Planet-Love.com Searchable Archives

It worked, dudelings.  She is pregnant.  Personally, I would prefer to wait longer to announce it, but obedient bana ko that I am, I am telling the world right now, as instructed by honey ko.  Good luck to us and may it be twins.

Now should anyone care to comment, I don't need to hear that she might have problems because of her age.  What I want to know is: reality 101: can I travel to the Philippines with a round trip ticket and forget to come home, just keep extending my visa till death do us part?  I live on a fixed income that is enough to support us in the Phils.  That's hurdle number one.  But I can hear the skepticism brewing.  Devils advocates step forward.  What is wrong with my hope/plan to live with my wife and her family?  They are all for it, and that's hurdle number two.

Is there such a thing as a round trip ticket with an open-ended return date that I don't have to keep paying penalties to keep changing?  If so, will the authorities honor such a round trip ticket by actually letting me into the country?

The amount of money I can't live on here (I have to work part time to stay afloat, on top of my soc sec check) is enough to take care of wife, child, and relatives in the Phils.  Extra info: after I passed inspection, a week or more after my arrival in her country, Jovie told me for the first time that she is actually the owner of the Manggahan farm house.  A few years ago, Papa Abelardo split up his property by raffle amongst all his children and she got the house.

I am not so presumptuous as to barge in and try to take over just because my wife owns the house.  The point is that I love the family and Jovie says they love me.  I want to be there and I felt completely welcome.  Look at the wedding pictures, does anyone look worried?  Not even me, and that's a miracle.

I always knew that Jovie had a room in the house (she lives in town at another house).  I think it was very wise of her to not inform me until I passed inspection that she owns the house at Manggahan.  If I raised my family in that house, I would have what I want most for my kids, and that is a happy, well-adjusted extended family.  I learned early on in our relationship that Jovie's main reason for looking for a white man to marry was not about moving to the US to live a materialistic lifestyle.

Jovie has sisters and ninangs who are medical professionals.  For example, when she dragged me to the hospital to have me checked up for terminal kalibanga, there was no fee.  We had 50 wedding sponsors, and I was assured by more than one of them that Jovie's medical needs would never go wanting.  Here in the US I couldn't hope to afford a doctor, dentist or novice snake charmer.  In fact some of the novice snake charmers I met in California charged as much as MDs.

OK that's the gist of my pitch.  What's to keep me from living in the Phils informally but permanently, and is there a better way?  I don't want to lose my soc sec check or US citizenship.  Apologies to those of you who think I SHOULD lose my soc sec check, obviously there are going to be arch-conservatives who think that my having paid into the system for 30 years entitles me to nothing.  But we all get along here, despite political differences, right?  I think it would be a lot better to spend my benefits there, than bringing her here and making my family pay our medical costs.

PS, does anyone want to adopt my dogs when I leave the US?  They are So Cute, and I have to find a SUPERB home for them.

Luther

... in response to instant baby update, posted by Luther on Mar 1, 2005

Hi Luther,
I'm serious about adopting your dog but the problem I live here in Illinois.We use to have very nice dog but he been cayote food.I miss her sorely.
Anyway congatulation on your wedding, and most especially the coming bundle of joy.How nice a honeymoon baby.I see your wedding picture very nice and sweet couple.Good luck to you and God Bless.Raquel

... in response to Re: I wanna adopt your dog, posted by Febtember on Mar 1, 2005

Raquel,

Thanks for your blessings and I'm sorry your dog became coyote food.

Here is my dog adoption page, I'm sure you will enjoy it even if Illinois is too far from Oregon.  http://www.aircaraccess.com/dogadopt.htm

It's nice to hear from you.

Luther and Jovie

... in response to Re: Re: I wanna adopt your dog, posted by Luther on Mar 2, 2005

I am dying to adopt your two cute little dogs Luther.But Ray is right I have two small children a 2 years old and 5 months old.My two years olds don't know how to handle small animals yet.Besides we have lot's of cats around the house.Them were indoor cat until my daughter was born we decided to put them outside and good thing they seems like they like outside.We have five kittens around and another pregnant cat.I wish somebody will adopt your dog.I'm sure there were some outhere.Hey maybe Humabdos he is from Oregon.Raquel

... in response to Re: Re: Re: I wanna adopt your dog, posted by Febtember on Mar 2, 2005

You should get a puppy so it grows up around cats and chickens.  Dogs like mine would be a nuisance because they chase chickens and cats, and have to be corraled in the house since they are not street smart and have never been free to roam.

The one time my dog was free to roam he killed a puppy and I had to move because of it.

Lots of dogs are good with kids.  A visit to the humane society will hook you, you will find several likely candidates you would want to bring home.

... in response to Re: Re: I wanna adopt your dog, posted by Luther on Mar 2, 2005

I don't know Luther. Raquel lives on a big old farm and has little ones, so your dogs would probably be lost there. Or maybe they would love the change in lifestyle?

Just don't adopt them out to a Korean family...LOL! OOPS, I hope I don't get in trouble with the P.C. Police for that.

Ray

... in response to instant baby update, posted by Luther on Mar 1, 2005

Congradulations to the lit'l'un to be.

I know numerous people who have gone to the R.P. to live and work.  Very few successfully.  Better make this the research project of your life.  Try joinging "Living in the Philippines 2" (Yahoo) and other such groups.  Ask DonB2222 and Shadow, both are there.  (As an off note: I have heard that the best business to go into over there is renting rooms in your home.)

I went with $7K with similar intentions (to start a business and stay there) and ended up coming back because I realized it just wasn't enuff.  

Honestly IMHO, you should consider bringing your family here and saving to retire there.  She'll still own the property and the two of you together can increase your earning potential and simplify and shorten the whole process and giving much added security to the fact that are responsible to that lit'l'un.

The Bear Family (in Simon mode)

... in response to Re: instant baby update, posted by Bear on Mar 1, 2005

Thanks for your advice and I do think it's good advice. Whether I am a patient enough person to go after long-range goals in the way you suggest, that's a different matter.  Family is the obligation of obligations and I have to consider what is best for my wife and kids, but I also have to take into account what I as an individual am capable of doing.  Whatever I end up doing, I am very grateful for your words of wisdom and hope to hear from you again.

... in response to instant baby update, posted by Luther on Mar 1, 2005

And best of luck to you and your new family.

BTW, most of us arch-conservatives think that if you invest in a system all of your life you should be entitled to get it back. It seems to me it's liberals who think the rich should pay taxes in for for their entire life so the gumment can dole it out to whoever they decide is worthy.

- Jeff

... in response to Congrats Luther!, posted by Jeff S on Mar 1, 2005

That's a song by the Talking Heads.

I bet you thought I was gonna say something about liberals and conservatives, huh?  Hehehehehehehehe

Thanks for the congrats and I hope to be posting baby pictures someday.  Jovie and I are hoping for a Sagitarrius but in my opinion we are gonna get stuck with a Scorpio.  If so it will probably be twins.  EEK!

How many of you arch-conservatives on this forum are Scorpios?  Even the POT-HEAD Scorpios I've known were Republicans, or at least fans of Rush Limbaugh!

Well I better stop before I trigger an off-topic free-for-all.  Thanks everybody for letting me post my long-winded self-absorbed essays on your forum.

... in response to don't worry about the gumment, posted by Luther on Mar 2, 2005

I am conservative and I am a Capricorn. Honey is more conservative than I am and she is a Libra I think.

... in response to Re: don't worry about the gumment, posted by senior citizen on Mar 4, 2005

" My wife is an earth sign and I'm a water sign. Together we make mud." From the movie "Back to School."

- Jeff

... in response to instant baby update, posted by Luther on Mar 1, 2005

Luther,

Like Don mentioned, you can only stay up to a year on a standard visitor visa. Also, you are not allowed to work or engage in business (legally). However, there is a 13-A immigrant visa for spouses of Filipino citizens. You can get more info from any Philippine consulate.

I know that you are all excited after your trip and your first thought is to retire permanently in “paradise”. I would wait until the initial euphoria wears off and do a LOT of research before you jump the gun. Before making the move, I would spend a minimum of 6 months (2 years would be better) living over there so you can get a better idea of the reality of things. It ain’t no paradise and you will be giving up a lot.

The health care system over there is only marginal at best and you can forget your Medicare coverage. With older age comes more health problems and you can’t just pick up your phone and dial 911 like you can here, especially if you are outside of a large city. You’ll have to pay as you go and it isn’t always as cheap as you might think.

Keep in mind also that with very few exceptions you cannot own property over there. Everything will be in your wife’s name so you’ll have to be sure never to piss her off (LOL). Also, you have no rights in the Philippines compared to what you are guaranteed here. Any false accusation from a Filipino may land you in jail and you’re virtually on your own as far as the U.S. government is concerned.

After doing your research, I would plan on trying it for 6 months at a time, maintaining a domicile here for the time being. That will give you a chance to sort out which relations are going to be a problem over there. Once you give up your U.S. domicile, your wife won’t be able to obtain a U.S. visa, at least not as easily as now. First, bring your wife here and get her permanent residence before you make any big decisions.

I’ve learned long ago not to congratulate someone on a recent pregnancy so I’ll wait, O.K.? :-)

Ray

... in response to Re: instant baby update, posted by Ray on Mar 1, 2005

My understanding of the situation is that in order to get Jovie here on any kind of spousal visa, I have to actually be living here.  But is that subject to interpretation, and how strictly are my whereabouts going to be monitored?  Of course if I went to the Phils to live with Jovie, I would keep getting all my important mail here, at a street address mailbox place like Mailboxes Etc/UPS Store, or a relative's house.  Do you have any info (before I embark an a mission of deep research into the matter) whether a street address in the US that looks like a domicile on paper is going to be questioned?  Are they going to be making a big deal about where my body has been located?  I realize I would have to come back to the US for some parts of the ordeal that the USCIS will be putting me through, but is it entirely necessary that my actual body be actually located within the confines of the United States at all times during the visa application process?  I will not try to cheat or lie, I just want to know what you mean by "maintain a domicile here."  Can't I just sign a lease to live at my second cousin's house, store my stuff there, get my mail there, and use it as documentation that I am maintaining a domicile, whether my second cousin ever sees me or not?

... in response to define domicile, posted by Luther on Mar 2, 2005

[This message has been edited by Ray]

Domicile can be a little complicated and yes, it is open to interpretation. When she goes in for her interview, there may be lots of questions if you are living in the Phils at that time. If they think you just want to get her a green card and then move back to the Phils, they may disapprove the visa.

I know of one couple where the American citizen husband had been living in the Phils for about 3 years and had married and had 2 children while he was there. When they went in for her IR-1 visa interview, she was denied because of the domicile requirements. The consular officer was nice about it and placed the visa application on hold while he re-established domicile in the U.S.  He had to go home alone and set up a residence and hold a steady job for at least 3 months before they would approve the visa. I think it took him around 5-6 months to satisfy all the requirements and she finally got her visa about 9 months after the initial interview.

Read this stuff on what they are looking for:

http://usembassy.state.gov/manila/wwwh3207.html

Ray

... in response to Re: instant baby update, posted by Ray on Mar 1, 2005

As usual you are loading me down with more good info than I am probably capable of digesting properly but many thanks and I will think about all the things you've suggested.

I am not planning to abort the CR-1 immigrant visa process (Plan A) just because I am considering a Plan B (moving to the Phils in 6 months or so).  It sounds like the Philippines immigrant visa 13-A might be a possible Plan C and I will look into that.  Jovie and I have agreed to work on Plan A and Plan B simultaneously to keep our options open.

I agree that the Phils is not paradise.  It is hot, ants and mosquitos make me itch and cold showers don't relieve the itching.  The air smells like motorcycle exhaust and sometimes sewage, and I can't go anyplace by myself for fear of being kidnapped.  My trip to the doctor was a real eye opener and it's a good thing it was free because I sensed I was wasting my time.  Dogs (formerly the love of my life) are generally treated as garbage disposals and not pets.  Modern conveniences that I take for granted here are either not available there or not like what I'm used to.  Etc. etc, that's just the small stuff.  Like you say, some minor thing could get me thrown into the deepest dungeon where I could rot for all my government cares.

I'll tell you what paradise is.  Paradise is a family that doesn't bicker, even under pressure.  People who don't have gigantic privacy bubbles around them, waiting for any minor infraction of their overfed aristocratic ego to start a war over nothing.  It is the way they say saa-LAAAAAM-aaaat.  Or is it the way I say it?  Jovie's family made me feel more welcome, day after day, than my American family has time to do.  I am not fond of the way Americans sacrifice family for career.  The advent of the term "quality time" is a sign that such a thing has become an issue.  Filipino time is quality time.  Paradise is No Worry No Hurry.  So many times I was shocked to notice a Filipino not worrying about something when I expected them to stress over it like an American.  The general absence of the neurotic middle-class need to Grab-All-Now made the whole month I spent there seem like a big ole happy contented sigh.  Never mind the beggars, bugs, heat, pollution, and government even more corrupt than ours.

I agree that it would be most advantageous to get Jovie here first on an American spousal visa, get her a green card, and then test drive the move to the Phils in a sane, well-considered fashion.  First I will get a personality transplant, then I will proceed with your plan...

Ray there is not one thing wrong with what you suggest...except me.  I am the weak link that will very possible jump ship and take the easy route of living in the Phils with my wife's family, coming home once a year to visit my family, and going back to the Phils as soon as possible.

I also acknowledge that I could change my mind after months of being there.  Like you say, I am under the influence of a euphoria-generating wedding/honeymoon/vacation and it's possible that reality just isn't reaching me right now.

... in response to thanks Ray, posted by Luther on Mar 2, 2005

Luther, if you enjoyed living in a communal lifestyle, then you would probably adjust to life over there fairly easily. One of the things that I would have some trouble with is the lack of privacy as we know it here.

Ray

... in response to instant baby update, posted by Luther on Mar 1, 2005

[This message has been edited by don2222]

Hi Luther,
 Congratulations :0)

1)  You can keep extending your visa for up to one year, and then you must leave the country.  
2) You can buy one-year open ended tickets, that would allow you to leave the country once a year, and also to return to America once a year to see your family. (that is what I do)
3)  You will not lose your American citizenship no matter how long you are out of America. You will always be an American, and any children you have will be Americans also.

Good luck,

Don

... in response to Re: instant baby update, posted by don2222 on Mar 1, 2005

Thanks Don.  What part of the Philippines do you live in, and do you feel safe there?  When those really dark-skinned, hard-working, obviously impoverished Filipino dudes on the street look at me with that real harsh serious look in their eyes, are they (1) pissed at me for being in their country, (2) jealous because I have a pretty pinay on my arm, (3) trying to figure out whether I am rich enough to bother kidnapping, (4) trying to figure out how to ask me for my phone number, or (5) none of the above?

When you first started living in the Philippines, what was your motivation?  How long did you think about it before you went there?  Were there false starts, or did you settle in right away and stay?  Are you married to a Filipina?  Can a white guy who doesn't have to pay rent or maintain a vehicle live on P39,000.00 per month?  Do you think social security will mind if I go on permanent vacation and don't tell them?  I know hippies on SSI (unlike me--I worked for my soc sec check) who haven't told the govt where they live in 20 years.

I should search the archives instead of bothering you with questions but in my former life as a compulsive researcher I burned myself out.  I am starting to prefer groups of two or more lately.  The infatuation of most of my family members for perfect solitude and privacy is one of the reasons I hesitate very much to bring my wife here.  Privacy is not what she's used to and I don't think it's what she needs.

Is there such a thing as dual citizenship for me or my wife, or just for our kids?

... in response to living in the Phils one year at a time, posted by Luther on Mar 2, 2005

Hi Luther,

 I will try to answer the questions that I know the answer to :0)
The men glaring at you on the street are probably jealous and/or pissed.  I see that sometimes, and I just ignore it.  Most Filipinos are very non-confrontational, so you should never have a problem.  I have never sat and drank with them, and I think that is one reason I have never had a problem.  Most problems happen when they are drinking.
I have always felt safe every I have travelled in the Phils, have never, ever had a problem.  I feel much safer in the Phils than I do in most large cities in the USA.  I seriously doubt you have anything to worry about regarding kidnapping, and most Filipinos are known for being a little dramatic, so their warnings are probably just their concern for you, and not a reflection of any true danger.

I was married to the wrong Filipina before, and after I divorced her, I had a mid-life crisis, sold everything, and moved to the Phils.  I am now very happy here.  You should live very well on P39K a month, but I am not sure if you will want to be living with your in-laws family.  You and your new wife will probably be craving some privacy after a while.  Also, happy filipinos are VERY noisy filipinos, and the noise of her family may start to bother you after a while, every filipino seems to wake at 6am every day.

Sorry, I do not have the answers for the rest of your questions.

Take Care,

Don

... in response to Re: living in the Phils one year at a ti..., posted by don2222 on Mar 2, 2005

Thanks Don.  I wouldn't have trouble with the bar scene because it doesn't interest me.  Papa Aberlardo has a little store next door and if I want a little beer I can drink it at home.

There were times when I wondered if the noise factor might eventually annoy me.  In the euphoria of the moment it didn't, but occasionally that required a conscious decision on my part.  The need for privacy is part of my background, but so is the Rocky Mountains and I no longer crave snow.

You're right, early to bed, early to rise, and nobody generally thinks to turn the TV down.  Noise in one room while someone might be sleeping in the next room is one of those "no worry" situations.  When a Filipino wants to sleep, he just goes to sleep.  In public, at work, whatever.  Solitude and quiet aren't part of the equation.  It kind of worked for me that way while I was there too.  The only time I couldn't sleep was when it was hot.  Jovie didn't always want to sleep with the fan on, and she refused to open the windows because of the wildlife that would come in.  I finally understood this on my last night, sleeping at a relatives house who would be taking us to the airport.  We both woke up with huge cockroaches crawling on our legs, and the window got shut post haste.

I had one extraordinary experience in this regard.  (Noise and privacy). The day before the wedding, Manggahan was the hot spot in the neighborhood and in the extended family, so the farm was very densely populated with neighbors and relatives.  Most of them working toward the reception that would be held there the next day.

By nightfall the work party had turned into a karaoke party.  The three gays who had been hired to help with the makeup and reception showed up late to spend the night.  I had hired a bus to take people to the wedding since it was one city over, and the bus was leaving from Manggahan, so basically the farm had become a transfer point for the ride to the wedding.

One kid who later explained to me that Britney Spears is his idol stayed up all night (no exaggeration) singing karaoke outside my bedroom window.  I went to bed as instructed and went into a sort of hazy dreamlike state that at times resembled sleep.  At 5 or 6 a.m. the attempt to sleep was cancelled and the biggest day of my life started with me in one weird stupor.

Occasionally during this night of nights I asked myself if I should be upset about this "inconsiderate behavior" according to white guy standards.  There was no inclination to do so.  There were people sleeping in chairs with towels over their faces, who hadn't turned the light off in the room because those who were not sleeping still needed to see.  Floors were covered with people sleeping on sofa cushions.  I very seldom saw anyone in the Phils tell anyone else how to behave.  Even parents were very minimalistic in correcting their kids' behavior.  Not big head trips or lectures, just a few word here or there and a very patient attitude towards any lack of compliance.

I will never forget the night before the wedding, except for the one hour of it that I slept through.  I wouldn't change that for the world.  But would I eventually get tired of noisy, happy people?

Like Ray says, since I've enjoyed living in communal situations more than other situations--it brings out the best in me--maybe I would adjust to the lack of privacy and be a good Filipino.  The month I spent there seems to point that way.  In fact when we left for our last resort stay a few days before I was to go home, I wanted to cancel it and just stay at Manggahan.  The last few days there I was very emotional about having to say goodbye to my new family.  I was just getting their names learnt.