Planet-Love.com Searchable Archives

Hi ! Here are the other sources of conflict in Filipina - Western marriages according to Bob Lingerfelt's "ASAWA Guide to Fil-West Relationships", page 161.

-The husband's relationship with his family; is it lacking?

-Competition with neighbours; pride (vanity)

-Superstititions of Filipinas

-Religion (like Howard said, are you two on the same spiritual and religious plane?)

-Power sharing-"who's the boss" (not Tony Danza!)

-Homesickness

-English vs. Tagalog/Visayan etc problems in communication

-Former girlfriends and/or wives

-Children by other marriages

-Unrealistic expectations of both parties, such as she expects a larger house or he expects her to be a domestic slave

Well, what do y'all think? I just thought that I would post these here for those of us that have yet to marry a Filipina.

... in response to Sources of conflict in Fil-West marriage..., posted by Matt on Oct 7, 2003

Thanks!

... in response to Sources of conflict in Fil-West marriage..., posted by Matt on Oct 7, 2003

Sources of Coflict in Marriages:

-The husband's relationship with his family.

-Competition with neighbours; pride (vanity)

-Superstititions

-Religion

-Power sharing-"who's the boss"

-Homesickness

-Communication

-Former girlfriends and/or wives

-Children by other marriages

-Unrealistic expectations of both parties.

All I did was take out the references to Filipinas and the list looks just as valid.

My advice is just to make sure you cover all these bases while you're courting, no matter if its a Filipina, Chinese, Japanese, Thai, Korean, Mexican, Colombian, Peruvian, Brazilian, Russian, Ukrainian, Azerbaijaini, Ethiopian, French, Italian, Canadian, or, yes, even an American.

- Jeff

... in response to Sources of conflict in Fil-West marriage..., posted by Matt on Oct 7, 2003

[This message has been edited by Dave H]

Hi Matt,

While I've heard stories of Fil/Am relationships that are this way. But, it doesn't apply to my wife or sister-in-law.

-The husband's relationship with his family; is it lacking?

Although most of my family lives in other states, we remain very close.

-Competition with neighbors; pride (vanity)

We live our own life and are very happy being simple. We are happy when other people succeed.

-Superstitions of Filipinas

I find some of theirs quite amusing and she does ours. I usually read about them on P-L and then ask her about them. She doesn't believe them any more than I do.

-Religion (like Howard said, are you two on the same spiritual and religious plane?)

No problems. We attend church together. I was raised Protestant (Presbyterian), but have attended the Roman Catholic Church for the past 20 years. Although I don't believe in some of the doctorines (neither do many Catholics, including priests). She is tolerant of whatever religious beliefs I hold.

-Power sharing-"who's the boss" (not Tony Danza!)

WHAT...I'm not the boss? She lets me pretend and actually makes me believe that I am. LOL

-Homesickness

That can be a real problem for most Filipinas. It takes love and patience to help them overcome it. A trip or two to the Philippines during the first few years doesn't hurt either.

-English vs. Tagalog/Visayan etc problems in communication

My wife speaks very good English, so that has never been a problem. I am trying to learn Tagalog and Bisayan so I can snoop.

-Former girlfriends and/or wives

Filipinas have some Spanish blood and culture, so you have to expect a little jealousy when dealing with an ex. Maybe a slight tampo, not the threats of castration that I am used to from Latinas. =8oO I have never had any problems when I talk to other women. My wife thinks many of the women here are beautiful and look like movie stars. She used to wonder why I chose a small, brown skinned woman over these "stars." After I met her, they never had a chance.

-Children by other marriages

My two sons live with us. I was a single parent for 6 years, so it took a few months for everyone to adjust and overcome their shyness. My wife loves them very much and they do her her. My sons say I am much nicer since we have been together. :o))) Hard not to like someone who can soften up the Ol' Man and takes good care of him.

-Unrealistic expectations of both parties, such as she expects a larger house or he expects her to be a domestic slave

Not at all! We live and work together as a team. We both grew up doing domestic chores (my mother was seriously ill since I was 7) and taking care of others. My wife lived in a small house her entire life and prefers it, even though we could afford a much larger home. Although...she wouldn't mind living someplace where we could have a rooster in the yard. LOL

Dave H.

... in response to Sources of conflict in Fil-West marriage..., posted by Matt on Oct 7, 2003

Okay.....here goes:

1.  -The husband's relationship with his family; is it lacking?

My daughter and son live in North Carolina.  We go see them about once a year.

2.  -Competition with neighbours; pride (vanity)

No problem here.  Some people say you ought to try and find filipina connections for your wife when she gets here.  Tess made it clear that she just wanted to be around nice/good people regardless of their nationality.

By the way, just after she got here I introduced here to a filipina named Esther.  Later that day Tess told me that Esther informed her that if she would stay with me for 3 years then Tess could have anything she wanted in the divorce.  Imagine that!  WATCH THE FILIPINAS THAT YOU GET YOUR WIFE AROUND.

3.  -Superstititions of Filipinas

How is it with you guys?  When Tess has an acid stomich she will likely want to put some heat patch on her stomach.
Do you have any stories like that to share?

4  -Religion (like Howard said, are you two on the same spiritual and religious plane?)

Don't seem to have any problem.  We go to church together.

5.  -Power sharing-"who's the boss" (not Tony Danza!)

We don't argue over who is in charge.  We consentrate on being helpful companions to each other.

6.  -Homesickness

Tess goes home every year for about 6 weeks.

7.  -English vs. Tagalog/Visayan etc problems in communication

Tess speaks English well.  No problem here.

8.  -Former girlfriends and/or wives

Tess doesn't have any former firlfriends and/or wives.

Is that what you're asking, Matt.  Perhaps I missed this one.  (LOL)

9.  -Children by other marriages

My kids are ages 29 and 25 and lives on the East coast.  We're in california.  Too far to be a problem.

10. -Unrealistic expectations of both parties, such as she expects a larger house or he expects her to be a domestic slave

No problems here.  We have lived in a one-bedroom apartment since being married in December, 2000.  Yesterday we closed on a 4 bedroom, 2555 sq. ft. home.  We'll move Sunday.  (Can't move Saturday because it would conflict with the annual Oklahoma/texas football game.  We have to keep our priorities straight.)

One more thing.....Tess has really taken to American sports.  She loves Baseball and Football.