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I am here in Cali. My Novia has a tourist visa. I want to bring her to the US to get to know her better before getting married. I need to return to work in Los Angeles and already have a return ticket for myself.

Because it is high season the tickets to the US are sky high or non existent until Mid. Jan.. My Novia refuses to travel alone forcing me to come back to Cali to pick her up.

Does anyone else have any sugestions?

She is also used to a strata 6 lifestyle in Colombia and I am very woried I can not afford this in the US. Example is weekly manicure,pedicure and beauty salon, regular cosmetic services etc.

Please help

... in response to Novia in Cali will not travel to US alon..., posted by elcolombiano on Dec 20, 2002

[This message has been edited by elcolombiano]

Thanks guys for all the advice. I guess I have been blinded by love and can´t see straight. I have cooled things down a bit with her. I am returning to the US on Jan 6 and will go back to Cali in late Feb. for a week. If things go well I will bring her back on her tourist visa. If I see her tastes are to expensive for me I will send her back. I already had a chat with her about "high maintenace" and what I can afford and the costs in Colombia.

I have also noticed that all the girls I have met in Cali with College degrees and jobs or otherwise have given no thought as to what they want do do regarding work in the US if they marry me and seem to have zero ambition. They all seem content to work as a waitress or similar and think they will never be able to do anything more due to discrimination in the US towards latinas.

... in response to Novia in Cali will not travel to US alon..., posted by elcolombiano on Dec 20, 2002

I think there is a Taca/laxa flight from Bogota to Los Angeles.I know there is one from Bogota to San Francisco because I have taken it.Even though the flight stops in San Jose Costa Rica and El Salvador you either stay on the plane or get back on the same plane.She would not go through customs untill she gets to Los Angeles,where you will be.You will not be allowed in to Customs(actually I think its immigration she is worried about)but she could call you on a cell phone if there was a problem.You could send her or leave her a cell phone operational in the US.
So she needs to grow up and be willing to talk to immigration,which she will need to do anyway,without you.As long as she has a valid visa it should be no problem.I have heard of them limiting the visa to 30 days and it might not be a good idea saying she is visiting a boyfriend or potential husband,they might worry about her returning, another reason you should not be with her.To expect you to make a round trip to Colombia because of an irrational fear of immigration is rediculous.You need to cure her of redicilous expectations.
Actually its a good thing she has a visa.You can check her out without having to make a big commitment.Service work ,like manicures ect is cheap in Colombia,not here.She may have to give up some of her luxuries she is accustomed to but there should be other compensating benefits to life in the US.
Sounds like one spoiled chica.In many ways what we are trying to get away from by going to Colombia.I assume she has compensating pluses,like beauty,but you can get that without getting a spoiled chica in the package.Good luck.

Pete

... in response to Novia in Cali will not travel to US alon..., posted by elcolombiano on Dec 20, 2002

Make a new plan Stan... Do you have deep pockets?  I mean real deep because it will get worse when she gets here.  I found out the same thing when my novia from Mexico City visited in September.  She is upper class in Mexico, with her ex she lived the country club life.  I've lived that life here, and have had enough of it.  On my last visit to mexico I finally had to have a talk with her, enough of the high price places.  When she visited here in Sept., more of the same.  I was the means for her ways.  She doesn't have an agenda, but she has higher expectations.  I made reservations in early Nov. to visit her, usually there is no problem with her getting vacation approved.  She stalled me for a month and a half, could not get the time off, so I changed my plans and told her last weekend I wasn't coming to visit.  It didn't bother her, since her family was going to Aculpoco that week and had invited her.  So I'll be in Guadalajara, Ill post how it goes.
 Elcolombiano...my advice is move on..drop off the key Lee...and set yourself free.
A1a

... in response to 50 ways to leave your lover.., posted by A1A on Dec 22, 2002

One of my friends wanted to split with his live in lover when that song was popular.He said he couldn't " slip out the back,Jack" because it was his house.

Pete

... in response to 50 ways to leave your lover.., posted by A1A on Dec 22, 2002

Time for Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes...

wizard

... in response to Novia in Cali will not travel to US alon..., posted by elcolombiano on Dec 20, 2002

There are several of us on the Asian board who married pretty well to do women - and have had the marriages work out well. No marriage is problem free, and mine at least required some adjustments. My wife had to take a step down from regular beauty treatments, etc. like your novia is used to. I'm guessing her expectations are based on an unfamiliarity of what life is like in the US - and that's true of anyone who hasn't lived here. Others suggestion that you need to have a long talk with here is true - but don't approach it like - I'll never be able to afford what you're used to - some compromise is in order. Tell here that sure, she can go to the beauty parlor but just not as often as she's used to. What is $2 there might be $50 here. Getting her involved in the household budget is a sure way to make her painfully aware of the kind of major decisions we all have to make every month.

It's obvious from many of your responses that the consensus is that marrying a woman from a higher level lifestyle standard means you'll have a spoiled brat rich b!tch for a wife. I understand the fantasy of finding a barefoot Salma Hayek selling coconuts on a roadside stand, but the truth is, sometimes really poor people are greatly affected by suddenly shifting their lifestyle to middle class America. I have a business with quite a number of rural Mexicanas working at it and frankly, few would have much interest for me if I were single - not because of their looks or bodies, but because they seem, to live in an entirely different world, and would be totally out-of-place in my world. I live in a city and like doing lots of city things, like nice resturaunts, parties with friends, concerts, etc., and none of the ladies who work for me could or would be interested in handling that kind of lifestyle. Ask Jun Fan about bringing low class ladies into middle America and the problems you encounter. I guess if you found the right girl you could teach her - but I think taking on a project in terms of a changing a woman is as futile as women who take on a project of changing their men to meet their own expectations. I want a woman who's perfect, just the way she is.

Call me a snob if you want, but I want a woman in my life who has better taste in clothes than I, who has tasteful decorating ideas about the house, who knows what gourmet food tastes like and can duplicate a recipe she tasted in a resturaunt the next week in her own kitchen, who you an take to a formal party and not be embarrassed, who can discuss art and music. Sorry, but none of my ranchito girls from Guerrero at work, come close to cutting the mustard along those lines, even though some are beautiful with spectacular bodies.

Bob S. who is divorced from a Russian girl and now is teaching English in Japan made an interesting post recently worth reading:
http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/asian/messages/37268.html

Just my opinion - your mileage may vary.

- Jeff S.

... in response to Novia in Cali will not travel to US alon..., posted by elcolombiano on Dec 20, 2002

You should give her everything that she wants. She is worth that and more. Give her the lifestyle she is accustom to. She deserves it. Being beautiful is a very hard job. You should thank your lucky stars you have a beautiful woman by your side. Oh and a couple of years from now when your divorced, and broke, and paying child support and she has her real man with her, remember the old saying, "THERE IS A SUCKER BORN EVERY MINUTE". What was her excuse for divorcing the high paid Colombian Lawyer? You need to contact him and ask him why he drop kicked her out. I bet dollars to donuts it was because of MONEY, him buying and her spending. You like the high maintenance type of woman. Why are you asking for advice?  You know exactly what your getting into.

... in response to YOU LOVE HIGH MAINTENANCE WOMEN, posted by Fingaroll5 on Dec 21, 2002

I think this is a case of red flags waving all over the place, but the woman is such an expert at stroking the ego that you begin to think that those can't be flags, this has to be ingredients for love! Its magnified 10x's if she is really hot. Had to pull myself out of this situation, twice! You have to remind yourself of the seemingly endless supply of potentials, without getting caught up with one, especially when that one starts making 'special requests in the early stages.' Really shows that when it comes to affairs of the heart, its let the chips fall where they may for many. Logic becomes a distant friend. I wish the best, but I will bet the fort against success.
J

... in response to Novia in Cali will not travel to US alon..., posted by elcolombiano on Dec 20, 2002

This message is not from Nico but from Elcolombiano. The computer here in Chipichapi will not accept my username and is using Nico as a default.

Thanks guys for all the responces. She now tells me she is afraid of being abused by the US Customs at the airport if she is traveling alone. That if she is acompanied she will not be bothered by them. She states that on previous trips alone to visit freinds in the states the US customs gave her a very hard time and does not want to go through the stress.

Thanks for info on the strata 6 life style. I need to talk to her about this and what her expectations (needs) are in the states. She is devorced and is used to living with an affluent Bogota Lawyer who gave her a multi-million peso per month allowance.

I am leaving shortly to take he out to dinner and dancing for her birthday.

... in response to Novia in Cali will not travel to US alon..., posted by elcolombiano on Dec 20, 2002

[This message has been edited by Nico]

This message was deleted

... in response to Novia in Cali will not travel to US alon..., posted by elcolombiano on Dec 20, 2002

Check around at the different shops around where you live. An old girlfriend of mine had some type of "frequent flyer plan" at one of the beauty shops. If it is still too expensive, you have to explain it to her. Things are much more expensive here than in Colombia. She will hopefully be willing to make some sacrifices.

... in response to Novia in Cali will not travel to US alon..., posted by elcolombiano on Dec 20, 2002

What if you were to meet her at the airport in Miami or Houston (surely she can manage the 1st leg of the trip herself) and accompany her back to LA. I don't know if that's an option, it may be expensive. I can understand her being nervous about travelling in the US alone especially if she doesn't speak English...

... in response to Re: Novia in Cali will not travel to US ..., posted by papa suave on Dec 21, 2002

Cali to Miami to LA?  Do they really do that?  Don't they have direct flights from Cali to LA?  Reminds me of the time I searched for flights from Dallas to Cali and they wanted to route me through New York.  In your dreams.

Steve

... in response to Re: Re: Novia in Cali will not travel to..., posted by DallasSteve2 on Dec 21, 2002

I've looked for direct flights from LA to Cali, never had any luck. They were always routed through Mexico, Costa Rica and 16 hours later, finally arriving in Cali.

... in response to Novia in Cali will not travel to US alon..., posted by elcolombiano on Dec 20, 2002

depends on if she can adjust to not haveing all those nice things, if not, then she didnt marry you for love. if she has a tourist visa, bring her here for a while, and she if she is a "princess" and neede all those things, regardless of what they cost. if she is willing to give them up for you, then she must like you a lot, but to me, she sounds like more work than what its worth.

... in response to Novia in Cali will not travel to US alon..., posted by elcolombiano on Dec 20, 2002

How many stratas are there in Cali?  If the answer is less than 20 you'd better punt.  I suppose she's hot.  When she gets here guys will be offering her the world behind your back (whether they can afford it or not).  You'll try to cut costs and she'll get disastisfied.  If you've never had a disastified rich, b*tch before you're in for a treat.  Don't say we didn't warn you.

Steve

... in response to Novia in Cali will not travel to US alon..., posted by elcolombiano on Dec 20, 2002

RED FLAGS!  RED FLAGS!  RED FLAGS!  RED FLAGS!  You should have a very bad feeling about this.  RED FLAGS! This could be the being of something not so good. Maturity is a definite question here, and it sounds like she may be lacking in this area. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, DO NOT RUSH INTO ANYTHING.....SLOW, SLOW, SLOW. HIGH MAINTENANCE WOMAN, is never good for a man, only for the woman. There is absolutely no benefit for you. You both need to talk about reality, life after marriage, the daily boring grind. If her answers are shaky, DONT MOVE AHEAD....SLOW DOWN. You have nothing to lose if you wait. You have plenty to lose if you rush in to a fools paradise. Take time out to step back, see both sides of the coin. If the coast is clear do what is best for the both of you.  Good Luck, your going to need it.

... in response to Novia in Cali will not travel to US alon..., posted by elcolombiano on Dec 20, 2002

When I was in Colombia I got my haircut for $2.20.  I could have gone to the best place in town if I was willing to shell out $8.  A manicure and pedicure in Colombia is dirt cheap.  But, my novia is well aware that the prices are much different in the US.  However, if you bring over someone who is immature, you are going to have problems.  And it doesn't look like a good start for you.

... in response to Re: Novia in Cali will not travel to US ..., posted by valuedcustomer on Dec 20, 2002

I thought most of our airports now had signs in English and Spanish. Regardless, I would be worried about self-sufficiency or her ability to take care of things in the future. What if you have a 5.5 while you are at work? Would she be able to cope? How about another one of those big rainstorms, and the power goes out? Would you be required to try to go home to take care of things? She may not want to set up the Coleman stove if there is the risk of chipping a nail. I'm getting a Princess alert, here.
Personally, I would rather marry La India Maria, for then I would only have to fear the consequences of the clumsiness...both hers and mine...
My ex, who is 1/4 Seneca and 3/4 rotten, was masterful at asserting her camping/survival skills in the wake of the Loma Prieta quake, (before the marriage). Had she stayed, and should there be a hurricane landfall while I'm at work, I would have had no doubt that the situatiuon would be handled very well by her, without panic.

... in response to Re: Novia in Cali will not travel to US ..., posted by valuedcustomer on Dec 20, 2002

I agree it does not sound like a good start.  Does she love you or the salon.  I just lay out certain things and if there is a problem if is best to know know.  I plan on living down in central or south america so I tell them if you want to live in the US then I am not your guy.  So if you think you cannot afford the girl tell her she may have to do without some things.  I think that she is a big girl and could travel by herself.  If she cant you may have another problem.  It is nice to bring them with you but why dont you see how she does on a trip by herself.

Richard

... in response to Re: Re: Novia in Cali will not travel to..., posted by toucanrich on Dec 20, 2002

Let's face it women are programmed to "marry up". Even if she tells you that she's willing to downgrade her lifestyle, subconsciously she doesn't want to. If you can't meet her expectations, conscious or subconscious sooner or later it will lead to unhappiness. Choose a woman whose lifestyle you're enhancing.