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I have read that it is difficult to meet Japanese ladies that are interested in American men.

I recently learned of an outfit called Destina Japan.  They appear to be pretty old fashioned matchmakers.  They try to pick out women with whom you will be compatible, share information between the two of you and then set up a meet.  They then call you for your opinion.  There are no photo albums or pictures on their website.  It is expensive, about $2000 for two years, unlimited introductions.  I went in and spent an hour being interviewed, obtaining lots of information about me and my preferances.  They were very inquisitive about education, profession, income and background

Has anyone had any experience with this outfit?  To those of you with Japanese family or friends, does this approach seem to make sense?  Is it possible to have a meaningful relationship with a Japanese lady if the only fish you eat comes between two buns from a drive through window?  :-)

Thanks.

Craig

... in response to Japanese Ladies, posted by Craigjjs on Nov 4, 2004


Thanks to everyone who responded.  The information is great.  If anyone is interested, I'll post some progress notes.  Probably won't be starting till next month.

Craig

... in response to Thanks to Everyone, posted by Craigjjs on Nov 8, 2004

We'd love to see your progress notes.

- Jeff

... in response to Japanese Ladies, posted by Craigjjs on Nov 4, 2004

This is a very informative article. Many Japanese live in the Middle Tennessee area, due to the Nisean plant in Smyrna, and they are very caring, wonderful wives to their husbands. They put their families first. Howver, the children of these marraiges that are raised in this country seem to have the same attitudes and ideas that normal American teenagers and children have. Just my thought.

David

... in response to Japanese Ladies, posted by Craigjjs on Nov 4, 2004

Like Windy said, it can be a culinary adventure it you're actively trying to avoid seafood.  How about basashi with a side of natto...

Anyway, here's an article on Japanese arranged marriages.  Might make for an interesting read when you got some free time.

http://www.n-verde.co.jp/~peach/clippings/articles/strait/omiai.html

... in response to Japanese Ladies, posted by Craigjjs on Nov 4, 2004

Have you checked out the Japan Society? I have seen their ad in the Village Voice for years...never checked them out as I work on Sundays when they have most of their functions. It looks like it is on the up and up, though. Not an escort service or the like...

... in response to Japanese Ladies, posted by Craigjjs on Nov 4, 2004

welcome Craigjjs

Is it possible to have a meaningful relationship with a Japanese lady if the only fish you eat comes between two buns from a drive through window?  ---  taking this statement at  face value  I will say it is possible.  I  survived 3 weeks in Japan and I am allergic to seafood - many other options. However  watch out for corn dog looking things that might be called American Dogs  (fish sausage) [right BOB ? ha ha ha.]

Jeff and BOB  and a few poster's  presently stationed in Japan are the resident experts on Japan.  I have written  with many Japanese  women  before and I visited Japan for 3 weeks 2 years ago  but my match  turned out to be Chinese. my 45 page trip report is listed somewhere in the archives  as Japan Journal 1 - 20 if you want my impresions.

I do not know where you are  living  but  I think in the vast majority of the cases  the Japanese  women will not take you  seriously if you are not living in Japan.  you should at least visit Japan. If you are living in one of the larger  american cities  than your chances of meeting a Japanese Expatriate or student increase alot.

When I was in Los Angeles  my Japanese  friend told me that  she knew a friend of hers who paid a large amount of money $ 800  I think to  be introduced to men while she was  studying in america.  I asked if she was looking for being connected to an asian man or japanese men specifically  but she told me her  friend was considering caucasians  (most likely professionals) so both sexes are paying to meet others.

I think this idea of not having photos on their website might be a good thing. I had looked at so many canidates based on pictures  but I found my fiance  without her picture based on what she wrote in her ad.  too many people get wrapped up in looks instead of substinance - myself included  before hand.

When I was looking for Japanese women I met many nice women for pen paling  but I think you will be really lucky to meet someone online that you can truely have heart to heart conversations with.  There are a good enough population of japanese women looking for  foreigners  but  if you are  in Japan  your odds increase alot.

My .02 yen

Windy

... in response to Japanese Ladies, posted by Craigjjs on Nov 4, 2004

welcome Craigjjs

Is it possible to have a meaningful relationship with a Japanese lady if the only fish you eat comes between two buns from a drive through window?  ---  taking this statement at  face value  I will say it is possible.  I  survived 3 weeks in Japan and I am allergic to seafood - many other options. However  watch out for corn dog looking things that might be called American Dogs  (fish sausage) [right BOB ? ha ha ha.]

Jeff and BOB  and a few poster's  presently stationed in Japan are the resident experts on Japan.  I have written  with many Japanese  women  before and I visited Japan for 3 weeks 2 years ago  but my match  turned out to be Chinese. my 45 page trip report is listed somewhere in the archives  as Japan Journal 1 - 20 if you want my impresions.

I do not know where you are  living  but  I think in the vast majority of the cases  the Japanese  women will not take you  seriously if you are not living in Japan.  you should at least visit Japan. If you are living in one of the larger  american cities  than your chances of meeting a Japanese Expatriate or student increase alot.

When I was in Los Angeles  my Japanese  friend told me that  she knew a friend of hers who paid a large amount of money $ 800  I think to  be introduced to men while she was  studying in america.  I asked if she was looking for being connected to an asian man or japanese men specifically  but she told me her  friend was considering caucasians  (most likely professionals) so both sexes are paying to meet others.

I think this idea of not having photos on their website might be a good thing. I had looked at so many canidates based on pictures  but I found my fiance  without her picture based on what she wrote in her ad.  too many people get wrapped up in looks instead of substinance - myself included  before hand.

When I was looking for Japanese women I met many nice women for pen paling  but I think you will be really lucky to meet someone online that you can truely have heart to heart conversations with.  There are a good enough population of japanese women looking for  foreigners  but  if you are  in Japan  your odds increase alot.

My .02 yen

Windy

... in response to Re: Japanese Ladies, posted by Windmill Boy on Nov 5, 2004

Fish sausage? I always thought those Japanese corn dogs were whale meat. Whale isn’t a fish but I never could figure out if it’s classified as seafood or not. Did you try one just to see if you would break out? They’re really not bad :-)

Windy, I agree with you about the photos and getting wrapped up in looks instead of substance. I always suggested trying to get to know a little bit about each other before exchanging photos if possible. It also makes it more of an adventure… LOL!

How’s your visa process progressing? No interview date yet?

Ray

... in response to Re: Re: Japanese Ladies, posted by Ray on Nov 6, 2004

Ray

Called DOS  last week, the DOS representative told us at least that the background name check on Kat was completed.  We are at the waiting for an interview to be scheduled  waiting game stage right now.  Kat follows a forum from the female chinese fiances and it seems to be that the couples who submitted their  Package 3  in june and july  are getting their interview dates for  december now. since we submitted packet 3 in early August  we are hoping to receive our packet 4 notification and interview date notice in the end of november - december  with the interview date most likely  for January or February.  I will fly to Guangzhou in mid march or early april  If all goes to plan.

Kat has elderly american friends in GZ  who had to go to the consulate to vote on wednesday. They said that while they were there they would submit a letter of recomendation to be added to our file.  So  Kat should be armed with 6 different letters of recommondation on our behalf along with the tons of other paperwork documentation weve aquired ao far.

So that is the status Quo

Windy

... in response to Japanese Ladies, posted by Craigjjs on Nov 4, 2004

"Is it possible to have a meaningful relationship with a Japanese lady if the only fish you eat comes between two buns from a drive through window?"

Nope - give it up - sorry. Better get used to fish for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Your soup - fish, your snacks, candied fish, and if you get really tired of fish, no problem - it's OK, there's always seaweed.

All seriousness aside - and it may be conjecture, but I'd say there are more Japanese lady, hakujin otoko (white guy) marriages than any other asian/western combinations. I know of a couple Chinese wife - American husband couples, even fewer Thai/Am. Vietnamese/Am, and even a few Filipina/American couples, (but they're mostly - ahem - sailors and lawyers - OK maybe a couple of programmers, firemen, carpenters, and a farmer or two), but I know more Japanese/American couples ranging in age from  late 70s, to early 20s than any other combination.

Japanese are used to arranged marriages. As late as the 1980s as many as half of marriages in Japan were arranged by the parents. It's not like you might think - poor girl forced to become the sex slave of an older, slobbering fat dude she hated. They always had first right of refusal. It was more an introduction service, where families and compatabilities were researched and parents had influence. The children usually went along because of a sense of duty and, guess what, they learned that they actually came to love each other. In the 90s, the practice fell from grace, and the divorce rate rapidly increased and in fact, the practice is seeing a revival, since arranged marriages (omiai) are, as a whole, more successful than "love marriages" (as Japanese call the Western practice.)

I have no experience with the group you hooked up with and I can't claim to know anything about your chances, but what I can say for certain, is that the women who you'll be introduced to will be sincere. They're not after your money or a green card. You won't get hooked up with a wealthy princess, but then again, you won't get hooked up with a pauper who is looking for a rich gringo to support her family - she'll be a girl looking for marriage who will be about your same age, socio-economic class, and have compatable interests to yours. One who may or may not have common language and culture, but will have common goals and outlook on life. You probably will have little to say about looks, but hey, you'll likely get plenty of options.

You think it's expensive for you? Probably the woman is payng more to meet you than you are to meet them: http://ikjeld.com/features/omiai/ Note that there are "tremendous obligations" associated with these introductios and they're not viewed upon lightly.

http://www.japantimes.com/cgi-bin/getarticle.pl5?fl20030216a3.htm

- Jeff

... in response to Re: Japanese Ladies, posted by Jeff S on Nov 5, 2004

Jeff,

Thanks for the great info.  I am very relieved.  I was a sailor and am now a lawyer :-)  Actually, my interest in Japanese women resulted from the great relationships two of my friends from the service have with their Japanese wives.  

This agency is very serious.  They interviewed me for an hour, then checked me out for a week before accepting me as a member.  I had to provide income info, ID and tons of background info (lineage back to the old country).  

I do wonder about two issues.  I am 50.  I want to have children or adopt children.  I adopted my ex-wife's kids and loved every minute of it.  They are now grown.  This probably puts me in the ballpark of seeking a woman in the mid to upper 30s range.  The consultant told me she thought this was not a problem because I am a professional and have no young kids of my own.  Also she mentioned that some of their clients are of Korean or Chinese descent, but grew up in Japan.  Do you have any thoughts on these two issues.  Thanks.

Craig

... in response to Re: Re: Japanese Ladies, posted by Craigjjs on Nov 5, 2004

Hi Craig,

I hope they didn't forget to ask your blood type! ;o))) Good luck!

Dave H.

... in response to Re: Re: Japanese Ladies, posted by Craigjjs on Nov 5, 2004

No, not too many thoughts. My wife and I are about the same age. When we met she had an 8 year old daughter, 10 when we married, who I helped raise. It was wonderful experience. She was a great kid, never a problem, always polite, friendly, and cooperative - pretty much very Japanese. She's a college grad now and on her own. My guess is that divorced moms are more plentiful than never married people in that age group, so if you're willing to raise someone else's kid, you should have lots more potential matches.

Chinese or Koreans growing up in Japan probably had a hard life and are somewhat of an underclass. There's lots of predjudice there against non-Japanese. For instance, some have to change their names (or at least lie about it) to rent apartments. They have few opportunities and the chance to hook up with a professional in America is more than they could hope for in Japan, so you may find a real gem. On the other hand, they'll likely not be particularly sophisticated, if that's a issue for you. I see you're in NYC, and since you're a professional, and may be looking for someone who knows how to handle the city life and move in those circles, so you may be better off with a Japanese lady from one of the major cities. I've seen cases where people's wives have been an asset to their careers and others where they were a liability - not implying that that should be a litmus test, just that you should be conscious of it.

... in response to Japanese Ladies, posted by Craigjjs on Nov 4, 2004


"Is it possible to have a meaningful relationship with a Japanese lady if
the only fish you eat comes between two buns from a drive through
window? :-)"

Watch your sexual connotations on this board otherwise you might be
banned. Just kidding, Jeff you have the lovely Japanese wife give him a
helping hand.

... in response to Re: Japanese Ladies, posted by stefang on Nov 4, 2004

Hey!!!!!!!

You are so nasty!  But, maybe it WAS a bad choice of words.

Craig

... in response to Re: Re: Japanese Ladies, posted by Craigjjs on Nov 5, 2004

Hi Craig I guess I do have a nasty train of thought but that sentence was
just too good to pass up.