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Being married this time is so different.  I am so surprised how it escaped me in the first marriage but this time I actually know love and feel loved now.  That was something I never experienced before.  I know I harp on communication a lot but with me it made a difference.  Things will come up now and I can honestly say, "We discussed that" and recall some of the details.  Man has that stopped some "tampos".  Things I used to worry about that always left me insecure I can't even recall now because knowing I'm love keeps me from making those sad possibilities/concepts part of my 'it'.  The change in my married life has made my work life tremendously more successful.  It is amazing the differences from past jobs to where I work now.  I worked for major corporations before and got absolutely no respect and we were ranked in the top 5.  Now I work for a small family owned company and we are ranked #1 (do more business than the next 4 put together) and I am treated like the company guru.  That confidence has to come from my confidence being married to Honey.  She gives me so little to be concern about it did actually allow me to do my job better.

Her confidence is better too.  She still argues that,” by Filipino standards I'm ugly", but I can say, "but that’s such a small part of the world and no one believes that anywhere else".  Honestly fellas I can't look at her without knowing God made the beautiful creature just for me.  I fall in love all over every time I see her.  I tease her all the time and tell her (since she’s so much younger than me) that I was depressed with all my choices when I was in my early 20's that I put in an order to God and he made her for me - I just had to wait till my mid-40's to get delivery.  She gets along tremendously well with my mother and other family members (as opposed to the "ex").  My Mom is so proud when she tells me, "She calls me 'Mom'".  Neither my "ex" or any of my brother’s wives calls her that and "Mom' really likes it.

You hear people say that some try to live their lives through their children by seeing those things they experienced when they were young a second time through their children activities.  Which I admit I do too.  But I get a completely different point of view that is like icing on the cake with double fudge chocolate ice cream on the side.  I get to experience things again, in a more mature aspect, through my wife.  Things I forgot I ever experienced before.  Talk about feeling young again.  But this isn't solely because she's so much younger than me but because there's so much in America than she had no concept of and it’s a wonder to her when she becomes involved or has a chance to participate.

Gosh the parties and activities.  I say she experiences America but I experience the Filipinos too.  We have so many good friends now, people that want to be around us and do things with us (didn't experience that with the "ex" - she was virtually excluded from everyone’s list).  We have been to 7 parties through the Christmas season, missed 2 and still a few more days left!  One of our friends I talked to last night about a party said he wasn't coming because he was all partied out?  Sorry, but that’s a concept I can't understand.  I never laugh so hard and enjoy so much good food and company as I have at these parties in my whole life.  Seriously - I have been to more parties in the last 2 years than I have in my previous 40 plus years.

Not all has been uneventful.  We still have that "tampo" thing (I call it "a thousand questions").  What a stupid event.  Every single end to a tampo session has been easily explain or resolved without hardly any effort.  Not one has been life or marriage threatening but more a simple misunderstanding, minor lack of knowledge of the other or a language or culture difference that only needed detailing.  Another series of events is one or two busybodies who feel they can't possibly move on in the world unless they make snide, cruel remarks about others.  The fat girl who was our chaperone continues her maligning comments from 9000 miles away, Honey's poor mother hasn't learned yet to just tell her to shut up so we are always inundated with disparaging remarks said by this evil skunk and her whole family.  Happily Honey has started fighting back.  Other than that the family back home now has some respect and approval of Honey and treats her much better than the times after out marriage.  As for any such events occurring here - well yes.  One of our "previous" friends decided after Honey babysitted for her to make numerous derogatory comments about her.  Out-and-out lies!!  I am in shock because I thought this girl and Honey were going to be such good friends, as well as her husband and me.  Not anymore.  'The crowd' shunned her and from what I saw they only got invited to one of the many Christmas functions.  'The crowd' came to Honey's defense and showed her she really does have good friends now who won't accept others who would treat her so.

Back to the Lil' Bear.  Honey is a picture taking..aholic.  I do not think that a single day of the last 10 months plus that Honey hasn't taken 10 or more pictures of AJ.  Entering them in all kinds of contests too.  Unfortunately we lost but out of nowhere we were asked if some of our pictures could be used in a new book.  I was skeptical but hey they paid us so I guess, sure, why not!?  The little guy doesn't stop moving either.  I never felt my other children move in their mommies belly but AJ was moving every time I touched Honey's.  Now that he's out he is living up to that example.  Finally getting to be more acceptable to others holding him.  I was shocked on Christmas when his older brother picked him up and he cried when he put him down-that was an unexpected surprise.  I am simply amazed at the comments we get.  Strangers come up to us and tell us how cute he is!?  I really believe that Amer-asian kids are gorgeous comment now-its true.

It is not understandable that we stereotype cultures and make wide class defining statements.  They just can't be true.  But yet I sit her writing this and say and believe that Filipinas make the best wives and Filipinos as a culture are truly good people and friends no matter how many negative comments they get.

Bear, Honey and Lil' Bear

Nice Post!  Hopefully some day soon I will have similar observations to share :)

I can't tell you how good it feels to see the two of you... oooopsssss, er... three of you :P, so content.  I remember the battles you two faught to get to where you are now.  It's good to see that persistance and prayer pay off :)  

BTW AJ is a cute kid ;)  Gerlie just sent me the latest pic that Honey sent her :)  She just thinks AJ is adorable and, well... he is :)

Keep the Faith Brutha.... It's nice to see good things happen to good people!

H

Bear Honey and Lil' Bear

I enjoy them in my classes when they are 5 years and older.   Now that is cute.   Amer-asian?   Well all the kids I have in my classes are cute but beware they are sticky and carry every virus known to man.   Always wash your hands after touching them LOL.
I did have 3 girls who were half Vietnamese and American.  When they grew up they were so stunning you couldn’t help but stare.   But the same thing happened to a Russian family with 3 girls in my classes.
Do Filipinas make the best wives?   I guess it depends who you ask.  If you ask me I would agree.  If you ask others you would get different answers.
I have read your past web page pictures and marriage.  Your post is an extension of your great start at your very beginning.  So it seems that if you keep doing what you’re doing you will be an example for all of us.   About your wife and having her talked about and put down that happens.  You were not specific of lies told but it could have been jealousy.  Soap operas are popular as they are stories of real life heartaches from neighbors and friends.  You seem to have handled it well and you are accepted by the crowd.   I just remember Walt Witman who said "To be with those I like, is enough."  I too will have to tackle those problems as they come up.   In addition our great age difference between me and my wife will also be additional something to deal with.  Reading your post and others have inspired me and will help me in future problems to come.  
I have not experienced any social problems with Philippines here in Daytona.   I am in a circle of people in my school and long established friends who come from a vast background of cultures who are very tolerant of other religions and ethnic backgrounds.  I have experienced AW showing surprise that I did not marry one of them and traveled 9000 miles to find a wife.  
Thanks for the post and I wish you and everyone on the post a happy new year.  
I know it is the Christmas holidays and spirit of friendship but I didn’t want to be just a yes man in this post.   A little controversy is good for the soul.   But I can take the beatings from the comebacks LOL
See you next year
Peter Lee

I think all women have a problem with compliments, not just Filipinas but you still have to and you had better mean it too.  

Her/our picture is posted on Jeff S's Asian Sweetie site.

I married my "ex" on the rebound from my first dying in an auto accident.  She was attractive (at that point of her life), but quickly "fattened up" and decided all chores were beneath her.  She was pretty much one of the girls who decided that the best of everything belonged to her and the worst of life was mine (and all the implications that go with that.)

I don't need help putting on the weight but I do enjoy going to those parties.  Honestly you just can't help laughing.

You'll know when you get tampo.  She won't talk even to tell you what the problem is.  That’s what makes it such a problem because you can't resolve it without knowing what occurred.  An example was once she had tampo at me for raising my eyebrows at her?  I didn't even know I had done it much less know what I had done.

The part about people making comments about the baby is just odd to me.  I happen to think all babies are cute, period.  But having so many make comments about it is what's so surprising.  I see a cute kid I just smile and go on but people will actually come up and tell us which blows me away.  I had not experienced that before.

When I say they make the best wives I am serious because I know so many now and all I can compare to is the AW's I've seen and there is just no comparison - Filipinas win out big.

The lies are really childish.  They were things that were literally said to belittle and degrade Honey's status to hers.  Things like how much she was paid as to what she was actually paid and the way she treated her child as compared to our own, etc.  The Filipinas' way of apologizing was to tell me she missed taking care of her pigs and goats and is homesick.  She said nothing to Honey or recanted any of the rumors that she started.  Since she had done this to others in the past she was ignored when invitations went out to the parties.  I really feel sorry for her because her husband just went to Iraq to work and it left her and her daughter very alone for the holidays.

I have had Filipinas including my wife wonder why we looked there (in the Philippines) rather than AW's here.  I tell the truth - Filipinas are prettier and make better wives.  Of course most Filipinas think that AW's are prettier? so they are skeptical.

I didn't take anything you said in a bad way?  I am not easy to aggravate - I had years of my "ex" so you aren't even in the competition.

Bear Honey & Lil' Bear

Most guys know or will learn about lambing.  An easy way to stop the tampo is to just be sweet, romantic, and loving.
Making her laugh works really well.

But, one "trick" that I learned is to also ask her a simple question "are you angry with me?"

In the Filipino culture it is considered very impolite to be angry with someone. If someone makes a mistake, it is actually the person that becomes angry that loses face, not the person that made the mistake.
So, of course she will tell you that she is not angry with you, but it does get the ball rolling on starting a discussion.

My opinions only, ymmv,

Don

Your comeback showed real class and nice info for me thanks.   I see that you knew I didn't mean anything in a bad way and I didn't.  It was really the most sincere letter I have read in a long time.  Like I said an inspiration to all of us.   About the babies, well coz I work with them each day when they are 5 and up I enjoy em more.  Still have to wash my hands though they get sticky hehehehe Thanks for filling in the details.  I don't have your experience yet with a live in wife, but I chatted with my wife tonight and she was on the web cam.  She was so happy and full of smiles and good humor.  I was depressed coz I couldn't get her on line for almost a week.  The rain and brown outs closed the email cafes a few times when she got there.  It is hard not to be able to pick up a phone and not be able to talk to her anytime I want.  She has to travel almost an hour to get to a cell phone coverage area.  But finally seeing her and being able to talk to her on the phone made up for it.  So I got into a better mood after that.   Still in the background I hear the Mosques chanting and wonder if I will ever be able to visit her home?  She had that problem with compliments again but I like to do it anyway like you said it should be done anyway if it is from the heart.  Sorry to hear of your previous spouse fatal accident.  But I had been lucky with previous gf.  All were very good and were good wife material.  I was not ready for them and many times I can kick myself for letting any of them go.  I was not ready then and now they are all married and send me post cards of their kids.  Most of my previous gf still contact me as we parted friends.  
I talked to Maricel about "Tempo" I didn't call it that I described it as the "silent treatment".  She promised me she would not do that to me and said she would talk it out if we had a problem.   So the whole time I have known her she never used it.  We will see when she gets here if she keeps her promise.
Merry New Year

Don

See you next year.

Steveb

I am in Tampa whcih won't be too far away if you need help with anything.

Jon

Ocala is a place you will never forget I have never heard of anyone not liking it there.  The weather is nice all year round.  I like the beach and Ocean but it is not too far for you to go on the weekend.   I hope you can visit me some day when you pass by.  

  I am not very good at Math and rely on spell check to get me by LOL.

My classes are in the Martial Arts training school that I teach here in Daytona Beach

I teach Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Hapkido, kickboxing and use my Degree in Korean Tae Kwon Do as a discipline base for ranking and structure.  

The family classes have the same curriculum as the hard core classes only practiced in a way that no one gets hurt.

Off hours we have the submission wrestling classes with no Gee and get ready for tournaments.

I am a small guy weigh about 160 and 5'11 so I have to use as much skill as I can with my 46 years of training to keep the big guys from crushing me.

I enjoy teaching the women's Cardio Kickboxing classes and hand pick the music myself.

I did get a bad hip injury a few years ago in the Pam American Jiu Jitsu tournament.  I got my Gold medal and beat guys 30 years younger than me.  But I would give it back if I could get my hip without the injury back.  

Good Luck Steveb
And Merry New Year

Bear, Honey and Lil' Bear

Hi yan welcome to PL

There is a 40 year gap between me and my wife.   She is 20 and I am 60.   And yes age does matter!   We are not based on a physical relationship and we plan on having children.  I am sure that some couples would have problems while others would not.  We have been married since Sep 2003 and have known each other about one year now.  I am very happy with her and she seems happy with me.   I am a Martial Arts instructor so I may look younger than most as I am in good physical shape and have never been married.  There are other Filipinas married here at home with your age difference 30 years and seem to be very happy.   I have been told the risk is greater the more the age difference.  But similar age differences have not guaranteed successful marriages either.  With me we took a long 2 month motorcycle and ferry trip all over the Visayas.  In that time we bonded, it was so strong and powerful that I can't see life without her.  I felt the bonding happened to both of us.  I feel love takes years to grow, I have seen it in my parents.  She is not here yet so I can only tell you what we have done up to now.   Our email snail mail chats and phone calls are great.   I have seen her two times in Dec 02 and again in July to Sep 03.  I guess it is the ultimate test that most couples who meet and marry locally never go through that ultimate test..  By the time she gets here we will know more about each other than most couples who have married locally.  Any way that's my 2peso worth.   Hope you get more responses it would be interesting.  But really Yan after you meet and court awhile if there is any question or doubt stop.   My wife said to me that if I had any doubt to marry her to stop.  She said she is still young and can find another mate if I reject her.  But to get married when I have regrets or doubts would be worse.  I felt free to really think about what I was doing.   So when I made my decision to ask her to marry me I was committed 100%.   The reason I said that age makes a difference is there are more challenges and roadblocks ahead for big gap marriages.   Yes like your sister my wife's papa is younger than me.  Many negative problems come up that don’t come up with less age gap couples you know that.  But the rewards are there too, older men are more mature, financially stable, and know what they want and are more committed.  The older guy has got his playing around days over with and wants a stable loving relationship.   Younger guys may do that too but more risky.   But you know that already and it depends on the guy and you right?   So if you have never met don’t get so mushy and intimate with your chats and email at first.   The whole reason for them is to meet first and see each other face to face and go from there.
I had a nice Filipina in Davao and got to see her after chatting and emailing for several months.   When we met it was a disaster, her picture was nothing like what she sent, she was rude and I didn’t think she liked me either.   But I left with lots of experience and embarrassment.  
It would be interesting if you told us about your sister who had married someone as old as your papa too.  It sounds like she was unhappy otherwise you wouldn't be asking.  Good Luck in finding happyness.

Bye
Merry New Year
Peter Lee

These replies can go on forever hehehe but I did want to comment on Bob's son being 4 years older than you.  Here in our town there is a couple married and the Filipina is 25 and her husband's son is 20.  The husband is 57 and they are married 3 years now.  They did have some problems in the beginning as the son still lives in the same house as they do.  The problem was lack of respect from the younger son.  Remember the attitude and upbringing here in the USA is different from the Philippines, this son was very, very rude and disrespectful and resented his dad marrying someone so young.  The father has a problem choosing which one to side with and sometimes makes the mistake of choosing the son's side of a disagreement.  Well she ran away for a week and finally came back after a long talk.  Now a year later everything is ok again.  I am sure that Bob's son is not like that but I wanted to share the story so you could get the part of him having to choose sides in a disagreement.  It put her in a very bad situation in a strange land away from her family and friends.  I don't think the husband knew how bad it was till it was too late.  But the story had a good ending as they are back together again and they are my best friends and help me with anything when it comes to questions about my wife. I was in Cebu in Dec 02 when I met my wife.  I was disappointed with a few chat mates I visited and was invited to a house by my now wife's Aunt.  She lives in greyhound village Cacu.  I was invited to meet the Aunt's daughter but Maricel caught my eye.  We were introduced and the rest is history.  Like you the courtship was with the whole family tagging along hehehe I didn’t mind.  Yes I wish there was not so much age difference between us but we became sweethearts fell in love and bonded.  I have the feeling that it will be the best thing I have ever done.  But Yan I am limited with my advice coz I have not been married long.  My wife is still not here with me, others with a longer track record than I can give other examples like Bear and Honey.  But I am just a few months from where you are now and I can say that I was very nervous at the civil wedding in Cebu.  I had never been married before and it was a big step for me.  Even though we are apart I have never been so happy before.  
So good luck keep posting and Merry New Year

Yes, you are unfortunately right, but what can you do.  The options are not to have loved at all.  I did not plan on falling in love with such a young girl.  But it happened and I plan to make the most of it.  I plan to continue to post so you can follow the disaster that may befall me.  But I have hope coz it has been done before and I feel I may be able to pull this off for about 30 years.  I know the risks and I am a paratrooper so I’m jumping.  Not just any couple could pull this off but some have in the past so it can be done.  I know I will have plenty of help from PL.  Others in this town are doing it with similar age gaps and seem happy after 3 years of marriage.
Greg, you didn't say what happened, you left me hanging.  What was the end of the story and what can we learn from what happened?
We have chatted and talked about what will happen if she is called my daughter.  If they ask her if I am her dad?  She seems cool headed about and looked at it with a bit of humor.  I almost thought about retiring in the PI I know then the chances are better so that wouldn't happen.  
Any way thanks for the post and Merry New Year

- Jeff

I hear ya!!!

Did nobody else catch this post?????

hardly, were better word's ever written on this board, COME ON people, Let's hear some feedeback!

Bear and Honey have already passed the "Jay" full of sh1t test. Not that they needed to. However, let's hear some comment's on a "from the heart" post. The Mf'er has finaly learned what it feels like to be loved. And Honey was the key, isn't that worth something???

PS- hey Art, my dad is dying out in katy, so I think I wiil be in Houston soon, So if you will allow, I will come with hat in hand to ask for Honey and your forgiveness.

God Bless,
Jay

Take care of yourself dude!  Look forward to meeting another Planet-Love member.

Bear, Honey and Lil' Bear

Take care of Marrisa,
You finally got it,

 keep giving all Glory to Heavenly father, first,
Jay

Regards eric

You must mean the "brides-by-mail" forum that was destroyed by flamers.  Tim and Howard followed me here from there also.  If you are looking for other sites there is also "thenipahut.org", "linp2" (living in the Philippines 2) and "streetwisephilippines" both Yahoo groups and of course the Maga-anak yahoo group.  

MOF, went to a Mag-anak party last night.  It was great.  Had members from as far away a Seattle and South Carolina.  Honey now has a new friend who just got her a few weeks ago and was obviously so relieved to meet so many Filipinas.  We invited her and her husband to the big New Years party so they could meet more of "the crowd".

Sorry George wasn't there and oddly enough no one there wants to hang around him either.  Hmmm?

Bear, Honey and Lil' Bear

Happy New Year to you and Stephen

Bear, Honey and Lil' Bear