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Calipro asked me a question about why I had brought up whorehouses with my driver in a recent post. The guide, Julio was recommended by the agency, when we met at the hotel, we sat down and had coffee and he asked within 4 minutes, if I was interested in "meeting and relaxing" with some ladies.  I told him that I wanted to see churches and museums, not whorehouses, and we were pretty much on the same page after that. He was just doing his job of finding what his customer wanted, can't blame him for asking.

Its almost 5:00 in the afternoon in Bogota and I decided to take a day off from sightseeing. My feet hurt! I am going to the theater tonight to see a Spanish play with my fashion designer. I think we're just enjoying each other's company.  Tomorrow I have another dinner date, a second meeting, and then I think I am switching agencies.

I had lunch today with an almost 28 year old woman.  This is well below my age group, but I looked at her profile, she was striking and  the agency told me she was specifically interested in an older man up to 55.  I was mildly curious, so I thought to myself "what the hell" and said OK.  I haven't met anyone younger then 34 so far.

When she found out that I was originally from New York City and had lived there for the first 30 years of my life, she asked a ton of questions about New York, the night life in Manahttan, etc. I'm sure that she doesn't want to live in the suburbs of Portland, Oregon!   The girl (P) has a very striking face, about 5'5 maybe 105-110, looked like a lean Gabriela Sabatini the Argentine tennis star from a few years back.  P had very dark hair, thick eyebrows,  very dark eyes, not much of a bust (and I do like women with pronounced curves).  She worked in sales for a jewelry exporter.  She was intelligent, very well educated but a bit full of herself, and "young."   I remembered myself at 28, and then, I probably would have done or said anything to go to bed with her.  

But here I am, a 50 year old guy and she was young enough to be my daughter, and pretty transparent. It was obvious that she didn't know what at she wanted out of life and was fishing for someone to give her a lifestyle and a place to land.  She wanted to live in a big exciting, cosmopolitan city, New York, Paris, Madrid even Los Angeles was acceptable and I assume a sugar daddy was part of the deal.  Well I couldn't provide the penthouse or all the sugar, so it was just lunch.

I just said it had been a lot of fun to meet her, we gave each other a hug and a kiss on the cheek and it was amusing. that all, just very amusing. And I assume to her, I was just an old gringo who gave a free lunch.    

... in response to Hello from Bogota #5, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 16, 2003


I wanted to respond to this debate about age difference from my own perspective.

For me, this is not a question of my baggage or desperation or a woman's baggage or desperation. Calipro made a point that a woman who is 35 with a child has to be desperate, so its better to find a younger woman (who I assume because she is so physically desirable and has her choice of partners, so you know that she cares about you.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but its obvious that Calipro and I don't agree about much of anything. Calipro has been married three times, maybe he doesn't consider that "baggage."

I want to find a younger woman then me, I think 34-42 or so.  Its an 8 to 16 year old age difference, and maybe a woman in her mid 30s would have the maturity to handle an age differencew,  

But at 50, if I find the "young, sweet, Colombiana in her mid to late 20s, that some of you keep talking about, what will happen when I'm 65 and she is 40 or 45, assuming we are even together that long?  What will keep us together? What I don't see many men acknowlege on these posts is the basic fact that chronological age is an indication of life experiences and emotional maturity, not always, but usally it is.

I'm looking for an intelligent, tolerant, articulate woman who is a very good conversationalist, interested in and curious about the world.  That means she should have values, experences and viewpoints that she can bring to a marriage and that she has the capacity to grow in wisdom.  And, I am looking for a woman who has loyalty and integrity.  And yes, hopefully, I would like her to have big gazongas and really enjoy making love.  Physical appeal and chemistry is important to me!

Maybe there is a perfect 25-19 year old woman in Bogota or Cali or Baranquilla, or Cartagena who is sincere, loyal and can look past a 5'10 and 240 physique and has all the qualitites I described.  My question is: how many citas to find that woman?  I'm not discounting all Colombianas in their 20s because I had one lunch with a young woman who was so obviously at a different point in her life then me.  But it would be a lot of work and I don't want to spend my time sifting through all the chaff to possibly find one great piece of wheat.  

At this point in my life, I don't want to be a father to a much younger woman.  I don't want to have to help her to grow up, and I don't want to be jealous or insecure because of the age difference, or wonder where she is.  What would such a 20+ year old age difference realtionship be based on?  Financial security, OK. That I can offer and I understand the need for.   Sex?  Sex is based on physical appeal, but making love is a form of communication, one of the highest forms and a good marriage with love in it is based on different kinds of communication.  But when your drive for sex is gone what do you have left in a marriage relationship?  For me, its a question of thinking with the big and not the little head.

If the communication dissapears because a man and a woman are too far apart in their life stages, it doesn't matter what happens in the marriage bed.  More important then the physical side of marriage is shared goals, loyalty, sacrifice, endurance and hard work and hopefully shared beliefs.  Not necessarily shared religious beliefs, but belief in accomplishing shared goals, sacrifice, in the value of hard work, in treating your mate as you would like to be treated, etc.

Enough for now, I will give further details on Bogota in the next day or so.

Adios
Dominguin  

... in response to The age difference debate, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 17, 2003

If I got myself a much younger trophy wife, I would prefer to relocate to her native country. Too risky for us older farts bringing such a youngster to America. Rather take the risk with an older Latina.

... in response to The age difference debate, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 17, 2003

[This message has been edited by greg]

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... in response to The age difference debate, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 17, 2003

For what it's worth my wife of four months (and one year of courtship) is 27 and I'm 57. So far so good.

... in response to Re: The age difference debate, posted by Cali vet on Jun 17, 2003

Hey Calivet,
Yes you may have 30 years in between you two but you also live in Colombia,that greatly minimizes the age impact. Its an advantage that few here have I think. Anyway how have you been? Are you still thinking about moving?

Nico

... in response to Re: The age difference debate, posted by Cali vet on Jun 17, 2003

Hey Calipro,

Didn't you post your fotos of you and the Mrs. awhile back?  If that was you, then you do have a very attractive wife.  That is exactly what I was referring to when I suggested that mid 20's be considered while looking.  Do you think you could get that attractive of a gringa at her age here?  Kudos to ya!

Pablo

... in response to Re: Re: The age difference debate, posted by pablo on Jun 17, 2003

Throughout my several years of searching here I always ended up having better luck despite my age with girls between 22 and 28 and came close to marrying quite a few of them before meeting my wife. I find the girls in their mid twenties to be optimistic, sincerely romantic and enthusiastic. I tried to date the thirty somethings at the agencies but never found anyone I clicked with. A lot of them seemed jaded in their attitudes, really demanding and with very defined material goods agendas. Just a lot more complicated in general. I finally said to hell with it, stick with those mid twenties chicas. But your question, surely it's rhetorical. And Nico is right about living in Colombia, any age difference stress is eliminated here.

... in response to The age difference debate, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 17, 2003

Dominguin,
     You are looking for a wife for all of the right reasons. Your posts are great,and I look foward to them. I notice you are not in a hurry . Good for you.  There are plenty of women out there who apprecaite a man who knows exactly what he is looking for in a mate.
      Good Luck

... in response to The age difference debate, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 17, 2003

I appreciate your guys decision to marry an older more mature women if that is what you want to do. And, I probably would have never been critical of your decision to do so if others had not been so critical of my decision to pursue a younger women.

All I really want to say is keep your eyes open to the culture differences between here and Colombia and try to make them work for you the best that you can.

Even if Dominguin doesn't realize it he is benefiting from the cultural differences because 35+ year old women with children in Colombia really are not considered marriage material by Colombian guys that have any thing going for them.

As I said before I think that both sides in a debate tend to exagrate their positions and I don't think I is fair to characterize 35+ year old women or late teen and twenty something women as desperate. I just want to clear this up for guys that have never been to Colombia before.

I know that I told you guys that my ex-wife was not happy with her home life when we met but I wouldn't say she was desperate. She had plenty of options that most beautiful women tend to have and at one point almost decided not to come to the U.S. with me. It is not the easiest thing in the world to leave your family and friends behind for any of them.

 Good luck and God Bless.

... in response to The age difference debate, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 17, 2003

Hasta somos viejitos, y cuando uno debe morir, el otro a su lado, agarrando las manos.....that's what my 40yo 'had to settle for' says about how long we'll be together...I don't think most 20somethings even understand the concept. Now, them what chose to can say 'she's desperite' or 'at her age she can't do any better' or 'you just can't keep up with a young one'....let them say that if it makes them feel any better.

And as far as 'settle for'....I don't publish our pictures, but have sent them to a few guys...ask Edge if I had to 'settle' in the looks department.

In my opinion (for what it's worth) you're going about it 100% right if you're in it for the long haul, which you obviously are.

... in response to Re: The age difference debate, posted by Michael B on Jun 17, 2003

Michael B. - your novia is quite attractive which leads to the question of why she would hook up with you:-).  Sorry, couldn't resist.  To tell you the truth, I have never seen a bad looking lady of any of the ladies I have seen the guys here with.

... in response to Hello from Bogota #5, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 16, 2003

DOM
Wonderful post with a lot of insight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its great for a small fantasy, but you can't build a life on this kind of relationship. jimc
PS Gabriela was hot.

... in response to Hello from Bogota #5, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 16, 2003

Hi Dominquin,

Glad you made it down to Colombia!  I wanted to make a comment to your post.  I noticed your age and how you had not made contact with any ladies younger than 34 other than the 28 year old you mentioned.  Although the 30+ plus age range is probably a good choice for guys our age, I would not rule out someone simply because she is in her 20's.  Some of the Colombians prefer older guys and especially if you look good for your age that age range should also be considered by you.  By meeting one young lady who desires a sugar daddy and the night life, doesn't mean all these ladies are like that in that age group.  Don't let the American culture influence your decisions on this.  I'm not saying to chase those young 20 y/o hotties but do give it some thought about mid and late 20 y/o.  I met some real sweet mid 20 ladies that didn't mind the age difference.

Suerte,

Pablo

... in response to Re: Hello from Bogota #5, posted by pablo on Jun 17, 2003

Hey: Pablo

I think your wasting your time talking to some of these guys about going out with younger women. They are so baised against them it isn't even funny. It is quiet obvious that they have been burned in the past and have some issues and bagage they will have to get rid of before they would ever consider dating a women 20 years their junior even though it is common practice in Colombia.

I will admit that it is more of a challege to keep a women 20 or more years your junior especially when you bring her here as opposed to keeping her in Colombia. But, I don't think you are doing yourself a service by discounting them out of hand.

They will never believe that a women 20 years younger could ever want a sincere relationship with them.

What these guys are looking for is someone that is so desperate that the woman would be so appreciative and grateful to be married that they will never have to worry about her leaving. And, if you marry a 35+ year old women with a child from Colombia that's exactly what you are going to get. So, you get these guys bragging about how you couldn't pay their wives enough to go out at night without them and how they are so attentive.

But, you have to ask yourself: Is these what I really want out of life? Sure the relationship may last a life time. But, that doesn't mean it's true love either, when you marry a women that is so beaten down that her only option left is you.

If you marry a nice young one, you at least know that she chose you as the better of her many options and you can be sure that done of them are so desperate as to marry you with out some serious physical attraction on her part.

... in response to Re: Re: Hello from Bogota #5, posted by Calipro on Jun 17, 2003

Calipro,
    Some of the men in search of older ladies are not looking for desperate. They are looking for a person who has lived life and understand what they seek. From your point of view marrying a beautiful young girl proves that she is not desperate and chose because you are the best of her options,and she is attracted to you..
  Funny, every single age-gap relationship I have seen with foreign women do not seem that way to me. It seems the young girls took their first oppurtunity to leave, thinking they can trade up once they get to the states. Be she Russian, Latin,or whatever.
 I recently spoke to a Greek store owner who has just gotten married to a 20 year old Greek girl from back home. The wife is gorgeous beyond belief. The guy is ugly,smelly and fat and old. I'm sure there is a lot of attraction on her part:)You can tell by the look on her face that this girl is not too happy. But I guess he was her best option because he had money.Love does not ususally come into play, but sometimes it does.
  I am involved with a Filipina. many of her friends are engaged to much older men. I always thought they liked older men. That is what they say,and the older American men swear by it. To my suprise, while I was there. Many of her friends who are engaged asked me if I knew other YOUNG American men who are looking to get married. One of the girls described the man she was going to marry as a man who looked like he was carrying 2 babies.She was 18. He is in his 50's.
     Other men my age and younger have also said they were bombarded with friends asking if they knew young men closer to their age. They keep telling my fiance that she is so lucky I am young.
  Calipro,any guy can get a young hot foreign girl.Do you know ANYONE who has kept her for more than a brief time?
 I have dated girls as young as 19(in the States) recently, but never again.      
  By the way, have you forgotten about Indel King? He  was the 40+ short bald,fat creepy guy who eventually killed his tall blonde 18 year old Russian wife. That was the 2nd young foreign wife he had. I guess he is was such hot stuff the teens could'nt stay away:)
  Some of the young girls are pretty desperate and will marry anyone in order to come to the States. They understand they sacrifice 2 years to get what they want. They will still be young by the time those 2 years are up.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Hello from Bogota #5, posted by Mark33 on Jun 17, 2003

Sure, I know of relationships that have a 20 or  more year age gap and they have lasted more than a short time. I even know of an american couple with a twenty plus year age difference and they have been married 17+ years.

But the reality of the situation is most of the relationships I am aware of don't last a life time no matter what the age difference is. Hell, my dad is 62 and he picked up his illegal mexican girl friend from the circle K down the street. It cost him all of $1600 for the coyote. He met her in mexico when he was traveling with my brother. They got a long great and he went down to see her a couple more times. He is 62 and she is 20 and when I saw them yesterday they both seemed very happy.

I am not going to argue the point that a relationship with an older women on average probably will last longer than a relationship with a younger women. All I am saying is that doesn't make them more sincere  just because they will have fewer oportunities to leave you.

I know there are guys out there that think I only date very young women and that may be the case. But the fact of the matter is when I go to a marriage agency and look at the books I never look at how old the women is. I just look for someone I am attracted to and more often then not they are young. I have to be sexually attracted to the women and her to me or what is the point of going any further. I am not one of those guys that go down to Cali and try to impress women with pictures of my house and my car, etc. etc.. They have to like me for who I am and I have to like them for who they are and that is all that is really requiered in my opinion.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Hello from Bogota #5, posted by Calipro on Jun 17, 2003

They have to like you for who you are? They are attracted to you for what you can do for them. Did you not say your 1st Cali wife was in a bad situation at home,and you were the first man to apply for a k-1? Your second latina wife had a boyfriend she was still in love with. But used you to fulfill her purposes?
 If a man is leary of bringing his foreign wife to the U.S. because he fears she will change or leave,deep down inside he understands it is not him she truly wants.Just what he can give her. Most younger women do not know what they really want,and neither did we at that age.
  Also, congrats to your dad. But is he not involved with a woman who was in a desperate situation? Just because she is young does not mean she was not desperate. Poverty makes people very desperate.As I said before, I met many foreign girls engaged to older men. Almost all wanted to know if there was a younger man available for them.
  Calipro, I would rather the woman I am involved with be in love with me. I do not need to play savior. You seem to think a man with an older woman is getting one who stays because she has no other choice. A good looking girl 30+ will have tons of oppurtunity to meet men in this country also. Not all men want teenagers. All she would have to do is put a profile out on Yahoo and she would be bombarded.Or go to nice clubs and restaurants.So it is not a given she will stay.
  By the way, why do you think a man is settling if he is not with a very young woman. To each his own. Many people have realized all men have different taste,and made on bundle$$$$$$$ on that fact. There are websites out there for men who like fat women, chunky women,latin women,ugly women,blond,tall,short,Asian,black. There are even ones for men who love very old women.Also ones for men who like teens. All men are different.
 Just because a man wants an equal partner, who he feels confident will be by his side through thick and thin.One he feels is proud of him, one he can consider his best friend,and one he sees as beautiful does not make him insecure. In fact he is more secure than the man who wants a trophy.
       

... in response to Re: Re: Hello from Bogota #5, posted by Calipro on Jun 17, 2003

Not time wasting but trying to do him a favor.  I mean how could an American guy find a sweet beautiful AW with a 15+ age difference.  Gringas won't give older guys the time of day.  It's an easy mindset to allow yourself into and it needs to be rethought and challenged when visiting a LA country.  

I remember my first trip and being so indoctrinated into our dating culture I could not believe some sweet sensitive beautiful Latina half my age would be interested in me.  After questioning one such latina about the age difference and if it was a problem for her she looked at me puzzled and said "What is your problem, my last Colombian boyfriend was older than you!"  Not all of the ladies want big age differences there but many don't mind and some even prefer it.

Age should be considered, along with interests, goals and maturity.  Remember the adage:  Age is mind over matter, if you don't mind...it doesn't matter.

I for one would rather be with a sweet mid 20 or 30 rather than a late 30 or 40 something lady.  

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Hello from Bogota #5, posted by pablo on Jun 17, 2003

Pablo, you are right. Some ladies like a big age difference. IF you are a good-looking guy who is fit for his age and in his 40's or 50's. All women will always be attracted to you. AW or otherwise.I know men in their 40's and 50's in the states who would laugh if they heard that young 20's and 30's women were not attracted to them. They get young girls all the time. But if you are not in shape,and not too attractive, there are fewer young ladies who will be sincere especially when you are in a foreign country.
   I had once read that a good marriage consists of both parties thinking they could not have done better in a life partner. If a young woman is married to an older man,and sincerly thinks that in every department she could not have done better, that is great. If she has a strong physical attraction and thinks you are the hottest thing since sliced bread. That is great!
 But if she just loves you because of what you provide her, that is not good. Because young women will wlways want the man who makes her heart beat faster,and the one who turns her on. Otherwise,she will be gone soon.

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Hello from Bogota #5, posted by Mark33 on Jun 17, 2003

Mark,
Just wanted to say I appreciate your posts.  Very well thought out, and make alot of sense!!!
Good Luck!!

... in response to Hello from Bogota #5, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 16, 2003

Read 'em like a book, can't you? (I mean that in a good way). Yeah, anybody who shows up for the date is worth a lunch, but that sugar daddy business got to go...you done good.