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JBP

First of all, welcome to Planet Love! I think everyone has come up with lots of good advice. If it's any consolation, you seem to have a lot more going in your favor than I did. But, like many of these lucky guys at PL, I also ended up with a lady that is more fantastic than any I imagined in my wildest dreams. To say that it was worth it and that I am extremely happy is an understatement. The down side for me at the moment, is that we will be separated for a few more months, until she gets her Fiancee Visa. But it is worth the wait.

As far as being viewed with contempt for looking after the welfare of your parents...I don't think so. At least by the type of woman you would want to marry. I have been raising my two sons alone for the past 6 years. Most American women looked at it as a big problem. For my Filipina fiancee, it is one of the things she admires and respects about me most. That was one of the reasons she fell in love with me. She tells me that she is very proud of me for putting my sons first and doing my best to take care of them. Family is very important to most Filipinas. My fiancee left her job to take care of her mother, who was seriously ill for the past several years. She took care of her terminally ill father before that. Her love and dedication to her family is one of the reasons I love and admire her so much.

Good Luck!

Dave H.

For the first year of my relationship with my wife Doan I copped lots of negative feedback from my family. Mainly my mother and my closest brother.  (It's interesting that it was my 'closest' that reacted badly.)  Their reaction was really because they worried about me getting hurt.
Doan helped a lot by writing to my mother. Now my mother gets more letters than I do.  And she's very supportive now that she 'knows' Doan.

Once you get to know a few ladies and are more comfortable with what you are doing your confidence will also show through to your loved ones. And in turn they will be more comfortable.

mal

There are alternate strategies when choosing ladies to write to from the online catalogues.  Instead of writing only to the recent additions with great photos, being selective in other ways can yield a good response rate.  I wrote to ladies who were listed for 1 to 1 and 1/2 years, aged 30 to 33 years, and whos photos were not great.  All four that I wrote to responded (although one was a pass-along to a friend).

Remember, ladies who look like a model get bombarded with letters, and a good quality photo will make them look better than they really do while a poor photo often does not do justice to a fine looking lady.  Also, the new listings get an initial wave of responses and you're likely to get lost in the crowd.  But many of these ladies remain available after a year becase so many guys make dumb mistakes in their intro letters.

When I asked my wife why she didn't respond to so many intro letters, here are the reasons she gave:

1. "He was too proud of himself." - Good Filipinas, at least, value humility, and are turned off by guys who make a point of listing all their possessions.

2. "He had a beard." - Most asian ladies don't like beards; they can adapt but that will happen after you're married.

3. "He had a dog in his photo." - Many Filipinas are afraid of dogs and don't understand American's love of dogs.

4. "I couldn't see his face." - They like the photo to be reasonably close-up.

5. "He wrote eleven pages." - A good intro letter is short; giving stats and facts, and some personal revelations but not a bunch of baggage.

6. "He asked too many questions." - Leave the filtering to the second letter; the purpose of the first letter is to get past her filters.

Just my opinion, from my experience,

Welcome to the board,
Jim

I went the exotic route - someone who spoke no English and was of an entirely different religeous background. Tougher? maybe - but as I've always said here and elsewhere, it's not the language that will get you, it's the culture. Recognize you'll be hooking up with someone to whom your ordinary life is VERY foreign to. You'll have to teach her about living here and you invest a lot more effort than hooking up with the girl next door. It can be a labor of love, though and help you become far closer than you could become with the girl next door.

Finally, here's a couple of definitions I've heard:

Definition of heaven:
British country home, Chinese Cook, American salary and a Japanese wife:

Definition of hell:
Tiny Japanese home, British cook, Chinese salary and an American wife!

- Jeff S.

Jeff:

Definition of Hell:
Tiny Japanese home, British cook, Chinese salary and
and an American wife!

Peaches:

What a shame!  Where is your mother from Jeff? Don't
generalize coz it doesn't happen to everyone. Maybe
mostly but not to everybody.  There are Japanese and
Filipina by blood too who are Americans.

But I've never seen a man divorce his wife because she couldn't cook!

Stephen

Bear

I spent about $5000 total from start to flying there to get married in Davao.

I met my wife chatting on mIRC, DALNET, #Davao channel.  You have to be very careful though because it is so easy to lie and when you chat with one you are ususally chatting with a gaggle.  Its also possible to get references from the guys on this board and from those on Mag-anak who know Filipinas that are lerss likely to be gold diggers or green card sharks.

Remember they are looking too (probably writing more than one man) so write at least a hundred to start and pare it down to 5-10 you want to visit.  Still once I met and prayed about Honey I stopped writing all the others.  One of the hardet parts is breaking up with someone you've spent time writing and developing a relationship with for someone you think a better choice,  Still most of them are writing more than one too.

Filipinas (feminine form of the worh Filipinos) are very family oriented from what I have seen and like old style family values.  Most expect the man to direct the family (in a loving way, of course).

When I compare AW's to Filipinas I think they only thing I can say is AW's don't have a clue on how to please a man and seemingly have no desire to do so.  You will find women in the Philippines in there 20's and 30's that have never even been kissed waiting for you to teach them.  Who knows what else.  But if you are not careful you will find women who'll use you in  a harder much less caring way that any AW ever would.  So be patient and take ur time.  Ask lots of questions and try to trip them up.  Then show true appreciation.  Can't lose in the long run.

Bear.

I had seen so many filipinas cheat on there fiancee while waiting on there paper work. You see them in the discos living the good life at the expense of "GI JOE" who sends way to much money to her, of course for her sick mother and 10 brothers and sisters. The little one's will need shoes on there feet. The roof of the family nipa hut needs repair as it dripps on lolo who is sick with TB. Papa  needs a new fishing net coz the old one is full of holes and he can't catch food to sell and feed the family. The banca is old and needs to be replaced so papa can go farther to the sea to catch fish which are few and far between. Worst of all they need a new TV!

Get the picture?

On the other side there are the filipinas as good as gold who would never cheat, lie, and certianly not just marry you for a green card. Most filipinas fit into this category but for some reson they are the hardest to find!

Read up get a Lonely Planet Travel book on Phil. Then go over and check it out.

   Becareful nave fun good luck   Humabdos

P.S I'm divorced now for six months...

Halleluyah!!!

Humabdos Loves the Philippines and of course filipinas too!
I haven't given up hope nor will I. Life goes on... The sun will come up and go down tomorrow just as it did the day before.

"spill wine dig that girl"

Sings Humabdos!

In fact no I didn't sleep well MAY lol

Looking forward to another day tomorrow....but before that....this wonderful sleep i can feel coming now.  *S*
From the Philippines.....lol....goodnight (ahem...goodmorning) everyone.

He's fighting it hard, but it will happen.

Stephen

Where are you going to be?

Stephen

In a few years when you have your nipa hut, I'll have one too, on Camiguin.  I'll visit you and we can count the lizards on the ceiling, then you can visit me and we'll count again.  We'll keep score and make a 7 game series out of it.  The loser has to tip the boat man and carry the tanks!

Jim

BTW did you dive off the little white beach somewhere between Magting and Catuhogan or Hubangon?  I think there's a resort planned there. Humabdos

Huma, I dove out of Jasmine Resort in Bug-ong, near Agoho (run by a Filipina, Melinda, and Andy, a Swiss guy).  We went everywhere: Mantigue Island (near Hubangon), Mantigue fish sanctuary, Jigdup Reef (near Mantigue), White Island (very strong current), Old Volcano, Tangub Hot Spring, Sunken Cemetery, and the abandoned Belgian Resort.  It was great!

I heard about that new resort but I drove past it, not into it.  I'm getting used to the black volcanic sand beaches (we stayed at Tia's) so the white sand beach is not such a big deal to me.

Jim

Jim

Are you sure his name wasn't LongDong? If so, I don't want to know where he got that name! ;o)) Watch out for the instructors that offer to teach the women "skin diving." Especially if they wear purple G-strings. Hey, don't you and Humabdos go diving and leave me on the dock. I'll wear a skin suit. ;o)

Dave H.

When you find her, I think you should let Stephen marry you. ;o) My divorce only cost me $700 (total for ex & me) with a Quit Claim Deed) and my lawyer offered to remarry me for free, if I ever found the right woman. I may take him up on that. ;o)) He worked alone with his dog and also handled speeding tickets. You could learn to like a guy like a like that. LOL He even encouraged couples to seek counciling. If they were determined to divorce, he tried to convince them to settle property and other key issues on their own, in an amicable way, to save them from spending HUGE legal fees. It worked for my ex, because she saw her sister and brother-in-law pissing away thousands of dollars. She dumped her attorney (her friend's man hating sister) and we both used the same attorney. Neither one of us felt like we got screwed. At least everything stayed in the family for our kids to enjoy.

Good Luck!

Dave H.

But remember, it takes two to make this work.  If the other party goes and gets a "kickass" attorney, then you have a war on your hands.

I am a one man law firm.  I handle people on a neighborly basis.  I tell them that if they want a fight they should look elsewhere.

Stephen

You are very right. It takes two willing parties. A friend of mine, who lost $300,000+ in his 1 1/2 year long divorce, told me to do whatever it takes to get it over as quickly as possible, we could always remarry. I was still in denial and trying to save the marriage. My ex was still feeling guilty about having a boyfriend and wanting the divorce. She had not accepted her night club friends' advice to screw me yet. She also saw her sister and brother-in-law fighting and spending over $10,000 each (much of it her mom's money) only to get back together again. I would imagine it is often the party that feels they were wronged, that makes things difficult, out of revenge. In our case, I was the one who felt betrayed. You can imagine how many times I bit my tongue, just to try to get through it quickly and smoothly. She also knew that I was an OJ fan and had a knife named "Juice." ;o))

Dave H.

Jim

Not only can I count lizards and geckos...I seem to make them want to breed. Laying in my bed at night in the Philippines, I learned their dialect and mating calls. ;o)) I also learned their tongue movements. In the Philippines, I was a Love Lizard...a G'wapo Gecko. Florida lizards and geckos just don't seem to notice me. ;o(

Dave H.

I think there is  only one road down to the little white beach near Tupsan. The road is between the two waiting sheds and at that time  only passable on a motorbike This was in 1994.  I heard the guy who owns the caves resort and dive center (Galeardo who by the way is a ripp off) was going to build a resort there. I haven't been back sense. That little beach had the best snorkeling I have ever seen ! including Apo Island  Humabdos

Stephen

Or, pick a book from the resorts wide-selection.  Funny,  it was there that I started reading this book  (which I have purchased the day after I returned to Manila),  CULTURE SHOCK.

And....not to forget their selection of games  (for kids and kids at heart....lol) which kept us awake til about 2 AM...lol.  

But, most of all....look for Jonas....*S*

Stephen

Ps that makes you an okee! he he he  do you say okee doeky much?  Humabdos

Caves seems to be hurting - they were empty when I was there.  Genesis Divers is at Caves and they were the ones with the three fatalities in the typhoon in October 1999.  The locals told me that the boat went out with six divers in two groups of three.  The weather came up so fast that after they picked up the first three, they couldn't find the other three, even at the surface.

Jim

Did you go down to the spot where the hot water comes up in the sea? its before the submerged cemetery. Its called Tangub hot springs

Jim

Some of these ladies are unwed mothers, have affairs, ex-husbands, just like the AW's, beware. Take your time, and read the board daily.

Good luck
alex

How expensive is it? Depends on how you calculate it. When you fly to the Philippines for example, that's a great vacation on its own. You probably shouldn't calculate the travel expenses as part of you "mail-order-expenses". Just my opinion. Your phone bill will probably exceed $100 a month, if you get serious, your fiancee will need a plane ticket to the US and miscellaneous expenses, on the other hand a Wedding in the Philippines is MUCH cheaper than a Wedding in the US. So I would say all in all you break about even! How much do you spend on a single date in the US? For the same amount, you can treat an entire family clan (10-15 people) in the Philippines to a really special evening. Your choice.

How to deal with family/peer disapproval? Tell them to grow up and get a life! And I suspect that they may be far less disapproving than you may think, especially if you avoid this term "mail-order-bride". Just tell them, you have met this wonderful girl on the internet ;-)

Good luck in your endeavours!

PS: When you order addresses, make sure to order only the very latest. "Heart of Asia" and "Cherry Blossoms" are highly recommended. You can expect 30-40% success rate if you order the freshest addresses, 5-10% if you order older ones, especially if the Lady looks attractive. Most of the girls I am corresponding with have received more than 20 letters, some signficantly more!

What kind of cost to be expected in the event of ultimately finding a spouse and having her immigrate here to the U.S?

STEPHEN:

You can spend a little or a lot.  I probably spent about $7,500 from start to finish.  That included getting about 80 names and writing.  It also included all expenses and air fare in my 10 day trip to the philippines and the cost of getting her here to America.  I don't think that's a lot of money.  

People often talk about how expensive this stuff is, but I don't think it that much expense.  

I started in March, 1999.  In April of 2000 I went to the Philippines to see Tess.  I started filling out the paperwork in June and she arrived in Los Angeles in November.  We were married in December, 2000.

JBP:

How to deal with family/peers disapproval of this technique of finding a spouse?

STEPHEN:

Be open with your family.  My kids (adults in their 20's) were kinda surprised.  But I kept talking about it openly with them.  I told them what I was doing and sent them postcards from the Philippines.

Also, if you expect trouble, then you just may get it.  Expect the best.

JBP:

What are the best places to find these women? Some of the websites I've visited do not contain dates when these women have posted their ad. It leaves me wondering how current they are.

STEPHEN:

I think Heart of Asia is good.  Be sure you only use the one who are "New Arrivals" (i.e., 60 days old or less).  You can get fast delivery of names by using a credit card and ordering via internet.

I also liked "Connections Unlimited" (love2cu.com).  YOu can find their site on the Asian site list here on Plannet love.  That's where I met Tess.  I got a lot of goods leads there.  Use a credit card and you can order via internet.

There I got 4 or 5 names from "A Foreign Affair".  

Yes, some of the sites can be out-of-date.  But that comes with the territory.  Do the best you can and just get started.

JBP:

Some stats on myself so those interested can help make a determination as to whether or not I would be a good candidate for a foreign woman:
Height: 5'11", weight: 185lbs. Age: 38. Atheletic build. Overall looks: ??? (I've dated some extremely attracted women before if that's any endorsement. I've had some women throw themselves at me and others snub their noses at me. Let's just say "fair to good".

STEPHEN:

My God, man....you're far better looking than me.  And you should see what a good-looking fox I married.

JBP:

Hopefully, looks aren't all that important.)

STEPHEN:

But you wanna marry a foxy lady, don't you?! (LOL)

JBP:

Religion: Christian/Catholic. Strong family values.

STEPHEN:

Yeah.....I think you're headed for the Philippines.

JBP:

No political affilliation but considered conservative by most.

STEPHEN:

Yeah, but how do you stand on gun control?  

JBP:

I've also noticed that most of the rhetoric in this discussion group pertains to Philipino women. Any comments on this?

STEPHEN:

I think the Phils are a popular place to go because (1) most ladies already speak English; (2) they are much more westernized that other Asian countries; and (3) they are from a Christian background.

FINALLY: These are just my opinions.  Others may feel differently.  I could be wrong, but I haven't been wrong in the last 52 years.

I answered his question and gave good advice.

You need to re-read my post.  You didn't really read my post, did you.

Stephen

Jon

I didn't analyze his post....I answered it.  Notice that I probably answered more of his questions than others did.

Just admit that you really didn't read my post.  You just jumped to conclusions.

Now you're being defensive about it.  I can understand why you feel so foolish.  Just apoligize and go on.

Best wishes.

Stephen

Hey, I thought your post was very good and addressed most of his questions.Even contained a little levity.Oh well, can't please everybody,huh?

tito