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This is a first for me here.  I actually know both subjects in the latest discussion :P  I'm very glad that Luther decided to come here!  I knew that you guys would treat him right :)

I know this will come as a shock to none of you :P, but my advice has been pretty much the same.  I know that Auntie Nene (Jovie) is a very good woman, I feel very strongly that her intentions are honorable and that she is quite smitten with our Luther :)

While I do know her a bit better than Luther, I certainly feel the same way about Luther.  I think the connection they have is very real and the kind that could stand the test of time.

Like many of us here, I understand the joy associated with finding, FINALLY, the person you feel you want to spend the rest of your days loving.  I remember how anxious I was when I first met Gerlie :)  How I "Knew" right away.

Unfortunately we all know my story.  I rushed in once before and regretted it.  That and circumstances beyond our control, prevented me from doing anything quickly.  Do I regret that?  Nope.  Sure I would have liked to have already had our first child together.  I know She will be my sould mate forever.... but we gained a confidence in each other's commitment that can only come from time spent getting to know each other.  A certain degree of comfort comes from really, I mean REALLY, knowing your partner well.  

I never had doubts in Gerlie, only in the fact that she really could accept me and my obvious flaws :P  Hehhehehehehe  My doubts were always about me, but they were crushed by her patience and acceptance.  I think we would have just as great a relationship if we had hooked up right away, but I'm not sure that we would appreciate what we have as much.  There is something to be said for waiting for what you desire.  Perseverence builds character :P

Obviously, I have been busy getting things for the wedding together and hanging with my honey :D  I knew if I sent Luther to here he would get good advice more quickly than I can deliver it right now :)

Keep the Faith!

God Bless all of you :)

H is for DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY :P

... in response to I knew you guys would come through ;), posted by Howard on Oct 2, 2004

Hi H

I always thought "H" stood for "Hamilton" and that "DH" was for "Dave Hamilton!" :o))) Oh well...I learn something new every day. Congratulations to you and Gerlie! I'm DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY that my initials have such special meaning for you. Come to think of it...I know just how you feel!!!

"D" "H" (DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY!!!)

... in response to H is for DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY?, posted by Dave H on Oct 2, 2004

Posse Commander :P

You're initials will always bring a smile to my face :P  Life sure is good, isn't it?

Hey... do you know where I can get a Purple G-String in Howard-Size???  The wedding night, you know :P

HAHhahahahahahahaaaaa

Keep the faith :D

Maybe you should come to the mitten for Thanksgiving, but a week early so you can come to the wedding :D

See ya bro

H

... in response to PC..., posted by Howard on Oct 4, 2004

Hi H,

My Purple G-String would do the job! :o))) I also have a matching purple tabo that I just brought back from the Philippines. I couldn't find a purple barong tagalog. :o( It's been a while since I spent a Thanksgiving in the mitten. Hmmmm...if I quit my job...which is entirely possible at the moment... Best wishes to you and Gerlie! Have a beautiful wedding even if I can't make it! :oD

D

... in response to I knew you guys would come through ;), posted by Howard on Oct 2, 2004

Hi DH,

Since you personally know both Luther and Jovie, I guess you’re in the best position to offer them advice on slowing down. Generally, I almost always agree that going slow is smartest and helps increase the odds of a successful marriage considerably.

However (comma): I hear a guy who apparently wants children and says that his fiancée desperately wants to have children and my heart goes out to them. Let’s face the facts. The woman’s age is critical. A woman at age 42 is normally not nearly as fertile as a woman under 30. I was reading recently that something like 87% of women are infertile at age 45.

If Luther and his lady are really serious about marriage and feel ready to make the commitment, and if they truly want to have their own children, then I would make an exception and recommend that they seriously consider taking the risk with a shorter courtship.

That’s why I suggested to Luther that they both get tested for fertility. They should be able to complete the necessary tests within a month or two. If for example her ovaries aren’t putting out quality eggs and her GYN finds that she is likely infertile, then the need to rush things is gone. But if they are both tested and found to be still able to conceive, then they have a whole different basis for making the decision to speed things up or not. If they do decide to move faster, then Luther should be making preparations to jump on a plane real soon to at least make a ‘scouting’ trip. She should at least have the opportunity to find out if he smells bad before she makes her decision (LOL).

Even if they can’t make their own babies, there is always adoption, egg donor IVF, and some other options to consider. But from Luther’s description of his financial situation, the price of some of those options may be out of their reach.

Howard, have you quit smoking yet? I’m only nagging you about it so your wife won’t have to. See what a nice guy I am? :-)

Ray

... in response to I agree...But,, posted by Ray on Oct 2, 2004

Ray,

I honestly think Luther and Jovie will be good together.  I believe they are both good people and are committed to each other.  I'm just concerned because the process is so difficult and only getting harder.  If Gerlie and I added the pressure of pregnancy to our K-1 process my head might have exploded with all the delays!  Each of us only had the other to worry about and it was quite difficult at times.

If nothing else, the last five years have taught me that you can't rush fate.  Destiny has a way of arriving when it wants to and not one second before.

Of course I can only speak from my point of view, but personally, I feel strongly that you should take things a step at a time.  They need to get to know each other better.  I'm pretty sure that as they do not a whole lot will change and what does change should only be for the better :)  But something keeps telling me that they are moving too fast nonetheless.  I think they should focus on each other before they bring dependents into the picture.  Getting married is one thing, but trying to have a baby in a cross-continental relationship could really add unforseen complications.  They are swept up--and rightly so :)--in the romance of their endeavour.  I just think child birth should be a little more planned.

Of course, I will be supportive no matter what they decide.  They are family after all :D  I was simply asked my opinion and offered it.  Gerlie and I, obviously, have talked about this a great deal and her feelings are similar to mine.  She offers her Aunt her own opinions, while I offer Luther mine.  Without trying to tag team them--we usually talk after we talk to them--we really have been giving similar advice.  I believe Gerlie respects my opinion, but she has her own mind.  She felt this way before I ever said anything.

As far as Father Time... the difference between 41 and 42 are negligible in my opinion.  If it was meant to be, it will be.  Maybe that's a little naive, but that's what my heart tells me.  After many years of looking the two of them just found each other.  They need to nurture their realtionship and make sure that their feelings will stand the test of time.  In my opinion, that is what is of the greatest importance :)

BTW:  Yes, I quit smoking... Oooooopppssss... it's time to light another :P  HAhahahahahhahahaaaa

Keep the Faith!

H

... in response to Re: I agree...But,, posted by Howard on Oct 4, 2004

Yep, you quit smoking between cigerettes....

Jon

... in response to I knew you guys would come through ;), posted by Howard on Oct 2, 2004

Hi Howard,

 Glad we could help, please always keep us updated with how things are going for you.

Don :0)

... in response to Re: I knew you guys would come through ;..., posted by don2222 on Oct 2, 2004

Don,

While I am having too much fun to be on the internet as much as I used to... I will keep you guys informed :)  We're all pretty much family here :)

Keep the Faith!

H

... in response to I knew you guys would come through ;), posted by Howard on Oct 2, 2004

Kudos Howard

You know the board couldn't be happier for both of you.  

Yes I certainly agree that the time waiting to get together really brings both of you together & stronger in a weird way.  In conversations  with people they are often taken back that I have only met Kathryn once for 2 weeks.  but in filling out the forms together as a team and having to wait so long while being seperated really seperates the wheat from the chaffe.  It is the patience that binds  even stronger than the conventional everyday relationship.  Take your  everyday American boy meets girl relationship and tell them that they can only see each other  for 2 weeks once a year and put it to the test. I fear most realtionships  would not survive.

Wedding plans --  are you finding that the 3 months time allowance is very tight for this?  Kathryn and I are discusing some kind of celebration  in Guangzhou  and then the wedding  here.  It seems like an awfull lot of scurrying around and planning  that I personally would like to avoid.  no fears about actually getting married but I will be happy when it is all over.

Concerning Luther  I am glad  we as a group can help him out here.  While my expertise of course is dealing with China and some limited Japanese experience so I really cant answer those unique Philippine  nuance questions that might arise. He sure is fortunate to have you assisting especially since you know Jovie personally also.

Keeping the Faith

ERIC

... in response to Re: I knew you guys would come through ;..., posted by Windmill Boy on Oct 2, 2004

Windy,

You know I am rooting for you too old friend ;)

Yeah 90 Days is kind of a pain for a traditional wedding, but there are plenty of things you can do in advance.  I knew the church and hall ahead of time and just picked the date once I knew when Gerlie was set to arrive.  Of course we changed it a few times, but with only positive results :)

Luther is a very enthusiastic and likable guy.  I think he will be a very good husband to my Aunt :)  Jovie is much the same and I look forward to seeing her married and happy.  She's a very sweet lady who deserves it :)

Hopefully soon enough you will be telling us about your wedding :D  I have you and Kat in my prayers :)

Keep the Faith Brutha :D

H