scare this clown off for a time?

"Someone said he came looking for me with a gun one night when I was at an agency"  How reliable is that? Example: I am telling you now "Your wife is a space alien, RUNNNN." Now space alien aside, I do NOT really know if you have a wife, MAYBE you are a bright 12 year old girl who is bored. Maybe every post but mine on this board is done by the same person, who could be a 12 year old.

"PS: You may be right. I think she wants it 3 times again today. I may be sooooo screwed"  

In about 4 weeks I may send your wife an article that informs her that other wives in thongs only get it 2 times a day, but what do you expect for non-stop 4 hour sessions? LOL Or better yet I will pay a waitress at Golden Corral to tell her. *Evil Grin*

... in response to Re: Dear Mr. Security Expert (EX), posted by NightRaven on Dec 27, 2003

Night Raven

Thank you for taking the time to respond in detail.  I guess in the end what you're saying is there's no "magic bullet".  Bad pun.  I will give all of your advice further, careful consideration.

I think that if we return to Cali my primary strategies of protection will be to stay in a very secure location and to be much more careful and selective about where and when I go out than I was in the past.  A full time security detail may not be in my budget, but maybe I will change my mind and contract someone.  I may also shop for some Kevlar.

Reminds me of an interesting comment someone made once, and your opinion would be equally interesting.  Speaking about woman's safety they said that if an attacker approaches you with a gun your safest choice of action is to run.  They said that in most cases the attacker will miss (if they decide to fire) and in the minority cases the injury is usually not fatal.  Whereas, if the woman submits and goes with the attacker the fatality rate is much higher.  All bets are off, however, if the attacker has a grip on her and is holding a gun.  In that situation he can usually deliver a fatal shot if he tries.

Steve

PS:  I'm not a good shot, but I have spent a little time on the practice range.  I also took a concealed carry class, but never completed the application process.  The class was very interesting for the role playing scenarios that the instructor outlined.

... in response to Re: Re: Dear Mr. Security Expert (EX), posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 27, 2003

"Thank you for taking the time to respond in detail"
Your welcome.

"I may also shop for some Kevlar"  Would you wear it? Do you realize that sweat degrades kevlar really fast was faster, still,? Do you realize that Kevlar is WORTHLESS against a knife, broadhead arrow etc. Oh and the blunt force trauma can kill you.(Note: I am very happy to hear kevlar vs "bullet proof vest" that phrase gets a lot of people, including cops, killed via the "Superman Complex") I used to have a nice picture series of a bullet in kevlar shoved clear through a New York city phone book. Kevlar was prime, phone book was not. Just want to make sure you do not waste your money if you wont wear it.

Your basic plan above will go a long way towards improving your odds in general. It beats the hell out of putting a paper bag over your head and tap dancing in heavy traffic.
Sorry Old Joke.
No matter your budget you can assign YOU and I have never met anyone more interested in keeping my butt alive than me.

Other than your typo "minority" should be majority. That is generally true, most shooters can't hit a moving target to begin with, add adrenalin in and...., how many did you fire at when you used to shoot? moving targets I mean, did you shoot moving while moving yourself etc. hitting a still target and a moving one are different skills esp with tunnel vision kicking in. Most attackers of that type want to use the weapon to force compliance first and mostly. See my previous post about clowns who need to hurt others to feel a sense of self worth. Also they want your attention on the weapon not everyone elses on the fact that they have one. A lot do not practice, although that has changed over the years so be carefull about "betting" on it.

One of the dumbest things I have seen women fall for is. A person has one hand on your purse and one on your arm. They are draging you into and alley, car etc. and saying "Give me the purse. Just give me the purse." It does not register, HE HAS the purse at will here, he wants you. Dumbest is a bit unfair here most victims are still trying to register "this is real" or "what is he talking about?" However I have seen the results for too long to believe that people are not at some level. Playing the "if I dont believe it can happen, it wont" game. Facts are even if the call goes out as you are approached and the response time is 15 seconds that does give them far more time than most realize.

O.K. Easy pop quiz here. Your wife is solo in a public place and an el bozo is forcing her into a back hall, car etc. what is the phrase most likely to get her help in this country? If you say "Help me" (see iron skillet note) This is fair. My 5 year old niece just answered it correctly. Yep her mom finds out I let her stay up to watch matrix and matrix reloaded I may need a bodyguard. LOL O.K. niece off to bed.

... in response to Missing Cali at Christmas, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 26, 2003

Steve

Count yourself lucky. I just got off the phone with my wife in Cali and we had another huge fight. It is always about the same subject , her lack of maturity and ability to handle the situation with the father of her son, and there is a solution.

I just need to get things over with and have closure so i can begin my search again. Being alone at the holidays really SUCKS !!!!!

... in response to Leaving Colombia with children, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 25, 2003

Steve

I am going through this situation with my wife now, and it is the reason we are seperated and headed for divorce. The father of her son would not sign the documents and threatend to kill her, her family and me and my daughter if she took him. Well, she also left the country without her son thinking the father would change his mind. NOPE, the father caused a lot of trouble for her family in Cali to the point of things at gunpoint.

Bottom line for me is --I WILL NEVER DATE WOMEN IN COLOMBIA WITH CHILDREN. It has completely destroyed my marriage. The worst thing is that the father has little to do with the boy, does not provide any money, Has 2 other children from 2 other woman and does the same to them. It is all about control and MACHISTA  to the xxxoxoxx .

Guys, be very careful when the woman has children and make sure the father of that child has gven his permission or it will take a marriage down the tubes.

Andy

... in response to Re: Leaving Colombia with children, posted by Kiltboy1 on Dec 26, 2003

Andy

I'm very sorry to hear of your problems.  I'm not suggesting a solution here (although it might be), but I'm looking for more information since you have a lot of experience in this area.

If the mother has permanent, full custody (what one woman called "la patria") can the father still cause legal problems or is it "caso cerrado" (as they say on Spanish TV)?

Steve

... in response to Re: Re: Leaving Colombia with children, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 26, 2003

Steve

That is a good question. Based on what i know abut the judicial system in Colombia , i think that even if the mother has full custody, if the father wants to challenge the custody, he can do so. It may change in the future, but my wife went to court in Cali to try to gain full  custody and the judge almost took the boy away from her total because she wanted to come here to the states. The father is the worst type of man you can imagine and i cannot even write to you some of the things this guy has done because i might get BANNED from the forum. Any sane judge would have given her custody and put this guy in jail , but not in Colombia. The man still is king there and i do not see it changing much when it comes to custody issues if he father aks the judge to rule.

Andy

... in response to Leaving Colombia with children, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 25, 2003

"My wife does not have the legal right to take her children out of Colombia without his permission"
Scary question but I gotta ask. Is said permission revocable?
If so could a mother and husband for that matter. Go home to visit and suddenly find themselves the subject(s) of warrants etc. or be in a situation where the child  can not go back to visit due to legal problems?

... in response to Re: Leaving Colombia with children, posted by NightRaven on Dec 26, 2003

Nightraven

The answer to your question is YES.

If he father files what is called a "DEMANDA" , A JUDGE CAN AD WILL GRANT CUSTODY, ABSENTE , TO THE FATHER . If the mother or child comes back into the country, they will be arrested and the child taken away to the father. It is a scary thought , but one you need to investigate very well before you marry. I did not know any better and it has destroyed my marriage.

Andy

... in response to Re: Leaving Colombia with children, posted by NightRaven on Dec 26, 2003

NightRaven

I'm no expert in Colombian law, but it's my understanding that if the father signs the permission it is not revocable, but it is for a limited period of time, something like 60 days.  If the permission is older than that (and it has to be certified by someone official like a notary) they won't let her leave the country with the children.

It's also my understanding that if she has "la patria" it is permanent and she can come and go as she pleases.  If you really want to be sure (or as sure as is practical) you would need to talk to a Colombian attorney.  Even then, I've talked to some attorneys here in the US who know less about some laws than I do because I actually took the time to read the law.  Some lawyers don't like to waste their time with those messy details.

So, if the mother (who does not have "la patria") returns to Colombia with the children after 60 days she would need to get a new permission from the father or the children would not be able to leave.  That's really not a bad law, but it does make life difficult for some of us.  If I had a son (or daughter) with a Colombiana I wouldn't be real happy if the law would let her leave the US with him without my permission and perhaps never return.

Steve

... in response to Re: Re: Leaving Colombia with children, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 26, 2003

"If you really want to be sure (or as sure as is practical) you would need to talk to a Colombian attorney."
Just one? Never! More like 3 or 4. As your post indicates, paid help is not the one with their life in the fire if they are wrong.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Leaving Colombia with childr..., posted by NightRaven on Dec 26, 2003

If you want something done right....ah, you know the rest.

Steve

... in response to True That!, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 26, 2003

Camel = A horse designed by a commitee.
2 humped camel = Arctic version designed by gov. panel of experts who have never seen snow in real life.

... in response to Leaving Colombia with children, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 25, 2003

The scenario you mentioned just keeps me a little "gun-shy" of dealing with latina/children!  I'm not looking to hook up with such a latina - however.... if one comes along, she'd have to be .... well, over-the-top special, mature and sweet.
Thanks for sharing your personal experience...
Ricardo

... in response to Latinos generally avoid women with child..., posted by Ricardo on Dec 24, 2003

I have a different viewpoint from you gentleman.  I have been widowed for about 10 years and was left with 2 teenage children to raise. The daughter graduated from college last Saturday with a degree in accounting. I did not marry during this time, because I did not want any woman coming between myself and my children at this age. Now, I am ready to find that very special lady,but I will not accept a woman who has had children out of wedlock or divorced from her husband. If she is widowed, I would could consider her, because this is Biblical.  But only if she is widowed, would  I consider her.  Hope that every one has a very Merry Christmas and that all her hopes and dreams come true the coming year.

God Bless

Beattledog

... in response to Re: Latinos generally avoid women with c..., posted by david hagar on Dec 25, 2003

It's very interesting, by the way - how has been your experience with latinas and 'Biblical' guidelines.... I see that they are not too inclined that way, ie. they more or less try to follow the church's teachings, but then again.... reality bites!

... in response to Re: Latinos generally avoid women with c..., posted by david hagar on Dec 25, 2003

To David and anyone else:

I have a sincere question about "Biblical" marriage (having studied this myself).

If the woman was divorced because her husband left her or was unfaithful to her could you "Biblically" marry her.  A strict reading of the scriptures might lead someone to conclude that you cannot.  In all good faith I have to disagree.

I also find it amusing that although I have been divorced I can still get married in the Roman Catholic Church because I have never been married in that Church.

Merry Christmas.

Steve

... in response to Biblical marriage, posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 25, 2003

Tough subject.  Biblically you/she could re-marry if your spouse abandonded you or cheated on you.  This was/will be my justification when I marry again.  She left me and split to Virginia.  She never indicated she wanted to return, so I had the union ANNULLED.   Biblically she, my ex, cannot remarry until I die.

ken

... in response to Latinos generally avoid women with child..., posted by Ricardo on Dec 24, 2003

My wife has a niece who just turned eighteen and has a five month old baby. She says that even at that tender age the girl has a snowball's chance in hell of finding a Colombian man who will marry her. It just doesn't happen.

... in response to Snowball's Chance, posted by Cali vet on Dec 25, 2003

There's a reason why the cubs are the first to go when a male lion takes over a pride.....food for thought.

... in response to Snowball's Chance, posted by Cali vet on Dec 25, 2003

[This message has been edited by Bueller]

 
 CV (and others), why do you think that is?

  I posted this week on LWL my recent experience with a brasileira with a young child. My perspective until now has been that I can work with a child, that the mother and I can be a team and turn a less-than-perfect situation around into something good. I'm starting to get the idea, though, that the reality is: no good deed shall go unpunished. I'm ready to swear off women with children, not because of the children, but because of the mindset of most single mothers. As illogical as it seems to me, their perspective in general would not be that I am the good guy who caught the fumble and ran it into the end zone; instead I would always be the interloper, the third wheel, the anal-retentive bad guy who keeps impeding the immediate happiness and gratification of her (emphasis on "her") little darling.  

 So do you think a colombiano wouldn't take on this sort of situation because of selfishness, or because he instinctively knows what I'm just now starting to figure out?

... in response to Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Bueller on Dec 25, 2003

Bueller,  I don't think this situation really is about the woman's love for the child (although I am sure she loves her children).  The focus point here is "power".  She has a strong bond with the child and does not want to share it.  If you happen to start bonding with the child then ultimately she will lose a good portion of the "power" she has accumulated throughout the years of raising the child.  Of course you have stated your case about having the child's best interests in mind.  Objectively this would be benificial to both her and the child.  Unfortunately, losing the "power" would be out of the question. In my opinion a single woman that will share her children with a new husband is quite rare.  Of course this would entail putting the husband first (Biblical for all you Bible scholars out there).  Hence, if the husband is "second" to any other person (or in the man's case:  the wife is "second" to any other person)  you might as well not get married because you will probably be posting the red flag failure.

... in response to Re: Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by HeyNow on Dec 29, 2003

I think you're right. Biblically, no one is to come between a husband and wife, not even a child.

 I'm starting to see it like this: though there is always an extraordinary bond between a mother and child, if a man and woman get married and then have a child together, the man will always have a solid claim on the child because it is biologically his, and since the family started out as just him and his wife, the baby is coming along and joining their preexisting relationship. OTOH, when the man comes along and joins the preexisting relationship between the mother and the child to whom he has no biological claim...it just isn't the same, is it?

 I tried to communicate with this woman about why it is important to start saying to her son only what she means and always meaning what she says, in addition to teaching him better behavior overall, but it just went in one ear and out the other. Right now her son is four years old, it's not quite too late to turn things around, and she can physically subdue him if necessary. Within about ten years though, the window for turning things around will have long since closed, he will be bigger and stronger than her physically, he will be a self-centered punk, and no sensible man will want to be in the middle of that. Sad, but I tried to warn her.

 Oh, well...referring to despair.com one last time, here's the appropriate image for what she's about to do to her life:

http://www.despair.com/mis24x30prin.html

... in response to Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Bueller on Dec 25, 2003

been there done that in Cali. jimc

... in response to Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Bueller on Dec 25, 2003

When I went to Colombia, I was very upfront that I didn’t want a woman with kids.  Having never been married and having no experience with children, I knew that it would be too much for me.  On the other hand, there are men who welcome a woman with children.  It really depends on what the man wants.  I would highly recommend that any man get really clear on what he is looking for in this regards before he gets on an airplane, if he wants to avoid alot of needless suffering.

... in response to Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Bueller on Dec 25, 2003

I'd say both. And there's no question you'd always play second fiddle.

... in response to Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Bueller on Dec 25, 2003

"no good deed shall go unpunished"

You hit the nail on the head... After having relationships with women who had children from prior relationships, this is the exact feeling that I got... No matter what you do, you come second place in the relationship... Some may have the patience and resolve to make it work, but why stack the odds against you... Why compromise???

When I began to search for a foreign bride, I would not even contemplate a woman with children... No matter how attractive or warm the woman seemed initially... I passed on many women that probably would have made good wives and mothers, but I didn't want any additional pressure on the relationship that could cause problems...

The result, I married a lovely lady from Bogota that is educated, family oriented, a hard worker, spoke Ingles and HAD NO CHILDREN... Guess what??? She wouldn't consider a man who had children either... Match made in heaven... She and I both are starting our own family without any undo baggage from the past...

Take your time, extend you student visa, find a loophole to start your own business and don't compromise your values when it comes to something as important as finding a life partner...

Feliz Navidad a todos...

Mark

... in response to Re: Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by wizard on Dec 25, 2003

You make a good point and observation - yes, I have noticed that a number of discerning (empnasis mine) latinas eschew men with children.... although those latinas are in the minority...  Good luck to all, and Happy Holidays!

... in response to Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Bueller on Dec 25, 2003

Good questions. Sounds like you certainly went into it with an open mind. It would be terribly frustrating to be the only person in the household who was concerned with the discipline of the child, and your efforts were considered an intrusion.

However in Pete's case it always sounded like his step-son was a really good kid who adjusted quickly to his new home, was well behaved and enjoyed Pete's company. I think Pete regrets that he had to part with the kid.

... in response to Re: Re: Snowball's Chance, posted by Red Clay on Dec 25, 2003

He is a very good kid who was very little trouble.His mother didn't let him run wild at all.We both miss each other.He will be 13 in march,same birthday as me.
The plus and minus of taking a woman with a kid is it can get you a woman who might not otherwise be interested in you.
I would consider another woman with a kid.Margareth says if they are attractive enough a Colombiano will marry them.
Also,it seems most women either have or want kids.I don't
want more babies.For me an older kid is better.

Pete

... in response to You're  right, posted by Pete E on Dec 25, 2003

My ex novia had children, they were good kids too, no disipline problems.  We found time to be alone so no problems there.  If the kids are difficult, or a disipline problem, be aware, they can and sometimes will split up relationships and marriages.  My first choice is for a woman without children, that doesn't want any, so that will raise their age to late 30's or early forties.  Thats fine for me.  To go for a younger woman with a child, I have to agree with the colombianos, she needs to be very attractive, and the child an angel.
A1A