Planet-Love.com Searchable Archives

I fail to see how a 20-30 something woman can have interest in a 50-ish man (unless her name is Catherine Zeta-Jones)

... in response to Youngish Asian Women and Older Western M..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 21, 2001

Okay I will try to answer you in a serious manner. Now first allow me to say my husband and I are 40 and 47 (he's 47), so we are very close in age when you look at it. But remember where these girls are coming from. In the Philippines men are much worse than in America on an average. The younger ones cheat often (I know these are generalizations so forgive me but they are based in truth) and can be lazy and violent. Much more so than in the USA. Women do not have the status they do in the US even though there have been two Filipina (Filipina is a woman) presidents recently including the new one. Economic conditions are worse than the great American depression especially right now. Divorce is illegal in the Philippines except for very unusual circumstances.

To a Filipina an American man is seen as being more considerate of his wife and a better provider. If he is older he is usually more stable in his job or career and usually better off financially. He is also more tolerant on average and with life experience he usually makes an excellent father. An older man is less likely to fly off the handle than a young man. Also he should be wiser with age. Remember, Asians revere age and wisdom. I know there are nasty American men of all ages and incomes but believe me, until you have lived some time in the Philippines and see the real situation there in marriages you would have a hard time imagining the things men do and get away with there. Again these are generalizations about older American men but they also hold true. An American man of 50 is seen by my Filipina sisters as a strong, wise, financially stable man who is better suited to bring life experience to the raising of children. Most men who abuse their children are younger men with less experience and tolerance. Bearing children is for the young, raising them is for the experienced. A paradox, no? The younger mother bears children easier and a devoted, mature father is better able to support a family and to provide a gentle yet strong and wise role model for them. How many young couples live hand to mouth even in the USA? My husband and his first wife did until he made corporal and they decided to have their first child when they could support her. An American corporal's pay will support a family of five or six comfortably in the Philippines.

So you have a young woman, ready to bear children, eager to do so and looking for the best possible match. She wants to have a strong and successful man if she can get one. A pregnant woman and a woman with a suckling baby must be considered to be temporarily but severely handicapped. She needs emotional support almost as much as monetary support. A mature man is experienced and usually more even tempered and less likely to fight with his pregnant wife. He is also better able to support them comfortably while she is unable to work, and possibly able to support the family without her help and so she can devote 100% of her time to the home and her children. Filipinas are very devoted mothers. Filipinas are not taught by magazines and such things to hate maturity, her whole life has been experienced to revere maturity.

And most American men in their forties and fifties are not bad looking, even though America overall is getting quite fat. Remember when Henry Kissinger was the most eligible bachelor in America and had his choice of women? Have you looked closely at him even back then? The Filipina often sees past the outside and looks in to the heart. What he says and how he acts will go farther with her than what he looks like. May-December relationships are very common in the USA so I don't see why people pick on Asian women. They are also very common in Europe.

So to sum it up, Filipinas :

1. Have no age prejudices, the opposite in fact.
2. Are looking for the best match to help her raise her family.
3. Have seen bad examples among young men in her own society, where older men are better husbands and fathers.
4. See American men as being more successful and less likely to cheat or be violent that her countrymen (overall this is true).
5. America's standard of living is at least three times better than the Philippines.
6. With the Philippines' long association with America, she fits in pretty well and usually speaks at least some English, and has no "gaijin" notions about Americans.
7. The USA has much better laws protecting her than she has at home or especially if she goes to Japan or Singapore or the Arabian nations to work, even as housekeeper. The USA makes sure she knows all her rights and exactly what to do if her husband turns out to be one of the few bad ones. In the Philippines she has few recourses especially for cheating and neglectful husbands. Not in the USA.

On the other hand:

1. America is a strange land and far away, even if it is mostly familiar.
2. There are just enough true stories of bad American men that it will make her think twice.
3. The Philippine authorities make sure she hears all about horror stories before she leaves for the USA, and they are repeated in the USA with instructions on how to leave and get help if her man turns out to be a monster, and this scares her a little and makes for initial difficulties.
4. She is a very long way from home should something happen to her family in the Philippines and she knows how expensive it is for her to travel back should something happen. A comfortable lifestyle is often put under strain especially since her husband had to make usually at least two expensive trips to see her at home. She realizes that once he pays her way to the USA that even an American with a nice income just cannot buy airfare across the USA and to the Philippines on a moment's notice. And if she has a very small child it may be impossible for her to leave the child and travel home, and unwise to take a small baby to a place such as the Philippines where health and sanitation are not up to USA standards.

But overall the older American man is a very good match for her. A Filipina of thirty is considered an old maid in the Phils and may have trouble getting a good match. If she has had a child out of wedlock she is almost assured no decent Filipino man will marry her or use her as anything other than a mistress. American men are much more forgiving and willing to accept a child not their own. If she has gained a divorce in Japan or another nation as an OCW she is likewise a pariah for Filipino men. I was not able to have children. My Filipino husband put me through hell in medical procedures and hormones and fake doctors. He grew violent and cheated openly at the end and finally he got our marriage annulled in the Church and abandoned me back to our family. When he became an open cheater and violent Uncle stepped in and told him to either straighten up, or annul the marriage, or else. Uncle was serious. As a woman unable to bear children and having an annulment, I was prepared to live alone the rest of my life. I would never consent to being a mistress, it would shame my good family name. My American husband didn't care about the annulment or that I could not have children. In fact he was upset over my treatment by my former husband. He is my Prince Charming, my Cary Grant and my Sean Connery all rolled into one. Oh, by the way, I was not and am not a poor Filipina. Our family has a good name and reputation and I worked for my uncle and had money of my own to bring to our marriage. Our family is very well off by Philippine standards. But I am very familiar with cousins and schoolmates that were not so fortunate.

So I hope this gives you a little lesson on the conditions in the Philippines and some of the reasons at least a Filipina does not look down on a mature American man. I cannot answer for other nations. Besides, American men in their fifties look younger than Filipino men in their forties. :)

VICKY

... in response to Re: Youngish Asian Women and Older Weste..., posted by Don V and Vicky on Jan 22, 2001

About Annulment of Marriage in the Philippines. greg

... in response to Vicky I need Advice, posted by greg on Jan 22, 2001

I am up waiting for Mother to call, so I can answer you now.

There are very few instances where a marriage may be annuled or a "Church Divorce" granted. Mine was an annullment in both the Church and civil cases. My former husband had to pay a lot of (mostly my) money for them.

Failure to consummate the marriage is one. Infertility can be another. Insanity, maybe. In extreme cases, abuse or infidelity can also be a reason. For church annulments ask a Roman Catholic Priest. He can tell you what the Church will annul a marriage for.

Civil annullments in the Phils are also complicated and the woman has very little chance of getting one for her benefit. Some of the reasons are the same as the Church, but almost only the man can get a divorce or annullment for infidelity in the Phils. Being a man with money and political influence can get you many things in the Phils.

I only know about my own situation and what little I learned because of it. You can contact the RP embassy with questions I suppose. If you have a lady who had an annullment go carefully as many ladies claim an annullment when they are merely separated or abandoned by their husbands, or if she has never been married but had a child out of wedlock or was used as a mistress and not married by her boyfriend. The last is not really her fault but Filipinas get nervous over not being virgins for their husbands and will use excuses. If she is now trying to get an annullment in the Phils, good luck, you will need it.

VICKY

... in response to Here's what I know-VICKY, posted by Don V and Vicky on Jan 23, 2001

Hi! Vicky salamat. Ummmm what happened? Well, after her Visa was approved, she informed me that she's separted from her Hubby for nine years, she said he has another Woman and children. She sent me a copy of a letter from him stating that he doesn't want her anymore etc..Yes, she has our Son. Think about I only found out that she was actually married after the Visa approval, so it's not my fault for being involved with a separtely married woman. I only need to know the honesty from you on her chances of getting an Annulment of marriage. Thank You very much. greg

... in response to Vicky, posted by greg on Jan 24, 2001

Do you live in California? You may want to consult with a good family law attorney here and see if it’s possible to get her marriage annulled in California. If so, it may be a lot faster.

Ray

... in response to Vicky, posted by greg on Jan 24, 2001

I am a little confused, how did she get a visa without the legal clearance that she was free to marry? You may have a lot of trouble with this. You should hire an attorney is my thinking. You/she could be under fraud for the US INS.

As for a church annulment I have no idea, but a civil annulment will cost you money and you have to be willing to walk on the shady side of the law if you want it quickly (within a year or two), which is common practice in the Phils.

Uncle got all our paperwork approved in record time while we were gone on our Philippine honeymoon. I assume he greased palms but he is also owed much "gimi" and has considerable political pull so maybe not.

I know the civil annulment cost us (me) over two thousand dollars in US funds way back then. I have no idea what the church annulment cost if anything as Uncle was involved by then. As for what it would cost now, who knows?

VICKY

... in response to Re: Vicky, posted by Don V and Vicky on Jan 24, 2001

Okey Vicky, After I arrived back in the States from my trip to meet my Mahal, I sent to INS her I129 fiancee Visa application. It was approved within a month; INS sent it to  Manila, I informed my Mahal that Manila would contact her for Interviews etc..She told me to cancell the Visa application, becuz she found out from the Courts in her provinces that she's in fact married, so Yes, I made a mistake on the application that she was never married, so INS also told me to cancell until She can solve her situation of Annulment from her marriage. She told me that she thought her Hubby never registered their marriage with the Courts, becuz they only together two weeks before she left to work abroad. Yes, all this sound Confusing and Messy. :-( greg

... in response to Vicky, posted by greg on Jan 24, 2001

Hi Greg,

From what I know about Catholic annulments, money is the key. How much for your circumstances, I have no idea. I am considering getting one from my ex in the US. It seems that there are many ways interpret church policy, given proper motivation. I don't know if that applies to the Philippines (Church & Gov't), but I wouldn't be surprised. Money seems to make the world go around. You would need to have your fiancee consult with a priest. Also with a government official. I am not sure of which gov't office.

I am sorry to anyone that finds my post offensive. These are only my first hand observations.

Dave H.

... in response to Money!, posted by Dave H on Jan 24, 2001

Hahahaha Dave, Don't be hard on yourself. Nothing wrong with your post. BTW, good information; I will pass it to her. thanks, greg

... in response to Re: Youngish Asian Women and Older Weste..., posted by Don V and Vicky on Jan 22, 2001

I have to submit to your ability to phrase the truth.  The harsg realities of life can make a lot of things AW's see as unacceptable, quite acceptable.

Bear

... in response to Re: Youngish Asian Women and Older Weste..., posted by Don V and Vicky on Jan 22, 2001

Vicky,

This is the best answer I have ever seen on the subject of Filipinas and age preferences in a partner. Your analysis is very articulate and well thought out.

Can I have your permission to save this and use it when the question invariably comes up again?

Thanks,

Ray

... in response to Re: Youngish Asian Women and Older Weste..., posted by Don V and Vicky on Jan 22, 2001

And many women went after him in the 1960's (As you may be able to tell now, I'm a Canadian).  He married a much younger woman, and produced 3 of the finest looking sons I've ever seen :-)  I guess it's all about power.  Mr. Trudeau was a very powerful man, and he had many women, including Barbra Streisand after him.  However, he chose Margaret, who was in her early 20's at the time.  

But do these men who marry younger women in the Phillipines have a very young attitude?  Prime Minister Trudeau did.  Trudeau-mania almost equated to Beatle-mania.

... in response to OK Fine.  Pierre  Elliott Trudeau was a ..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

Vicky's post was very good, and if you were somehow able to put your ideals aside and read what she was saying, you may actually learn something. Most young women in the Philippines by the time they are your age have had a very good dose of life, which is considerably harder for them than it has been for you. Many of them have supported their parents and siblings for years by the time they turn 21. They do so making $3 a day OR LESS! They have never been able to experience your bar scene, because all the money they made went to support their families. They cannot afford to go out and party. If they can somehow make enough to go to college, it has to be when they are off work. While working 60 to 80 hours per week, that doesn't leave any TIME to party if there was any money left to do so. What is the result? It's called maturity, something that is very hard to find here in a woman 35 years of age. They have a much better understanding of lifes hardships than you ever will, and to them foriegn men look VERY attractive for reasons you will never understand. Before you judge them, you should get your Daddy to send you over there for a week or two and see what their choices in life really are. Until then, you obviously haven't a clue, and are too narrow minded to listen and learn. And yes, I do have a very young attitude, thanx. Larry.

... in response to Age vs. education., posted by shadow on Jan 22, 2001

Daddy's sending me to London and Paris this summer

... in response to Nah..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

to get Daddy to send you to the philippines instead, to do volunteer work with the poor for a month.  I guarantee you will learn more there than a year in college. Got the guts?  NAHH!! Larry.

... in response to I challenge you..., posted by shadow on Jan 22, 2001

Larry,

You are right! They could sure use the help. It could change one's own life forever also. I only went to visit my fiancee and I will never be the same. Every time I see a show on TV about the people in the Philippines, I get choked up. Then I see the people walking through the mud, ragged clothes, the nipa huts and I get tears fill my eyes. I would really like to take my sons for a visit. Looking at my photos and video doesn't have the same affect as actually being there.  

I met several groups of missionaries on my way to and from the Philippines. They were some very nice people. Some were first timers, others had been there many times. They had a good time, learned a lot, were humbled, and helped many people. I thought about going back one day as missionary. However, for now it looks like I have found my mission in Barangay 17. Some families can't even afford rice.

I spent 20 years picking up the pieces of what used to be humans and tried to save their lives. The Philippines cut deeper into my heart than that. It brought me out of my hardened shell. These people suffer every day. They also suffer the same traumas and illnesses that occur in the west and don't receive adequate medical treatment because they are poor.

Dave H.

... in response to Europe can wait. Please accept!, posted by Dave H on Jan 22, 2001

change ones life forever. I spent a year studying the PI before my first trip, but nothing could have prepared me for what I found. The street people here haven't a clue how well off they are to be in good ol' USA. I intend to donate as much time there as I possibly can toward helping the people. I think in that way I can find inner peace and satisfaction to this date unknown to me. I know I can't change the world, but if I can make a difference in one or two families lives it will be worth ANY amount of effort it takes. I think everyone should take a trip to the philippines, because NO amount of reading, movies, or pictures can really depict the hardship and poverty. Only by seeing and experiencing it first hand does one get the real picture. Odd part is, as a people they seemed so much happier and at peace with the world than most anybody I know here. I want some of what they have. Larry.

... in response to I challenge you..., posted by shadow on Jan 22, 2001

He wouldn't like it.  When I told him that a friend of mine joined a convent and went to South America for missionary work, he told me that she was crazy.

... in response to Re: I challenge you..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

you could convince him. You obviously are very strong willed and intelligent. It would be a learning experience like you couldn't imagine. It would cost less than half what you would spend going to paris and london, and fun too. I intend to spend 1/4 of my available time this year working with the poor there in one respect or another, and I must support myself while doing so. I doubt you would have to worry about the financial end of it, so what's keeping you from doing something? You must have some interest in what makes these women marry older men or you wouldn't be on this board, what better way to find out for yourself than to immerse yourself in their culture and hardships for a few weeks? Think about it. You would be doing something good in the world, what good is your paris and london trip going to do? Come on, show the world that you are a caring and compassionate person, instead of a narrow minded selfish one. Larry.

... in response to Ahh, but..., posted by shadow on Jan 22, 2001

Maybe when I graduate.  I'll be spending this summer worrying about grad school applicatons!

... in response to Re: Ahh, but..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

I'm actually spending the spring semester there.  Be back here in July. :-)

... in response to Not the ENTIRE summer, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 23, 2001

left to do what I am suggesting. Get a REAL education, instead of just a piece of paper. Larry.

... in response to Then you'd have plenty of time..., posted by shadow on Jan 23, 2001

No.  July and August will be spent prepping for my GRE's and GMAT's

... in response to Re: Ahh, but..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

:)

... in response to Youngish Asian Women and Older Western M..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 21, 2001

You say you  "fail to understand". That is OK, we all fail
by times. With some experience in life, you may see it from a different point of view. Your assumptions about people being Fat Old Ugly Bald guys is kind of funny though, rather telling about the shallowness of your mind,(In your mind, it seems you really value this stereotype, it seems you are a bigot) though perhaps your do want to know. Whoever you find to please you is really none of our business...as they say, the world is a big place. Don't you value diversity?

... in response to Your failure, and lack of respect for di..., posted by Nathan on Jan 22, 2001

I value diversity when it comes to ethnicity, religion (unless it's some sort of cult), etc...but not when it comes to age or education.  No respectable girl with a BA degree should date a man who dropped out of high school, for example.  Same said person shouldn't date a man who isn't making a simlar amount of money either.  It is the way the world works.  A man dating a much older, "wealthy" woman is only after her money.  Ditto with a woman with an older man. Hate to break it to ya, but that's the way it usually works.

... in response to Re: Your failure, and lack of respect fo..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

Actually -- the way that the 90% of the World that isn't American or American controlled Works is this:

Take American "so called" norms, throw them away, that's how the World works.

And it's been doing that for a million years of so...

Funny, once upon a time America resembled the Rest of the World.....until about 30 years ago.

Saddest part is, people caught up in your "rules of the norm" are usually the unhappiest, saddest people in the world....

And anyone who has actually traveled to see and experience the non-American world, who has opened up their eyes and ears and tuned into another culture knows this is true ...

Good Luck to you.

Paulv

... in response to Re: Your failure, and lack of respect fo..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

You are telling me the way the world works? Well I have traveled in over 60 countries and lived in 6 and it seems that it  is YOU who needs a lesson on the way the world works! You are looking at the world through a cultural and educational pinhole. The stereotypes you draw are pretty accurate for the USA, about 4% of the world's population.
You obvously don't know much about the other 96% of the world. I would rather not put you down, but encourage you to check the rest of the world out, travel with open eyes and an open mind and you could learn something. Without that
perspective you just come across as another American bimbo, looking at the world through the keyhole on her mentally LOCKED front door.

Regards,

nathan

... in response to That is the way YOUR world works, not th..., posted by Nathan on Jan 22, 2001

And that goes for Canadian bimbos as well :-)

... in response to Amen to that!, posted by Ray on Jan 22, 2001

I don't sleep around!

... in response to Bimbo?, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

...bimbo was not meant to imply that you slept around. I was only correcting Nathan's reference to American bimbo since I saw you were posting from a Canadian ISP. Perhaps "North American bimbo” would be more appropriate. Seen one, you've seen them all.

Ray

... in response to Bimbo?, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

But when did "bimbo" become an implication of promiscuity? It used to mean something akin to "ditzy," "airhead" - an insult to intelligence.

... in response to Maybe I'm hopelessly out of it..., posted by Jeff S. on Jan 22, 2001

most ditzes are "sl.ts", as portrayed on tv, etc...

... in response to Bimbo?, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

Your Daddy to turn you over his knee and give you the spankings you missed that made you the little brat you are!

... in response to That is the way YOUR world works, not th..., posted by Nathan on Jan 22, 2001

nt

... in response to Youngish Asian Women and Older Western M..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 21, 2001

Once you try gray, you'll never go back to gay.

If you really want to understand, then you’ll just have to try it for yourself. But me thinks this is just another lesbian troll who ran out of batteries for her dildo.

... in response to Don't knock it till you try it toots, posted by Ray on Jan 21, 2001

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!

Your too much, Navy! Ya kill me! Ah yuk, yuk, yuk!! :)

Jay

... in response to Youngish Asian Women and Older Western M..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 21, 2001

Hi Westerngrrl,

It's strange but true. I am 43 and have dated 3 American ladies in their 20's in the last few years. I also dated 1 Jamaican, 1 Swede and 1 English woman, all in their 20's. I am happy to be in my 40's and don't want to be 20. I am white and I don't even rap. I will let you know what happens when I am in my 50's. I don't have Michael's money or fame either.

Dave H.

PS They're all wrinkled until you get the blood pumping. :o)

... in response to American's Too!, posted by Dave H on Jan 21, 2001

n/t

... in response to American's Too!, posted by Dave H on Jan 21, 2001

I don't think they meant wrinkled in that sense. :)

... in response to Re: American's Too!, posted by DE on Jan 21, 2001

N/T

... in response to Youngish Asian Women and Older Western M..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 21, 2001

Come on over hea an' give this sweet American Honey a big ole kiss!

... in response to Youngish Asian Women and Older Western M..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 21, 2001

1) less violent
2) more stable
3) more finacially secure
4) less demanding
5) easier to satisfy sexually
6) less likely to cheat

Bear

... in response to Re: Youngish Asian Women and Older Weste..., posted by Bear on Jan 21, 2001

1) Older men can be violent too

2) Not necessarily.  A 35 year old man can very likely have a stable job!

3) see number 2

4) Less demanding?  Demanding what?  

5) Really, huh? I personally don't know of any woman who would want to sleep with a fat guy wrinkly guy.  THe guy may be satisfied, but I hardly think the girl is!

6) I DON'T THINK SO!  Anyone at any age can cheat.

... in response to Re: Re: Youngish Asian Women and Older W..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 21, 2001

I answered your question with the information most Asian ladies have provided to me.  If you find it unacceptable then I think you should discuss it with them. I doubt if your disapproval or objection will cause many men to to stop seeking asian women for wifes.  Nor do I think it will stop Asian ladies from seeking American men because we provide them the answer to their prayers and needs.

You seem to think that American Women's ideals are the same as women all over the world and it is not.  I personally think it should be the other way around.  Up to the early 1900's girls here in the U.S. married much the same way as asian girls do now.  Then families were more secure and our nation was stronger.

You like all other American Women you treat American Men as adversaries, instead of treating us like equals, immediately arguing and attempting to control, rather than listening and learning.

The men on this board have deserted American Women as a choice for spouses because they...

1) do not desire family first
2) accept pervert lifestyles as normal
3) all too willingly hurt the one they are supposed to love in an adversarial relationship instead of a mutually loving one.

You would not believe how many AW's have told me that I should make my wife work when all my wife wants the most in life is to be a mother and housewife.  They tell me that being a mother/wife should/can be a part time affair.  I think turning your children over to some gay/liberal inspired government controlled institution to raise is whats perverted and never should be even a parttime affair.  And to put your husband and family second to material wants - thats perverted.

No.  I answered your question but you never intended to listen and learn, just critise and complain because it doesn't match the gay-liberal-socialist media-trained concept that you learned on gay/liberal inspired government controlled TV and in gay/liberal inspired government controled public schools.  Sorry if it does not match your ill-conceived piture of life but this is reality not some politically-correct socialists attempt at controlling you.

Bear

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Youngish Asian Women and Old..., posted by Bear on Jan 22, 2001

N/T

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Youngish Asian Women and Old..., posted by Bear on Jan 22, 2001

Be able to provide a better family life?  Let's say you made $46,000 per annum and your wife's a stay-at-home mom.  Yes, you would be relatively comfortable, etc.  However, wouldn't you be more comfortable should you AND your wife work (her annual income is let's say $ 44,000.  46,000 + 44,000=90,000.  $90,000 per year means more trips abroad with the kids!  You can enlighten the kids by taking them to Europe and Asia, seeing the sights first hand rather than at a library.  Now that's cool! :-)  Besides, what would a woman with a B.A. do at home?  She should use her B.A.!

... in response to Wouldn't a working wife, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

Money means nothing to the lost time you could have spent with your children.

Ask a kid.  "Do you want to see Europe or have your Mom and Dad at you little league baseball game?  Betcha I know who'll win.

Bear

... in response to In the next to last pharagraph I answere..., posted by Bear on Jan 22, 2001

An 17 year old might want to go to Europe.  Besides, without a double income, how can a child have piano and ballet lessons?

... in response to Depends on the kid's age, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

My daughter spent two summers sessions at Sorbonne on our single income. Also got a new Isbach console piano when she was 13 (over 8 grand worth) and a new Honda civic when she went away to college (both the car and college were fully paid for)

... in response to Mine did too!, posted by Jeff S. on Jan 23, 2001

Jeff, how many kids do you have?  What if you had three daughters, and each of them wanted their own car for school?

... in response to Re: Mine did too!, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 23, 2001

Just one stepdaughter, and yes, I would have treated each of them equally (because I could) - but I don't believe you should have more kids than you can afford to raise. I have over 50 Mexican women working for me - of course they're all Catholic and were made to take a vow to have all the children god would grant them (I don't believe that's still done in the US, but it is in Mexico.) Nearely all of them spend every other year pregnant and they and their husbands have to both work full time to just get by. (One lady is 29 with 7 kids already - one of them 16 years old!) I think this is sad, maybe not in Mexico on a farm, but here in Southern California where the rents are so high, two or three families need to get together to rent an apartment.

... in response to Re: Mine did too!, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 23, 2001

Just one stepdaughter, and yes, I would have treated each of them equally (because I could) - but I don't believe you should have more kids than you can afford to raise. I have over 50 Mexican women working for me - of course they're all Catholic and were made to take a vow to have all the children god would grant them (I don't believe that's still done in the US, but it is in Mexico.) Narely all of them spend every other year pregnant and they and their husbands have to both work full time to just get by. I think this is sad, maybe not in Mexico on a farm, but here in Southern California where the rents are so high, two or three families need to get together to rent an apartment.

... in response to Depends on the kid's age, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

My daughter took ballet for 15 years and my son went on every scouting trip offered.  And I purchased a great used piano from a friend for $300 which I had to make them learn to play.

Parents are not obligated to give their kids diamonds and gold but love and care and a good upbringing.  I know that it is more important to have a parent to talk to than a trip to Europe.

Meals out at fancy restaurants are not near as important to the children as meals around the family table and "love at home" (from a popular church hymn).  When both parents work for material gain the child suffers.  Someone else raises the child with their expectations (probably much lower than yours) and with out the love and tenderness you would give.

You have been raised with the ideals of "have" instead of "give".  You will miss holding and watching your children grow so that you can pay more taxes and have more headaches and disappointments.  You'll find that it will be almost impossible to be happy and the children will, most likely, not appreciate your efforts.

The day will come when you will think that you would have gladly given it all up for a hug from your child.

Bear

... in response to Mine did, posted by Bear on Jan 23, 2001

well to make enough to send my daughter to my alma mater (I attended a religous high school), to live in a great neighbourhood, etc, etc.  Besides, what if my marriage fails?  What if he dies?  I need to have a job, don't I?  It's harder for a 40 year old woman to find work. Companies would rather hire the 23 year old graduate than a 40 year old widowed or divorced mom with two kids.  I'll have a better chance of being able to support my kids, giving them ballet and piano lessons should I have a job, making some %60,000+  than finding a job after a failed marriage or a death that pays half that.

... in response to I need money, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 23, 2001

nt

... in response to Your hopeless.....................nt, posted by Bear on Jan 23, 2001

So you'd like to see your wife live in poverty after your death?

... in response to Hopeless?, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 23, 2001

life insurance. Maybe when you grow up daddy will explain to you how it works. Larry.

... in response to It's called..., posted by shadow on Jan 23, 2001

And staying home all day is a rather boring thing to do if all your neighbours work 9-5.  IF there are kids, then why not get a part-time?  Or even work at home.  At least you've got something to do and you're being paid.

... in response to Re: It's called..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 23, 2001

an educated, blithering idiot. Exactly what does working part time and being bored have to do with life insurance? Larry.

... in response to Obviously, you are..., posted by shadow on Jan 24, 2001

But really, I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my (youngish) life sitting at home collecting money from my dead husband.  I'd rather make my own!

... in response to Wouldn't a working wife, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

You could have lots more toys, jewels, and really cool vacations. Your kids could grow up in day care and eventually, when they become teenagers, join up with the trenchcoat mafia! Wouldn't that be a hoot!

... in response to You're right!!, posted by Jeff S on Jan 22, 2001

Then you're saying that every single one of my friends on campus are in gangs going around shooting people?

... in response to Oh really...., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

I don't know. Did they all grow up in day care with both parents working full time plus and too busy to pay attention to them? Or were they raised with one parent mostly home to spend time to parent them?

... in response to Re: Oh really...., posted by Jeff S on Jan 22, 2001

Some went to daycare, others were raised by baby-sitter/nannies and one or two were raised by a grandparent.  And trust me, they're all normal, capable young adults studying at a univeristy

... in response to Wouldn't a working wife, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

Better for me to take two weeks off from work to take them.  Want to spend some time with them since I never see them :-)   Besides, what would I do at home all day?  Trust me, if you have a master's degree, you WOULDN'T want to be a stay-at-home

... in response to Wouldn't a working wife, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 22, 2001

Have the Nanny takes the kids abroad, you won't have to miss a day of work!!!

... in response to Re: Re: Youngish Asian Women and Older W..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 21, 2001

In a way you showed why we aren't necessarily interested in American girls, Stability isn't just about $$$$$$$$$$$, it is also about dreams, goals, family, working together, etc.  Sounds to me that you represent your generation and AW's just like we old farts think!

... in response to Re: Re: Youngish Asian Women and Older W..., posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 21, 2001

hmmm...please do not pass judgement on top[ics that you have no experience in. Have you ever dated a younger man?
I know a few american women who like older men. Each to their own.
It is my understanding that people who harshly judge other tend to be 1/ jealous 2/ ignorant or 3/ignorant and jealous

... in response to western-girl, posted by Lori on Jan 21, 2001

Yes, in fact, I have dated a younger man.  But he wasn't too much younger (19)...I'm 21, so really, I couldn't go too much younger

... in response to Re: western-girl, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 21, 2001

nuff said...No? Well, fair enough, you had your question, got some answers...but you don't want to hear them. You want to argue your "Point" and prove us old farts are wrong. Well, suffice it to say it isn't working and your point isn't effective either. My view: I'm doin' my thing, you do yours, and everyone can butt out and tend to their own business. I didn't seek someone young or younger, it just happened. I was just looking for love. And you know what? I found it!! THAT..is all that matters,
Bye

... in response to Re: western-girl, posted by Westerngrrl on Jan 21, 2001

You'll be more open minded.  :)  Larry.

... in response to Maybe when you grow up..., posted by shadow on Jan 22, 2001

Well, first off, I'm an old fashioned girl myself.  The man I marry must meet my parents' approval :-).  And they would not like me to marry a man twice my age, nor would they like it if I married someone who does not have a college education.

... in response to western-girl, posted by Lori on Jan 21, 2001

thats telling her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1