Planet-Love.com Searchable Archives

I'm new to posting on this board. I've been sort of a ghost, I read the new posts on pretty much of a daily basis. Now I'm still in college, but I've already pretty much decided that I don't want to marry an AW. I have dated a colombian woman before. So I know a little.
    I think that maybe it's time for everyone to take a comprehensive self-evaluation. Gentlemen let us ask ourselves... What do these women really want? Do they want your money? In some cases. Do they want a greencard out of the deal? If they are from a third world country, I would say citizenship is part of the target goal. The girl I dated was well off, but she still wanted to marry and gain her citizenship here.
   So men, no matter how old you are, think just what it is you may have to offer these women. Besides money, citizenship, a better life, and the love of a wonderful "nice" guy. Now keep in mind, that if she is a gorgeous woman she can find any of the first three readily if she divorces you and leaves you. On the other hand, it's not that hard to find a nice guy, depending on what she is working with physically. Basically there aren't that many nice guys, but they are a penny a dozen.
    Now compared to AW they are gorgeous, readily accessible, approachable, and very exotic. So what is the initial beginning of a non-plutonic male-female reationship. ATTRACTION. If she is not physically attracted to you in some sort of way... sooner or later it will show that she does not want you.
    So what is the answer, work out, diet, dress well, and smell good for her. Women are impressed by men with ambition, who are concerned with physical appearance and hygiene. I would say especially LW. Most of them make time to go to the gym and they almost always are very fetching with what they wear.
    Sure you hear work out, diet and lose weight feel great slogans all day on commercials. Trust me though. If you are not somewhat physically fit, it is a big minus on your checklist of personal qualities. Forgive me if some have experienced negative realtionships despite your best efforts, and truly I am sorry for that. Life can be seen as a still photo seen through rose colored glasses. In reality it is all a moving black and white picture. So yes patience is warranted when looking for someone to love, caution as well. You cannot, however, attribute the end of a relationship with young beautiful latina as being a cruel twist of fate due to a greencard scammer, or your age. If you have a bit of a belly work on it.

... in response to Self Evaluation, posted by Jester on Jul 12, 2003

I think this all about common sense. Following in love is the same in any situation. The feelings are the same whether you fall in love with an LW or an AW. I don't think it is very hard to tell if some is really in love with you. Of course, that is if you are thinking with your head instead of your johnson. I know eight gringo-colombiana couples and they are all very happily married including two that have been married over twenty years. With one exception they were all fairly long courtships, over a year. With two exceptions all are within 10-15 years of each others ages. I am convinced that these marriages are successful because they were carefully nutured from the beginning and that the motivations were honest. I agree with Jester that the first step in finding a LW is to start with making sure that you are ready for a real relationship. I think that we have to admit that relationship building is not mens strong suit. It takes the same amount of hard work to make a marriage successful regardless of nationality. The big difference IMHO is that Colombianas are willing to work harder than AWs. It means more to them. An honest self examination will tell you what exactly you are looking for. With that knowledge it won't be hard to spot the diggers. Of course you may find that what you want is a new trophy every couple years. If that is what you want you will have no trouble finding happiness. But it is also true that if you are looking for a loving relationship you will have no trouble finding happiness. You WILL find what you are looking for Colombia.

... in response to Self Evaluation, posted by Jester on Jul 12, 2003

I can't really tell if you are asking a question, or looking at the issues that will affect the success of the relationship.  I believe that people have their own reasons for going out of the country to find a spouse.  Some are going for the wrong reasons.  Some of the women are marrying for the wrong reasons.  From what I can see from reading the posts of others, it is a hit and miss situation.  I read this recently, "maturity comes from experience, and experience comes from making mistakes".  I say figure out what you want and go get it.  If it works then great, and if it does not, make corrections and stay after your goal.  Life in a nut shell.

... in response to Self Evaluation, posted by Jester on Jul 12, 2003

This imagined "drive" to get to the US via marriage is more a fantasy than a reality. True - there ARE visa whores, but I'd have to say they're far rarer than many newbys imagine. In most of the successful MOB marriages I know, and that includes Latin, Asian, and Russian women, if the man were to suddenly drop dead, the wife would be on her way home in a heartbeat.

Now if we're talking about a naieve, young girl meeting a "rich" exotic American and fantasizing a movie set home and lifestyle, then later coming to realize that her Prince Charming is a neurotic, stressed out, middle aged man with big bills, a nasty ex-wife, kid problems and a tight budget - then dumping him in search of the adventure he promised, then just maybe that encompasses far more of the supposed "scammers."

My recommendation has always been to slow down, get to know her well. Make sure you're not painting a movie script description of the lifestyle here. Be brutally honest with your lifestyle, your potential. Make sure she's a person of good character, who's life goals concur with yours. That'll get you far farther in succeeding in a foreign marriage than putting in miles on the stationary bike and using the right brand of deoderant.

I'm sure it doesn't come as much of a shock to most of the men on this board that well built, well groomed, ambitious, successful men do better with the ladies, than those who are  dumpy looking, a little lazy, and like not shaving on weekends. Yet, we can find the loves of our lives overseas too. HOWEVER - many men assume that what is attractive to them: looks, body, bubbly personality, etc, is what is attractive to women. Nope. Plenty of beautiful women couldn't care less about your pecs, hairstyle, clothes brand, or facial features. I can understand how a twentysomething man interacting with young AW raised on "Sex In the City." might think otherwise, but just because you're ugly or overweight, doesn't mean you can't attract a beautiful women interested in a man who can take care of her.

Of course, that's just my opinion - I could be wrong.

- Jeff S.

... in response to Don't kid yourself., posted by Jeff S on Jul 12, 2003

Jeff S.

You are 100% correct!!!

I would add this alongside with it:

Also try and look for the same LEVEL of partner.
If you are a bluecolarworker and you're dating a hot colombian laywer...it's bound to go wromg imho.

Also let's not forget to be honest.

If you are (fe) 45, 170cm and 95 kg with average looks do NOT expect to attract an 23 yo 174cm and 57 kg fotomodel!!

regards

Hanns-Erich.

... in response to Don't kid yourself., posted by Jeff S on Jul 12, 2003

Jeff S.

You are 100% correct!!!

I would add this alongside with it:

Also try and look for the same LEVEL of partner.
If you are a bluecolarworker and you're dating a hot colombian laywer...it's bound to go wromg imho.

Also let's not forget to be honest.

If you are (fe) 45, 170cm and 95 kg with average looks do NOT expect to attract an 23 yo 174cm and 57 kg fotomodel!!

regards

Hanns-Erich.

... in response to Re: Don't kid yourself., posted by HansErich on Jul 13, 2003

I agree about the level, and it works both ways. If you're an intellectual type, what kind of relationship can you expect from a sixth grade educated waitress, no matter how hot (other than between the sheets.)

"If you are (fe) 45, 170cm and 95 kg with average looks do NOT expect to attract an 23 yo 174cm and 57 kg fotomodel!!"

Unless:

1) You have power in business or politics,

2) You have a private jet and villa in the South of France,

3) You are an accomplished artist or muscician,

4) You have an adventurous spirit and like exotic vacations,

5) You can lick your eybrows with your tongue,

6) She sees you as a way to increase her social status,

7) She thinks you're funny and she feels comfortable with you,

8) ....

The list can go on and on. Women simply aren't as attracted to looks as men are. Non-physical things matter far more to them than to us.

- Jeff

... in response to Re: Re: Don't kid yourself., posted by Jeff S on Jul 13, 2003

[This message has been edited by Mark33]

Jeff,
   You cannot say women are not as attracted to looks as we are. Some women are. If there were 2  great looking guys at an agency with 2 other very average ones, you would see  most women are initially just as shallow as we are.Mostly the younger better looking women would be flocking to those  great looking guys.
 But women are more realistic at the type of guy who wants a real relationship and will be the most faithful huasband.
 Even overseas women are aware of looks. Watch latin Novelas. Many good looking men are put there for the ladies to swoon over. But since men think with the little head, we make much more mistakes in choosing a right partner.
  Also, there are some men who are like "women",and not so much into the looks as the charecter,how she makes him feel about himself,and the fact she can be trusted to be faithful.
  Human beings are individuals, male or female. Scientific fact  state women love older men with money and power . But how do you explain the fact that those women may marry the rich powerful older men,   but will sometimes cheat with a gorgeous young guy with a big package who is so broke she is willing to "help him out". If they have to cheat because"my husband does not pay attention to me" or whatever,Why not cheat with  the average nice guy,with the average package? Women! what they say,and what they usually want can be 2 different things.Most do care about looks. But are more realistic than we are when it comes to choosing the right partner they can hold on to for life.
   Listening to a radio talk show the other day (Tom Lykus) was a real eye opener. The shock-jock Lykus opened his program by saying how so many women married men they were not hot for. Because most of the men who turned them on were the bad boys who were not good husband material. There were tons of women calling up and saying how true that was. They were in love with their husbands, but not physically or sexually turned on by them at all. Most of the ladies fantasized about the past "bad boy" in their lives , but said they would never have married those "bad boys"because they are a bad bet for marriage.
    Mark

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Don't kid yourself., posted by Mark33 on Jul 13, 2003

I agree with most of what you are saying.  I met a woman in Bogota last year.  She was obviously extremely attractive and I thought it would be fun to strike up a conversation with her.  I honestly thought it would be nothing more. We talked for quite a while and she made it clear she was interested.  To make a long story short we were engaged for a short time.  We email from time to time and she still says I am guapo (handsome).  In some rare cases beauty "IS" in the eye of the beholder.
Many of the Colombian women talk about their "Cheatin" Colombian ex or former boyfriend.  I can guarantee these guys weren't Colombian street sweepers of janitors.

HeyNow

... in response to Don't kid yourself., posted by Jeff S on Jul 12, 2003

I was just stating an opinion, a thought mind you. Besides I don't even watch sex in the city. If I offended anyone I am sorry.

... in response to Re: Don't kid yourself., posted by Jester on Jul 12, 2003

I wasn't offended at all. And my implication was that the college women you know and interface with, are probably Sex in the City fans, so have a very different outlook on life and relationships with men than do foreign women. Isn't that why we look overseas after all? Actually I applaud your decision to look overseas. Unlike many who post here, my foreign bride is my first marriage. I learned all I needed to know after dating AW for 15 years - it didn't take an unsuccessful marriage or two to open my eyes.

My post was just to point out that the biggest fear of most newbys and the loudest rantings of most naysayers is that the poor, naieve, socially inept American man who seek foreign brides are ripe for the slaughter from visa whores circling like sharks when they alight from the plane. Sorry to disappoint them but it doesn't work that way. Can you be taken by a visa whore? Sure, but not if you go into it with your eyes open, your intentions sincere, and your wits about you.

Good luck in your search.

- Jeff

... in response to Don't kid yourself., posted by Jeff S on Jul 12, 2003

I think that just about says it!!! jimc

... in response to Self Evaluation, posted by Jester on Jul 12, 2003

If you are only 21, like your profile says, you don't have to worry about most of the bad experiences which you read on this board.  Many, if not most, of the guys here are in their 40's or 50's pursuing women in their 20's.  That is where all the problems are coming from.  The best thing you can do for yourself today is to get two solid years of college Spanish under your belt.  When you go to Colombia, you will have the pick of any woman you want, and personally I don't even think you need agencies.  I would suggest that you adopt a Latin Male attitude that you are the prize, go for your ideal woman, and see who takes care of you the best.  You will be able to get a woman that you could never get in the United States.  The more Spanish you know, the better you will be able to communicate and figure out whats going on.  Alot of us here envy your time.  Use it well.

... in response to Re: Self Evaluation, posted by valuedcustomer on Jul 12, 2003

You're right about the Spanish but the age issue could be more complicated for a guy twenty-three years old (after the two solid years of Spanish). Virtually all the guys that age I've met here have novias fifteen or sixteen years old. A twenty-three year old gringo could come down and have a lot of fun dating around but he'd be hard pressed to find a twenty-year old who would take him seriously as marriage material, unless of course she was dirt poor and/or looking for a green card...now where have we heard that before.

... in response to Re: Re: Self Evaluation, posted by Cali vet on Jul 12, 2003


The last time I was in Bogota, I met my novia's cousin who is studying to be an engineer in college.  He is 22 and has a beautiful novia the same age as him.  Contrary to the myths propagated by marriage agencies about Colombian women preferring older men, I think he would have no problem finding someone his age or a little younger.  

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Self Evaluation, posted by valuedcustomer on Jul 13, 2003

I think they are some what indifferent to age altogether.

... in response to I don't think caleñas prefer older guys., posted by Calipro on Jul 16, 2003

Calipro,
     They are indifferent to age if they think you have MONEY!!!. That happens in any country even the U.S. How many broke old men in foreign countries,do you see dating or married to young beauties. The young girls will date a broke young guy, but never a broke old man.They are usually mistresses to guys who can afford to spoil them. Then age does not matter at all. But if he cannot spoil them, he better be young. They will accept a young broke guy even if he is a cheater and a player. Buy never an old broke guy.They preffer older men, only if he can be a "sugar daddy".
 

... in response to Re: I don't think caleñas prefer older g..., posted by Mark33 on Jul 16, 2003

I like to think that the caleñas I date have as much fun as I do.

How many broke young guys do you see dating or married to young beauties in Cali? Not to many and not for to long.

... in response to Looks like I'm out of business then.    ..., posted by Calipro on Jul 16, 2003

[This message has been edited by Mark33]

Calipro,
     I'm not saying they don't have fun. Sure they do. In the same way many people have a great time when they are hanging out in top notch places.
  The photos of the homes you showed would make even AW want to hang out there:)
 But fact is, not a lot of young guys in foreign countries have a lot of cash.So I can't assume the only young guys dating pretty young women are all rich. The rich ones from upper class families tend to date within their class.
  Do you think the majority of average latin males under 30 are sitting home with nobody?:) Look around at the parks, beaches and anywhere else young people hang out. Most of these guys have women. SAome very pretty women. But many probably will never be able to give those women the kind of life they imagine you or I can in the States.But as stated before, foreign women expect a lot more from AM. But will put up with crap from their guys.
  Have fun, enjoy it for as long as you can. But understand that most of these ladies are in this for something.
   Next time you go down there,rent an average apartment in a so-so neighborhood. Act like you are a poor American. Take these girls to cheap places to eat,and see how long they stick around?
   They enjoy themselves, but the money ambiance and lifestyle is what is attracting them. You can be more fun than a barrel of monkeys, but the moment the cash runs out, the girls will split.
 
       Mark

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Self Evaluation, posted by valuedcustomer on Jul 13, 2003

Customs vary considerably according to social class.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Self Evaluation, posted by Cali vet on Jul 14, 2003

They are middle class.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Self Evaluation, posted by valuedcustomer on Jul 13, 2003

(1) What about the George Herbert Walker Bush syndrome. You recall as President he was a distinguished looking mid-60's his wife looked like she was the age of his mother! Women hit a certain age and most fall apart. A 10 year age difference is good.

(2) Any man who marries before age 30 is a fool. It's fine to fool around till 30, but don't get married! Men need till age 30 to mature, acquire some financial stability, etc., most women before the age of 25 don't know what they want and aren't stable marriage material either.

... in response to Self Evaluation, posted by Jester on Jul 12, 2003

"readily accessible"? But only via AA, Summa, Copa etc. What's an "initial beginning" and would a "plutonic relationship" be out of this world? I really like "Life can be seen as a still photo seen through rose colored glasses" but I wonder if it was borrowed from a certain well known baseball player. Well gotta get back to my abs.