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It's late...I am sitting here thinking why in the world am I writing this. It must be self therapy. I could get into all the details and hammer through all the retoric of the past several days, but somehow that wouldn't offer any relief to the reality of where my thoughts are now. In short for all you people that might be at all curious about what is going on...I was taken for a royal ride. And it's over for all practical purposes.

And for all that offered insight about dropping my fiance like a hot rock, you can pat yourselves on the back. I found out yesterday through means of which I won't make an issue out of, that my fiance was meeting some guy she had apparently been corresponding with on the side that was arriving strange enough last Tuesday. The same Tuesday afternoon I arrived home to find the note that told me how much she loved me, and was so happy about the idea of us getting married..etc. But that she just needed time for herself to sort out how she felt, etc. And of course me trying to think the best, trusting and trying to be supportive....well, yes I defended her when I shared that with you. Sometimes you want things to work so much, sometimes you think you yourself may be the source of the problem and begin to feel guilty examining yourself as if it was something you did in the past that caused her to be untruthful. And then sometimes you get a wake up call!!! Well it's 2:30 am Tuesday morning exactly 7 days from the day she left the note and I am up thinking about it all...2 years worth of heart wrenching feelings, many dollars and much wisdom later.

What to do next...Sure I have the edge now, because she doesn't know I know about what has really happened. She hasn't called me yet or knocked on the door. And because the information I have lead me to believe this guy was here only for a week, I know she'll call and want to return possibly even today. And then it's time for her to pick up her suitcase off my front porch and leave. But somehow it doesn't leave me any great consolation when you've been deceived.

I will try to go back to sleep now...good night.

Zeb

... in response to The wake up call...., posted by Zebson on Jul 24, 2001

I just don't understand how someone can fake love. I'll NEVER understand how someone can be so heartless and cruel. I really feel for you, because it could happen to anyone of us here. We all just cross our fingers and pray that the one we have chosen is honest and truthful with the relationship. I know betrayal is probably one of the hardest types of pain to get over. It's going to take alot of time to trust someone again. Please heal your pains before you even attempt to "go out there" again.
Good luck in the future and we'll always be here to listen.

... in response to Re: The wake up call...., posted by Lori on Jul 24, 2001

Often the person does not intentionally deceive with fake love.  Sometimes they they just mistake infatuation for the real deal.  By the time either party realizes the difference, they are too far along to comfortably back out.  In order to be able to behave this way, Zebson's woman emotionally divorced herself from him long ago.  Probably in her mind, moving on to rebound guy #1 is a natural step in getting on with her life.  Zebson is in a lot of pain right now, but he too needs to buck up and start taking measures to protect himself too, emotionally, legally, and financially.  It's a necessary step in moving on from the "Denial" phase to the "Accepting it and dealing with it" phase.

... in response to Re: The wake up call...., posted by Lori on Jul 24, 2001

Zeb, Lori says what I feel so I'll just add an echo for her words.

And, my man, I'll say a prayer for you.

Jim

... in response to The wake up call...., posted by Zebson on Jul 24, 2001

rember the song leaveing on a jet plane make sure she is on it,you have not posted again i hope you are not with the sl*t burn her at the stake if you can she used you and your money to get her here so she could sleep with another guy
tneal

... in response to Re: The wake up call...., posted by tomtneal on Jul 24, 2001

You even spell like me!    

I have to agree with what you said though!  Humabdos

Can I unleash you on Vivian Steve B's ex over on Magatack? LOL

... in response to Gee Tneil your sounding like me!, posted by humabdos on Jul 24, 2001

:-)

... in response to The wake up call...., posted by Zebson on Jul 24, 2001

Thanks for sharing your story, what happened to you can happen to any Guy. Personally I feel that the Pinays are no different from Aws once they are in America for a while(unless you take your time and get lucky), the only difference is that Filipinas in RP are plentiful(countless young beauties to choose from) with less baggage. The Pinays seem to be habit liars, saying what they think we want to hear(to avoid conflicts), so you never know when they are lying or telling the truth. It's amazing how fast they can get involved with another Guy once they arrive here..We got to be very careful and wise. BTW, those that are being a sugar daddy is making a huge mistake(must be reasonable with our $$$$$'s). Zebson, I'm glad that you found out her true intentions before you married her. :o) Mr Peabody

... in response to The wake up call...., posted by Zebson on Jul 24, 2001

I will never quite understand how people can express their love knowing it is all a scam.  I agree you should give INS this information with the request that she never be issued a visa to enter the USA.  You may be saving some other guy the same heartache.

Cecil

... in response to The wake up call...., posted by Zebson on Jul 24, 2001

I too am sorry.  Betrayal has always been the thing that I have had the hardest time coming to grips with.  After you are done with the INS and have gotten life back to normal, take a while and take stock of what really happened.

Maybe I am slow, but I have generally been able to learn from my mistakes.  Considering how many I have made in my life, I should be an expert now... *lol*

Good luck;
Jeff

... in response to The wake up call...., posted by Zebson on Jul 24, 2001

Zeb.

I am very sorry to hear the news. DON'T do what I did. When I caught my ex, she begged, pleaded, and cried that she would never do anything to hurt me again. Foolishly, I let her come back. She continued behind my back for several more years and then started up with someone new.

Send her back!!! It will only get WORSE!!!

Dave H.

... in response to The wake up call...., posted by Zebson on Jul 24, 2001

Zeb:

Tess and I are very sorry to hear about this mess.  Hang in there.  We're behind you.  Do what you have to and get on with your life.

I agree with those who say send her back to the Phils and contact the INS about the matter.

Stephen & Tess

... in response to The wake up call...., posted by Zebson on Jul 24, 2001

... is complete and utter trust in each other. Each person has to be completely to be honest with the other for it to be a real team. There should be a zero tolerance for lying, sneaking around, etc.

Sorry to hear of your woes, but consider yourself fortunate that you found out early, before you were married, and have recourse. Hopefully you won't sour on this aborted try. Remember that the right one is out there for you. Time to recognize that this just ain't it and move on. Best wishes.
-- Jeff S.

... in response to One of the most imortant things about a ..., posted by Jeff S on Jul 24, 2001

Thanks..Jeff. I agree trust is key.

Zeb

... in response to One of the most imortant things about a ..., posted by Jeff S on Jul 24, 2001

Very good advice Jeff S
If you cannot have complete trust, your foundation is of SAND and will sift away.
ZEB; do not give up, there are good ones.  God be with you.
Carl

... in response to The wake up call...., posted by Zebson on Jul 24, 2001

Zeb It really sadden me to read your post. It does not supprize me.  I would contact the INS RIGHT AWAY!  Tell them what has happend.  She maybe already gone. Did she take her passport? My heart goes out to you Zeb.  If you need someone to talk to just e mail me I will call you.
I know how you feel I have been there but after four years of a rocky road.  I would contact her family and tell them you are sending her home and inform them of what she has done.  Humabdos@aol.com

... in response to Re: The wake up call...., posted by humabdos on Jul 24, 2001

Thanks Hum..I really appreicate that. Yea, I will most likely be faxing and sending a back up packet via mail to the Laguna CSC in the next day or so regarding her status.

Zeb

... in response to Re: Re: The wake up call...., posted by Zebson on Jul 24, 2001

Wise move.  Deal quickly with it.  

But don't deal so quickly with the hurt that you don't take time for proper healing.  

We men like to act macho like "this doesn't hurt me."  Hurt is a reality.  We all deal differently.  Most of us guys try and cover it up.

But you can't really go on until you deal with it properly.

Stephen

PS....Do you know what happens to a man that refuses to be healed?  Just ask Hummy!

... in response to Re: Re: Re: The wake up call...., posted by Stephen on Jul 24, 2001

no one need wounder whats on my mind! Sometimes it just flows out like vomit from a wineo!  LOL  Like an otot it just happens.   Humabdos

... in response to Hey at least I don't try and cover it up..., posted by humabdos on Jul 24, 2001

.

... in response to Hey at least I don't try and cover it up..., posted by humabdos on Jul 24, 2001

Hum,

Do you know how many times I had to stand in or wear a drunks vomit on my uniform? They usually let go when you are taking their blood pressure. Usually, I was quick and was able to jump out of the way at the last second. Unfortunately, one of my crew was often standing behind me. ;o)))

Dave H.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: The wake up call...., posted by Stephen on Jul 24, 2001

...boy an I sore.

Jon

... in response to The wake up call...., posted by Zebson on Jul 24, 2001

Sorry dude.  Been there.  Done that.  But look what I got now.

Bear

... in response to The wake up call...., posted by Zebson on Jul 24, 2001

what happened.  It sickens me.  But get past it.  After that, God willing, there's something much better.  I'm sure you're suffering alot of torment in your heart, and it's going to be extremely difficult to even look at Helen, never mind have her sleep at your place until she leaves, knowing that she's been with this guy.

If that guy knows how Helen achieved the means to meet him, then he's a scumbag too.  If Helen told him she was on a tourist or business visa, I'd feel sorry for him.

Well, here are some thoughts that come to mind, given that the guy is responsible for screwing you and ruining your life as well.  Perhaps you could sue him for the anguish he perpetrated, as well as all costs that you shouldered to petition Helen, and the cost of returning her to the Philippines.  If the guy knows Helen is going to marry you, but he's involved in such a relationship, it's sick and despicable on his part too.  Gather as much information about the guy that you can.  I'd report your plight to the INS office and present the evidence of how another man was involved in duping you in a form of fiancee visa fraud.  He should pay for his deeds too (if he knowingly did what he did).

Good luck and may God guide you.

- Kevin

... in response to Re: The wake up call...., posted by kevin on Jul 24, 2001

Sue HIM? HE should pay for HIS deeds? Hell, I'd send him a thank you note and a box of chocolates.

Good luck to you Zeb with whatever you do. Just don't do anything crazy now, OK?

Ray

... in response to Kevin, Kevin, Kevin..., posted by Ray on Jul 24, 2001

Ray,

Good point! That guy is going to need a prayer too. God bless all the guys that are married to our ex-wives. ;o)))

Dave H.

... in response to So true..., posted by Dave H2O on Jul 24, 2001

Hey Dave:

My ex got remarried a year after our divorce back in the mid-80's.

Guess what his name was?  Yeah....Stephen.  I love that.  I tell people that now whenever she mumbles "Ohhhhhhh Stephen, your the best", he thinks she's talking about him.

The kids never got along with him that well, but I always got along with him because I felt sorry for him.  I know good and well he has never had a good day since he married her.  His life is over.  Poor guy.

Reminds me of the story of a guy who was visiting the graveyard.  He overhears a man expressing his grief at a nearby grave.  He man is obviously overcome with emotion and as he crys the man can distinguish the words "Why did you have to go away?  Why did you do this?  WHy did you have to die?"

The man is curious and he goes over to him and says, "Mister, I couldn't help but notice how sad you are.  Tell me ...if you don't mind...Was this person your father or your child"?

The man pulls himself together as best he can and says, "No sir, it was my wife's first husband!"

Stephen

... in response to Re: So true..., posted by Stephen on Jul 24, 2001

Hi Stephen,

You fooled me with that joke. LOL

I feel the same way about my ex-wife's husband. Poor bastard. I tried to warn him. Now he regrets not listening to me, when I told him to run away as fast as he could.

Dave H.