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Title: Bad hip no babies Post by: Peter Lee on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM Hey guys and gals,
You know that I have a bad hip and had it evaluated the other day by a specialists. The doctor says they can fix it and I have to wait till Oct 13th for the special surgery for the sports related injury. I can't tell you the pain and suffering I go to some days teaching Jiu Jitsu and the Kick Boxing. X-Rays MRI with dye show 3 pebble like loose objects floating around the right hip and a torn labrum.. When I courted her in Jan she knew from my limp that I had a hip problem. Her Aunt asked me then about my hip and if I could still have babies. I answered her with yes and I thought it was forgotten. My problem is I tried to explain this to my fiancé and she comes back with "can you still make a baby with the bad hip?" So I slowly step by step try to explain it to her and that it is has nothing to do with my ability to make babies. When I said I can have sex with no problem she asked me not to talk like that. So we got an hour on the chat and I take my time to explain it again. Yes hon I can make babies with no problem. After an exhausting chat I still feel she is not convinced and is worried about a future family. Well I asked for it and now I got a certified virgin. Has anyone had experience with explaining things to a Filipina virgin? She is 19 and will be 20 in July and has 2 years of collage behind her. She seems mature in other maters. I believe I was the first man she kissed. I believe it coz it was the worst kiss I can every remember. Then I made the mistake about joking about this subject, hey when I get back I will show you I can do it heeheh, wrong thing to do but I joke a lot. This was not funny to her and we are back to square one. Now I felt this is a nightmare I can't believe this predicament. On the other hand when we went to the mall back in Jan she was very open about being in that time of month her period. This has got me stumped, I thought I knew her but this subject of sex was like a taboo so I stayed away from it. I wonder if Ann Landers has and answer for this one? I know that some members of the board had related stories of having to teach their wives everything and they meant everything so I am in uncharted waters here. When I chat with her again I want to clean the air about this once and for all without hurting her feelings on her lack of knowledge on this subject. Any one got some ideas? I will be waiting with trembling anticipation for any suggestions. Title: Sorry, I married a nurse (n/t) Post by: Dave H on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM Title: Re: Bad hip no babies Post by: Bear on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Bad hip no babies, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 23, 2003
Sorry no one has taken this topic very seriously. The last time it was discussed I thought a lot of the info was pretty helpful. My experience was quite an eye opener too. My wife was very willing to discuss her periods but the info she had was out of some strange corner of the world. Luckily I was able to give her a few exanples of why her thinking and instruction of these points were incorrect. Now she understands it and is better off healthwise and has been able to help some of the other girls. As for sex, which covers everything from holding hands to getting it, this is considered your domain and she will expect instruction from you. Mita is right, in the few months before marriage occurs all the women in the family will start telling her their fobias, few will offer anything to make sex more enjoyable. I suggest that you tell her what you expect and want "right now" and be very up front about it. If you wait till the fobiites spread their gossip/rumors you'll spend years recovering. Filinos think Kanos are very big comparitively to themselves and this caused alot of worry due to teasing that can occur. Whether or not it true I don't know but that's one issue she needs to discuss with you. Another might be the level and length of discomfort in the first weeks and again after long periods of separation and after childbirth. Other than that I think if you assure her than you have every intention of seeing to it that she is as satisfied as you are then their won't be any major problems. Even in the health class we were required to take the instructors pointed out many times "not to be afraid to experiment" and to be considerate of the others opinions. Honestly when I found out that I was to be the one to "teach" her sex I was really taken back. I strongly suggested that she talk with her mother (which only occured once after my suggestion). When I said well what if I want "?" and "?", she responded with "OK". I said, "But why? She said, "You're my husband, Why would you hurt me?" It was at that point I realized what true trust in ones mate was. She was right I didn't want to hurt her and discussed all sorts of thing to see what she felt comfortable with or wanted to try. I also found later that she discussed it with other Kano's Filipinas (after we were married) and felt pretty much like they were all having similar experiences. She expects a lot of guidance from you. Bear and Honey Title: Re: Re: Bad hip no babies Post by: Peter Lee on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Bad hip no babies, posted by Bear on Apr 23, 2003
Thanks nice post at least I know I am not the only one that has or had this problem. Title: Get real!! Quit the games Post by: Alvin1 on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Bad hip no babies, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 23, 2003
Hello Peter, The other day you were concerned about a young Filipina with a child fathered by an American father stuck in the RP. Now you have a 19 y/o virgin fiance that is concerned about your ability to have babies because of a bad hip. Why do you teach or how could you teach kick boxing with a bad hip with the description that you gave? I guess you just limp around the floor and then kick your legs all around. How does your hip feel when you kick someone in sparing? Absolutely impossible for you to teach this sport but okay to observe. Your posts lack credibility and it appears that you are playing games with the board members. There are many things in your posts that are very questionable. But If we assume that what you are writing is true, then I can tell you that young Filipinas will often use the fact that someone is not able to have children as an excuse to say no to marriage. She is young enough to be your great grand daughter. Why would her family allow her to date you? only my 2 cents Alvin1 Title: Re: Get real!! Quit the games Post by: Peter Lee on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Get real!! Quit the games, posted by Alvin1 on Apr 23, 2003
Hi Alvin1 Sorry but you probably haven't kept up with past posts. If you’re curious you can archive back to last Jan when I met this young Filipina in Cebu. About the other Filipina with a child, I met her on the chat and we got to talk about all kinds of stuff and she has questions I couldn’t answer. She ended with that I would probably never chat with her again after what she told me. She might be right, but I could at least chat with her as a friend. Title: Response Post by: Alvin1 on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Get real!! Quit the games, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 24, 2003
Peter, You are correct, I have not followed your resposnes closesly becasue I only visit the board occasionally since my wife is in the RP and I do it because it reminds me of the old congenial "Brides by Mail Board", which reminds me of when I was courting my wife. If you are a Veteran, then you qualify for disability benefits if you are not receiving them already, esp if you were a paratrooper. You are describing arthritis along with internal derangement of the hip and you may eventually need a hip replacement. This means that you need to live a conservative exercise life style to delay surgery as long as possible and reduce your level of pain. Carl and Velma are board members. Carl is 69 and Velma is 23 and they are happy according to the posts but this is the exception. Your fiance's parents are 30 years apart in age but there is 40 years between you and this young lady. As you get older, the age gap increases tremendously which is not well understood, ie,not in years but in physical and mental differences. In 10 years, she will be 30y/o, more mature and independent. If she truly loves you, then the relationship may survive. At her age of 40 and your age of 80, her hormones will be hitting her hard and she will need more attention intimately, however at age 80, your hormones will be low and your vessels will be hard and minimally expandable or non-expandable, which reminds me of an old joke but I will not go there. Good luck to you and take your time. Alvin Title: Your Right Post by: greg on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Get real!! Quit the games, posted by Alvin1 on Apr 23, 2003
something about His Posts sound tooooooo Fishy. How can he continue teaching his Martial Art classes on one Leg?? Kick Boxing is serious business..Sometimes I think Pete is playing with us. At least he's funny hehe Title: Re: Your Right Post by: Peter Lee on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Your Right, posted by greg on Apr 23, 2003
Sorry guys I respect this post and the help I have received too much to be playing games with the board. And I want to thank those who helped me when I was going through some tough times. It put reasoning back into my mind and let me know how far off center I was. Any thing I have posted can be verified and checked if anyone cares to. I have nothing to hide; my life is an open book. Maybe the misunderstanding is on the injured hip. I can use it but with the cost of pain. Grappling lets me be more active that the kicks and the Hupkido is easier than the grappling. We have some submission wrestler winners here that do well in open competitions. It is hard to explain on a post what and how I do the classes but I do the best I can and at the end of the day I lay down with suffering pain. While in Cebu not training and relaxing was a true vacation coz it felt good not to have to kick for a while. Bike ridding seems to bother the hip the least and it seems that I am not in as much pain as I was a year ago. I value my credibility on this board so if anyone questions something that I post I should be able to verify it in some way as it is all true. I will be working on my web page to finish it soon but it is not ready yet. Title: Games? Post by: Dave H on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Your Right, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 24, 2003
Hi Peter, I am happy to hear that you got a better diagnosis on your hip problem. Good luck! I am sure if anyone is really interested, they can look you up on the web and will find you right where you say you are...teaching martial arts. Dave H. Title: Why her family allows it? Post by: Humabdos on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Get real!! Quit the games, posted by Alvin1 on Apr 23, 2003
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ HUM Title: Can't you be more specific? n/t Post by: Carr on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM Title: Re: Why her family allows it? Post by: Peter Lee on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Why her family allows it?, posted by Humabdos on Apr 23, 2003
So far so good, although the girl herself took money and since returned it all back, I have yet to see the family ask me for any money. Perhaps it is to early yet 4 months maybe too soon. $$$$$$$$$????????????$$$$$$$$$$??????????$$$$$$$$$???????? Title: Hehe Pete Post by: greg on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Bad hip no babies, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 23, 2003
Sometimes Pinays can be funny hehe. My Mahal was very much concerned about my hearing impairment, she was positive that our Son would be born deaf. Title: I believe it! Post by: Dave H on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Hehe Pete, posted by greg on Apr 23, 2003
[This message has been edited by Dave H] Hey Greg, As a nurse in the Philippines, my wife was constantly dealing with people's superstitions, old wive's tales, and misinformation. Some I found very hard to believe! People keep the faith healers and psychics busy. Their reputation even lures some Westerners. Dave H. Title: Re: Hehe Pete Post by: Peter Lee on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Hehe Pete, posted by greg on Apr 23, 2003
Your tuned into what i am going thru thanks Title: Dem Bones are all connected Post by: Ray on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Bad hip no babies, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 23, 2003
Peter, don’t you remember the old song...? Your toe bone connected to your foot bone, You’re in trouble man! :-) Ray Title: Dem Bones ...OUCH! Post by: Dave H on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Dem Bones are all connected, posted by Ray on Apr 23, 2003
Hey Ray, ROFLMAOCUMLPASIMMFGDD!!! I think I disconnected my penis bone where it connects to my head bone. I will have to wait for Mama to get home to cure that. :o))) Dave H. Title: Re: Dem Bones are all connected Post by: Peter Lee on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Dem Bones are all connected, posted by Ray on Apr 23, 2003
Hey Ray I gotta honesly say I laughted for a good 5 min till my hip hurt. Now I can tell the Doc what the real problem is LOL Title: No need for kids! Post by: Humabdos on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM Title: Re: No need for kids! Post by: Peter Lee on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to No need for kids!, posted by Humabdos on Apr 23, 2003
Idon't know who is funnier you or Ray All that laughing got my hip bone disconected from the penis bone Da Humor Is that why she keeps saying Babe?? Title: Re: No need for kids! Post by: Mark33 on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to No need for kids!, posted by Humabdos on Apr 23, 2003
Hum, I agree with you. Peter, it seems you are really going to try to make this work, no matter how many red flags you see. You have to be aware that raising children in your 60's will not be easy,and the bad hip will affect a lot of activities. This girl is a child. She is inexperienced and I think you are taking a huge gamble here. She has an idealistic view of marriage and sex. What happens if you marry her,and she is not at all into having sex? You said she was not a good kisser,but she was also not too keen on the idea of you teaching her.Why not? She should enjoy that part. It seems she is ready to marry you, but the attraction part of this relationship seems very one sided. Title: Re: Re: No need for kids! Post by: Peter Lee on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: No need for kids!, posted by Mark33 on Apr 23, 2003
Hi Mark33 Good points but don't forget this was on the chat line. I will see her again in real life in July. That is when I will need all the advice I can get. I have witnessed students of mine of like age that didn't make it either and plenty of em. I am aware of the risk but there is no guarantee for any age. Title: Re: Re: No need for kids! Post by: Mita on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: No need for kids!, posted by Mark33 on Apr 23, 2003
In all fairness, I have been the recipient of some terrible kisses in my lifetime. This doesn't mean the guys (one or two or three, not a whole platoon!) were inexperienced just terrible kissers. The "not too keen" part may be attributed to the fact that innocence and virtue is still valued in a lot of places in the Philippines - especially with the young and inexperienced. Sometimes, this borders on hypocrisy in my opinion, which even I fall victim to. This is just my opinion and not meant to unduly influence anyone into making a decision :o)) Title: Re: Re: Re: No need for kids! Post by: lswote on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: No need for kids!, posted by Mita on Apr 23, 2003
Yes that's it, this girl is just "virtuous". That is why she lied to him about the cost of a class by several hundred dollars. Virtue. Title: Re: Re: Re: Re: No need for kids! Post by: Mita on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Re: No need for kids!, posted by lswote on Apr 23, 2003
As I said, this obsession with virtue borders on hypocrisy. Title: Re: Bad hip no babies Post by: Mita on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Bad hip no babies, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 23, 2003
In the Philippines, talk of a woman's period is unrelated to sex. Women discuss it openly. Sexual experience is another matter though. Don't worry about her inexperience. Before a Filipina gets married, every other woman who will cross her path has some advice (some crude) to give her and she will not be so ignorant of sex by the time of her marriage. I'm sure she will be doing her asking around too. If you are engaged, I think you should both be comfortable talking about sexual matters no matter what age she is. It may be better to discuss it in person rather than in a chat though. About the joke you made, just apologize and tell her you will always respect her. Another thing you might want to tell her is how much you respect and cherish her hanging on to her virginity. Title: Re: Re: Bad hip no babies Post by: Peter Lee on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Bad hip no babies, posted by Mita on Apr 23, 2003
yes I will wait till we meet again before I get into the sex talk. i already told her how i reguard her virginity as very special I am a little worried about what others will tell her in the subject of sex. Title: Wild Kanos... Post by: Dave H on April 24, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Bad hip no babies, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 24, 2003
Hi Peter, I don't blame you for being "a little worried about what others will tell her in the subject of sex." You should hear some of the stories these friends and relatives tell. Especially about Kanos! Everything from A to Z...including the infamous size problem and even talk of sadism. Be very loving and patient. Dave H. Title: Re: Wild Kanos... Post by: Peter Lee on April 26, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Wild Kanos..., posted by Dave H on Apr 24, 2003
I will do my very best! LOL She has one thing going for her, she has an older sister who was just married a year ago. So she is getting it from the horses mouth. Her sister couldn't help her with the hip problem though. Title: She may be a V Post by: Carr on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Bad hip no babies, posted by Mita on Apr 23, 2003
....Virgin but definitely not innocent when it comes to sex. It is everywhere and Filipino movies nowadays are all about sex. So she knows what sex is although lacking in experience. Peter may be in for a big surprise once they passed the discomfiture of first time intimacy. Title: Re: Bad hip no babies Post by: Jeff S on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Bad hip no babies, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 23, 2003
So Peter. Planning to start a family and raise a few kids? - Jeff Title: Re: Bad hip no babies Post by: Michael B on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Bad hip no babies, posted by Peter Lee on Apr 23, 2003
Ann Landers would advise you not to marry your grand-daughter. Her sister, on the other hand (were she still living) would have long ago questioned the New Haven postmarks on some of your messages. If this is on the level, why not send her a letter from your doctor? Title: Re: Re: Bad hip no babies Post by: Patrick on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Bad hip no babies, posted by Michael B on Apr 23, 2003
I was beginning to believe everybody on these message boards thought huge age gaps are fine. Thank God there's a few who still have concerns about a 60 year-old marrying a 20 year-old. Now if I could just convince a few 40 year-olds that marrying a 20 year-old is also a bad idea...... Title: I learned the hard way! Post by: Humabdos on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Bad hip no babies, posted by Patrick on Apr 23, 2003
I was 38 when I married my first filipina wife she was 19. It was one of the bigest mistakes I ever made and cost me $20,000. Too bad you weren't around to talk me out of it back then! Hum Title: Hi Patrick Post by: greg on April 23, 2003, 04:00:00 AM ... in response to Re: Re: Bad hip no babies, posted by Patrick on Apr 23, 2003
I don't agree with a much older Guy marrying a Child. Don't see it working at all..too Risky. Buuuuuuut if Pete is happy, than I am happy for him. Life is tooo short anyway. Btw, I can see a huge age difference working just fine, if the Guy plan on keeping his child wife in her native country. Bringing her to America is a huge Risk. I would rather go with a much older Women. |